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acid
Oct 23, 2003, 03:14 PM
Prologue:

Some ideas are good. Some aren’t. Then, there are those where ‘terrible idea’ is an understatement. This idea was one of them.

It was a wonderful summer day on Carrotus, the home planet of the Jackrabbits. There was a light breeze in the air, with the Carrotus sun illuminating the large fields of mile-high carrots. Some people would call these monstrosities impossible, but, given the circumstances, giant carrots seem pretty reasonable.
And yet, on such a great day to be outside, one jackrabbit was still inside, tinkering with various inventions. His fur was acid green, hence his name, Acid. He was an inventor for Carrot Corp, a large company on Carrotus that had a monopoly on the electronics market. He was tinkering with a machine that could, if it worked, take jackrabbits to places they had never even dreamed of. At the moment, however, the machine seemed only able to make harmless explosions that turned Acid’s face black in that wonderfully comic way.
Bang.
“Oh, come on!”
Bang.
Electrik, who was Acid’s brother, walked into Acid’s workroom. Electrik’s fur was a deep blue. His fur was electrically charged by a strange incident on Tubelectric shortly after his birth, which was what gave him his name. He was able to manipulate it somewhat, creating bolts of lightning that can shock others. He often did this to Acid, when Acid had forgotten common sense temporarily. “So, what’re you playing with this time, bro?”
“Well, take a look. I’ve taken the current prototype dimension hopper, and I’ve been improving its design. I heard about a ‘Fourth Wall’ a few days ago in the War Tavern. This fourth wall separates a ‘writer’, which is something of a god, from its creations. Naturally, I wanted to look into it,” he grinned, “and here’s what I’ve got so far. It doesn’t work yet, but I think it’ll be ready pretty soon. It’s basically the same dimension hopper, but I’ve given it a bit more power, since that seemed to be one its flaws before,” he indicated the four generators he had gotten from Tubelectric, the electricity planet Acid and Electrik had been born on, “a database, for easier dimension hopping and calculations,” he indicated the Carrot Corp Computer hooked up to the small box that was the dimension hopper, “and right now, I’m working on the wiring. I think I accidentally crossed wires somewhere, so I’m checking it out.”
Bang.
“Not again! Well, I’m inviting a bunch of people to the first test, which is tomorrow, supposing I’m done by then. You want to come?”
“Sure! Sounds like fun!”
At that moment, a tan colored jackrabbit, with an expression of insane happiness plastered on his face bounded into the room, bellowing, “YESH! FOO WANTSH TO TESHT TEH DIMENSION HOPPER!!!”
“No. No, no NO no, no, no, NO. NO. NO.” Acid slapped his forehead. The tan colored jackrabbit was his cousin, who was named Foo. Foo was born with a speech problem, saying s as sh and t as teh. He also isn’t entirely sane, and often refers to himself in the third person. “I suppose Phish is here as well.” Phish is Foo’s brother, but is almost completely different. He has orange fur, and can talk normally, and is not as crazy.
“Well, I had to chase Foo, I didn’t want him getting himself hurt. He saw Electrik walking towards your office, and wanted to go, too. Incidentally, do you mind if I help test the dimension hopper?” said Phish as he walked into Acid’s workroom.
“Heh. Looks like another family reunion, huh, Acid?”
“Sorry, but no, Phish. I’m not sure there will be enough space for you when we test it. And DON’T remind me of what happened on the Hybrid Corsair, Electrik. I haven’t killed you yet, remember?” About a year earlier, Acid had been trying to save Carrotus with a small band of other jackrabbits. They had been lifting off in Acid’s ‘Hybrid Corsair’, when the rest of Acid’s family decided to tag along. Needless to say, Acid was not happy about this.
“Whatever,” said Electrik.
“I understand, Acid,” said Phish, attempting to drag Foo out of the room. Foo, on the other hand, did not seem to understand, and his face had such a downward curve Acid was worried that it might fall off.
There was a small click noise, a small hum, and the computer flashed the word “Standby” in large red letters. “I think I’ve got it. That should be it for today, and the test is here tomorrow at 3:00. See you all then!”



Well, I'm starting story 3, for the third time. Chapter 1 should be up eventually, when I get around to rewriting it.

As to why I'm rewriting it, I gave this to my science teacher for extra credit, and the feedback I got was good, but I obviously needed to rewrite. That's also why I'm explaining everything pointlessly: this story needs to make sense to those who haven't played JJ2.

EDIT: Noticed some changes I had made weren't in here, so I reposted. YAY.

4I Falcon
Oct 23, 2003, 03:16 PM
I claim first post in less than two minutes after Acid started the topic. And now I'm actually going to read what he posted.

After reading the new prologue, I have but one thing to say.

MOOGABOOGLE PANTSBREADTOASTERFISH.

Acid will get it. The rest of you will not.

n0
Oct 23, 2003, 03:20 PM
Nice. You taking charcters? What about non-rabbit chars? If you need someone, don't hesitate to hollar!

`N0

Radium
Oct 23, 2003, 04:17 PM
Nice.

If you need someone, contact me. Hollar in my ear and I will destroy you.

Coppertop
Oct 24, 2003, 08:02 AM
Wot he said. Without the destroy part.

4I Falcon
Oct 24, 2003, 11:44 AM
You will him?

Or just hollar in your ear?

I'm so confused...

acid
Oct 24, 2003, 06:34 PM
You realize I'm going to have to seriously cut back on characters in the story, considering I'm going to need to describe every one.
Characters I have planned so far:
Acid
Electrik
Foo
Phish
Me
Jack Flash
Radium
Coppertop
Ducky
Possibly N0B0DY

That makes for 8 as the primary test team, and possibly N0B0DY later on.

Radium
Oct 24, 2003, 06:49 PM
Yay, I'm popular!

Strato
Oct 24, 2003, 07:11 PM
Sadr I'm not popular.

Coppertop
Oct 27, 2003, 08:53 AM
Ooh boy ...

