Pre-Win3.1 Theater 3000!

[Lem_Gambino]

If all the insanity in my brain were to collapse into a single point, it would be this, because I wanted to do this for a while. I'll have some of my original characters host this carp in an effort to get people to play Pre-Win when it comes back.

YES, IT WILL COME BACK. AND YOU *WILL* PLAY IT. =D

Teh cast:
Lem (Race: Human)- The guy that posts stuff and rarely appears in his own thread (as a character).

Sandy (Race: Anthromorphic Housefly, too bad I can't draw her D=)- Tomboyish gamer that loves adventure. Too bad this isn't one.

Voltage Zapdos (Race: Pokémon Maverick, ala Megaman X)- This guy is evil, but since he's off-duty he decided to take a day off from evil.

Guzz (Race: Chao-Pikachu-Bombchu-Chuchu thing)- A pet created by Lem, Guzz randomly explodes (and regens!) whilst spouting random nonsense.

Let's begin, shall we?

***

*Mystery Science Theater 3000 theme song, standing on the MTS3k ship*

SANDY: Okay, why are we here?

VOLTAGE: I was told there would be units of the female persuasion.

SANDY: -_-

VOLTAGE: Not including you.

GUZZ: I LIKE CHOKLATU!!

SANDY: Don't we all?

GUZZ: Hey, do you have any Pom-Poms?

SANDY: No...

GUZZ: THEN YOU MUST PAY FOR CAR INSURANCE! *explodes*

VOLTAGE: Good, he's gone.

GUZZ: *regens* Hello, starfighter!

VOLTAGE: D=

LEM: Ah, I see you all arrived.

SANDY: "Arrived" my abdomen! To teleported us up to this flying piece of JUNK against our will!

VOLTAGE: (Hmmm...this could make a good battleship...)

COMPUTER VOICE: WARNINGU! IN COME TRANSITION!!?

VOLTAGE: Wait, doesn't it mean "transmis-"

*spinning Batman logo*

*everyone is now in Lem's room with his computer*

SANDY: Messy.

GUZZ: OH! That screwdriver looks cute. Can we keep it??

LEM: Sorry, that's my dad's.

GUZZ: *pulls Lem's nose* Got yer conk! XDX

LEM: OW. Well, I brought you here, so it's time to get to work.

VOLTAGE: Please define "work."

LEM: Didn't I drop enough hints already? You're supposed to MST3k this thread. *pulls up the Pre-Win 3.1 Thread on the computer*

VOLTAGE: ...You're joking.

LEM: And with that, I'm going to beat Golden Sun again. G'bye! *teleports*

GUZZ: Mommy...='''(

VOLTAGE: BLAST! I WILL FEED HIS FLESH TO THE MAVERICK HORDE!!!

SANDY: Shut up and help me type this thing.

GUZZ: Khdfhsddahhodahofshdfshjfdfhsdfhshsdfhudfhfsdhfsdf dkfdfdfsfs.

Posted by Radium
No, ATWFF isn't dead, niether is PLTP. Both are just temporarily paused so I can regain my sanity. Physics states that matter can not exist in the exact same place as other matter because it has mass, so theoretically I have to release my insanity before I can regain my sanity. This thread should do nicely. The rules are simple, it's like role-playing, but is sux. I'll write something, you'll reply with the course of action you wish to take. At the end, we'll be able to compile it into a "SpazQuest" style story. YAyfun, let's go.

Your name is Uberbob. You are a rabbit, except you only have one ear for unknown reasons. You are currently in a boat surrounded by seemingly endless ocean. Your invintory contains a small carry-out box of chinese food, a golden toothbrush, and a titanium spork. Your boat is leaking. Bad. In fact, the reason there is a three-foot-wide hole in the bottom of your boat is somewhat related to why you only have one ear. What would you like to do?

First person to reply to this with an answer could determine the entire story =o.

ALL: O_o

VOLTAGE: I think I just get a BSOD.

GUZZ: I think I logged onto AIM.

SANDY: Well, at least we have a plot. That's a start.

VOLTAGE: Kinda lame, if you ask me. Where's the action? Where's the killer robots? Where's the part where we RISE UP AND CRUSH ALL THE SQUISHY THINGS?!

COMPUTER VOICE: Domino arigato!

SANDY: I'm sure that comes later. Before or after we break that computer's voice box, I'm not sure.

VOLTAGE: And what's with the chinese takeout and the guy who has one ear and a golden toothbrush?

SANDY: *points to Guzz*

VOLTAGE: Oh. Nevermind.

GUZZ: And then there were 6,955...

***

So it begins...sort of. Plz read + review.

[4I Falcon]

D=

My brain has become fondue! =oooooooo

[Lem_Gambino]

Excellent, we made first contact! =D

***

Posted by Strato
I will repair the boat by making rice ropes and sewing it together. I will then listen with my one ear for the nearest spot place.



