The Wonderful Beauthing of Here. A Parody.

[Violet CLM]

The reason this story is in so many posts, is because it exceeded the maximum number of characters by a small multiplication of it.


Unknown Rabbit, Kovu, Cobra, DDay, Firesword, Slayer and a few other lounged about in various positions in the Tavern, several drinking various beverages. As Kovu droned on and on about Althagar's Pit of Ungoodness, Unknown began to see smoke.. and swirls.....

Suddenly, with no warning, Unknown found himself inside a brown house. He was all brown as well. Someone had been fooling with the palette again, and no mistake. Walking over to the door, Unknown Rabbit opened it, and was surprised to see color all over. Looking in various directions, Unknown Rabbit saw rainbows, houses, roads and a pair of feet attached to some Amethyst Purple High Heels protruding from under where the brown house lay. Confused, Unknown Rabbit walked out, and was surprised again, as a bunch of Newbies ran up to him and started singing.

"Oh we represent, the (Censored) clan, the (Censored) clan, the (Censored) clan, and in the name of, the (Censored) clan, we wish to welcome you to Newbieland!" Almost exactly as the singing Newbies finished singing, a bunch of burly, unshaved rabbits ran up and shoved the newbies aside.
"Oh we represent, the banned JCF users, the banned JCF users, the banned JCF users, and in the name of, the banned JCF users, we wish to welcome you to Newbieland!" So saying, the one who looked like GenExMRT handed Unknown Rabbit a rainbow colored dribble glass. It looked vaugely like a lollipop, Unknown thought, as he attempted to take a drink. Before he could throw the glass down in exasperation, an important looking Newbie ran up and said "Welcome to Newbie land, good sir. I am the mayor."
After that, everyone started singing, and Unknown Rabbit tried to pick out the words.
"Roasted Rabbits, the witch is dead, which old witch, the Wicked Witch, Roasted Rabbits, the Wicked Witch is dead! It's gone where the All Stars did go, below, below below yo ho, and shoot the legends...... Wake up, you sleepyheads, cock your gun, get out of bed, Roasted Rabbits, the Wicked Witch is dead!"
Then whole armies of newbies started dancing around in circles, throwing confetti, and screaming Stuff is Good at the top of their lunges for all the world to hear. They kept this up until there was a TNT explosion on top of a large birdbath, and a new figure appeared. All the Newbies threw themselves into Bushes and Trees and various concealing foilage until only Unknown Rabbit and the new figure were left. Scared, Unknown Rabbit asked "Who are you, one who made the Newbies flee?"

"I am Writers Block, the wicked witch of the writers in the west! My pen name is Flamingo Monotone, and you killed my sister."
"I didn't kill anyone! I just appeared in a house, and walked out, and everything started being all cutesie, and then you appeared."
"Silence, idiotic one! Where are the Amethyst Purple High Heels?"
Unknown Rabbit turned to point them out protruding from the house, but even as he watched, the High Heels vanished. Looking down, Unknown Rabbit saw the High Heels appear on his own feet.
"A thousand curses rain upon your FEET, infindel!" shouted Writers Block, vanishing in a red cloud. "I'll be BACK!"

Dazed, Unknown Rabbit looked around, as the Newbies started popping out from concealing foilage. Turning to the Mayor, he said in a worried voice "This is kind of scary. I want to go home to the 'Tavern, where all my friends and enenemies are!"
"What? You can't go yet! Look, here's the Good Witch of the North, flown all the way from the...."
"North." Unknown supplied.
"North, especially to see you! See? Coming over the treetops, in a Bubble Shield!"
Unknown Rabbit looked up, and sure enough, there was a Bubble Shield with occupant coming over the treetops, just as the Mayor had said. Soon, the Bubble Shield's 40 seconds (with stopwatches added) wore off, and Admael stepped out and greeted the Newbies. She then turned to Unknown Rabbit. "Greetings, Sorcerer."
"Me? I'm no sorcerer!"
"You flew your house onto the Wicked Witch of the Eminently Ethereal Easterners, and killed her, thus you must be a sorcerer. Now, are you a good sorcerer, or a bad sorcerer?"
"But, I'm not a sorcerer at all! I'm Unknown Rabbit, from Carrotus!"
"Then why do you appear before us as Purple and Yellow, the colors of a Good Sorcerer?"
"I like Purple and Yellow. They're my fur colors. Now can you tell me how to get home?"
"No, Sorcerer, if you insist you can not use your magical powers to do so. However, there is one who might be able to help you."
"Who? Tell me! I want to get out of this crazy place!" Unknown Rabbit instantly covered his mouth, realizing what he said, but Admael seemed not to mind.
"The Wonderful Beauthing of Here. He is great and powerful, and rules all of Here."
"I'm in Here, then?"
"Nonono, you're outdoors!"
"I'll take your word for it. So if the Beauthing is Here, he must be nearby, right?"
"No, for the Here he is in is a There Here, not a Here Here."
"Hear, Hear!" shouted a Newbie.
"There is Here, but Here is not There?"
"Yes. To coin a phrase, There is Here then, Here is Here now. Also, East is East, West is West."
"So how do I get here?"
"Even simpler! Just Follow the Lilac Gravel Road!"

