News Flash

[EvilMike]

From a reliable inside source that is only 75% halucinated, I have gained the full story of jazz and eva after the end-game cutscene breaks off.

When jazz and eva were just about to get married, jazz had an alergic reaction to Eva's lipstick and died. Eva, mildly shocked, changes her name to "Black Widow" and begins a carrer as an assassin. Lori moves to california for a year to get some serious plastic surgeory done, and spaz takes up smoking. One year later, jazz is rasied from the dead as a zombie. It is currently unknown who did it, but most signs point to a scientology cult that jazz was a member of at the time of his death. Meanwhile, spaz finds that he is out of cash, so he calls his ressurected brother and now not-ugly sister so they can do TSF in order to earn some much-needed cash.

QUOTED FROM A RECENT INTERVIEW WITH JAZZ:
(INTERVIEWER) So, I hear you just finished making a jazz2 expansion pack. Are there any comments you have on the outcome of it?
(JAZZ) I didn't get paid enough and my agent sucks.
(INTERVIEWER) How much DID you get paid?
(JAZZ) I got a can of beer and Arjan's bus pass.
(INTERVIEWER) I didn't quite get the plot of TSF. What is it about?
(JAZZ) Me, Spaz (my pet idiot) and Lori somehow teleport to haunted houses, cities and some freaky easter land. Then we shoot whatever is living there and steal their food and gems.
(INTERVIEWER) Is there a reason for doing that?
(JAZZ) Let me think.
(30 second pause)
(JAZZ) No.

After doing TSF, the three jackrabbits split up and never spoke to each other again. Jazz died of old age at 91, Spaz overdosed on drugs and dissapeared one morning in 2030, and Lori became an accountant and was later assisinated, possibly by Eva.

[Wild Angel]

Heheheheheh...

[JanusJackrabbit]

LIES!

[Unhit]

This almost is all correct, but you forgot the relationships between Eva and Spaz <b>and</b> Eva and <i>Lori</i> :lol: :D :lol: !

[VelKa]

(insert stupid comment here)

Uhhh.....Interesting, LoL

[RosetaJOL]

Lies!

[Enigma]

I have no recollection of those events!! (or something like that)

[Bobby aka Dizzy]

IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!

THANK YOU MIKE!
;P

[Monolith]

I didn't know there was a place called California on Carrotus...

[Spaz Boy]

*whacks Monolith* SHUDDUP!

I've just got one question...if Lori was always Spaz's sister...why did he get so many hearts when he looked at her at the wedding? It isn't right to look at your sister like she's the sexiest person alive...

Plus, I wanna know who Jazz's parents were!
Were they drug addicts too? (You can get hooked easier thanks to genetics ;))

And, what, exactly does he do with Arjan's bus pass?

Also, from what I've seen of JJ3d...Jazz didn't look to zombie like...and how DID Spaz DIE in 2030 when it's 2002. That would mean the future was the past, making now the present and the future, which would screw a lot of things up...And Jazz died at 91!? What year was that? 2001? Because he had kids in 2000/1...which seems kinda weird for being 90/91. ;P Just imagine your parents being about to die when you're born.

It just doesn't make logical sense....so, it has to be correct. After all, the whole Lori thing still doesn't. ;P

~SB

[JanusJackrabbit]

Spaz couldn't have died in 2030 because Jazz's time period is 3000 years in the future. The people that said this probably had nothing better to do than plague our minds with this crap.

[EvilMike]

It's called a time machine, you fools.

[Tik]

lol, that was great. I especially liked the interview.

I have but one question:

<b>WHAT ABOUT DEVAN</b>?

[EvilMike]

Devan was crushed by a rock, as seen in the ending cutscene.

[Maelstrom]

NewsFlash: Jazz is dead *runs from angry mob*
NewsFlash: EvilMikes post was a joke he made up.

[URJazzCC]