Ducky
Oct 28, 2003, 02:40 PM
Oh my. I'm in it? *hugs and quilted paper towels with Christmas designs*

acid
Nov 16, 2003, 01:53 PM
Acid was a terror the next morning.
“ACID, STOP!” Yelled Electrik over the din Acid was creating. Acid was rushing around, trying to get everything he needed for the test that would be in 5 hours. A few seconds at the computer, then maybe a few seconds packing, a possible detonation of Acid’s coffee maker, (Acid had specially engineered his coffee maker to explode rather than make coffee. He finds it much better for waking him up, and it tastes better as well.) and general running around in circles panicking.
“CANTTALKNOWGOTTOGETREADYPLZKTHXBYE!!!”
“ACID!”
“WHAT?! I’M BUSY GETTING READY! AHH, I’M LATE!”
“Slow down! There’s still 5 hours before-” Electrik was cut off by his overexcited brother’s screaming.
“5 HOURS?!? OHMYGOSHI’MLATEINEEDTOGETREADYAAAAAAAA!!!”
Electrik grabbed the nearest thing to him, and clobbered Acid with the unfortunate Toaster. “Acid. 5 hours. That’s 300 minutes, okay?”
“300 MINUTES?!?AAAHHHHI’MLATE!!!”
“Acid. 300 minutes is 18000 seconds. You’ve got plenty of time.”
“18000 seconds… Akay.”
Electrik chuckled to himself. If all else fails with Acid, give him bigger numbers.

At 3:00, Acid had gathered the first testers into his office. Jack Flash, Coppertop, Radium, Electrik and Ducky all sat waiting for the test to begin. Ducky, the local barkeep, was a bit agitated from being away from her war tavern too long, and was constantly rambling about her cherry table and geraniums, despite Coppertop, a gray-furred jackrabbit, and her assurances that Ducky’s geraniums and cherry table are fine. Radium, a green-furred jackrabbit mage, was hanging at the back, making snide comments about the other rabbits in the room. Jack Flash, a White-furred jackrabbit, was tinkering with some random invention of Acid’s, much to the dismay of Electrik, who was trying to quickly remove the object from the rabbit’s possession. Acid was about to call the group’s attention to the dimension hopper, when Jack’s new toy exploded violently, silencing even Ducky. Acid walked over to the stunned white rabbit, smacked him across the face once, and walked back to the front of the room, wordlessly.
Finally, he spoke. “So, shall we begin?”
There was a roar of agreement from the rest.
“Well, then, what are we waiting for?” Acid hit start.
The machine started humming, the way it normally did when it started getting ready for a jump. Text scrolled down the screen of the computer wildly as it calculated. The Tubelectric generators started glowing. It held that way for a second, and then the world was ripped apart.

Pieces of the surroundings fit themselves back together like a jigsaw puzzle. When the image was cleared enough, Acid found himself looking at a teenaged human, who was staring right back. He was sitting at a computer, and the room was quite cramped with 12 occupants. Pairs of shoes, articles of clothing and pieces of paper littered the floor, but it wasn’t half as bad as the desk. There was quite a collection of dishes sitting next to the human, on top of a huge pile of papers. Behind the desk was a dresser, which was worse than the desk. It was piled high with books, paper, clothes, folders, and random objects such as a math Olympiads trophy, a red Gameboy Advance and a box of Kleenex. Next to the dresser was a bookshelf, which had an electric clock, a bendy lamp and several books on top of it, not to mention the multitude of comic books, joke books and small novels crammed onto the shelves. Next to that was the bed, which was reasonably kept, but there was no sheet and the blankets were bunched up, 1 on the floor. To the left of the bed was another, larger bookshelf which had many more books, along with models, lego creations, and other decorations, topped with 4 sombreros, 2 of which apparently came from some place called ‘Chevys’. Next to the large bookshelf was the closet. It wasn’t very well kept; the jackets and shirts were hung up nicely, but besides that, it was a mess. Apparently the human would start school soon as there were 2 empty binders, a lunchbox and a pencil box next to 2 sets of binder dividers in there.
The human, after recovering from the shock, uttered 2 words. “Oh, nuts.”
“What do you mean, ‘Oh, nuts?’ It worked!” Asked Acid, incredulously.
“That’s the problem.”
“Problem?” chorused the group of animals.
“You smashed the fourth wall.”
“Smashed? The machine was just supposed to just teleport us onto the other side!” said Acid, taking out a notepad and reviewing his calculations.
“Well, the fourth wall isn’t solid. It’s more than that. The machine tried to teleport itself there, and when it found it couldn’t, it just threw itself and you through it as a last-ditch resort.”
“Akay… So, why is this a bad thing?”
“Basically, by smashing the fourth wall, you’ve destroyed the barrier between me and the stories I write. Anything in my stories can now just hop dimensions as easily as walking through an open door. This is not limited to story characters. While you might want to worry about the characters from the badly written stories I made when I was 8, you might be more threatened by my Video game characters.”
“Oh. Anything in particular?”
“What comes to my mind immediately is a tank that can just hit a button and incinerate anything in the near vicinity, at the cost of losing score. However, score will be the least of its problems when facing you.”
“Sounds like ouch.”
“So. Guess what you get to do?”
“Repair the fourth wall?”
“Wrong! I’ll do that. You get to travel all the dimensions and get everybody back where they’re supposed to go.”
“HOW?”
“I don’t know myself. You’ll just have to figure it out.”

acid
Nov 16, 2003, 02:05 PM
“I suggest you start with your own dimension. Once I have gathered all of my stories and games, I’ll be able to point you to the correct dimensions to fix. However, until then, let’s just stick to what we know.”
“Sounds like a good idea,” Acid turned to the group testing the dimension hopper, and continued, “Now, you heard him. Let’s go.”

As soon as they got back, the pack rushed outside to find what had happened.
A few rabbits walked casually down the street, and a soft, cool breeze blew past. The trees were quietly swishing back and forth, and then all chaos broke out.
A dark figure rushed past, followed by a rather loud “STOP HIM!!!” a few seconds pause, and “ASTERISK BOMB SWORD EXCLAMATION MARK DOLLAR SIGN NUMBER AT!!!!!” Acid looked puzzled.
“Is it just me, or do I get a sudden sense of déj(-) vu? Oh, dear god no…”
“What?” Questioned Jack.
“I think the first crossover is from my first story, that I never did give a name to…”
“Jeeze, that IS scary!”