At this, Admael megawarped away, and all the Newbies started dancing and singing again.
"Follow the Lilac Gravel Road! Follow the Lilac Gravel Road! Follow, Follow, Follow, Follow, Follow the Lilac Gravel Road! Follow the Lilac Gravel Follow the Lilac Gravel Follow the Lilac Gravel road! You're off to see ol' Beauthing, the Wonderful Beauthing of Here! If ever there was a Beau of a Beau, the Beauthing of Here is well to do, because, because, because, because, BECAUSE...... because of the kind of weird things he does! You're off to see ol' Beauthing, the Wonderful Beauthing of Here!"

Unknown Rabbit gingerly stepped off of a lawn (which had a Keep off the Grass sign) and alighted upon a Gravel Road which was positively Lilac in its Lilacishness. Following the Lilac Gravel road, Unknown Rabbit cheerfully set out, Gizmo aka Evil the Cat trotting along behind him.


A while later, Unknown Rabbit came to an intersection in the Lilac Gravel Road. To the left, the road stretched out as far as some eyes could see, and even farther. On the right, it went into a mud puddle. Unknown Rabbit, supposing the intersection was to prevent wayfarers from intruding on the nearby Lettuce field, walked along the right road until he got into the mud puddle. Gizmo licked his paw perfectly. Sputtering, Unknown Rabbit got out of the puddle, walked back to the intersection and turned left. Several minutes later, he figured out he was heading back to Newbieland, and turned around. Once he reached the intersection for the Third time, he turned left, and kept going for a while until he chanced upon a stick stuck upright in the Lettuce field. This would not be so odd, if not for there being a Canary tied to the stick. Feeling kind hearted, Unknown Rabbit untied the Canary, who promptly fell into the lettuce. The Canary's limbs were obviously in long disuse, so Unknown Rabbit carried it for a while along the Lilac Gravel Road until Canary revived, which strangely happened around the time Unknown tripped and dropped the Canary. Meanwhile, Gizmo was running around, batting at loose feathers, and meowing in a perfect voice.

Tiredly, the Canary turned its head at Unknown Rabbit, then at the Lettuce field, then went into a frenzy. "Put me back on the pole! I have to be on that pole to frighten off the Chickens from stealing all the lettuce! You FOO! FOO FOO FOO!"
"Erm, my name is Unknown Rabbit, not FOO."
"FOO Unknownie. ;P"
"But anyway, are you sure you want to be back on the pole? You didn't seem very happy about it."
"Of course not! I hate being on that pole, but I have to protect the Lettuce from the Chickens!"
At this point, Gizmo heard the word Chickens. He promptly and perfectly rounded up every Chicken for miles, got them all together and explained over the course of hours why he was so much more perfect then them. The Chickens, humbled by Gizmo's lies, flew away and never after attacked the Lettuce.

"Tanks, Unknownie." said the Canary, rising to a semi-standing position. "I'm free from all my duties. I'm a free Canary! Tweet! Tweet! Trick or Tweet!"
"Uh, yeah. I guess so. Do you need any more help, or shall I be on my way?"
"Well, I could use a little help, yes. I have very bad vision, you see. I can see if I'm pressing the submit button when I try to, but only barely. Everything comes out fuzzy."
"Well, you could come with me to see the Wonderful Beauthing of Here. He's going to send me home, so I know he could give you perfect eyesight."
"Could he really? I'm coming along with you then."
"YaY yAy. What's your name, Canary?"
"Turkish Tweet. But call me Tweety."
Tweety, Unknown Rabbit and Perfecto Gizmo a la Spectacularo continued along the Lilac Gravel Road, singing.
"We're off to see ol' Beauthing, the Wonderful Beauthing of Here! If ever there was a Beau of a Beau, the Beauthing of Here is well to do, because, because, because, because, BECAUSE...... because of the kind of weird things he does! We're off to see ol' Beauthing, the Wonderful Beauthing of Here!"

[Violet CLM]

Several days later, the travellers having fed on various things to be found around the country side, such as Chop Suey, Crepe Suzette and Steak, the travellers found themselves in a woodland. After an ugly accident with some Peach trees with arms and tempers, Unknown Rabbit and Co. found a large robot with an ice cube for a head. Unknown Rabbit and Tweety examined the thing, while Gizmo perfectly urinated the thing's left foot. Unknown Rabbit found the flashing readout reading "Battery Needed. Repeat if necessary." They weren't quite sure how it could be flashing if there was no Battery to power it, but they went in search of a Battery anyway.