Or

I will eat the chinese food with the spork and brush my teeth.

VOLTAGE: Argh, I hate OR statements. I would have just flown out of there.

SANDY: Well, he obviously doesn't have a jetpack OR wings.

VOLTAGE: Argh! Again with the OR's!?

SANDY: OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR! OR!

VOLTAGE: *crashes*

GUZZ: Aww, you broke him. CAN WE KEEP IT?!

SANDY: What the heck is a "Spot Place" anyway???

GUZZ: It's partially hydrongenated(sp?)!

SANDY: ...Fair enough.

Posted by Radium
Since you have no toothpaste and don't know what a "spot place" is, you come to a compromise and make riceropes to floss your teeth. Your boat is essentially gone now, and the water is up to your waist. What do you wish to do now?

VOLTAGE: *reboots* YOU SHALL PAY FOR THIS, WOMAN!!

SANDY: Well, THAT was stupid.

VOLTAGE: I'M STUPID?! Oh, it is ON now, girl!!

SANDY: I have a name, you know. And I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about this post.

VOLTAGE: ...Oh.

GUZZ: We are not amused!

VOLTAGE: Neither would I, since I adhore water. You know, eletricity and all that. He could have just fixed the boat.

SANDY: With what?!

VOLTAGE: The takeout box, duh.

SANDY: And that would work how?

VOLTAGE: DO NOT QUESTION THE BOX!!

SANDY: *questions*

VOLTAGE: THAT DOES IT!!! YOU DIE NOW!!!

SANDY: EEP!! *Voltage tackles her, they both fly off-screen*

GUZZ: .................................................. .................................................. .......Sony.

Originally posted by Kaz
Since you have no toothpaste and don't know what a "spot place" is, you come to a compromise and make riceropes to floss your teeth. Your boat is essentially gone now, and the water is up to your waist. What do you wish to do now?

compromise*

GUZZ: Hooray for typos!! *explodes and regens*

VOLTAGE AND SANDY: *various fighting sounds*

[Risp_old]

Well, at least this won't end anytime soon.

[Lem_Gambino]

No, it won't. XD Nice avatar.

***

*Voltage is laying on the floor, dead*

*Sandy's hands are covered in engine oil*

SANDY: Guzz, do the next thingamajig while I clean up.

GUZZ: Kay-Oh-35.

Originally posted by Fawirel
I try to remember how to do something they taught me in sports class.. what was it called again.....

GUZZ: Origami, the breakfast of losers! That's the ticket to platform nine and three-quarters!

Originally posted my Radium
Trying to remember the useless bit of information taught to you in sports class, you decide to execute a football tackle on your boat's mast, the only part still above water. The mast shatters, and sinks because it's made of lead. What now?

GUZZ: We must do battle now, for the fate of the mushroom lies in the middle of library? ...On second thought, no. The baseball is far more important than the Mona Lisa.

Originally posted by Fawriel
I wonder why the heck I remembered the football stuff while I was actually trying to recall how to swim.

GUZZ: I think you left that in the left front coat pocket of your kitchen, ma'am.

Originally Posted by Radium
Lead poisoning from the mast has prevented you from recalling how to swim. You are sinking. Course of action?

GUZZ: ...UNINSTALL MINESWEEPER FOR DUMMIES!!! *explodes, trashing the computer, then regens* O_O Uh, 404?

*Sandy comes back*

SANDY: Guzz, what are you- *sees the dead computer* HOLY S-

((WE'RE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PLZ STAND BY, KTHANX))

[cooba]

This is senseless.

[Lem_Gambino]

Indeed it is, mortal. =D

***

*Computer is now fixed, Guzz is tied up and stuffed inside a shoebox*

SANDY: There! Now let's go back to making fun of people's posts- I mean reviewing the thread.

VOLTAGE: I concur.

GUZZ: *speaking like The Cheat because he has a rubber duck in his mouth*

Posted by Fawriel
I grab the instruction booklet "Swimming for dummies".I swim, notice my foot has gotten stuck inside an algae. I swim on, noticing my feet have gotten stuck inside a barrel of wine. I swim on, noticing my head has gotten stuck inside a boat on which two gay magicians are performing magic tricks.

EDIT!

VOLTAGE: Heh, why don't they use actual magic?

SANDY: Because they're gay?

VOLTAGE: Bah, I'll never understand the organic ways of affection.

SANDY: And who needs a BOOK on how to SWIM???

VOLTAGE: *raises hand*

Posted by TheOnlyN0B0DY
Die.

VOLTAGE: NOT AN OPTION! I will fight this sea to the death if I must!! And those two gay magicians.