NO NO NONO NO!!!!
MIKE! YOU GOT IT ALLL WRONG!!!
Jazz NEVER died after. Spaz DID take up smoking though. And Lori DID get plastic surgeory. BUT most of the rest is wrong. What happened is after Jazz and Eva got married, they had some kids. And then Devan ate one. Jazz got mad. And then Jazz asked Spaz and Lori to come help him kill Devan. They all said "Sure, why not, we have nothing better to do." And so they all went out through cities, and easter lands etc. Then they found a magical island called fairy puff puff puffy puff land of puffing. This, ofcourse, was Spaz's 'Heaven'. Spaz sat down with the caterpillar and smoked for a mere 10 years. Then Lori found a nice Tuf Turtle that showed her he was really TUF by slaughtering Eva. So Lori married the Tuf Turtle, and Jazz got mad at him becasue he killed his wife. Thus, Jazz killed the Tuf Turtle, and Lori got mad at Jazz. And then there was a BIG family fued, which was then taken to Jerry Springer (Spaz's idea). And Jazz threw a chair at Lori, killing her instantly. (This show was never shown because of the brutalness). Then Jazz's parents got mad and ate one of his babies (Sometimes animals eat their children. Or in this case, their children's children.) Jazz then got mad and threw Spaz at them. Spaz breathed on them, and then they instantly died of second hand smoke. Then, Jazz and Spaz went back to fairy puff puff puffy puff land of puffing. Thats where Spaz married the caterpillar, and Jazz tried searched around the Island. Then, Jazz accidentally fell into a hole in the ground, which took him to the 3D world. Spaz never followed (Which is why there is no Spaz in the JJ3D demo). In there Devan 'magically' came back. Thus Jazz had to kill him. Meanwhile, Spaz and caterpillar had babies. These babies are a cross-breed of rabbits, and caterpillars. They came out at small caterpillars that had long ears and jumped (And smoked ofcourse). This species is called rabapillars (Or Rapars for short). The rapars ran around mindlessly until they ran into a person named George. George was a funny looking half-cat, half-carrot thing. And while George became the Rapars best friend, Jazz ran around in the 3D world, wondering what was going on. This is where the story is right now. If you'll gimme a second I'll go find out the future.

*Jumps into a time-machine*
Back.
Well, apparently, Jazz dies from Devan in a horrible crash. JAzz wasn't used to the 3D world, so he didn't see the shot from the side coming. And the Rapars died from old age, at the age of 3.
THE END

[EvilMike]

Then they formed a band and traveled around europe for a few months and then their submarine sunk because it was shot down by a UFO. Luckily the submarine's sniper saved the day by shooting some enemies that stole the flag. Then they swam out of the submarine and melted paris with a tesla coil. The end.

[Alberto]

* ROFLMBO *

Derby: Acronym edit.

[Xeno_old]

I got one question for you guys....Where the heck does the flag stick out of when someone has it, and how does it stay straight up so well from that spot?????????????

[EvilMike]

The miricle of fiber optics.

[Maelstrom]

Originally posted by URJazzCC
NO NO NONO NO!!!!
MIKE! YOU GOT IT ALLL WRONG!!!
Jazz NEVER died after. Spaz DID take up smoking though. And Lori DID get plastic surgeory. BUT most of the rest is wrong. What happened is after Jazz and Eva got married, they had some kids. And then Devan ate one. Jazz got mad. And then Jazz asked Spaz and Lori to come help him kill Devan. They all said "Sure, why not, we have nothing better to do." And so they all went out through cities, and easter lands etc. Then they found a magical island called fairy puff puff puffy puff land of puffing. This, ofcourse, was Spaz's 'Heaven'. Spaz sat down with the caterpillar and smoked for a mere 10 years. Then Lori found a nice Tuf Turtle that showed her he was really TUF by slaughtering Eva. So Lori married the Tuf Turtle, and Jazz got mad at him becasue he killed his wife. Thus, Jazz killed the Tuf Turtle, and Lori got mad at Jazz. And then there was a BIG family fued, which was then taken to Jerry Springer (Spaz's idea). And Jazz threw a chair at Lori, killing her instantly. (This show was never shown because of the brutalness). Then Jazz's parents got mad and ate one of his babies (Sometimes animals eat their children. Or in this case, their children's children.) Jazz then got mad and threw Spaz at them. Spaz breathed on them, and then they instantly died of second hand smoke. Then, Jazz and Spaz went back to fairy puff puff puffy puff land of puffing. Thats where Spaz married the caterpillar, and Jazz tried searched around the Island. Then, Jazz accidentally fell into a hole in the ground, which took him to the 3D world. Spaz never followed (Which is why there is no Spaz in the JJ3D demo). In there Devan 'magically' came back. Thus Jazz had to kill him. Meanwhile, Spaz and caterpillar had babies. These babies are a cross-breed of rabbits, and caterpillars. They came out at small caterpillars that had long ears and jumped (And smoked ofcourse). This species is called rabapillars (Or Rapars for short). The rapars ran around mindlessly until they ran into a person named George. George was a funny looking half-cat, half-carrot thing. And while George became the Rapars best friend, Jazz ran around in the 3D world, wondering what was going on. This is where the story is right now. If you'll gimme a second I'll go find out the future.

*Jumps into a time-machine*
Back.
Well, apparently, Jazz dies from Devan in a horrible crash. JAzz wasn't used to the 3D world, so he didn't see the shot from the side coming. And the Rapars died from old age, at the age of 3.
THE END

Why does this crack me up so much?

[Kaz]

That was the most beautiful story ever...

[RosetaJOL]

heh, its not quite right but its getting closer

[JanusJackrabbit]

LIES I TELL YOU, LIES!