Gizmo started meowing frantically, but perfectly nontheless. Unknown Rabbit and Tweety came running, and discovered a house. Gizmo had already claimed it for China, unfortunately, so they couldn't claim it for Turkey. Going inside, they found themselves in what seemed to be a mad scientist's lab. Finding a battery in the clutches of a small creation that seemed to be only created to clutch things, Unknown Rabbit managed to wrestle the battery away. However, when the creation finally let go, Unknown Rabbit went flying out the door, and a bunch of mechanical stuff came tumbling after, breaking crowns. Tweety came out of an experiment using Vinegear and Brown Paper and the pair (also perfect Gizmo) went back to the robot, where they inserted the battery in a slot marked "insert battery in this slot". Instantly, the robot sprang to life, and started picking up trees with one hand and throwing them into orbit with the other. Taken aback, Tweety inquired of the robot's name.
"May I inquire of your name, robot?"
"I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD. I am iCeD."
"iCeD, stop spamming."
"No, FOO."
"You're a FOO, FOO."
Before iCeD could get out a Deus Ex weapon, Unknown Rabbit intervened. "Peace! Pax! Priceful Patterwolky!"

While iCeD and Tweety were attempting to figure out what Patterwolky meant, Unknown Rabbit talked some more. "Don't start fighting when you just met!" Turning to iCeD, he continued. "Isn't iCeD a funny name for a robot?"
"Yes. My full name is iCeD bOt V3.000000(0)0. I was not always a robot, however. Once, I was a peaceful Icecube, living all alone. But the Wicked Writers Block came upon me being paticularly happy one day, and set me on fire. Fortunately, I managed to get into a vat of cold water before I melted completly, but I couldn't do much as a very small ice cube. So I went to Ice M A N, the iCe Smith, who made me this robot body. I can control it due to the nerve of this body."

"After that, I became a peaceful scientist. Naturally, I always kept a store of batteries around in case I started beeping. My beeping is always a sure sign I need a new battery. One day, I was out strolling around, getting rid of some trees that were in the way of one of my experiments, the Wicked Writers Block returned. She, with just one simple spell, totally discharged my battery. This was hundreds of years ago, and I've been here ever since until you came by and inserted a battery into me. I am vaugely grateful."
Unknown Rabbit, who was wondering why iCeD had had to get rid of trees, instead of making his experiement in some nearby clearing, used a small portion of his brain to try and sound intelligent and flattering.
"Well, your robot body looks and sounds pretty perfect, except that it needs batteries. Couldn't you just be wound up every so often or something?"
"Perfect? Ha! I might be, except for the fact that I have no conscience!"
Tweety gasped.
Unknown Rabbit said "No conscience?"
Tweety said "No conscience?"
Gizmo perfectly went to sleep.
iCeD replied almost mournfully "No conscience. I want one for my birthday."
Tweety brightened up. "Well, we can't help you with your birthday, but why don't you come along with us to the Wonderful Beauthing of Here? He's going to send Unknown Rabbit there back home to his world, and he's going to give me perfect eyesight!"
"Really? Do you think he could give me a conscience?"
"Of course he could, FOO! Come on!"
And the four walked along the Lilac Gravel Road some more, singing.
"We're off to see ol' Beauthing, the Wonderful Beauthing of Here! If ever there was a Beau of a Beau, the Beauthing of Here is well to do, because, because, because, because, BECAUSE...... because of the kind of weird things he does! We're off to see ol' Beauthing, the Wonderful Beauthing of Here!"

After a while of tromping along through the forest, it started getting dark. And scary. In the words of iCeD, it was likely to get darker before it got lighter. It was in this dark time that the quartet of Beauthing seekers (though nobody knew why Gizmo was coming along) came across an old deserted shack. The door was locked, noted Tweety, after straining at it for a few minutes. The rest agreed, while Gizmo meowed in a perfectly menacing way at the roof of the shack. Unknown Rabbit looked up, and gasped. The Wicked Witch of the Western Writers was perched on top of the shack, waving a broom around. Cackling with evil laughter, Flamingo Monotone aimed her broom at Tweety and yelled a magic incantation. Fire leapt from the broom, soared down through the air and alighted on Tweety's wing. Screeching, the bird flew around, while her feathers burned. Unknown Rabbit managed to quickly origami his headband into a cup while running for a lake, and managed to quench the hungry flames. Seeing the water cup, Writers Block flew away, still cackling.