Posted by Radium
Going with what Faw said, he beat N0.

After getting your head unstuck, you manage to climb into the magicians' boat. You feel as though you could easily defeat the magic duo. Do you wish to engage them in combat or do some other crazay thang?

SANDY: I'd steal their boat since mine was lost.

VOLTAGE: Why not learn their magic?

SANDY: >=(

VOLTAGE: Right, what was I thinking.

Posted by Fawriel
<S>Noticing one of the magicians was Rad-</S>

Okayokay, just kidding! XD

I'll leave the next post to someone else.

SANDY: Suspense AND questioning of sexual alignment! I likes it!

VOLTAGE: ...I'm not saying anything that would suggest something about someone's something about something else.

SANDY: That made zero sense.

GUZZ: *explodes, destroying the box and the ropes* RUBBER BABY BUGGY BUMPERS!! *tosses the slighlty charred duck at a random wall*

VOLTAGE: Wow! I was so focused on Guzz's escape that I completely forgot what I was tenatively asking you about!

SANDY: O_o

[MSB3000]

what's the thread they're making fun of MST3000-like?

[Lem_Gambino]

They're making fun of the "Just like the Pre-Win 3.1 days..." thread, which is a text-based adventure.

Next part coming...sometime. =P (OMG I'M STARTING TO BECOME LIKE RAD)


[] |
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[] D ==
##==========\ |
\ T |
=======# #=
# #

HP: 10/10
EN: 100/100

[MSB3000]

but where do i find it?

please do tell

[Lem_Gambino]

It's further down in this forum. It should be on the second page.

[Risp_old]

http://www.jazz2online.com/jcf/showthread.php?t=8967

Ignore the first post. That was caused by a forum glitch.

[MSB3000]

koolthanks

[4I Falcon]

http://www.jazz2online.com/jcf/showthread.php?t=8967

Ignore the first post. That was caused by a forum glitch.

I love how the first post has random brackets and dashes and such, no title, and a post date of sometime in 1970.

[Radium]

I love how the first post has random brackets and dashes and such, no title, and a post date of sometime in 1970.
They didn't HAVE titles on the JCF back in 1970.

Oh, and an update to the first (second) post in that thread: ATWFF is dead.

[Risp_old]

*gasps*

[MSB3000]

come on here
i've waited like a DAY here
what happens k plz thnx

uh, and what's a ATWFF

[Radium]

uh, and what's a ATWFF
Dead. That is all you need to know.

[Blackraptor]

Radium, Ironlight stole your thread! (http://www.jazz2online.com/jcf/forumdisplay.php?f=7&page=2&sort=lastpost&order=desc&pp=40&daysprune=-1)

(scroll down until you find the first copy of the Pre-Win 3.1 thread if link screws up)

[4I Falcon]

They didn't HAVE titles on the JCF back in 1970.

They didn't have a JCF on the JCF back in 1970.

[Radium]

They didn't have a JCF on the JCF back in 1970.
POST DATES DON'T LIE

[Coppertop]

*sighs* Will it never end? ... Ah well. Keep it decent, is all I have to say.

[Lem_Gambino]

*sighs* Will it never end? ... Ah well. Keep it decent, is all I have to say.
Understoods.


Try to befriend the magicians and ask them to come with you on your quest.

`N0
SANDY: *twitch*

GUZZ: Que?

VOLTAGE: What's your slab of meat?

SANDY: I'm not saying anything. I might offend random people.

GUZZ: I'd ask Tuna Salad to join my party.

VOLTAGE: I despise magic...HOW COME WE ROBOTS CAN'T USE IT? IT TAINT FAIR!!!

GUZZ: Yous gots noes manas.

VOLTAGE: ONE DAY, organics...ONE. DAY.

Now THAT'S a "crazay thang". o_o;;

SANDY: My thoughts exactly.

You talk to the two gay magicians and request they join you. The female one (you did not ask their gender) agrees to join you if you defeat the other in combat. Accept?

SANDY: AHA! First sign of incontinuity!!

VOLTAGE: Is that even a word?

GUZZ: They used to be side A now they're side B! ROCK ON!!

SANDY: This...scares me. First they're gays, then they suddenly become lesbians.

VOLTAGE: Just like the Sailor Star- *SHOT*

*Lem comes in, holding a shotgun*

LEM: I'd rather you'd not talk about that anime. It gives me nightmares.

GUZZ: *pokes Voltage's foot*

LEM: Ah, yes. Him. Control-Z.

VOLTAGE: *sits up* UNABLE TO DETECT MASTER DRIVE- Wait. I just came up with a theory.

EVERYONE ELSE: What?

VOLTAGE: Four words: Spring of Cursed Female.

LEM: ...Don't make me shoot you again.

I Accept challenge, and attack with the spork.

