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View Full Version : Short fiction... return of Dethman. Rather pointless.


Violet CLM
Jan 19, 2002, 01:41 PM
Febuary 27th: 2002.

“I’m fired?!”
Dethman looked at his former boss aghast. Why fire him? Hadn’t he been doing a good job? Wait, the man was speaking again.
“Ah, yes, sorry, but you didn’t quite meet the requirements.”
“What do you mean? I followed every one of your 129426032629846239846293 rules exactly!”
“A pity, then, that there are 129426032629846239846294. The 129426032629846239846294th rule prohibits playing computer games on company time. So, as I said, you’re fired.”

Dethman collected his unemployment check and left the building, tears in his eyes. He quickly erased them with his vera cool Tough Guy power, as it would ruin his image to be seen walking around with tears in his eyes. Still, it was so UNFAIR! Firing someone just because they were playing “The Quest for Ultimate Christiany”? It hadn’t even been a very good game either….. Walking into his house, Dethman decided that his gaming brain still needed nourishment, so he would have to find some other computer game to play…. though not on company time. Looking through his various folders, subfolders, sub sub folders, sub sub sub folders… well, you get the idea, Dethman came across an old, old favorite. Jazz Jackrabbit 2.


Febuary 28th: 2002.

Ducky: Yes, but I still think JJ2’s fun. Outdated, perhaps.
BæÅüM(-)Ñ: Warcraft 3 will rule all…. You just wait.
Tyf: Rool all? Thet souwnds cool… n.n
BæÅüM(-)Ñ: I have to go now….
BæÅüM(-)Ñ: People want me to post some story in the War Tavern.
|Dethman joined the game
|BæÅüM(-)Ñ left the game
Kaz: Oh, another Dethman clone. Boring…..
GenEXMRT: You think everything’s boring except cheating as much as possible.
Kaz: Monolith! I object to this man’s attitude!
Dreama: Awww…. Don’t fight! Oooooh, Dethman clone. Wheeeee. :D
GenEXMRT: I’LL FIGHT IF I WANT TO!!
Dethman: Hello.
Kaz: Hello. Where’s your supposed proof you’re Dethman?
Dethman: The Clone War all over again, is it?
Kovu: No, he’s just bitter you closed down the JMMB.
Kovu: Actually, you’re just not the only Dethman clone.
Dethman: What makes you think I’m a clone?
Tyf: Ooooh… intriiegoue. (Author’s note: I can’t do Tyf Talk.)
Kaz: Prove you’re not.
GenEXMRT: *Gets out nuclear missile just in case*
Dethman: (Author’s note: There is a bunch of Real Dethman proof to be inserted here, but I don’t know what it is so I can’t type it.)
Ducky: Wow! Why were you gone for so long?
Kovu: Oh, he has a life u know…
Dethman: I got a job.
GenEXMRT: I still don’t believe you’re Dethman. Loser….
The Server: You’re the real Dethman?
Dethman: Oh, I didn’t know you were alive.
Dethman: Yes, I am real.
Tyf: Soo whoi did you com back? o.o
Dethman: I was fired. :-(
Dreama: Awwww…. That’s tooo bad! Why did youuuuu get fired?
Dethman: I was playing computer games on company time.
The Server: How….. appropriate.
Kovu: Can we tell anyone you’ve returned?
Dreama: Oh, yessie. You’re famous, you know. :D:D
Dethman: Not just yet. I feel like arranging something spectacular.
GenEXMRT: As you still claim to be real, I advise making another
GenEXMRT: tileset. That would be proof. You have a style, do you not?
Dethman: Very well, I shall do that.
|Dethman left the game
Tyf: Cooool… n.n
|BæÅüM(-)Ñ joined the game
BæÅüM(-)Ñ: I’m back. The plot’s currently so ensnarled
BæÅüM(-)Ñ: I can’t make head or tail of it. I’ll try again later.
Dreama: WBie!
Ducky: Yes, WB.
BæÅüM(-)Ñ: I’m sure it didn’t, but did anything happen
BæÅüM(-)Ñ: while I was gone?
Kaz: Oh, nothing…..