A few hours later, the travellers were still in the dark forest. Tweety, who was getting pretty sick of the whole thing, stepped on a twig and cracked it.
"This forest seems to go on forever!" she complained, throwing a branch between some trees. There was a sudden howl, and a large lion jumped out from the trees trailing tissues, and leapt at Gizmo for no reason. Gizmo mewed pitifully yet perfectly, then started running around a 60 foot round tree, with the lion chasing him, a large :-D on its face. This continued for a while until Unknown Rabbit thought that Gizmo must be tired, so he stepped up to the tree, got a stop sign from nowhere and put it between Gizmo and the following lion. The lion, being ed-joo-kay-ted, stopped short and looked at Unknown, ears slightly drooped.
"Awwww.... did I do something wroooong? :(:(" said the lion.
Unknown looked oddly at the obviously vocabulary posessing feline carnivore, and then replied, not letting the stop sign down.
"Yes, actually. Chasing perfect kitties isn't good manners. Especially when they're on the way for no apparent reason to the Wonderful Beauthing of Here.
"Well, there's no Beauthingy or wotever Here." said the Lion, sitting down on a tree root. "If that's what the kitty's up to, wot are you heeeere for? O.o"
"Oh, we're also on the way to the Wonderful Beauthing of Here, so he'll give me a Way Home."
"And him a Conscience" said Tweety, still eying the lion nervously.
"And her perfect eyesight" said iCeD.
Unknown felt a sudden urge to say "We're all misfits", because the situation sounded most like it, but he ignored the urge and merely inquired why the lion had decided to chase Gizmo in the first place.
"Ooooh... I don't know! O.o I was just siting there, minding my own buiiiisness, when I felt like I just had to chase something... :(!"
"You don't chase things normally?"
"Nooooooo... I'm uuusally quite docile :-D"
At this point Unknown realized why this lion was different from all other lions, and just as Gizmo ran around the tree again, he voiced his theory. "Why, you're nothing but a dandy lion!"
"Yes, that's right. I'm quiiite the friendly one. :)"
"Oh? What's your name, anyway?"
"I always get called Dreama.. soooooo I guess that's my naame."
"Ah. Well, that's good. Now, if you don't mind, we should be continuing along to the Wonderful Beauthing of Here."
"Really? o.O I'm always feeling lost.. do you think he could find me?"
"Of course! Come on!"
So they all moved along the Lilac Gravel Road in various means, singing "We're off to see ol' Beauthing, the Wonderful Beauthing of Here! If ever there was a Beau of a Beau, the Beauthing of Here is well to do, because, because, because, because, BECAUSE...... because of the kind of weird things he does! We're off to see ol' Beauthing, the Wonderful Beauthing of Here!"

Some days later, they came across a lage field of real Dandelions, which Dreama managed to get lost in while nobody was looking. After some time, they found her, but she had fallen asleep. It was probably contagious, thought Unknown, as he and Tweety also fell into slumber. Gizmo, to be perfect, followed suit. iCeD started to heave them up, but even his robot strength could not lift an entire sleeping lion. So he continued to stand there, grunting. Someways away, looking into her Magic China Set, which showed anything she wished it to, stood Flamingo Monotone. She was in her standard order Wicked Witches' castle, cackling over the good job her specially ordered limited offer Sleeping Gas Dandelions had done. Meanwhile, iCeD acted on his lack of conscience, and started to walk away leaving his companions behind.

[Violet CLM]

In a whole different country, the Ham'nPork Byproduct of the South, Ducky, also watched the sad sight. It took Ducky little time to decipher that the Magic Dandelions had been Monotone's doing, and she decided to take action. Waving her hands over her magical Tinfoil Wrapping, Ducky directed a nearby snowstorm to the patch of Dandelions where Dreama, Tweety, Gizmo and Unknown lay. The snow fell and fell until the four various animals woke up, at which point they saw iCeD's form receding in the distance. Not really bothering to think how they had woken up, the four ran after iCeD, not noticing the highly magnified face of Ducky in the sky, waving her wand and smiling benevolently.

Soon after catching up with iCeD, the travellers saw the amazingly gaudy Zircon Castle of Here. After some murmurs of awe, they began walking once more. Soon, they walked up to the gate of the Zircon Castle and bid it open. As it was not enabled with a voice command system, the gate just stood there. This greatly puzzled them all, until iCeD spotted a sign on the door, and pointed to it solemnly. The sign read 'Gate our of order. Please use bell.' So they hunted around for a bell, until Dreama managed to find a button on the wall that looked like a doorbell, and Unknown pressed it. A knocking sound was heard from within the castle, and an ornery looking eye looked out from a small peephole in the gate and said "Who knocked that bell?"