Later that night, there was a bit of a commotion over at Acid’s lab.
“What the - Who are you? Get out of my house!”
“Acid, having a bit of amnesia? It’s me.”
“Oh, no.”
“AGH, TWO ACIDS?!? I’M IN HELL!!!”
“I resent that…”
“I STILL WANT TO KNOW WHO YOU TWO LUNATICS ARE!!! AND WHY YOU’RE IN MY HOUSE!!!!!”
“Typical. Overuse of caps and exclamation points. Okay, I’m you, a while later. This is your brother, Electrik, a while later. I don’t think he’s in existence yet for you.”
“What the at number dollar?”
“Ugh, I way overused that joke before. And why the heck did you sleep in your own lab before?”
“What do you mean? This has always been my home!”
“Look, never mind. You’re dreaming or something. Go back to bed, everything will be normal in the morning.” Acid lied, trying to get himself and Electrik out of there.

The next day, Acid still got up, and although rather dejectedly, blew up his coffee maker again.
*BOOM*
"AAUUGH!!!"
He returned to his desk and sat down with an unceremonious flump. It was going to be another one of those days.

He worked through to lunch break, when he got up and walked out of the building. An intriguing piece of paper nailed to the wall caught his eye.

Calling all citizens of Carrotus!

A serious matter is at hand! A deadly threat has appeared
And we need men(penciled in here with lori's handwriting was: /women)
To fight and save Carrotus! Sign up now!

Phoenix Wing
Fawriel
Jack Flash
Electrik

Acid smiled. If his brother was joining up, why shouldn’t he? At the bottom of the list he penciled in his name.
“Wait a second. What about my dream last night?” Acid thought. “And what’s stranger; I don’t think I even had a brother yesterday… Ah well, who cares?”

He then continued his work, however a lot perkier than he was earlier. He even accidentally set off his coffee maker as he hurtled through the room.

On the day of the launch, Acid was a little behind schedule. First, the coffee maker blew up three times instead of one. Then on the way out of the office, he tripped over a stray wire. A lot of other things happened, making him very frayed and scorched by the time he got to the launch pad.

Acid signaled to the rest of the group to follow him. After pressing a small button behind his ear, he dodged behind the ship, and got in the back entrance. The rest of the group followed suit.

The ship set off towards Terminator’s station. It was a long trip, and the occupants took up little games to occupy themselves. Acid was running back and forth explaining to Jack Flash that it might be better to use a piece of scrap metal as target practice than the ship’s flight computer, telling Fawriel that The weapons cabinet (which was very heavy) didn’t need to be moved to the other side of the ship, and convincing Electrik that playing with the reactor core is NOT a good idea.
“Jesus, was I really that stupid?” Electrik asked.
“So wait, Fawriel can carry a 2-ton weapons cabinet?” asked Ducky. Fawriel was a green-furred weasel, with blue hair on his head, who did not tag along for the testing of the dimension hopper mark 2. He was pretty strong, but obviously not strong enough to carry the weapons cabinet.
“I shot the flight computer?” questioned Jack.

Suddenly, a dot appeared on the radar, then quickly disappeared. Everyone rushed over to the display screen. The dot did it again. It repeated this about 20 times, all in different spots. Then the ship went crazy. Alarms went off, the ship jerked back and forth, the weapon systems fired, the lights flashed on and off, Sending the crew into confusion. When it all stopped, the crew was Very beat up. They had landed on each other, accidentally kicked and scratched each other, and bonked heads a lot.
“…Ow…Why didn’t I install freakin’ seat belts?” Acid asked himself.
From the bridge, they could hear muffled voices.
“Phoenix, you drew blood!”
“Sorry, I’ll try to keep my claws retracted next time.”
“Ow, Fawriel, did you have to kick so hard?”
“I couldn’t see where I was going from the lights flashing on and off!”
“That was quite a shock, Electrik.”
“I can’t control my electricity. I’m sorry it zapped you.”
“Hey who’s that?”
They looked up. A translucent orange thing was standing over them, a smirk on his face.
“NOBODY?”
“I thought N0B0DY used zeros rather than Os,” Jack thought aloud.
He nodded.
“What are you doing here?”
NOBODY stopped smirking. “I’d like to ask the same question myself.”
“We’re on a mission! We need to destroy Terminator!”
“Never heard of him. But if you’re so desperate, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll let you and your ship go, but there is something I require.”
“What do you want?” growled Electrik. When he gets mad, the electricity starts flowing a lot more on his body, and He looked like a lightning rod that had just gotten hit.
“I do that?” asked Electrik, pointing at his light-bulb like counterpart.
“Not any more, I don’t think. I guess you used to, or something,” replied Acid.
“You might think you can please me with petty gems or pathetic weapons, but I require something more.” NOBODY said as he walked closer. “I need this.” He held up a globe. The picture was foggy at first, but then it cleared.
“Oh my gosh…” gasped Electrik.
“You need THAT?” shouted Acid.
“How are supposed to get THAT?” added Fawriel.
“It’s almost impossible, you know,” said Jack Flash.
“Do you need anything else or is that all we can do?” asked Phoenix wing.
“I need a human, and a human I will get from you! You have 4 months.” NOBODY snarled. “And if you don’t succeed, then you can say goodbye to Carrotus and all your petty little friends. Then he vanished.
Dear god, I used petty too much.
“You’re allowed to critique yourself, too?” questioned Acid.
Of course!
“Ah, okay.”
“I don’t see why a human is so hard to get.” Said Radium.
“I guess I was just an idiot.” Said Acid.
“Maybe we didn’t have all this wonderful technology back then?” inquired Ducky.
“Maybe, but then why do they have an ultralight ship?” Replied Acid.
“Good question.”




I never realised how fun pointing out your own plotholes could be... :)

4I Falcon
Nov 16, 2003, 02:16 PM
Ah, the nostalgia.

That, and Agh, the plotholes!

Good chappie, Acid.

*wonders whether or not to actually try to do something with E:JF or SoT... eventually will have new chapters up, one way or the other... key word being eventually... ><;*

Risp_old
Nov 16, 2003, 02:21 PM
I have one problem with that newest part. It is often hard to tell who is talking. Besides that, it is okay. (oh, and I think you didint intorduce faw.)

acid
Nov 16, 2003, 02:56 PM
I'll look through and see if I can clarify who's speaking. As for Faw, the reason he was not introduced was that he was in my previous story, and not this one. However, I'll see what I can do about getting him an intro.

acid
Nov 16, 2003, 03:29 PM
Changed it.

