The Mighty Adventure of Fooruman

[Black Ninja]

Hello, dear reader, and welcome to The Mighty Adventure of Fooruman!

What is this, you ask? The answer isn't really very simple, but here goes.

Many of you are familiar with the awesomeness that is <i>Tales of Uberbob</i> and the various related "sequels." Still more of you are probably familiar with the evilness that is Fooruman. The two things I just mentioned aren't really related (except for the fact that Fooruman is a character in the ToU series).

That brings me to the answer to the original question. This topic is where a new story that YOU control will take place. The story is entitled <i>The Mighty Adventure of Fooruman</i>! It's the kind of story that YOU control. However, there are some limitations. Much like in ToU, don't get overly specific with what you want the characters to do. I'm the author here, and you all are the ignorant readers who help guide the events.

That said, let's begin the game, shall we? See next post for the beginning of the story.

<b>READ THESE RULES.</b>

1.) It's possible to die in this story, but please try not to. Eventually, "party members" will join Fooruman. If they de, the game doesn't end, but if Fooruman dies, that's all she wrote. Fooruman's survival is all that should matter to you when posting.

2.) Don't post something stupid just because you know it's the wrong thing to do.

3.) Fooruman has a list of spells at his disposal that he can use at any time. There's a limit, however; he can only use one spell per 'chapter.' In other words, saying "Have Fooruman use 'spell x'" is fine, but saying "Have Fooruman use spells 'x, y, and z'" is not acceptable. The list of spells is below.

4.) The most important rule of all: I'm in charge. If I say something happened, it happened. If you don't like it, feel free to complain. I will respond personally to all complaints within one millennium.

5.) When I say the word 'chapter' in this topic, I mean one of my posts. For example, the very next post in this topic is chapter one. The next part of the story I post will be chapter two, and so on.

<b>HERE'S THE LIST OF SPELLS FOORUMAN CAN USE.</b> This list can be updated if Fooruman finds a spell-book or does something else that would cause him to learn new abilities. Unless otherwise stated, the effects of a spell last for one turn and can be used again the next turn if necessary.

1.) The infamous 'killer' Foo Spell. Using this will cause Fooruman to summon dynamite and make it explode on the object of your choosing.

2.) The rarely useful 'Die-A-Lect' spell. Using this spell will allow Fooruman to speak any language fluently. However, there's a downside; in order to use this spell, Fooruman must kill someone. It doesn't matter whether it's a party member or an enemy.

3.) The powerful 'meat shield' spell. Using this spell, Fooruman will summon an ally to use as a meat shield. In other words, Fooruman might summon Black Ninja (as an example) and throw him in front of gunfire, causing Fooruman to remain safe and not riddled with bullets. This spell can only be used once per every five chapters. Also, remember that once an ally dies, they're dead permanently unless Fooruman stumbles upon someone who has the skill to revive fallen allies.

4.) Fooruman also possesses the ability to freeze time for everyone but himself (his party members will be frozen, too). This extremely powerful ability can only be used once every ten chapters.

<b>Black Ninja's abilities</b>

1.) Laser cannon - destroys all enemies AND allies (including Fooruman) that are in the same room as Black Ninja. Can only be used once every two chapters.

2.) Revive ally - Black Ninja can use GameHack to revive a fallen ally by modifying their health value. However, the revived ally will not be able to use any of their unique abilities for seven chapters.

<b>Unfooruman's abilities</b>

1.) Examine item - Unfooruman can examine almost any item and explain what it's used for. If he doesn't know, he'll probably just feed you some BS.

2.) Mentos cannon - After being defeated by Mentos in Foo Movie 1, Unfooruman acquired a magical cannon that would let him shoot Mentos (at a blazing fast 157 MPH) at anything he wants. Any enemy that is struck by flying Mentos will be unconscious for two chapters.

3.) Revive ally - Much like Black Ninja, Unfooruman possesses the ability to revive fallen party members. The difference is that Unfooruman probably won't do it unless he gets something out of it. Revived party members can use their unique abilities immediately upon revival.

[Black Ninja]

<center><b>The Mighty Adventures of Fooruman</b></center>
<center><i>Book One</i></center>

Fooruman smashed his fist down on the table in front of him in an intense fit of rage. He looked around the interrogation room he was in, wondering what he should do to attempt to escape or whether or not he should bother trying. The room he was in was small; if the officer in charge of interrogating him was present at the moment, there'd hardly be enough room for the both of them. In the far corner of the room, there was a single door. Fooruman knew without even looking that there would be armed guards stationed outside of it, probably given an order to kill if necessary. He wisely decided to scan the room for other options before trying anything. In the other corner of the room, there was a small privacy window; it would probably be possible for a wizard of Fooruman's caliber to destroy the window, but there was no knowing what exactly was on the other side of it. Fooruman wasn't pleased with his options, but he knew he must act fast; he heard footsteps approaching outside the door.