After some thought about if the bell had knocked, or if the door had rung, or if they were just in mental trauma and in need of treatment, the five politely replied "WE DID".
"We? Who's We?" asked the eye, though it was presumably a mouth attached to the eye with a face that actually did the talking.
"We is Us!"
"Your grammar stinks."
iCeD looked at the gate a little bit, then attempted to confirm the eye's statement. "My grammar perfect totally is doubt of any without!"
A laughing sound emerged through the peephole, and the eye withdrew for a little bit before reappearing. "Enough funny buisness. Who's Us?"
"Us is We!"
"What are your names, you poor fools?"
"We are not poor!" shouted Tweety indignantly. Meanwhile, Unknown replied to the first half of the derisive question.
"We are Unknown Rabbit, Tweety, iCeD, Dreama and Gizmo. We have come to this Zircon Castle by the Lilac Gravel Road, in order to search out and find the Wonderful Beauthing of Here!"
"Too bad. You can't see him. Nobody sees the Wonderful Beauthing of Here, not nobody, not nohow!"
Tweety brightened up, if only to ask if augmented vision was more common then she had thought. But the gate peephole slammed shut, so they were forced to think of a new way to get in. Unknown Rabbit shouted at the gate "But you have to let us in! We're important!"
"I've always thought so" muttered iCeD.
The peephole opened once more, and the eye looked out. "Important? How are you important?"
Unknown Rabbit thought for a bit, and finally said "I've got the Amethyst Purple High Heels the Good Witch of the North gave me!"
"How does that make your imporant?"
"Anything with that many capital letters has to mean important!!!"
"Good answer. Well, that's a tileset of a different style! Come on in!"
And the gate opened of its own accord. There was nobody on the other side, and the travellers had no idea who they had been talking to, but they walked onto a red carpet which somehow carried them to a large and shiny room. They all started dancing and singing for no reason, with Dreama getting lost in a small grove of potted plants, until some sort of servant looking person came out a vera long hallway and said
"The Wonderful Beauthing of Here is not taking visitors. Now GO AWAY."
The travellers burst into tears, except Gizmo, who was drinking from a convinient saucer of milk. "Oh, but we've come so far already!!" cried Tweety, trying to see around the servant looking person. "I feel so blind!"
"And I feel so homeless!" cried Unknown, burying his head on the shoulder of the servant looking person, who drew away hastily.
"*Lostee! :((*" cried Dreama.
And iCeD just stood there, looking at the sky.

"Hey iCeD, what're you looking at?" asked Unknown Rabbit, after recovering a little.
"That." said he, pointing up at the sky. A large airplane with the initails FM printed on it was skywriting the words "SURRENDER UNKOWN". "Why can't anyone ever spell my name right?" grumbled the one whose name had been spelled wrong, then noticed what the skywriting was saying. Various Zircon Castle inhabitants were running everywhere screaming for no reason, and the servant looking person turned to Dreama, after finding her beneath a big throne, and asked "Who's Unkown?"
"I am Unkown." said Unknown Rabbit, trying to stand up proudly. "At least, I'm an Unknown Rabbit. She spelled it wrong."
"Then you'd better get out of the open. Come on, I'll take you to the Wonderful Beauthing of Here."
None of them really knew what had caused this change of heart, but they followed eagerly enough, Gizmo pausing to touch noses with a small white statue of a sphinx. So after going through the entire vera long hallway, they came to a large gate, where the servant looking person departed. After opening the gate, they went through another vera long hallway, and another gate, and another hallway until they were amazingly tired when they finally reached the large room where they supposed the Wonderful Beauthing of Here resided.

Just as iCeD reached around for a light switch, a black light began to shine throughout the room, and smoke colored by red lights filled the chamber. A door in the back exploded, and a huge figure stepped clumsily out of it. Dramatic elevator music played from a speaker in the background, and a drumbeat was beat out elseplace. Several fireworks and rockets launched, and drama was everywhere. "WELCOME, PUNY ONES" cried a loud voice sounding as if it came from a loudspeaker. The huge figure arrived in the center of the room, and stopped. Then the voice continued. "I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, AND I KNOW WHY YOU ARE HERE, AND I KNOW THE AVERAGE WINGSPEED OF AN AFRICAN SWALLOW. I AM THE WONDERFUL BEAUTHING OF HERE."

"COME FORWARD, BEEPING, BLINKING, BLIPING, BABYISH BATCH OF BUGS!" cried the voice, and iCeD shivered all the way to a few feet ahead of the others until the booming voice boomed out again.
"STOP THERE. YOU ARE iCeD, THE PUNY HIGH THINKING ROBOT FROM EASTERN MONGOLIA!"
"Err, yes sir. Except for the last part, sir."
"SILENCE!"
iCeD backed shaking to the others, one of his readouts off the scale. Unknown didn't bother to ask which one it was.
"Now, WHY have you come?"
"If you please sir, we came to"
"SILENCE! YOU, FURRY ONE, YOU WANT A WAY BACK TO THE PATHETIC HOVEL YOU CALL YOUR HOME. AND YOU, BIRD, YOU WISH TO SEE. AND YOU, COLLECTION OF GEARS, YOU WANT A CONSCIENCE. AND YOU, LION, YOU WISH TO BE FOUND. AND YOU, KITTY, YOU WISH TO BE MORE PERFECT THEN CHICKENS!"
The four looked at Gizmo with various expressions of surprise, but then turned back to the huge figure.
"I SHALL DO THESE FOR YOU, IF YOU WILL DO ONE VERY SMALL TASK. BRING ME THE NOSE RING OF THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST!"