Coppertop
Nov 17, 2003, 06:53 AM
Haha, confusing but fun.

acid
Dec 14, 2003, 08:11 AM
“Hey Acid,” Jack Flash asked, “Did you bring along the dimension hopper mark 2?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“I think maybe one or two of us should go back and tell our author what has happened.”
“Good idea. How about you and Radium?”
“NO.” said Jack.
“How about not,” said Radium.
“I was just joking, of course I wouldn’t send you two. How about Copper and Ducky, then?”
“Sounds good,” the two chorused.
As the two Rabbits disappeared in a blue flash, Acid checked his watch. “We should be arriving at the station any moment now…”

“…Something’s going on here…”

“Acid, you said we should be there any moment now an hour ago,” complained Jack.
“I know!” replied Acid.
“I think I might know why we’re not there yet," offered Radium.
“Yes, Radium?”
“We already removed the station from existence a few years ago. They’re trying to do their story in our story’s time frame. So far, everything’s been going fine, because any subtle differences that were there, they didn’t notice. Now, however, the station is already gone, so the story’s taking a different path.”
There was a second flash of blue, and Copper and Ducky returned.
“The author gave us the coordinates for our counterpart's own dimension. We can easily send them back home, once they are neutralized,” reported Coppertop.
"So, how are we going to neutralize them?" questioned Radium.
"Err..." Nobody in the group had any ideas,except for Jack.
"Couldn't you use your magic, Radium?" he asked.
"Can I use my magic? Of course I can use my magic! Would you like them boxed or bagged?" Radium spat this, dripping with sarcasm. "No, of course I can't use my magic! If I could, those blokes would already be back where they came from! If you're so smart, Jack, why don't YOU go get them?!"
"Of course I can't, you expect me to fight a Fawriel with the strength of a..." Jack retorted, losing strength at the end when he couldn't find anything strong enough to relate Fawriel to.
"A rhino?" Suggested Ducky.
"Omicron?" Supplied Acid, referring to Omicron Hellbot, a robot who was built with tremendous strength. Acid was exaggerating, however, Omicron is many times more powerful than even the counterpart Fawriel.
"Omicron, that's it." Finished Jack.
“You seemed sure I could take him on!” Radium retorted.
“Guys, we’re going to get nowhere by fighting! Does anyone have a real plan of some sort?” Coppertop broke in. “No? Argh, this is going nowhere. We have guns, don’t we? How about we use them?”
“They have guns too,” Ducky reminded Coppertop
“My counterpart has the rocket launcher, and I’m not sure what kind of rounds he’s using,” Acid supplied. “If he decides to be an idiot and loads a mini-nuke, we’re all dead.”
“Of course, he wouldn’t be THAT stupid, would he?” asked Copper. She only received skeptical looks in response. “Okay, I guess this isn’t the same Acid we’re dealing with.”

“Terminator’s ship locked on, Acid!” Said Fawriel.
“That’s weird, they seem to have a destination, but they’re not going towards any known planet or station…”

“What happened to my space station?!?” roared Terminator.

“Guys, aren’t we forgetting something?” asked Ducky. “We have to get Terminator as well.”
“ARGH!” screamed Acid. “Don’t we have enough to deal with already?!”
“I’m sick of this! Let’s just run in there, guns blazing, and hope they don’t return fire!” before anyone could stop him, Jack did just that. Chaos followed.

“I guess you could call that neutralized…” Acid observed the unconscious crew. “Now all we need to do is get Terminator. We can use the ship’s tractor beam for that.”

A few minutes later, Terminator’s ship was in the docking bay of Acid’s ship. A scream of rage could be heard from the docking bay, and then the sound of hot lead burrowing itself into sheet metal.
“I take it Terminator isn’t a very optimistic sort of person,” commented Radium. “I sure hope he’s covering the damage to your ship.”
“I’ve got a better ship down in the new Carrotus hanger. We’re flying this old relic because in the previous storyline, they use this craft,” Acid told Radium. “I don’t care what shape this hunk of metal has when we get back, I’ve been wondering how to get rid of it anyway.”

Click. “NO! HOW CAN THIS DUMB CONTRAPTION BE OUT OF AMMO?!?” Terminator screamed, as the group of rabbits trooped into the room.
“You’re coming with us. The more you struggle, the more likely you’ll end up with a good-sized vent in your head. Understood?” asked Jack, loading his two blasters. Terminator whimpered in response. He resignedly allowed himself to be dragged out of the room to where his enemies lay unconscious. A few minutes later, they were back in their own dimension, ready to happily proceed through their own plot, however hole-filled it was.
“I suppose we should check up with our author, to see what else is happening,” suggested Ducky.
“Good idea,” agreed Acid, and a few seconds later they were back through the fourth wall.



Yes, this story is not dead. Enjoy while I rack my brain for ideas for chapter 4.

4I Falcon
Dec 14, 2003, 08:17 AM
Direct excerpt from an MSN convo:

4I Falcon says:
^_^
4I Falcon says:
Schweeeet.

Coppertop
Dec 15, 2003, 04:02 AM
*loves it*

4I Falcon
Dec 15, 2003, 11:54 AM
Yee-ush!

acid
Dec 18, 2003, 02:53 PM
2 Readers. How rewarding.

I started writing with around 6 readers, and within 3 chapters it has dwindled to 2. Maybe I shouldn't have such long delays between chapters, but 4I Falcon (no offense meant) has long delays himself, and still manages to rope in a reasonable amount of readers.

I write for enjoyment, but I just find that spending time I could or should be using to write games, do homework, goof off, or many other things to build a chapter that I think is good, to get 2 people to reply is just not worth it. Maybe I should try one of 4I's strategies: Not writing until I recieve more readers.



For Copper and 4I, I appreciate your actually reading and supporting my work, and the above message is not meant against you in any way. I just felt the need to rant about that.

4I Falcon
Dec 18, 2003, 02:56 PM
...but 4I Falcon (no offense meant) has long delays himself, and still manages to rope in a reasonable amount of readers.
Since when is three a reasonable amount? Granted, I have more people reading SoT than E:JF, but not that many more.
I write for enjoyment, but I just find that spending time I could or should be using to write games, do homework, goof off, or many other things to build a chapter that I think is good, to get 2 people to reply is just not worth it.
Welcome to my world.
Maybe I should try one of 4I's strategies: Not writing until I recieve more readers.



For Copper and 4I, I appreciate your actually reading and supporting my work, and the above message is not meant against you in any way. I just felt the need to rant about that.

*salutes smartly* Do what you will, Acid. I'll still read whatever you post when it comes up.