What wouldst thou deau?

[Stijn]

Break the window anyway

[Erik]

have a party

[Black Ninja]

Fooruman decided his best bet would be through the window. He picked up the uncomfortable chair he'd been sitting on moments earlier and chucked it at the window with all his might. Sure enough, the window shattered. Fooruman hopped through the window and found himself on the outside of the jail he'd been in. After looking around for a moment, he realized he was (at least for the time being) free. He knew it would be wise to lay low, so after he returned safely to his castle, he threw a huge party. Many of Fooruman's friends were at the party (including Black Ninja, Elliot, and SonyK). Fooruman pondered whether or not to inform his friends of the events that had recently landed him in the slammer, but the author of this story decided to leave that up to the readers. About an hour into the party, there was a huge explosion outside of the castle. Fooruman ran to the window and saw not only police, but also the SWAT team and what looked like half of the marine corps.

What wouldst thou deau?

[Stijn]

Inform friends of events

[n00b]

Attempt to pin blame on Sonyk.

[Birdie]

Inform friends.

[Black Ninja]

Ae: your post has been ignored because that isn't supposed to happen for a few more chapters. Everyone else, thanks for contributing. Here goes.

Fooruman, in desperate need of assistance, decided it would be most wise to inform his allies of the events that led to his capture and interrogation. The author, however, does not wish for the audience to know what happened yet. Clever plot device, eh? Anyway, Fooruman told his comrades all about his grand adventure. When he was done recalling the events of the day, his friends were awestruck. Black Ninja immediately volunteered to join Fooruman in his quest, as did SonyK and Elliot. Fooruman agreed to let the three join him on his mighty adventure to falsify evidence leading to his freedom. Soon after the mighty group of adventurers banded together and packed supplies, the entire army from outside barged into the castle. Fooruman screamed in a falsetto voice "SonyK did it!" He then threw SonyK in front of the gunfire of the thousands of soldiers. As they unloaded all of their weaponry on SonyK, Fooruman, Elliot, and Black Ninja escaped through a hidden doorway on the floor. Upon getting through it, Fooruman ordered Elliot to go retrieve SonyK's body for use as a potential meat shield. As soon as Elliot was out the door, Fooruman magically sealed it shut behind him. He and Black Ninja then ran all the way down a dark tunnel. At the end of it, there was a room with three doors: one door had a large X painted on it, one had a large circle painted on it, and the other had an enormous triangle painted on it.

<b>BLACK NINJA has joined the party.</b> Please see the first post for information on his skills.

What wouldst thou deau?

[Erik]

Challenge BN to an epic battle of rock paper and scissors

[NovaStar]

Have a discussion about tree-kangaroos.

[Black Ninja]

Fooruman, for lack of a better idea, decided to challenge his minion to an epic battle of Rock, Paper, Scissors. After Black Ninja's ten straight wins, Fooruman simply said that he was tired. The two then decided to return to the task of deciding which door to take.

[Ae]

Door X

[Black Ninja]

POST ACCEPTED, AE. Also, NovaStar, I posted the above chapter before I saw your response. Consider it counted and watch for it soon. For now, I shall sleep. Watch this post for the next chapter.

[Black Ninja]

Fooruman and Black Ninja, having just finished their epic battle of wits, strength, and (mostly) luck, decided to head through the door marked with the X. As soon as the dynamic duo had headed through the door, Fooruman magically sealed it shut. Black Ninja, appalled, asked immediately, "What'd you do that for?!" Fooruman replied simply that "The door looked suspicious." The two then walked down a long, dark corridor. At the end of the corridor, there were two doors: one marked with a circle, and one marked with a triangle. There were also three levers, one marked with a triangle, one marked with a circle, and the other unmarked. Above all the levers was a sign that read "Pull only one."

WHATCHA GONNA DO?

[Stijn]

Pull all levers and open all doors.

[Radium]

-At once. That's important.

[Black Ninja]

Fooruman and Black Ninja interpreted the mysterious sign to mean "pull all the levers at the same time," so that's what they decided to attempt. Fooruman grabbed hold of two levers, and Black Ninja grabbed the third. On the count of three, they yanked on the levers simultaneously. Upon doing so, the two doors on the wall opened up. However, a door on the floor also revealed itself. The first door on the wall leads to a path with lots of beautiful green scenery. The second door on the wall leads to a dark cave with scary sounds coming out of it. Finally, the door on the floor is too dark to see through.