Febuary 29th: 2002.

Dethman sat at his computer, three windows open. The first was a windows explorer, which come in handy when least expected. The second was a list of available jobs, and the third was the trusty drawing program he was currently using. He had selected, after downloading a few tilesets from J2O to see what had recently been used, an undersea station, with lots of cool well drawn control panels. Sending his resume’ to several possible job interests, Dethman finished the last carefully drawn pixel on the 37th tile, and unzoomed a little to take a look. Still too small, obviously, but it should do as a good comeback. The only trouble was that he might get banned from J2O for impersonating a well known public figure. Or something.


March 13th: 2002.
Lori had her 20th birthday, and the wedding finally occurred. The guests list had still not been settled, so only people who actually knew when it was came.


March 15th: 2002.

Syntax and Bobby aka Dizzy, after much discussion, opened JDC season 6. There was the usual fighting.


March 20th: 2002.

Kovu, Kaz, Dreama, Monolith, GuMmYBeAr, Ducky and GenEXMRT received an email with the subject “I SEND YOU THIS FILE IN ORDER TO RECEIVE FEEDBACK”. The message body said “I have completed the first draft of my return tileset. Please look it over, and give me any suggestions you may think of or bugs you may find.” Also, the anniversary of the death of the JMMB is noted on the JCF with a unchangeable temporary dark theme.


March 31st: 2002.

A new tileset, complete with two CTF example levels, was posted on J2O by the username “Dethman”. There was a lengthy author’s description, ending with “So I return. It’ll be l33t.” Around 150 downloaded it just that first day, many giving reviews that were mostly variants on “DETHMAN! YOU’RE BACK! TOO COOL!!! Now, the upload. The tileset is amazing, and the example levels certainly show off the extents it can be used for. 10 10 10 10! Download this now!”


April 1st: 2002.

Dethman, chuckling at how liked his new tileset was, made an account with JDC. He also received a few more job rejections, much to his disappointment. It was really very lucky he didn’t eat much, or he would have some serious money troubles. The Possum team made another announcement on the JCF that Possum was dead, just like the year before. Even less people believed it until they read the message body telling them it was an April fools joke.


April 6th to 9th: 2002.

Anniversary Bash 4 was held. Merlin showed up on the 7th, wrote his JJ2 name on a piece of paper, scanned it and sent it in email to the people who wanted his autograph. About half the levels were from CelL, no big surprise.


May 1st: 2002.

1st place in the JDC ranking system was obtained by Dethman. There were a few angry mutterings, talk about how the legends were obviously not just legends and various other things. Stiletto, the former champion, challenged Dethman to a duel in Battle1 and lost, but it took some time.


May 10th: 2002.

Jazz 2 City was brought from the dead, still not updated but with working downloads. Many were embarrassed by their old works, while some wondered how they had made such works of art back then. Dethman, in the same vein, posted a poll on the JCF asking if people would like the JMMB back, or if they were satisfied with the JCF, soon before the polls feature was disabled due to over usage on May 14th.


May 16th: 2002.

Dethman gave into entreaties, and joined J2LC. Much to his happiness, an acceptation arrived. He was to be working with Epic on yet another new version of Unreal. There were the usual number of requests on the JCF and in JJ2 that he should try to get them to make JJ3, but he wanted to keep this job.


May 25th: 2002.

Wakeman finally posted the J2S archives, including the poll results for the final J2S poll. Dethman was sent a paycheck, which he used to celebrate by buying a large Epic wall poster.


May 30th: 2002.

Future Evolution was finally released. No actual ratings were made until the next day, as all the May 30th ratings were N/As saying things like “Oh, you finally released it”.


May 31st: 2002.

Future Evolution started being rated.


June 6th: 2002.