Radium
Dec 18, 2003, 04:31 PM
I read it. That makes three readers.

For future reference, the trick to getting readers is a good first paragraph to hook them. People will judge the entire story off the first paragraph, since it's (traditionally) the first one they read. Curiosity helps keep a reader's interest, so the more questions you can have them ask in the first paragraph, the better.

Risp_old
Dec 18, 2003, 05:04 PM
I am reading it. That makes four, unless you are using some strange, new, form of math.

Coppertop
Dec 19, 2003, 05:50 AM
*hugs Acid*

acid
Dec 19, 2003, 03:39 PM
That makes four, unless you are using some strange, new, form of math.

I think the form of math I'm using is called "Judge the readers by who replies to the latest chapter within 1 day." I may need to update my system. =P

For future reference, the trick to getting readers is a good first paragraph to hook them. People will judge the entire story off the first paragraph, since it's (traditionally) the first one they read. Curiosity helps keep a reader's interest, so the more questions you can have them ask in the first paragraph, the better.

I think the first paragraph of my story can instigate quite a few questions:

Some ideas are good. Some aren’t. Then, there are those where ‘terrible idea’ is an understatement. This idea was one of them.

But that's just me.

I think I overreacted a bit with the rant, but I'll try to atone for it by writing more. I think that it's probably logical that, if you don't have readers, write more!

4I Falcon
Dec 19, 2003, 08:11 PM
I think that it's probably logical that, if you don't have readers, write more!

Are you saying I'm ab-logicable?

Radium
Dec 19, 2003, 09:12 PM
I think that it's probably logical that, if you don't have readers, write more!
Much like "if you're losing a battle, make more enemies". If you've already started a story, you need to get more readers through campaigns, trickery, and bribery.

4I Falcon
Dec 20, 2003, 12:50 PM
Do you know why they invented the expression "The pen is mightier than the sword", Rad?

Radium
Dec 20, 2003, 01:42 PM
I like the little pens with the knife that pops out the back. Find the symbolic meaning in that, why don't you.

4I Falcon
Dec 20, 2003, 05:28 PM
That's called a penknife, Rad, and its symbolic meaning is that humans can't make up our (-) minds.

acid
Jan 9, 2004, 08:33 PM
The Troop of rabbits materialized in the now familiar room of their writer, and questioned whether their counterparts had made it back to their own dimension.
“Yep, and since there aren’t any unwanted guests in their dimension, I’ve fixed the fourth wall for them. As for the next problem, I found that a space story has crossed over into another space story’s dimension. I’d suggest trying to make friends with the lost story, because then it might be easier to get them into their own story.” The writer replied, and as he was saying this, Acid’s face split into a wide grin, making the rest of the rabbits a bit uneasy.
“Um, Acid, what is making you so spontaneously happy?” asked Jack.
“Oh, it’s just that I’ve been wanting to test out my new carrier that I designed, The Grey Hammer. Being sent into a space story sounds like the perfect time to try it out!”
Jack was nonplussed. “And you are able to transport a friggen’ carrier with that dimension hopper?”
“Jack is right, but so is Acid. I can write your carrier into their story, and then you can warp yourselves into it,” corrected the writer.
“And yet, you can’t fix the stories yourself?” asked Coppertop, raising one eyebrow.
“To delete the characters that have warped into one story would destroy them rather than fix the problem, and-“ the writer started to retort.
“Couldn’t you rewrite them back into their story?”
“I was getting to that. One, I’m a lazy bum so I don’t want to do that, and two, they wouldn’t be the same characters. And stop trying to catch me making a plot hole, you guys should get going before the situation gets worse!” that was the end of the argument, and the rabbits set coordinates for the next story they needed to fix.
“Okay, your ship is now in their story. Good luck!”
Acid set the fine coordinates to his ship, and began the warp sequence. Within a few seconds, the party had vanished.

“And, here we are. A shame you couldn’t see it from the outside, it’s quite a sight!” Acid told his friends. “Anyways, I need you to split into two groups. One will handle the weaponry of this ship, and the other will control the rest.”
The rabbits quickly separated into two groups: Jack, Coppertop and Electrik formed the weapon-using group, while Acid, Radium and Ducky took up control.
“Okay, you guys can take the LTV to the back, where you will find the elevator to the weapons deck. For the rest of us, a brisk walk won’t do any harm, right?” Acid directed the groups.
“How far of a walk?” asked Ducky.
“Oh, a quarter of a mile,” replied Acid.
“Just how big is this ship, anyway?” questioned Radium, raising an eyebrow.
“2 miles long, a quarter of a mile wide and a quarter of a mile tall.”
“Joy.”

“Are all of you in position?” Acid asked into his headset, preparing to boot up the main systems on their ship.
“Yes, Electrik’s got the plasma cannon, Jack immediately claimed the rocket pods, so I apparently am stuck with the devastator missiles,” Coppertop’s reply came through from the weapons deck.
“Good. Watch out with those things, each one packs a big enough punch to remove an entire planet from existence. I’m seeing some activity to stellar northeast, so let’s check that out.”
Radium turned towards Acid. “I have some questions about this ship. One, wouldn’t it be dangerous to have a cockpit this big? Two, where are the escape pods? Three, why the heck did you make a 2 mile long planet buster?”
Without missing a beat, Acid replied “One, this isn’t actually a cockpit, it’s actually a video screen on the inside of the same amount of armor that’s coating the rest of the ship. Two, this doesn’t have escape pods, for two reasons: it has fighter bays already, and if this ship were to be destroyed, the resulting explosion would vaporize any escape pods. Three, Carrot Corp. apparently wanted it for military operations, other than that I don’t know.”
There was a long pause, after which Radium slowly asked, “No escape pods?”
“Yup!”
“You must be completely crazy,” stated Ducky. Within a few seconds there was unanimous agreement from the rest of the crew aboard The Grey Hammer.
“Oh, come on!”
“Look, can we quit arguing about escape pods and focus on the task at hand?” Coppertop’s voice cut in. They had come very close to their destination, and were apparently being hailed by a handful of fighters.

“We’re picking up a large object on radar, number 4, can you see what it is?”
“Looks like a warship, and a big one at that, number 1!”
“Dang. Friendly ID signals?”
“It isn’t broadcasting any.”
“Very strange. We’re on our way to negotiate with the Snamus, and an unidentified warship appears out of nowhere! Number 8, try scanning it.”
“Roger that,” number 8 scanned the mysterious apparition. “It’s got life forms on board, but they aren’t any recognized species. It’s also carrying planet destruction capable weaponry.”
“I wonder why some species from the next galaxy over decided to do some planetary demolishing in our system right now… I’ll hail them.”