¿Qué hará usted?

[n00b]

Go down to through the floor door.

[Sonyk]

I'm tempted to say stop time and explore each passage throughly, but there are probably more practical uses for it.

[Black Ninja]

Fooruman and his faithful ally climbed down the floor door. They climbed a ladder for seven days and seven nights. Finally, they reached the bottom. They found themselves in a well-lit area. There was a huge man there with 42 arms, and a double-barreled shotgun in each of his 42 hands. He screamed at Fooruman and Black Ninja in a language they did not understand. There was a long pathway behind him, but Fooruman figured it was safe to assume the stranger wouldn't let them pass.

What do you wish to do, good sir?

[Stijn]

Die-A-Lect on Black Ninja

[Sonyk]

Ask it the ultimate question

[Doubble Dutch]

Change your assumptions, it's obvious the poor guy only wants the candy in Fooruman's pocket.

[Black Ninja]

Fooruman knew right away that the best solution would be to use his mighty Die-A-Lect spell. Without hesitating, he killed Black Ninja and cast the powerful Foo Spell. He could then understand the mysterious stranger.
"Why did you kill your ally?" It asked.
"So I could talk to you, duh!" Fooruman responded impatiently.
The creature looked outraged. "You could have just said you didn't understand me. Obviously I can speak English; I am right now!"
Fooruman had no response. He grabbed Black Ninja's body, stuffed it into his backpack, and walked past the creature. After passing the creature, Fooruman stopped walking. He turned around and decided to ask the creature the ultimate question: "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
The creature paused for a moment before responding. Finally, he answered. "The answer, as with all questions worth asking, is 'seventeen.'"
Fooruman nodded slowly and walked the rest of the way down the corridor. Once there, he walked through the door that was so conveniently placed at the end of the long hallway. Upon opening (and walking through) it, he found that he was in the basement floor of Unfooruman's castle. There was a huge treasure chest in one corner of the room, a staircase on the other side, and massive piles of gold in-between.

<b>BLACK NINJA has died.</b> As long as Fooruman keeps the body, there is a chance of him being revived.

Wut u gunnuh do

[n00b]

Alright, if all my extensive knowledge of Disney's Aladdin has taught me anything it's that Fooruman should look for a lamp or a rug in the pile of gold and not touch anything else.

[NovaStar]

Peek up the staircase from below.

[Stijn]

Black Ninja revive on self (!)

And what n00b said.

[Black Ninja]

Fooruman wisely decided to search through all the gold and treasure to see if there were any magical lamps to be found. Sure enough, after about five hours of searching, Fooruman found a magical lamp. Upon rubbing it, Unfooruman was released (much to Fooruman's surprise).
Fooruman stared at his rival for a moment before speaking. Finally, words came to him. "What the heck were you doing in that lamp?"
Unfooruman glared at Fooruman. "I was sealed in it by our new common enemy: the Fooville government."
Fooruman laughed hysterically. "All they did was interrogate me, but you got shoved into a dusty old lamp!"
Unfooruman wasn't amused. "Whatever. Anyway, it seems you and I are both in a bit of trouble. As much as I hate to suggest this, perhaps we should...work together on this one."
Fooruman laughed even harder. "And why would I agree to that?"
Unfooruman glared even harder than Fooruman was laughing. "Because it's a convenient plot device!"
Fooruman stopped laughing, realizing that he'd been defeated with words. As he considered Unfooruman's offer, he looked up the staircase in the corner of the room. At the top of it, he could see there was an army mobilizing, probably preparing to storm downstairs.
Unfooruman clearly saw the soldiers, too. "I'll revive Black Ninja if you let me join you!"
Fooruman considered what to do.

WHOA DUDE, WHAT ARE YA GONNA DO?

[Ae]

"ok"

[Ricerind]

Play rock-paper-scissors with Unfooruman, with honour held in the balance.

[n00b]

Make like Twinsanity and start using Unfooruman as a weapon

[FreeFull]

Don't forget Fooruman using mentos to beat Unfooruman.

[Black Ninja]

Wow, that was a long hiatus on my part. Anyway, I shall ignore the most recent two posts because I feel like it! :D

After many careful seconds of contemplation, Fooruman responded. "Ok," he said, "You can join me if you can defeat me in an epic battle of rock-paper-scissors!"
Unfooruman shook his head. "I have no hands and therefore win by default."
Fooruman could not deny Unfooruman's amazing logic. He ordered Unfooruman to revive Black Ninja. Once that was over with, Unfooruman pointed out that it might be wise to get the heck out of there.

