Tales of the Tavern continued.

[The SlaYeR]

Who doesn't remember the good old times? I'd say we let them relive by putting up a story in which everyone is allowed to post whenever they feel like it.

I called it "Tales of the Tavern continued." Because Unknown had a story like this going for a while which can be found here:

http://www.jazz2online.com/jcf/showthread.php?t=7389

I want to make a fresh start though and hope you'll all enjoy participating.


--

Tales of the Tavern continued:

The wooden tables rested underneath a thick layer of dust and the boards in front of the window kept the interior void of sunlight.
It had been empty for months ever since it's occupants moved on to different places but they had always kept a place in their hearts for their old tavern.
A muddy footprint by the bar was a remembrance to the better times when this place buzzed with life. Rabbits from far and wide came here to seek each others company and to share with each other the stories that would become legends in years to come. A lonely roach made it's way over the hard floor looking for a small snack to help him through another month.
It got squashed by the heel of a leather boot. "God, I've missed this place."

[Doubble Dutch]

Hooray for random contribution!

* * *

At the sound of the newcomer's voice something in the corner stirred. It was a rather decrepit looking lizard, looking very much the worse for wear from drink, and missing several important parts, an eye, half his tail and three fingers. The rabbit that had spoken examined him with a mildly astonished gaze.
"Wazy? Wazy Selveck? What in hell's name are you doing here still? This place has been empty for months, geez, where'd you get all that booze?"
Wazy looked up blearily, a glimmer of recognition crossing his face.
"Oh the cellar's still got some stock, the stuff not worth shiftin'. Sit down n' have a pint, where you been?"
"Eh, around, here and there, hunting for you once in fact."
"Yeah? 'ya find me?"
"Dunno, check yerself for bullet wounds, knowing you you'd only complain when the booze leaked out."

The rabbit helped himself to a bottle of unknown liquor, the label of which had got wet and moldy beyond all recognition. He looked about the place sadly, amazing what just a few short months could do to a place. Sitting here, just like old times, he really missed the way things were. But you couldn't go back to them. You could never go back.

[Spectro]

Couldn't resist this, although I'm still new here :-) By the way, what's the name of [the rabbit]? :confused:

After getting his drink, the rabbit pulled a chair next to Wazy and sat down. He was about to find a glass on the counter when he realized that his drinking companion didn't have one either. Wazy raised his bottle, and understandingly, [the rabbit] raised his as well. The bottles clinked, and they both took a mouthful of booze before beginning to talk.

Once people sat down and drank together there would be tons of things to talk, to laugh, or to grumble about. Several topics had gone through between the rabbit and the lizard, yet they didn't seem to be stopping any minute. The sound of their chatter however couldn't help lighten the quiet atmosphere of the War Tavern. Outside the tavern, the sky was getting darker and darker. Then the sound of numerous raindrops crashing against the windows finally caught the attention of the two customers.

"The weather. So unpredictable" Wazy mumbled, "One moment ago it was bright sunny, and now it rains."
"I think rain is good. It's been a bit overheat these days."
"I hate the rain."
"Sorry, didn't mean to..."
"Nah, forget it."

Just then the door of the tavern was opened, creating a creaking sound that again made the two fellow drinkers to look to the direction. There was a rabbit standing over there, soaked all the way. Obviously he wasn't here for a shelter from the rain, since he slowly walked in with his head a little bent down and a dazed expression on his face. [The rabbit], trying to be friendly with the newcomer, called out:
"Hey buddy, you seem to have a lot in your mind. Want to join us?"
The rabbit, turning his gaze to the one who called him, simply nodded, "Yeah..." then came and sat down next to him.
"Haven't seen you before. What's your name?"
"Shouldn't you tell your own name before asking others their names?"
"Huh? Hm, ok then. My name is..."
"Just kiddin'. The name's Rushion V.Trackrabbit, but you can call me Rush."
"Never heard of it." Wazy glanced at the rabbit while having his drink.
"Me neither."
"That's good."
"So, what's your problem, Rush?"
"I'd rather not talk about it."
"C'mon, don't be shy. We're all friends here! Just speak it out, and we'll share it with you. That way you'll feel better."
"He's right, pal. Here, have a drink."