“Acid, you doofus, answer their hail!” Electrik yelled at his brother, who obeyed.
A transmission screen appeared, showing a middle-aged pilot in a one-man fighter. “This is the pilot of star phantom 1, do you copy, unidentified vessel?”
“This is Acid, captain of The Grey Hammer. We read you, star phantom 1. Now that we’ve done away with the formalities, may I ask who’s in charge around here?”
“Well, I’m the leader of my squadron, but if you want the general, he’ll be back at the base,” the middle-aged pilot replied.
“Okay. I’d like to seal an alliance, and if you see any other strange ships in the area, try to make friends with them. Could you take us back to your base?”
“Well, my squadron is on a mission currently, but we could give you the coordinates to our base.”
“That would be great,” Acid agreed, and a few moments later, the coordinates were uploaded onto The Grey Hammer’s computers. “Well, good luck on your mission, we’ll see you back at the base, I guess.”

As The Grey Hammer neared the coordinates it had been given, they were hailed yet again by star phantom 1. “We were lead into a trap! We’re lucky we made it out alive, and according to our general, a large attack force and a warship, which I assume would be you, are approaching their base! Go ahead and take them out, we recognize them as hostile IDs.”
“Will do,” Acid said, then closed the transmission, and asked his friends, “So, who’s up for trying out this ship’s military capabilities?”

4I Falcon
Jan 9, 2004, 08:38 PM
Niiiiice.

C'mon, chumpy, let's butt-kick sumpin'! *blows sh-- er, stuff up*

Risp_old
Jan 10, 2004, 03:57 AM
Shouldn't a 2 mile long warship have more weapons?

acid
Jan 10, 2004, 06:19 AM
Actaully, about 2/3 of a mile are taken up by cargo space, and there are 6 fighter bays as well. I do see your point, though. I might want to revise it a bit.

Coppertop
Jan 10, 2004, 07:44 AM
Explosions = fun. YaY.

4I Falcon
Jan 10, 2004, 08:36 PM
Noted. *blows more stuff up*

acid
May 19, 2004, 08:04 PM
As soon as Acid said this, Coppertop aimed at the large fleet looming in the distance, and hit the ‘Fire’ button on her control panel. One devastator missile fired, moving towards the fleet with the intent of releasing its payload into the enemy ranks. The enemy fleet quickly formed a donut shape, and slowly turned in unison to follow the path of the missile. After it had passed, they all turned back towards The Grey Hammer as if to say, “Well?” before beginning to approach the ship.
Acid was not impressed. “Hit the blue button, Copper,” he groaned exasperatedly.
“What, the one that says ‘Detonate?”
“Yeah, that one.”
There was a brief flash of blinding light, signifying the end of the missile’s flight. Coppertop waited a few seconds, then asked Acid, “So, what’s up with that? A planet destroyer missile that moves as fast as a Shellian cargo transport?” Shellian cargo transports are known for being the slowest space traveling vehicle in existence. Devan Shell, the persistently invincible antagonist turtle, builds them.
“Well, those missiles aren’t supposed to hit very fast-moving objects. A planet is a pretty easy target, and the gravity would help guide the missile towards its target as well, so why bother wasting fuel on them?” Acid replied. “Oh, and Radium? Activate the automated defense systems. After you’ve done so, everyone meet in the Claw docking bays, except for one who will report to the main cockpit to control the ship while the rest are gone.”
Radium, amazingly not putting in a sarcastic remark about how he was supposed to know to activate the Automated defenses, figured it out and joined Acid in the LTV. Ducky had opted to stay behind to control the ship.

After some confusion, everyone who was going to pilot a fighter finally got settled in their own Claw fighter. The docking bay airlock opened, and the 5 Claws flew out, immediately switching to combat mode and setting upon the enemy fighters. These enemies, as it were, seemed to be completely unresponsive, as it took them the good part of a minute to figure out they were facing 5 fighter craft, not just a cumbersome destroyer with a couple of automated defense guns.
Soon enough, however, they seemed to get the gist of it, and were definitely outnumbering the 5 rabbits 5000 to 1. The rabbits had to have lightning reflexes, or die.
Acid routed all energy to the shields to take a particularly lethal missile blast, before redistributing the energy and calling into the radio microphone, “Jeez, these guys are tough! I think we need a better strategy.”
An enemy wandered within range of Jack’s auto-targeting system, and never lived to regret it. “At least our weapons seem to shred them pretty easily. What are these guys made out of? Aluminum?” Jack replied, frying 3 enemies with a single bomb. “Hoo-hah! Take that!”
An energy blast forced Coppertop to channel all energy to the thrusters to dodge, only to route it back to the shield when she realized she was about to smash right into another enemy. The shields of the two ships grinded together for a second, before the enemy’s shield gave way and the resulting explosion half-blinded Copper. “Aaah! I’m pulling out for a sec, guys, I need to recover from that flash.” Copper set autopilot to make a beeline for The Grey Hammer, hoping desperately that an enemy wouldn’t pick her off while she was disabled.

Ducky watched as the 5 silver Claws desperately weaved in and out, back and forth, barely managing to stay alive and pick off enemies at the same time. As she watched, her thoughts wandered to the weapon systems onboard The Grey Hammer, and a plan began to form in her mind. Currently, the automated defenses were annihilating any ship stupid enough to attack the warship, but it wasn’t much help in actually defeating the fleet. Turning her headset on, Ducky announced, “I’m setting The Grey Hammer on autopilot and going up to the weapons deck,” before doing so.

“Ducky! Don’t leave the pilot post! We can’t trust a computer for this!” Acid shouted into his headset, performing a barrel roll to dodge a deadly blast of energy. “Argh, she’s gone! Guys, the new main priority is to defend The Grey Hammer!”
The 5 Claws quickly flew back towards their mother ship, intent on protecting it until Ducky could boot up the weapon systems. After what seemed like an eternity of swooping, diving, blasting, ramming and dodging, the enormous missile pods on either side of The Grey Hammer opened up, raining millions of mini-missiles onto the unsuspecting enemies. Within seconds, the missiles had chewed a sizeable hole in the enemy’s forces, and were making quick work of the rest.
Even in the face of defeat, the enemies blindly flew at The Grey Hammer. The enemies were apparently stupid enough to charge a huge warship at the same time that it was vaporizing most of their forces.
Finally, the last flare had faded from the battleground. Ducky headed towards the claw docking bay to greet the five rather shaken up pilots. Well, actually only four were really shaken up. Jack was performing a run-though of the battle for his shipmates, which strangely seemed to glorify himself.
“We finally beat them. Let’s meet up with the fighter pilots and find out what we need to do to set things right,” suggested Ducky.