At this, Dreama ran with all four paws along the hallway for a bit, until she leaped out a window. iCeD and Tweety quickly followed, until they reached the window, at which point they started yelling at each other to go first. Unknown then showed up, saying fire had sprung up everywhere in the room, and pushed both of them through the window while jumping through himself. And Gizmo calmly walked through, and fell onto a patch of soft grass.



Several days later, after being properly outfitted, the small group of wantees set out once more, this time from the Zircon Castle. iCeD had a small battery package, and Unknown carried a basket of food, and Gizmo had somehow aquired a small hovercraft, to the envy of his companions. They walked around randomly, heading towards the west during the general time of sunset, but in the wrong direction the rest of the time, until they somehow reached the west forest. They were all vaugely sick of forests, but they continued anyway, not noticing the sign saying "Microsoft - 2 Milebytes. I'd turn back if I were you."

Flamingo Monotone, who had gotten back to her castle after skywriting for no real reason, looked once more into her China Tea Set and saw the travellers in the west forest. She got out her police whistle and blew on it. A large horde of Winged Office Assistants flew out from every nook and crany of the castle, Clippy the Paperclip in the lead. They swooped down towards the forest, with Writers Block screaming "GO! GO! GO!" for the sake of screaming "GO! GO! GO!".

"Don't you think we should be getting to the castle around........ now?" asked Tweety, trying to look around. A short scream answered her, and she ran around frantically, trying to figure out what was happening. Gizmo's hovercraft had been busted open, and The Genius had grabbed him and was pulling him up into the air. Unknown Rabbit was seized by Clippy and Link, and Mother Nature was supporting his feet, and went soaring out of sight. iCeD got out a really huge machine gun from nowhere, but Dreama jumped on him, as he might hit their friends as well. He couldn't be expected to care, of course, having no conscience. So after a little more confusement, and the remaining Winged Office Assistants not bothering to lift up Tweety, which they could have easily done, the three travellers who had been found by Unknown Rabbit were left in the forest. They decided to press on anyway, and trudged along through the forest miraculously going west.

[Violet CLM]

Unknown found himself in the highest dungeon of the tallest tower, with Gizmo asleep on the table. A small platter of milk lay nearby, and Unknown, for nothing better to do, looked at it. Then the face of Cobra appeared in it.
"Hey, has anyone seen Unknown Rabbit lately?"
"Ah, who cares, he's always been weird anyway" said the voice of Kovu, and there was general assent. Then that image faded away, and the evil face of Flamingo Monotone appeared in the platter. She was laughing horribly, and the view zoomed out a little, and Unknown could see she was holding a small Kitchen Timer. It was set to two hours.
"Once this timer reaches 0, you and your little cat too, you shall die!"
Unknown Rabbit had no idea why she was saying this, but he decided there wasn't really anything he could do about it, and after noting the clock on the wall read 10 PM, he went to sleep as well.

iCeD, Tweety and Dreama reached a large mountain. Looking up, all of them but Tweety could see a huge and sinister castle perched atop, several towers shooting up through the clouds. Deciding Flamingo Monotone must be in the castle, they started to climb the mountain. iCeD had a little trouble doing this, so he started pounding the rock to create steps for him. Tweety's wings soon got tired, so she attached herself to Dreama's tail, and in this way, they all reached the top of the mountain in just about thirty minutes. Pearing down between a few large boulders, the three looked down at the area in front of the castle. Many Microsoft Tech Support people were walking around, chanting "R-E-BOOT, REBOOT" loudly. After deciding that the only way to get in would be to disguise themselves as tech support, the three waited until three of the drones walked by then shouted "BOOYA" and stuck out their tongues. The techies ran at them, phones clutched in their hands, but were somehow overpowered by a canary, a friendly lion and a clumsy robot. Don't ask me how. Several minutes later, at 10:46, the three emerged, dressed as tech support. Tweety had a little trouble with hers, but iCeD manufactured some stilts from a nearby rock, and they walked into the castle chanting "R-E-BOOT, REBOOT" loudly and off-key.

Soon, after passing through various torture chambers unnoticed, the rescuers and nose ring apprehenders came across by sheer accident the highest dungeon in the tallest tower. They heard some loud snores coming from the door, and Dreama padded up to it and cried "Unknowiee!! Is that youuu? :D". A scuffling came from inside, and Unknown rushed through the door, visible through a small grating.
"Yes! Hurry, get us out! I've only got 70 minutes to live!"
"*Tissuuues!*" said Dreama, then under the direction of Tweety, tried to break down the door with a rock. It didn't work, and Unknown Rabbit uneasily watched the minutes tick by as the door was hammered, oddly without anyone noticing. Finally, he got an idea. "IcEd!" he shouted. "IcEd! IcEd!"
At this, iCeD came into demonic power for no reason. Pushing Dreama away, he ran at the door, and broke through it, then crashed into the wall on the other side of the tower. The other two quickly ran in, as the entire tower toppled over towards a convinient huge pit of lava. They quickly leaped through a window, after iCeD removed the bars for them, and somehow managed to land on the battlement, Unknown carrying the clock with him. The tower fell into the lava, and exploded.

