My JJ2 Fan-Fic: Spaz Jackrabbit in the pokémon world.

[Blaze The Movie Fan]

Chapter 1 - Let's get Devan before it's too late

One day in the castle, came a lot of enemies that came out of wierd balls, with something yellow on it like this: |_| Spaz and Jazz has never seen anything like that before, they wondered what it is! Nobody in the castle had any clue of what it is! Spaz asked Eva "Do you know what it is?" Eva said "No!" all these things were something like this:
http://home.bellsouth.net/coDataImages/p/Groups/127/127732/folders/80620/530620192.gif http://home.bellsouth.net/coDataImages/p/Groups/127/127732/folders/80608/530453064.gif

Jazz said "Allow me to scan the internet what these things are!" but before they did came something wierd red thing with fits, it was a blaze, and with orange foot and it looked like this:
http://home.bellsouth.net/coDataImages/p/Groups/127/127732/folders/80606/530375006.gif
It destroyed the PC and used Blaze Kick on it! Eva said "Now I'm scared!" a member of Team Magma said "So Devan was right, there is much to destory, well, we will help him get rid of these rabbits!" Spaz used all weapons he had, but everything looked useless, the Team Magma member laughed and said "Well, your powers won't work!" Jazz and Lori tried to help him, but nothing worked, then a rabbit lady came and said "These are pokémon, no super-rabbits can beat them, you should have your own pokémon in order to beat these pokémon!" Spaz said "Well, where can I get one?" the rabbit said "I will give you some already! Take these balls, they contains pokémon, you'll need them in pokémon battles, please go to the pokémon world and find Devan before it uses it on other guys!" Spaz said "I know I don't have super powers, I know what to do, I will have to use pokémon, bye!" Lori said "Bye, I will be here to protect the castle!" and Jazz said "Well, and I will go around our world in order to make sure I can beat the pokémon here that awaits us!" Spaz said "Well, let's see what these balls contains!" Out of them came these pokémon:
http://home.bellsouth.net/coDataImages/p/Groups/127/127732/folders/80606/530383013.gif http://home.bellsouth.net/coDataImages/p/Groups/127/127732/folders/80620/530616189.gif http://home.bellsouth.net/coDataImages/p/Groups/127/127732/folders/85155/563522351.gif http://home.bellsouth.net/coDataImages/p/Groups/127/127732/folders/80609/530494100.gif http://home.bellsouth.net/coDataImages/p/Groups/127/127732/folders/80611/530538135.gif
Then the rabbit said "Also take this with you, it's a pokéDex, there you'll learn about pokémon!" Spaz said "Thank you!" Then he went out of the castle, and asked "Well, where is the space-ship?" a grey big rabbit said "It's not needed, just use your Salamence to fly!" he did and he were flying in the space! On his way came wierd moons attacking Spaztic, he had no idea what to do, the moons looked like this:
http://home.bellsouth.net/coDataImages/p/Groups/127/127732/folders/80611/530526125.gif
What can he do now? Can he see what pokémon to use before it's too late? Find it out next time!

[Olsen]

Go Pokémon!

[Coppertop]

... Indeed.

[Fawriel]

use wailord spaz =O

[White Rabbit]

Oh dear.

[Coppertop]

Well, I'll give it a chance, that's for sure. If it becomes spam I'll take care of it.

[Violet CLM]

Interesting to see an illustrated story, even if you did just take the images from I-have-no-idea-where. Nice idea.

As for the story itself... well, obviously, the grammar isn't perfect, but you can't do anything about that. I'm more concerned with the sudden appearance of this "rabbit lady". Suspension of disbelief amongst your audience will only last so long before this rabbit lady stops feeling like a character and starts feelling like a plot device. If at all possible, give her an appearance, a name, and (hopefully) a backstory and/or weakness.
Also, keep in mind that many of us have never watched Pokemon, and don't plan to. The words "Team Magma" appears at one point in the story, with no explanation. Are we supposed to associate this with something? Explain it better. You've already put some work into explaining things, like descriptions of this "blaze" thing, but others are woefully unexplained - he used "blaze kick"?
One more suggestion. Use the enter key. Your story would be all in one paragraph were it not for the little monster pictures. An easy way of breaking up paragraphs is just to put an enter after each time someone talks. This makes everything much easier to read.

[4I Falcon]

I dislike Pokemon and everything that has to do with it, so I won't say anything derogatory here for fear of it being an extremely biased opinion.

Yay for UR.

[n00b]

Wheee as far as i know, Team magam is not a 'show thing' I saw them in a pilot episode but got bored after the plot got horribly stupid and watched something else.
According to the games, Team Magma are a group who wants a planet of complete land or something. Their opposing force, team Aqua wants a pplanet of all water or somehting. In the games, depending on your version, both teams nearly succed their plans. However something goes terribly wrong, and you either get a world of never ending rain or blazing sunlight.
-The Blaze thing used a Blaze kick, a pokemon move. A kick with blaze... how to explain that better, not sure, it seems painfully obvious to me. Its like when he was kicking his leg was on fire. Does that make sense?