It wasn’t until the next “day” (While days are not existent in space, in this story the standard Earth day is accepted as a space day) that the rabbits found the second story they were looking for. They were just waking up when they heard of a small scout group hauling a “flower garden” into the docking bay.
The object looked nothing like a flower garden in fact, yet the rabbits did find that analogy popping into their heads somehow. It was a medium sized space vessel, cube in shape, and it was completely covered with strange, not-quite-plantlike organic growth. Vines, blob-like tumors that resembled flowers, and tendrils with claw-like ends were all crowding themselves onto the metal cube, and some of them were even forcing their way inside. Then, a small door opened in the metal cube, straining a little at first against the growth before snapping the vines. A blue skinned lizard-like creature with no pupils in either of its 2 eyes stepped out. It made a noise similar to that of a large group of pigs jumping up and down on a rusty, creaking pipe, before pulling out a blaster. 5 stunner shots hit the creature simultaneously.
“What was that thing?” asked Acid, to nobody in particular.
“We have no idea,” replied a scientist standing nearby. “It looked hostile, but we won’t terminate it until we’re sure.”
“I have a feeling that we won’t want to kill it.”
Jack Flash and Ducky observed the creature for a few minutes before warping back to the writer to ask whether this was what they were looking for.
Right after they had left, an operator of the space station reported that a huge space ship of unidentified race, build and ID signal had entered the area. The group of rabbits eagerly followed the operator to the radar display.
“That must be another part of the story we’re trying to find,” Acid mused.
“No, really, I thought it was the pizza we ordered,” said Radium, rolling his eyes.
“Well, we’d better try to make contact with them.”
A few seconds later, a large video screen in the room was showing the inside of a sleek, shiny vessel. The vessel appeared to be controlled by large, red-skinned, flat-faced biped pigs. “What do you want?” asked the one that seemed to be the leader.
“We wish to form a temporary truce, and ask you a few questions.”
“What’s with the formal attitude? You sound as if you’re talking to a king! Well, I am the zavochian king, but we never talk like that. Anyways, we’ll accept a truce, and ask away,” replied the king.
Acid stepped in. “Recently, a strange object appeared here, and we’d like to know if you have any idea what it is.”
“Well, let’s have a look, then.”
Acid quickly linked the transmission camera to the docking bay in order to show the zavochian king the “flower garden.”
“Interesting. We haven’t seen one of those since the Introvlik War…”
“You know what it is?” questioned Coppertop.
“Yes, it is an infested human. We can de-infest it, if you’d like.”
“We probably should de-infest him. Or her,” said Acid.

A while later, the infested human, still unconscious from the stunners, was strapped to a large metal platform. The platform had a large variety of wires, transistors, diodes and LEDs connected to it, and its occupant. A little off to the side sat two large generators, which were hooked up to the mass of wires. A small control panel sat in front of the generators.
“Are we all ready?” asked the Zavochian king. There were noises of agreement from around the room. “Well then, let’s begin.” He pressed activate.



Well, I finally got past my writer's block and lack of free time, and wrote the next chapter. ("Finally," say the crowd) Anyways, enjoy.

4I Falcon
May 20, 2004, 08:26 AM
Page claim.

Yay for fighter combat and a new chapter. ^^. The combat part of it definitely reminds me of Freespace, especially with the defending of the Grey Hammer. Awesome, awesome chapter.

I sorta lost it around the "infested human" bit, but I think that's just due to my amazing powers of ignorance.

acid
May 22, 2004, 07:52 AM
*boink*

Did anyone else notice this, or does everybody just not feel like replying?

Violet CLM
May 22, 2004, 11:43 AM
I saw it... I just don't particularly like stories where the characters talk to the author. I mean, if there's an an existing entity controlling their every move, why should they worry about anything other than what the author has planned for them? Plus, yes, why can't the author just write everything back to normal? It's called retcon, I think.
In addition... all the characters recently seem to have essentially the same personality, except for Radium, who gets a few sarcastic remarks which don't quite sound like Radium. It's kind of like having three people called Mick, Mack, and Mike. You don't like always refering to them as one group who does everything together, so you split them up into three main characters who are, for all intents and purposes, exactly the same.
...and, fine, but I don't like space battles much.

Coppertop
May 25, 2004, 11:35 AM
I was away ;-; Sorry, Acid. Nice battle, tho.

4I Falcon
May 25, 2004, 12:54 PM
*directs CT's attention to her PMs*

*scuttles off again*

acid
Apr 25, 2005, 09:29 PM
I ATE'NT DEAD.