Wazy handed his bottle to Rush, and he turned it upward, letting the liquor flowed into his throat. Then, with a deep sigh of satisfaction, he bent down and slammed the bottle onto the table, causing his new friends to be a bit frightened. Without looking up, he said:

"Can I ask you a question?"
"Go ahead."
"When your best friends suspected you, accused you, hunted you because of something you didn't do, while your enemies opened their arms to welcome you, what would you do?" Rush glanced at the two with a grim yet desperate look. "Would you stay a loyal friend and help them, at the same time evade them? Or would you join the ranks of the opposite and face your once-beloved comrades?"

[n00b]

Alright, this looks like a good time to bring in everyone's favorite character! Melodrama at it's finest!!
----

It was dark and cramped, however one gets used to being in a box for so long. Especially after you forget how to feel. Which is what he did, forget how to feel. He was originally from someplace else, but after he was caught skipping dimensions, he got sent to a military institution. There he learned how to kill people by just blinking, and how to use a flying disguise. The amount of powers he learned from this camp were near infinite, and each were equally deadly. However, at what cost did these powers come? He became less of a human and more of a machine, shut down and placed in a box as a sleeper cell. He had been in the box for so long, he began to forget who he was. The main thing he remembered was that when he got the signal, it would be time. He didn't know what would happen after that, just that he would be controlled by a computer that too has been idle for many years. Everything else was secondary, but still important to the part of him that was human. To keep this part of him alive, he repeated key details of his old self.
"My name... is Joshua... Lightwalker" he said in a very hoarse voice, as his throat has not been wet for a long time.
Then it happened, the signal went off. It was time.

[ThunderPX]

Once again, the tavern door opened. One or two people looked around to see who had entered, but most were occupied, catching up with each other.
The rabbit who had entered had obviously just travelled a far way. This was obvious from two things. First of all, he looked unusually exhausted. His eyes seemed somewhat unfocused, and he only seemed to stay awake for whatever he had come to do. The long, brown mane of hair going down his back looked unusually unkempt. His clothes looked very worn, and his coat had various holes and tears in it.
The other reason that betrayed he was from far away was that not a single soul in the tavern had any idea who he was.
The rabbit quietly closed the door to the tavern, slowly strolled across the room and sat down. 'Man, I haven't had a drink in <i>ages,</i>' he muttered quietly in a hoarse voice.

[Spectro]

"More people. Looks like I can finally expect something FUN." The lizard sitting at the corner muttered. His companions didn't pay attention to him though.
"That's what I think. How about you now?"
Rush remained silent for a moment, then spoke again, his expression seemed to be more at ease. "Thank you. I've made my choice."
"Hopefully it's the right one. So, are you leaving already?"
"Not yet. It's still early in the morning. I'm gonna stay and see if there's anything interesting around here."

[Doubble Dutch]

"Cool." said Wazy, though his tone spoke more of resigned annoyance. "There's a bed of sorts back there, technically it's mine, but I don't use it that often, never got used to them really."
Rush nodded, he'd slept in worse.
"Say, no offense, but what do you two call yourselves, I'm sure I've seen your face somewhere scaly."
"Wazy, Wazarid Zangoise, stick with the nickname."
"And your friend?"

There was a strangled chocking noise, like someone drowning a rat in treacle. Eventually Rush realized it was the closest the lizard could manage to a laugh.
"Oh, nobody knows that, well, nearly nobody, they don't ask, he don't tell."
"Yeah, you can call me The Rabbit, or just hey you, or hell, anything else I can hear without knocking you out cold."

Rush nodded, you got people like that, he himself had been known as Fezzy the Stoat for a while on Technoir, but usually they got themselves a nickname.
"Right then. Geez, this place always so busy?" he said, surveying the occupants.

The lizard didn't reply, he'd passed out cold.

[The SlaYeR]

The Lizard lay face down in a puddle of ale and Rush pushed him out of it, afraid he was going to drown. The rabbit had found the old gramophone in a dusty corner of the bar and brushed of a record. His three tired customers looked like they could use a bit of music.
"Ah, Jaradeen Felligo's greatest hits? This sure brings back memories."
The rabbit poured Rush, the newcomer and himself a drink and got down at the table with them. The drunken Lizard sleeping off his daze near his feet.
"So, tell me where you guys are from and how you found your way back to the good, old war tavern."
The rain outside was pouring down heavily on the roof of the old building and created a peaceful sound inside which put the occupants at ease, until something crashed through the window and landed on the floor two feet away from them.