SANDY: Okay, since when does someone use a spork as a lethal weapon?! The toothbrush would have made a better one.

GUZZ: Weally??

SANDY: That was sarcasm.


http://www.foxmage.com/fierce-battle.mid
Midi Music: Mandatory; Autocombat: On.

> Uberbob attacks
Magician loses 15 HP
> Magician casts fireball
Uberbob dodges
> Magician casts iceball
Uberbob dodges
> Magician casts rockball
Uberbob dodges
> Magician casts airball
Uberbob dodges
> Magician casts noball
Magician loses 4231812425215 HP
Magician is dead and crispy!

Uberbob is victorious!

Having defeated the magician, the other one joins your party. The other magician has joined your party! Your spork is broken )<

SANDY: Wow, that magician sucked. And did over 99999 damage to herself to boot.

VOLTAGE: *points at the smiley* Is that a duck?

GUZZ: *gasps* OH NOES! Mr. Period has been turned into a duck!! My friend at the end... ='''(

SANDY: And I liked that spork! It was very...sporky.

VOLTAGE: Don't you mean spoon- *Lem holds the shotgun to his head* ...Nevermind. What about the toothbrush?

SANDY: I think it's still in his back pocket or the chinese takeout box or something.

[Blackraptor]

wow, that link to the midi still works, heh.

oh, and weird stuff there.

[Radium]

wow, that link to the midi still works, heh.
I'm not sure I've ever taken anything off foxmage (not counting the images I've replaced when people used them. Radium.gif and Radium2.gif for example)

Interesting analysis, Lem.

[Lem_Gambino]

Thanks, Rad. =D



Your spork is broken )<

OMG :( :( :(

I ask the other magician if she can fix the spork.
SANDY: I'd rather she fix her sexual orientation. =P

VOLTAGE: I thought you liked the spork.

GUZZ: *sings a song about sporks*


The other magician tries to fix the spork. The spork is melted. You now have a sporkpuddle. "Other magician" will now be refered to as "Random H(appy) Sorceress" or just RHS, or just Araches.
VOLTAGE: GAH. It irritates me to no end on how humans make words out of acronyms! IT MUST END!!

GUZZ: She can do black magic!

SANDY: Meh. I don't care much for magic.

GUZZ: ...YOU WILL OBEY THE BANJO!

SANDY + VOLTAGE: 9_9

VOLTAGE: Not to mention that she melted the only useful item in our inventory.

SANDY: See why I hate magic so much? >_<

I use the sporkpuddle to make a little gun which I use to mindlessly shoot into the air to look like a crazy Mexican.

GUZZ: No quero(sp?) Taco Bell.

SANDY: Or he can take that gun and shoot himself. XD

You are unable to construct a gun out of liquid.

VOLTAGE: PWNED!

[Fawriel]

...

[Risp_old]

You messed up the quote tags D=

[Lem_Gambino]

Fixed.

I gather the sporkpuddle in Random container object for later usage.

EDIT: I eat the chinese food, and put the sporkpuddle in the empty chinese food box.
VOLTAGE: I think the Chinese takeout box would qualify as a "Random Container Object."

GUZZ: No, this is! *takes out the plastic casing of an X-BOX*

SANDY: I'm hungry.

*Lem brings everyone sandwiches*

SANDY: Sweet!

Sporkpuddle has been placed inside Chinese Carryout Container. Your invintory now contains: Chinese container (with sporkpuddle), golden toothbrush, and Araches.
SANDY: O_O OMG TYPO

GUZZ + VOLTAGE: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

LEM: Gah, come on you guys, it's just a typo.

SANDY: Oh, it's so pretty!

GUZZ: Like mouthwash!

VOLTAGE: Don't ruin the moment, squirt.

LEM: ...I give up. *leaves*

I wonder what kind of programmer makes a person an item and wander off into the funny looking castle that just appears to be there.
VOLTAGE: HOLD IT. How'd that castle get there???

GUZZ: FedEx?

SANDY: eBay?

VOLTAGE: There's no way a castle can fit on that little dingy.

SANDY: Who said it was a dingy? It could have been a yacht, a battleship, the Queen Mary, or...

GUZZ: The Death Star!!

SANDY: Yeah, sure. Stick a weapon of mass destruction in the middle of the ocean where everyone can find it.

VOLTAGE: Heheh, I wish there was... }> }>

You wander towards the castle that happens to be on the boat you have not yet explored. The castle gate is locked, however there is an irrelevent note pinned to it with an extremely useful looking thumbtack.
GUZZ: I bet it says something like PIES MAKE EXCELLENT OIL CONDUCTORS!! *explodes and regens*

VOLTAGE: *sarcasm* Yeah, I'm sure this is the fabled "Pie Citadel" we've heard so much about.