A shimmering blue-tinted hole hung in midair in front of a bewildered rabbit. The black-and-green-furred creature slowly walked over and observed the hole’s properties. He stuck his hand through, and a moment’s investigation proved that his hand was not, in fact, existent on the other side of the hole. After pondering this fact for a second, the rabbit rushed into an adjacent room, grabbed a backpack and jumped through the hole.
Making sure he was still intact, the rabbit picked himself up and observed his surroundings. He appeared to be in a large white box, filled with hovering pieces of paper. A moment later, he realized that every piece of paper had a hole in it similar to the one he had just traveled through. Wait, one exception existed. The piece of paper in question looked as if someone had punched a hole through it, and then glued the pieces back together.
Returning to the paper he had emerged from, he had another revelation. Each piece of paper was accompanied with a small tag. Observing his, the rabbit noted that it read, “JazzWTstory3.doc.” Glancing around, he saw two papers right next to his that were labeled “JazzWTstory2.doc” and “JazzWTstory.doc,” which was the paper that had been shut. Deciding that he had no better place to start, he leaped through JazzWTstory2.
He was quite taken aback to find himself next to John’s Coffee Shop, a parlor he had often visited before. He walked inside. Sure enough, John, a peach-furred rabbit was inside, washing counters. He didn’t look right to the black and green rabbit, however. He looked sort of younger than he should be. John looked up, and smiled. “Hey, Flip! Nice haircut! The usual?”
Flip stared for a second, and then remembered himself. “Uh, yeah. Thanks.” He watched as John prepared the cup that used to be Flip’s favorite. Suddenly, realization dawned. John’s Coffee Shop didn’t exist anymore. It had been replaced by a Starbuck’s during one of the many business deals that came about from the contact with humans. He had somehow traveled back in time.
After quickly finishing his coffee, Flip ran back outside and, making sure nobody was watching, traveled back to the white box of papers.
Sitting back, he began to reflect on what was happening. He had found a system of portals to and from many different points in time. To test his theory, he leaped through another paper at random.
His first thought was, “Dang, that felt weird.” His second thought was, “What happened to my depth?”
He seemed to be floating inside an expanse of nothingness. He could see himself, but he seemed to be lacking a certain quality that most solids have.
He tried speaking. “Flip: What the hell?” As he spoke the words, the sound he was emitting converted itself into text in his brain. Flip, feeling deeply perplexed, walked back through the portal. Somehow, walked didn’t seem like the right word, reflected Flip. Something more along the lines of “floated” or “moved.”
He had been wrong. It wasn’t just a set of time traveling portals; it was a set of interdimensional portals. A grin began to spread across his face. Flip had always been a troublemaker, and playing with the fabric of many universes at once seemed like a dream to him.



Yep, I may get back into writing this. Hopefully this chapter is enough to respark your interest.

And, my apologies to Unknown. I'd have to agree with most of what you said, but it would be difficult to make those changes (Can't change your opinion, can't change entire storyline except for making a new story, difficult to change my writing style).

4I Falcon
Apr 26, 2005, 08:23 AM
I ATE'NT DEAD.

Could'a fooled me.

In any case, good chapter. S'pose there's much fun and wreckage to be had once Flip gets a hold of a portal to fictional Earth, mm?

Coppertop
Apr 26, 2005, 09:43 AM
Heh. Sounds fun.

Doubble Dutch
Apr 27, 2005, 03:20 AM
I ATE'NT DEAD.

Copying Granny Weatherwax.

acid
Jun 2, 2005, 08:57 PM
A faint ringing filled the ears of all present. Jack Flash was the first to speak. “___!"This having been said, there was a long period of wait. Finally, Jack Flash spoke up again. “The ringing’s going away, am I still deaf?”
There was a small chorus of exclamations at the realization that sound had once again entered their world. The congregation then glanced at the reclined figure, which had emitted the sound, and now looked to the largest extent like something that would not make such a noise. It in fact looked like a middle-aged, brown haired human male. “Sounds like he’s had a bad day,” remarked Radium.
The man awakened. It looked around, and promptly lay down again, muttering, “I’m just dreaming, I’m just dreaming, I’m just dreaming…”
“Quite the contrary,” said the Zavochian King, jovially. The man groaned.
In the meantime, Ducky and Coppertop had gone off to see the author about what was to be done.
In the hour that the two rabbits would be gone, many introductions were made, and serious discussion was made to the point of the conflict. The group decided to be blunt with what was happening, and this proved to be helpful in ascertaining the problem.
“Well, we haven’t noticed anything missing. It seems to be the same universe we’ve been in for as long as we can remember,” the general supplied. “I’ll send a couple of messages to check if our other bases are in existence, if that would help.”
“I don’t think that’s necessary. I thought something was strange when I passed though the center of Zavochia according to all of my galactic maps.”
“Ah. That settles it, then.”
“Do you know if anything else from your story crossed over to here?” asked Acid.
“We can never be sure, but if I had to make a decision, I’d say no. Haven’t seen anything recognizable for the longest time before this guy here.”
“Jason. I’ve told you that 3 times now.”
Ducky and Coppertop walked into the conference room. “It’s the Zavo-“
“We know,” chanted the room’s occupants.
“How?”
“We’ve only been discussing it for about half an hour.”
“Ah. Well then, shall we send them on their way? The author says that the people we met were the only crossovers, and that he’ll fix the fourth wall as soon as we’re out.”
“Agreed.”
The process was simple this time, owing to diplomacy. In the customary blue flash, Jason and the Zavochians returned to their own universe. It was then the band of rabbits’ turn to leave, and a second blue flash marked their departure.
The general stood blankly for a few moments, and then walked away to give his next briefing.
There was a repair wand hanging in its usual spot on the wall as he passed. The general passed it without comment, as it was entirely routine. The footsteps faded into the distance. Then, there was a faint sucking noise, and the wand disappeared from existence.

“So, where to next?” asked Jack Flash.
“Well, I’ve actually been doing some cleanup work of my own, so a lot of the smaller stories are fixed and walled already. However, there are still a few left. Remember that tank I told you about?”
“One button, we die?”
“That’s the one. Well, the bad news is it’s time to fight it. The good news is that it moved into a story where it will be mostly harmless.”
“How so? It doesn’t sound like much of anything could make that thing harmless,” said Radium.
“It moved into a story I was writing about a sort of online game. In this place, it’ll only be destroying an electronic representation of you, instead of you yourself.”
“Sounds good,” said Acid.
“Wait,” said Coppertop. “How will we transport it back to its own story-“
“Game.”
“Game, whatever. I mean, if we’re playing some sort of online game, how do we use the dimension hopper on the tank?”
“Um.”
“Just say ‘ASL question mark, question mark, forward slash, semicolon, paren,’ We’ll be provided with exact coordinates,” offered Radium.
“Har har.”
“Actually, that’s better than anything I can think of,” said the author.
The stress of the past day or so finally overflowed. “I don’t believe you,” said Jack coldly. “You’re supposedly the one in charge here, so cut the drama and tell us how we get out of this before I add an orifice to your head.”
The author visibly gulped. “Right. The online game is actually sort of virtual reality. The dimension hopper will work from there, since it will hit their avatar and transfer it back to their physical self.” He received 5 blank stares. “Really! It’s science fiction, who cares if it’s possible?”
The rabbits, convinced but still skeptical, departed for their newest adventure.



Not much, I know, but hopefully what this chapter makes up for what it lacks in quantity with quality. I like how it turned out. Anyways, expect longer chapters soon, summer's coming up for me.

n0
Jun 2, 2005, 09:09 PM
OMGosh Acid is alive!