Flamingo Monotone, hearing the sound, used her Magic Tea Set's replay function to find out what had happened. Upon learning, she sent an army of Tech Support along the battlement towards the small group, half going in each direction. The battlement was, after all, a loop.

iCeD looked uneasily off the edge of the battlement. "I don't think we can jump." he said.
"Not to mention we still need to aquire the nose ring!" reminded Tweety, still shaking from the tower's fall.
"Aaaaand Unknown's oonly got fourty moore minutes to live!! :((" cried Dreama, looking around.
"Never mind that, LOOK WHAT'S COMING!" cried Unknown Rabbit, and they looked. Two small armies of tech support were running up in both directions, phones held out in battle position.
"We're doomed!" cried Tweety, covering her augmented eyes in her feathers.
"I regret to inform you that is correct." said iCeD, sounding like a monotone himself.
But Unknown Rabbit quickly got an idea, and grabbed a phone from iCeD's vast arrangement of technical attachment. Quickly, he dialed Microsoft's tech support number, said into the phone "Yes, I'll hold" and quickly hung up.The called techie instantly stopped running around and lay down doing nothing, as is tech support behavior. This process continued until every one of the entire army was laying around being lazy, thinking they had someone on hold. Quickly, before they could realise they had been tricked, the five ran through a nearby door. The clock read 11:40.

"Curses!" shouted Writers Block, and ran through various corridors to intercept them, Clippy flying along at her heels as an escort. At last, in a room lit with torches, both parties met. Laughing, Writers Block grabbed a torch and thurst it at Tweety, who once more burst into flame. "NOOOO!" cried the bird, running around smoking while Writers Block laughed. Unknown quickly found some water without really knowing how he had done it, and threw it towards Tweety, who was although soaked, doused. But a bit of the water had hit Writers Block, and she looked shorter.
Clippy cheerfully flew up to her. "You look like you're trying to play Limbo!" he cried, then continued. "Would you like assistance?"
"NO, YOU STUPID MORONIC PAPERCLIP! I'M MELTING! MELTING!"
"Melting?" Tweety flew over to the witch, and it was true. She was melting. "Ohhhhh! Who would have ever thought that a nice little rabbit like you could be such a pain?"
And then she melted entirely, only her nose ring and robes remaining. And the office assistants and tech supporties flew and ran up, and started cheering the kind of bewildered travellers, and Mother Nature presented Unknown with the nose ring as a sort of award. But then the clock struck midnight.




"Why aren't I dead?" asked Unknown Rabbit, while Gizmo looked perfect.




"Here's your answer" said iCeD, upon finding the kitchen timer. "Flamingo Monotone forgot to press the start button."

And there was a big party, and after everyone woke up again, the travellers were sent on their way back to the Zircon Castle. They reached there uneventually, and bid the gate open, and got in, and went through the vera long hallways, and came at last to the chamber of the Wonderful Beauthing of Here, where the large figure came back, and all the dramatic effects were repeated.

"WHY have you come back?" the booming voice demanded.
"If you please sir, we brought the nose ring of the Wicked Witch of the West!"
"DID YOU KILL HER?"
"Ye-yes sir! We melted her!"
"AH! UNEVAPORATED HER, THEN."
"Yes sir, if you say so sir. We'd like our wishes to be granted now sir."
"OH, YES, THAT. I MUST HAVE TIME TO THINK. GO AWAY, AND COME BACK IN FEBUARY!"
At this, Tweety burst into tears, tears spilling from her unfortunate eyes. "Febuary? Oh, but we've gone on so long!"
"You've had plenty of time to think!" cried Unknown, looking accusatorly at the large figure.
"WELL, I... PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE AUTOMATIC GUN BAY TURRETS!" cried the voice, and the four turned. Gizmo had been spinning some automatic gun bay turrets, and they could all see a man behind them, working with some overly complicated gadgets.
iCeD walked over to Automatic Gun Bay Turrets, swept them inside, and moved behind the man. "Who are you?" he asked.
The booming voice resounded once more. "I AM THE WONDERFUL OL'"
and then the man turned away from the machines and the sentence was completed, but from his own mouth. "Beauthing of Here."
Unknown ran over. "You? But you're nothing but a weird looking rabbit, just like me!"
"That may be, but I am the Wonderful Beauthing of Here, none other."
"Well, I think you're just a big fraud. Grant us our wishes now, not in febuary."

[Violet CLM]

So the little rabbit, kind of humbled, reached into his pocket and brought out a hole.
"You had a hole in your pocket?" asked Unknown Rabbit, stunned. This was like something out of the Yellow Submarine!
"Yes, I do. Now then, Tweety, bird. You want perfect eyesight. Well, let me tell you, all over the world there are men just like you, with terrible eyesight, who can't see two feet ahead of them. But they walk around just normally, using their eyes all the time. But they have one thing you don't have! Glasses!"
And Beauman reached into the hole, and got out a pair of glasses, and put them on Tweety's face, who promptly started dancing around happily tweeting. Then iCeD looked at the rabbit and said "My turn."