Arjan Brussee’s birthday. >CelL< posted his 100th upload in CelLebration.


June 10th: 2002.

There are rumors that the source code had been given to a few choice programmers. The ones rumored to have received it will not confirm or deny it, so nothing much is known. Meanwhile, Dethman creates another CTF level, called Paperclip CTF. iCeD’s server instantly adopts it.


June 16th: 2002.

Agama’s newest tileset, “The Ice Age” is posted on J2O. Dethman decides to try and do better, though he’s pretty sure he has no chance.




And the rest is mystery... I have no idea what would happen with Dethman back! THIS IS ALL MADE UP! Now go eat some wholesome vegtables or fruit.

defalcon
Jan 20, 2002, 12:25 AM
Heh, kewl. 'Return of Dethman'. It is cool, especialy since it'd be impossible to predict such a thing.

Ice Age huh? Not a bad idea! Hey Agama! we've got a tileset idea for you! Go make!

Most of Bash4's levels Cells? Maybe some, but there a tonnes opf classics to be included, like Shivering Showdown and...hells angels (how did you know I was gonna say that?)

Handatover!
Jan 22, 2002, 01:18 PM
I LOVE THIS:D
It's GrEaT!


EDIT:
Arjan Brussee’s birthday? COOL!

Ducky
Jan 22, 2002, 02:22 PM
Ooh...


*bursts into tears* I WISH HE WOULD COME BAAAACK!!!

*cancels all plans for the 28th*

Oh btw, you missed my birfday..

Rux0rne55.(O.o, did i just makethat uP?)
`Duckay

Violet CLM
Feb 28, 2002, 12:52 PM
Did it happen, didn't it happen, did it happen, didn't it happen...

probably not.

Ducky
Mar 1, 2002, 12:58 PM
Oh.

My.


I am SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!

I FORGOT!


*DiYs*

KRSplat
Mar 3, 2002, 10:53 AM
*threatens Dethie with a spoon*

COME BACK. OR ELSE.

The March Hare
Mar 4, 2002, 06:32 AM
Dethman vs. Agama...

Interesting.

I want Dethie to come back too. :(

-The March Hare

Another Jazz 2 fan
Mar 21, 2002, 05:22 PM
:lol: ROTFL..... very funny and very smart. I only wish this was real life! Finishing reading this is like waking up from a good dream and realizing that everything was just a dream and did not actually occur.



I wonder what would happen next..... *hint hint*

Continue?

Another Jazz 2 fan
Jason Jackrabbit LP
Anothoril

Violet CLM
Mar 21, 2002, 07:41 PM
No.

White Rabbit
Apr 7, 2002, 05:03 AM
Mwhahaha, LOL. :D
Very funny! :)

CelL
Apr 7, 2002, 09:19 AM
100th upload ? ;-P

Stijn
Apr 21, 2002, 12:57 AM
Hells angels rool.

Cool story anyway. It would be cool if this really happens.

*forces dethies boss to fire him*

Another Jazz 2 fan
Apr 21, 2002, 05:01 PM
I got an idea: How about Dethman decides to finish CyberSpaz? The episode rocks the whole community, and instantly becomes the most downloaded file on J2O, defeating Kejero's Tomb Rabbit's 1613 downloads in under one week.

I hope you don't mind your story being continued by other people. ;)

AJ2f

BæÅüMàÑ
Apr 21, 2002, 07:01 PM
u forgot tae include the well done GpW april fools joke on april 1st ;)

gah... that was phunny...

BæÅüM(-)Ñ Leaves
Fake Dethman Enters
Fake Dethman Leaves
BæÅüM(-)Ñ Enters and rants on about something

ehehehehehe...
especially the part about "did i miss anything?", lol... gah... if only i knew u were logging that :)

hmmmmmm... those events would most likely happen in that order... EXCEPT... Dethman would prolly be too rusty to win JDC.

very well done, heh...
as for CyberSpaz being finished, ya, add that...