<b>UNFOORUMAN has joined the party.</b> See the first post in this topic to learn all about his unique abilities.

[insert clever way of asking what you'll do next here]

[Stijn]

go up staircase

[The SlaYeR]

Do the Bartman.

[n00b]

<s>Make like Twinsanity and use Unfooruman as a board to escape.</s>
EDIT- To amend a bit what pheonix said: make like twinsanity and force unfooruman to use his mentos cannon or perhaps, use unfooruman as if he were the mentos cannon. Whichever is less specific

[Ricerind]

Get Unfooruman to use Mentos cannon on any soldiers that get in the way.

[Black Ninja]

After some careful contemplation, the dynamic trio decided it would be a good idea to get Unfooruman to run up and use his Mentos cannon before any of them went up the stairs. After complaining for a while, Unfooruman ran upstairs and wasted all the soldiers. Once they were sure it was safe, Fooruman and Black Ninja followed him up the stairs. At the top of the stairs, there were two enormous hallways: one to the left, and one to the right. Unfooruman said he'd never actually been in this part of his castle before and had no idea where they should go.

Yo, what ya gonna do, homes?

[n00b]

Pick up Unfooruman and throw him down the left hallway s far as fooily possible. See what happens.

[Ricerind]

Then throw Unfooruman down the right hallway as far and fooily as possible. See what happens.

[n00b]

No. We will only do that if there seems to be nothing wrong with the Left Hall.

[Black Ninja]

Hey! This isn't dead yet! Give it a couple more weeks.

Fooruman looked around and immediately knew what he should do. He grabbed Unfooruman by the horns or tusks or whatever they are and threw him as far as possible down the left hall. There was a massive explosion, which conveniently opened up a path through which to escape the castle. As Unfooruman's miscellaneous body parts fell from the sky in the form of a fine red powder, Fooruman pondered what to do.

Fooruman pondered what to do.

[DoubleGJ]

Collect remains of Unfooruman in his backpack and run through the left hall in hope of finding something useful.

[Black Ninja]

This topic? Dead? Absolutely not!

Fooruman, thinking fast, grabbed his backpack and stuffed the remains of Unfooruman in it. He then ran down the left hall as fast as he could. Near the end of the seventeen-mile-long hallway, there was a single urinal. There was also a door directly to the left of it, with a giant saying "please do not urinate on the door" hanging atop the handle.

WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU

[Dermo]

Hurry down the drain.

[Ninja]

Urinate. And describe the entire process in every delicious, juicy detail. ;)


(WHAT THE. OK. THAT HAS GOT TO THE WEIRDEST THING THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME IN YEARS. I WROTE THIS REPLY JUST TRYING TO BE WEIRD, ONLY HAVING READ A LITTLE OF THE FIRST PAGE AND NONE OF THIS PAGE. THEN I SCROLLED UP TO SEE WHAT WAS ACTUALLY GOING ON. WHATTTTTTTT? THAT'S JUST F'D UP. I think that's got to be a sign of something. Maybe a revival of the story. Wow. Wowwww. That's too weird.)

[Black Ninja]

After a mere year-long hiatus, The Mighty Adventure of Fooruman returns!

Fooruman knew deep down in his heart that urinating in the designated urinal would surely be some type of trap. Knowing this, he wisely lifted up his robe and proceeded to urinate on the door. "Good thing I was going commando-style today," he laughed to himself. His business done, he quickly scurried down the drain of the decoy urinal.
<center>-----</center>
After what seemed like ages, Fooruman arrived at the end of the drain. Deploying his well-known and often-convenient "Killer" foo spell, he destroyed the grate blocking his way to freedom. Upon crawling out of it, he found himself in a stunning new world. Above him, hovercars blasted through the sky. To the right of him was a giant banner the color of the rainbow, proclaiming to the world "sale on mustard today only!" Behind him, where the drain had once been, there was nothing. He looked at his magical always-correct blood-powered watch, and saw that it was July 12th, 4371. Using all of his cunning and wisdom, Fooruman pondered for seven fortnights. Finally, he said to himself, "Well, it's a good thing I went to the bathroom first."

What now? Only one (or more) of you knows!

[DoubleGJ]

Check Unfooruman's remains, if nothing happens then proceed to ask somebody what happened in the last 2362 years.