[n00b]

"I AM CYBORG EXPERIMENT FIVE-FIFTY TWO" the something shouted in a very robotic voice.
It continued, "USING THIS MEATY SHELL OF A USELESS HUMAN I SHALL DECIMATE THE ENTIRE GALAXY!!"
The being now revealed to be Joshua Lightwalker's reanimated corpse let out a laugh that was meant to sound evil, but sounded more like Microsoft Sam repeating "Ha" ad naseum.
At this point the drunken lizard at woken up at the noise, and decided to confront the racket.
"Hey *hic* can yah turn it down? I'm tryin to sle-" he managed to make out before dozing of again.
"CERTAINLY WASTE HEAP! Is this a more suitable volume?" replied the cybionic corpse. The rabbit and his customers nodded in unison.
"Very Well" continued the robotic abomination, "I have already told you of my plans, and I felt this was a nice place to start. Bonsoir, Woodlanders!"
Right after he uttered a woefully out of date one-liner, a gigantic cannon ripped itself out of the torso region of what used to be Joshua Lightwalker's body. The cannon's innards began glowing signifying it was charging. Had Joshua Lightwalker not turned into a robotic slave, and had he been staring down the cannon, he'd have remembered from video games this meant a death beam was about to be fired, and he should probably double jump at the right moment. However, since he, or rather his body under control from an unknown force, was the one firing the cannon this information never crossed his mind.

[KRSplat]

Wazy and the newcomer, too tired to react, gave the threat their meanest terrified stares. The Rabbit rolled his eyes: MELODRAMA. <i>Again</i>. But Rush solemnly took action, though many of the actions he took were a mystery, invisible and incomprehensible to the average rabbit. He took a stand directly in front of the robot controlling Joshua Lightwalker's cannon, and spoke quietly, but firmly. "Halt," said The Rabbit.

Joshua Lightwalker's corpse froze in time. With a snap of Rush's <b>midnight-purple</b> fingers and a *poof* of smoke, the cannon vanished. Rush relaxed his arm, and Joshua Lightwalker, reanimated, fell to the dusty, dirty tavern floor. Rush spoke again. "WHAT are you REALLY?"

Despite being dead and the robot having no knowledge of humanoid facial expressions, much less how to control them, Joshua Lightwalker's face nearly showed the timid, submissive, panicked fright that could be easily sensed in his voice as he stammered out a few "erms" and "uhs".

The Rabbit munched on a who-knows-how-old piece of popcorn that he found under the bar. He wondered who was originally planning to eat that kernel before it was wasted away, falling the infinite height that seperated the popcorn bag-holder's hand from the floor. What was that fall like for the popcorn? What was it like for the butter? Probably much scarier than Joshua Lightwalker was to them now. Another question came to him: Corn versus gingerbread? Corn was the obvious answer, he decided in an instant, winning by a mile. No way was gingerbread better than corn. Or even cornbread, for that matter.

Given a moment to collect himself a bit, the robot controlling Joshua Lightwalker lied. "I am a rabbit by the name of Joshua Lightwalker. I am an incredible swordsman and video gamer."

Rush smacked at the air like a playful, but uncoordinated, kitten. Joshua Lightwalker reacted as if stung with pain. "Tell the truth!" Rush commanded.

"I am Cyborg Experiment Five Fifty-Two! I was sent here to begin decimation of the entire galaxy using this meaty shell of a useless human which I am using despite its uselessness!"

"Try again."

"Alright, alright... my name... well, they call me... I was called Robobaby Feces. Robofeece for short. I wasn't just going to decimate the galaxy"--Joshua Lightwalker's face would be blushing now--"I was going to get rid of the other 9/10, too. And I wasn't exactly sent here, either... I did all of this to myself."

The Rabbit, Wazy, and the not-yet-identified newcomer all burst out laughing, while Rush visibly held back a grin, prefering the cold, hardened vibe he'd been giving off earlier. Wazy hunched over onto The Rabbit's side. "Don't pass out again," The Rabbit advised Wazy.

"I can understand why being called that would make you want to destroy the galaxy," joked the newcomer, enciting even more uncontrollable giggling, and embarrassment from Robofeece.