[Batty Buddy]

Que Passa!!!!

I'm not so much against Pokemon... but crossovers kind of creep me out sometimes...

I mean, most of the time I like a good crossover IDEA, I've done my fair share of them myself, but they can end up really dumb if not played right.
(Some of you might know what I'm talking about.)
But I'll give it a chance.

[Blaze The Movie Fan]

use wailord spaz =O

What are you thinking? Wailord can only move in a water!

[Ae]

What are you thinking? Wailord can only move in a water!

Send him out anyways.

[Hareoic]

I tried that a really long time ago. Then I gave up. Fairly stupid concept, really.

[Blaze The Movie Fan]

Last time Spaz was starting his journey there were a lot of members called Team Magma, no rabbit could stop these, Spaz had to own a pokémon, he went on his journey to stop Devan from his plan to destory the world.

Chapter2 - Birch needs help!

Well, Spaz had no clue what to do, he scanned his pokéDex and the dex said "Lunatone is weak of Water, Grass, Dark and Ghost-type attacks!" so Spaz said "That's it! Salamence Crunch!" Salamence used Crunch which fainted some wierd moons, one by one at the end they were all fainted, then Spaz could go easily into Houen in the pokémon world, he went in and a proferssor said "Oh, hi! So you're Spaz Jackrabbit? Well, Birch who needs to talk to you is on Route 101 in a re-search!" then he went three wierd mushrooms which were big one too, with fits and something green on their tail, they looked like this:

http://home.bellsouth.net/coDataImages/p/Groups/127/127732/folders/80606/530411035.gif

Birch said "Please help me they're going to kill me!" Spaz tried Seekers, (Seeker powerup) and it worked, the Breloom were scared and ran away, Birch said "Thanks for the help, hey, you may need one of these Ultra Balls!" Birch gave him them and then said "Good luck on your pokémon journ...Oh o!" Three hyenas were now attacking Birch! They looked like this:

http://home.bellsouth.net/coDataImages/p/Groups/127/127732/folders/80606/530381011.gif

Birch were scared, no of Spaz's guns worked this time, Spaz sent out Anorith and ordered it to use Metal Claw, they were hurt and tackled Anorith, then did Anorith used Fury Cutter which did super effective, the hyenas were still attacking, Spaz said "Who are these?" Birch said "Mightyena, they are strong one!" Spaz scanned his PokéDex "Mightyena, the bite pokémon, it is really strong, it can intimate its foe with its teeth and can bite really hard!" after a long battle, did one Mightyena fainted, Spaz wanted to catch it, butt it failed, so Spaz continued fighting, Anorith used Metal Claw, this time it hitted and Mightyena was caught, but after that happend, did Anorith changed, Spaz didn't understand what to do, it changed into something like this:

http://home.bellsouth.net/coDataImages/p/Groups/127/127732/folders/80611/530540136.gif

Birch said "Well, congratulations your Anorith is now the rare pokémon Armaldo and Armaldo is strong one too, come with me!" then he went to Birch's lab, Birch said "I have a mission for you, find for me Torchic, Mudkip and Treecko, a big turtle from Team Magma stole it, and uses it to make Blaziken, Swampert and Sceptile army, and uses them to destory Carrottus and all your word, you must get them back before he can evolve them!" Spaz said "You can count on that!" he went on his journey, Birch said "Good luck!" but then he went there were two lazy pokémon on his way, they were sleeping and looked like this:

http://home.bellsouth.net/coDataImages/p/Groups/127/127732/folders/85151/563446298.gif http://home.bellsouth.net/coDataImages/p/Groups/127/127732/folders/80608/530416038.gif

What can he do? Can Spaz get them out of the way? Fingure it out next time!

[Sacrush]

Weird but funny story!

[4I Falcon]

I think I am going to cry.

[The SlaYeR]

Ok :)

[Blaze The Movie Fan]

I want more comments, c'mon, I want more comments!

[4I Falcon]

My comment still stands.

[Radium]

My comment still stands as well.

[Violet CLM]

While the pictures are good, it might also be a good idea if you described the creatures in the thread of the story. As it is, while we get an idea of what the creatures look like in a single pose, we don't really know how they are positioned, or where they are looking, or anything like that. In the way of other comments, cut down on exclamation marks. They make me feel like the author is jumping up and down randomly while writing.

[4I Falcon]

...it can intimate its foe with its teeth and can bite really hard...

This is also beyond me.

Thank goodness UR's here. He's the only one writing constructive reviews. I'm just (-)ing and whining.

And proud of it.

[Radium]

Ignore 4I, TBM. He's just jealous because you have more readers.

[4I Falcon]

That is but one of the reasons. Of which there are many. And many of which are considerably less pleasant than simple jealousy.

[Blaze The Movie Fan]

Intimidate is a word! If you didn't know!

[4I Falcon]

So it is. Funny how you didn't write intimidate.

[Coppertop]

Don't start, guys.