[Black Ninja]

After mere minutes of staring blankly at the ground below him, Fooruman had a masterful plan. Pulling out the bag containing Unfooruman's charred and rotted remains, Fooruman took in a deep breath. "Smells good," he proclaimed, and then ate the bag's contents. Not satisfied, he then ate the bag. "Well," he thought to himself, "perhaps I should see what's happened this past decade or so." Summoning all of his strength, Fooruman summoned a massive stormcloud. Its mighty beam of lightning struck, knocking 14 hovercars out of the air. Two passengers survived the impact, which pleased Fooruman. "You there," he yelled at the frightened man and his wife, "do you have directions to the nearest Burger King?"
<center>-----</center>
After eating his seventeenth cheeseburger, Fooruman felt satisfied. He then walked up to the counter to find out what was going on. "You there, burger slave," he shouted.

"Yes sir, would you like another 17 cheeseburgers?"

"Yes please. Also, tell me every detail of human history over the past hundred years or whatever it's been since 2009."

"Okay. Well, in 2013, Burger King bought out McDonald's. Then, in 2358, Burger King bought out Yum! Brands incorporated, giving them control of Taco Bell, KFC, and the like. Finally, in 3579, Simon Burgermeister was made the 'burger lord of all humans.' His castle is in New Jersey."

"Ah," Fooruman said, "so this Burgermeister rules the world."

"Yeah, pretty much. Also, that'll be $18.57."

"Silence, burger slave." Fooruman then pondered whether he should get more burgers or just go try to overthrow the burger lord.

[Troglobite]

Walk out without paying.

[Black Ninja]

After using all his mighty brainpower for a mere 27 hours to think, Fooruman, not wanting to add to the burger lord's already massive funds, decided to leave without paying. He destroyed the restaurant in a cloud of smoke and flame with the flick of his pinky finger and the utterance of the word "Killer." Suddenly, in another cloud of gas and burger grease, Fooruman passed gas - however, this was no ordinary bowel movement! You see, the combination of 17 cheeseburgers and the ruined remains of Unfooruman caused a miracle - Unfooruman was reborn in a completely disgusting way! Fooruman's jaw fell open as he turned around and faced his enemy.

"Why hello there old friend," Fooruman practically sang.

"What?" Unfooruman stuttered. "We're not friends at all! And I can't really remember, but it seems like you killed me."

"Nonsense. It was some sort of bomb that killed you!" Fooruman exclaimed as he walked forward and gave Unfooruman a hug. After about twenty minutes of agonizing awkwardness, Fooruman spoke again. "So, basically, we're a couple years in the future. I think ten or something. Anyway, there's a new taco man who rules the universe, and you and I need to overthrow him!"

Unfooruman laughed. "Why would I possibly want to help you overthrow some 'taco man'?


WHAT NOW PEOPLES?

[Troglobite]

Figure out where Black Ninja went. If I'm not mistaken, he was revived by Unfooruman and didn't specifically die at any point after that.

[Black Ninja]

<center>-----</center>
Unfooruman groaned. "It's been more than 24 hours since I asked why I should help you overthrow this 'taco man,' and I'm pretty sure there isn't even any taco man to overthrow."

Finally, Black Ninja spoke up from behind Fooruman. "Because ---"

Fooruman zipped around gracefully in a perfect half-circle and punched his ally in the face as swiftly and with as much force as he could, using his magical glove made of dynamite. The punch, combined with a mighty controlled explosion, knocked out all but two of BN's teeth and obliterated the majority of his skull. "You startled me, Black Ninja! Where have you been all this time?"

"Right behind you, sir," Black Ninja groaned as he coughed, choking on a dislodged molar.

"Oh," Fooruman gasped, "You should be more careful! You know I never look back there these days." Fooruman turned around. "Now, Unfooruman, we've been friends a long time, so I think you owe me one!"

Unfooruman sighed. "How many times do we have to go over this? We're not friends. Not at all. My name is even 'UNfooruman.' Could it be any more obvious that we are enemies?"

Fooruman laughed. "Aww, you're so cute when it's that time of the month. Come, let us go defeat that ice cream demon!" Fooruman turned around again to face his loyal servant, only to find him passed out on the ground. "Unfooruman," Fooruman shouted, "pick up my manservant and let's go!"

Unfooruman groaned again. "I'll help you this time, fool, but know that when this battle is over, our battle will continue. Now, let's be smart about this. The 'ice cream man' lives in New Jersey, it would seem. We could head straight there, but we might get destroyed on sight if he's as powerful as that fast food drone implied. It might behoove us to acquire some allies."

Fooruman was furious. "First of all, I thought it was a taco man we were after. Second, you don't have hooves!"


What will our heroes do next? Will Fooruman ever get hit hard enough in the head to start using his brain? Will Black Ninja survive the mighty pummeling delivered him by his boss? Only you know!

[Troglobite]

Head to New Jersey.

[DoubleGJ]

In case of a hostile situation on the way, use Unfooruman as a living missile.