After the laughter had died down, and he had managed to supress his own amusement, Rush acknowledged the newcomer's remark. "Indeed, Newcomer. But the fact remains, Robofeece, that there is no excuse for your actions." Rush's emotionless expression switched into a fierce snarl. "And as such, you will be punished."

[NovaStar]

"What are you, dah punishment agency?" a drunken squirrel said angrily, rising from the table. She was clearly drunk. Robofeece tried to make an escape but Wazy grabbed him while trying to protest. "Just shuddup and leave the kid alone..." she said, slumping down onto the table again. She sat up at the sight of Rush and stumbled over to him. "Oh, hello," she said, her giggling interrupted with hiccups.

[Doubble Dutch]

Rush stepped back, half because of surprise, half because of the overpowering nature of the squirrel's breath.

"Who the hell is this?" He asked the bar in general.
"Uh... someone." said Wazy rising from the bar and tottering over.
"Someone huh? She looks even worse than you do!"

The lizard was halfway toward the pair when he tripped over a chair and crashed into a table. There was some half hearted thrashing that ended with Wazy attempting half successfully to climb up Rush's legs, at which point the squirrel fell on him. It was with difficulty the Rush managed to extract himself from the resulting melee, which continued some time longer.

Robofeece smiled "At last, there's someone I can pity!" he said.
Rush shook his head. "Most fights I've seen turn out to be a win or loss or draw, I don't think I've seen two opponents lose a fight before."

Eventually everyone was untangled and seated, though repeated bouts of unconsciousness made this a difficult undertaking. Outside it began to rain gently, the drops sparkling as they tumbled through the early morning sunlight in a display of natural beauty that was wasted on those inside who were simply getting wasted. Eventually everyone got tired of the sound of the rain on the roof, the tavern felt empty, almost dead, like a suit that someone had passed away in. It was the Rabbit who broke the tension.

"Hey... hey Waz, been meaning to ask you, this someone of yours, she got a name? Waz...? Hey Wazy!"
"What? Oh. Yeah. Yeah."
"Well...? Are you gonna introduce us or what? C'mon, how'd you two get here anyway? How'd anyone get here? Surely you can tell us <i>something</i> of interest?"
"Yeah yeah, long story, not worth telling."
"Why not? I'm sure it's explain those scars, I don't remember those."
"Aww hell, yeah, yeah."
"Bet you have a long and interestin' tale to weave to help the hours pass."
"Yeah maybe."
"Full of action and intrigue."
"It might be, yeah."
"And plenty of yeah and um."
"Are you taking the mickey?"
"Of course not, the mickey is totally untaken, wherever it was, it's still there."
"Well I really don't wanna say anything that-"
"Does it involve Jazz Jackrabbit in any way?"
"Don't talk to me about that bloody tail-shooting green menace!"
"Great! It's settled then! Gather round everyone, it's tale time!"
"What? But I didn't-"

The attempt at reviving the old times was however cut short by a loud and unexpected interruption, such as seemed to almost plague the tavern that morning.

[NovaStar]

The squirrel had stumbled over to Rush again and was trying to output some sort of pickup line, when she vomited all over him. Rush looked down at the mess now on him. "Ugh..."
"Oops," she giggled. "Sorry." She fell over as she tried to get something to clean it up with. She couldn't really get up that well without trouble, so she saved herself the struggle by staying seated on the ground. "You tell 'em, Waz. It's a long, long story," she said, waving her arms in the air. A blue rabbit looked down on her and shook his head.
"Ey, Waz! You better take whoever your lady friend is home, she's wasted as!"

[KRSplat]

"Come on," Waz said as he led the female squirrel, holding her by the arm, through a door behind the bar. He took her up the stairs and into a small room furnished only with a bed and a dresser. Waz laid the girl in the neatly made bed. "Have yourself a nap," he said.

"Okay, daddy," said the squirrel.

Waz frowned at her comment. "Sure; whatever your drunken self would like to believe," he replied. He pulled the cord of a lamp on a nightstand directly to the left of the bed. "Hopefully you won't get into any trouble up here," Waz forewarned.

"TROUBLE?" exclaimed the squirrel.