"Ah, yes. iCeD, robot. You want a conscience. Well, let me tell you, consciences are a lot more trouble then they're worth! They just make you want to do nice things for people all the time. Look at me, for example. I don't have a conscience, and don't I look fine?"
"No, you don't. But I want one anyway."
"Oh well. Well, if you want one."
So Beauman reached into the hole once more, and pulled out an odd swirly thing. I can't tell you much more then that, but Beauman threw it at iCeD, and he kind of asorbed it somehow, and he seemed much happier after that. And then Beauman turned to Dreama.

"You, Dreama, lion. You want to be unlost.... uhh, where'd you go anyway?"
So after finding Dreama between a few of the red lights, Beauman continued.
"Now, all over the world, confused and lost people are everywhere. From there to here, from here to there, lost people are everywhere. But they get along just fine. Because they have one thing you haven't got! A radar!"
So Beauman reached into the hole for the third time, and pulled out a very handy, collapsible, portable radar device, which he hung on Dreama's neck. And it foreverafter showed her where she was, and she no longer had trouble with being lost.

And then iCeD, using his new conscience, tapped Beauman on the shoulder. "I say, now, do Unknown next."
And Tweety agreed with "Yes, that's right. He's next." but Unknown Rabbit just looked a little mournful.
"Oh, I don't suppose there's anything in that little black hole for me."
But Beauman scratched his head for a little while, then said "Now here's what we do. I've got this nice cool spaceship tethered out back so it won't fly away. Now, we can get in it, and fly back to your world. I decided I want to come too."
And there was some rejoicing.

A few days later, when all was in spiffy readyness, Unknown Rabbit and Beauman stepped into the spaceship amongst cheers and cries from the Zircon City inhabitants, as well as Unknown's former travelling companions, two of which who were giving hankies to eachother at an alarming rate. But just as a servant chopped the strap that afixed the spaceship to the ground, Unknown Rabbit's headband blew through the open door, and he jumped out to get it. "Wait there, I'll be right back!" he cried, and dove for the swooping headband. But the spaceship blasted off without him, went up into the sky, skywrote "So long, and thanks for all the fish" and flew away into outer and/or inner space, and was never seen again until it was.

"But now how do I get home?" sobbed Unknown, knowing that if he hadn't leaped for his headband he'd have no trouble. And iCeD, his conscience acting on full power, put a hand on Unknown's shoulder and was silent. But then some Zircon City inhabitants noticed a strange sight, and shielded their eyes from the sun, and pointed up. "Look, what's that?" said one, and Unknown looked up. Ducky was there, in a immense flying Rolls Royce, thowing flowers as it drove. The car alighted on the ground with cheers and party crackers, and Ducky stepped out, acknowledging the populace with smiles and waves. Then she walked up to Unknown, who quickly asked her "Whoever you are, how do I get home?"
And she smiled, and said "Why, Unknown, you've had the power to get home all along! Just look at your feet!"
And Unknown looked down, and there were the Amethyst Purple High Heels even the narrator forgot about. "The Amethyst Purple High Heels will take me home?"
"Yes! Just smash the heels together three times, and repeat "there's no place like Hollywood".
So Unknown Rabbit, after waving tearfully to his friends and associates, did as Ducky told him. And he vanished, and found himself back in the Tavern, slumped over the table. It was closing time.

And back in the land of Here, Gizmo meowed politely, and Ducky smiled sadly at him, and told him that there was no force in the universe that could make him be more perfect then chickens, as chickens would always be moreso.

TEH END.

[Kaz]

:D :D :D :D :

I give it a 4.5 on a scale of 0-5... just becuase it's a parody.

[Dreama]

:D lol! Unknown, awesome parody! :) I give it a 10 out of 5! Don't argue with the lion, or she may not be so friendly. ;D *Cheers* Veryy!! good story, Unknown. I love the Wizard of Oz, I have seen it sooo many times! :)))

[Tweety]

Woo. Great parody, FOO. :)

[Alberto]

Eh, I don't see myself in the story, put me there! :P

[Violet CLM]

You were one of the Technical Support. :p

[Alberto]

Soo????
You're mean! :P

[VelKa]

this is Funny. =P
Good job. =P

[Ducky]

That was wonderful, Unknownie!!!
*waves her wand* Everyone was so cool!!!

*crys with happiness*

[FireSworD]

Sorry i waven't been in the war tavern in a while. Anyways i felt to look and see if there were any new storys and i found this! and it's great Unknown! wait it's better than great it's awesome! :)

[Violet CLM]

There are several crowd scenes, imagine yourself in one of them.

In other words, you just can't fit everyone into a story. This has a small number of characters anyway, not counting the nameless masses.