"Just shut up until you're sober," hypocrized Waz. Waz walked out of the room, gently closing the door on his way. As he descended the stairs he wondered if allowing an out-of-control drunk squirrel into the place he sleeps at night was a good idea. 'Oh well,' he decided, 'she's been here with me for long enough that I can trust her that much. Besides, she's got nowhere to run off to with anything of mine, anyway. Not that I have much, save for liquor.' Waz opened the door to the bar and a look of shock came to his face as soon as he saw the activity that his now piss-drunk associates had chosen.

[n00b]

Robobaby Feces, who considered changing his name to the more menacing CyberFrank Quistborg, decided to use the conversation at hand to escape. It would be a nice escape, quite clean and inconspicuous. In fact, noticing how long the conversation had been going, Robobaby decided to get himself a few drinks and also had set up a small time bomb. This bomb was also quite clean and inconspicuous. During this time, the rather lackluster villain decided to reflect a bit more and decided CyberFrank Quistborg was a rather dumb name if it intended to be menacing to anything more than a soapbox. R. Feces pondered a bit more and decided that Mech Sargent Max Fightmaster would be a much more rockin' name and decided that he would be called that from now on.

Max Fightmaster left the tavern quite triumphantly, a smirk on his hostbody's face. In about four or so minutes the talkative furry creatures he had just met will be dead. A prime victory in his galactic conquest, albeit a very, very minor one. Mech Sgt. Fightmaster needed to duplicate this victory on a grander scale. A planetary time bomb? No, that would be far too mundane the fifth time Max would have to pull that off. An explosion is only satisfying once, and this conquest had to be completed quickly lest the higher ups shut him down again. Or worse- give Max an even lamer host body. The Sargent had to admit though, the cannon was a rather nice touch. It was quite nice of the higher ups to give him that. "I should thank them later" he thought to himself before continuing to find a way to kill two birds with one stone.

Then he realized it. A delightful plan, quite the evil one at that, which would only take days to prepare. A galaxy wide timebomb. If Max could find a black hole, it could easily be suited for this tasked. The fiendish veelan used the also newly-installed rocket boots on his hostbody and flew off into the stratosphere, and beyond to the stars.

Quite unfortunately, this upstart villain's career didn't commence with as big as a bang as he had hoped. His ego had made him careless, and the timebomb was only set to "timer" mode, and therefore did not go off when the the clock hit zero. This was quite fortunate for the everyone in the tavern as they wouldn't have noticed it anyways.

[Doubble Dutch]

Waz strode determinedly down the stairs, pausing only to trip over a small clock-like object and tumble head over tail down the stairs, landing in a pained heap at the bottom. Notably this rather ruined the atmosphere of shocked indignation he'd been hoping to cultivate. Waz cursed and tossed the object outside where, after a flash of light and a cloud of feathers, there was a metallic cheer. (The bomb had struck a stone, exploding and incinerating two birds.)

There was a cheer, a curse and Rush began to remove his trousers, revealing an unwashed pair of boxers. He looked at Waz in embarrassment as the lizard struggled to right himself.

"Strip poker?"

The rabbit laughed, banging a glass on the table and accidentally shattering it. "No point issere? He's got nothing to strip, bloody reptiles!"

"Hey, your lady friend interested? It'd shure make th' game more interestin'"

"Lita is <b>not</b> interested!"

"Yeah, better leave her up there, I've never seen such a nasty, drunk, pitiful piece of work. Where'd you pick her up Wazzy? Bet th' little skunk just wouldn't leave you alone eh?"

Waz returned to the bar and poured himself a drink, which he downed in one smooth movement. Two others followed it, he'd just remembered what he'd been trying to forget.

"She's my daughter."

"What? That's bloody impossible!"

"Yeah I know, but you try telling the authorities that."

At this the Rabbit burst out laughing and Waz tried to thump him with what was left of his tail. Eventually the fight died down because everyone was to drunk to hit anyone else. The poker game resumed, with the proviso that Waz put on clothing whenever he lost, within an hour he had acquired a shirt, hat, pants and a rather nifty looking handbag (Nobody quite knew where it had come from.) and everyone else was feeling slightly cheated, though they were in no condition to figure out why.

It wasn't long before everyone was asleep (Or unconscious) in drunken stupor, a very bad thing to be in an abandoned building with no locks and the door wide open in the middle of the day. It was lucky for everyone, when they woke a few hours later at dusk, that the building had been occupied for some time by a drunk lizard with poor hygiene as well.