Twice upon a Midnight Cheery

[Radium]

Once upon a time, there lived an evil man named Count Sucku;a (with the semicolon, but pronounced "Suckula"). Sucku;a, while not a vampire, enjoyed the taste of blood greatly. Even though not a vampire, Sucku;a was a very rare breed of werewolf. Every waning crescent moon, he would go outside, scream in the moon's general direction, and turn into a female iguana.
Sucku;a was a well-dressed man in his late thirties who always carried one of those fancy folded napkin things in his right shirt pocket. He lived in a 200 story mansion in the land of Mordor, on the forest moon of Endor. Today would have been a normal day for him, except it wasn't. Today, Sucku;a was going to try to get his terrorist hunting license... again.
He walked down the sidewalk to the local terrorist hunting center. Once there, Dubya was waiting for him.
"Here to try for yar license again?" Dubya asked.
"Yup," the Count replied.
So Dubya led Sucku;a to the testing room and handed him a rifle and said "shoot the ones that look bad." Cardboard cutouts of many random people began to pop out of the walls. Sucku;a sniped down as many as he could. When the simulation was over, Dubya told him his status.
"Well," Dubya began, "you shot all the Canadians, and we like to believe they're our allies. And you missed Di<Richard>ck Cheney. Sorry, Count, I'll have to fail you... again"
Sucku;a walked away, depressed. He went back to his 200 story mansion and plopped down to watch the Three Topless Banditos reality show on Fox. Suddenly, the telephone rang. The red telephone. It had been fifteen years since the red telephone rang. Sucku;a picked it up. "Hello," he said.
"Master Sucku;a!" the voice began.
He immediately knew who it was. "I'm retired, Alfred," he yelled into the phone, and then abruptly hung up.
He began walking back to the television, but paused. He turned to face a dusty old chest hidden in the corner. Slowly, he opened it, finding his old Colonel Colon uniform. He missed the old days of being a superhero, saving damsels in distress, and jumping around buildings without falling. Yeah, jumping around buildings without falling. That was the best part.
He continued walking and sat down in front of his television again. All of a sudden, the TV blanked out to a screen reading "Special Report". Sucku;a leaned forward in interest.
Barbara Walter's face came on. "It has been reported that there is a new evil duo on the loose," she explained, "the Wicked Witch of the West has teamed up with a dark Jedi named Ala'kronah'tak'kal'zhon, AKA 'The Unpronounceable One'. Surveys suggest they plan on wrecking havoc all over the planet. This is Barbara Walters, special report".
"On no!" Sucku;a said aloud. This must've been what Alfred was warning him about. Almost by instinct, be began running towards his Colonel Colon uniform. He stopped. For a moment, he had almost forgot he had retired. "I'll just go see what's happening," he thought, and walked out the door. Why jump across buildings when you could just take your fancy $200,000 car?

[Risp_old]

<s>Did you make some new, more advanced, R.E.G.?</s>

[Coppertop]

THIS SHOWS GREAT POTENTIAL! OMG CONTINUE CONTINUE OMG I LUV TIHS ... never mind.

[Tik]

Bravo, bravo. You must continue, though it sort of dragged on near the end. The begining of your absolutely enthralling narrative captured my mind, though. Your use of the Three Topless Banditos was even more impressive. I give you a gold star and a glass of milk, and your name on a peice of parchment which shall fly out of my window into the winds of the western hemisphere. Give me monies.

[n0]

Nice. In your own special way. CT is still better than you.

[Coppertop]

The sheer amount of insanity in just that first part surpasses everything I have ever done. Bravo. *claps*

[4I Falcon]

Hark! No one is as insane as moy!

[Coppertop]

Well ... *considers* Yeah, you're probably right.

[Radium]

Hark! No one is as insane as moy!
Don't hold your breath, I'm writing chapter two as we speak.

[Coppertop]

Let's watch Radium multitask! *watches*

[Radium]

Count Sucku;a couldn't help but wonder what the Wicked Witch of the West and The Unpronounceable One were up to. But however he would find this out, he knew it would be dangerous. So, like anyone else looking for free weapons and financial support, he went to see Dubya.
"Hawdy childern," Dubya said as Sucku;a entered the Whitehouse, "what yall need?"
"Oh," the Count began, "I'm looking for something three to six inches long, with roughly enough power to reduce a concrete barrier to rubble in four to six shots."
"Kinda vague," Dubya commented, "but I'll see what I've got." Sucku;a followed Dubya to a large vault filled with every weapon imaginable. Dubya took down a bazooka and began to explain it. "This here's the WAT004, 2000 rounds, capable of taking down a medium sized fortress or small citadel. Over here we got the DER-8U, firing 200 rounds and one content edit a second. And this one here's mah lucky pistol - I personally shot Saddam with this one."
"What's this?" Sucku;a asked, picking up a thin board against the wall, "a yardstick?"
"Actually, she's a meterstick," Dubya corrected.
Sucku;a looked over the 100cm plank. "How many shots does it have?" he questioned.
"I suppose as many as you want it to," Dubya replied.
"Excellent," the Count said evilly, "I'll take four."

Dubya had graciously let Sucku;a use his Air Force One jet to move a little faster. The Count had no idea where he was going, so he had stared into the sun until it had had left an imprint on his eye obvious enough to follow. After a long flight, lasting nearly eight minutes, they landed in the forest.
As soon as Sucku;a and Dubya disembarked the jet, they found a small house. Since nobody seemed to be inside, they loaded their weapons and entered. They looked around until they found seven small beds.
"Squishy, Flaky, Axmurdery, Smokey, BOB_ALLENy, Crunchy, and Plaguey," Sucku;a read off the beds, "what blissfully disturbing names." Before he could say another word, the door creaked open, and Dubya emptied 20 rounds into the first four short little men that entered.
The one clearly known as Flaky gasped. "You killed Squishy, Axmurdery, Smokey, and Crunchy!" Sucku;a cracked him over the head with a meterstick to avoid any more confusion.
BOB_ALLENy began to introduce himself "HELLO FACES. I AM BOB_ALLENY. THIS IS MY COLLEAUGE PLAGUEY," He gestured towards the diseased man being carried by a legion of rats. The man seemed to have control over the rats.
"Hello, gentlemen," Sucku;a began," would either of you happen to know anything about the Wicked Witch of the West, or her partner-in-crime, The Unpronounceable One?"'
BOB_ALLENy thought for a moment, "NO, I CAN'T SAY THAT I HAVE. SORRY, FACES."
The Count turned to Plaguey. "Your friend seems to be quite talented in the art of controlling lesser beings," he commented, "do you mind if we recruit him into our RPG style party?"
So, after a bit of trading, Plaguey joined Sucku;a and Dubya in their quest to find the Wicked Witch and that other guy with the long name. However, when they left the house, the found the Air Force One jet torn to shreds!
"This is the work of the Wicked Witch!" Sucku;a said certainly. Indeed, it must've been, as nobody else would write "I AM THE WICKED WITCH U SUX" on a plane they had just destroyed. Burning with rage, Sucku;a left to go get a waffle to snack on before they continued their mighty quest.

[n0]

I'll just say "Wow" and leave it at that.

[Radium]

Why'd you spell "wow" backwards?

[Coppertop]

He didn't. You read it backwards. =D
Radium, I am ... amazed. I thought you regained your sanity after that Win 3.1 thread, but I guess I was wrong. *bows*

[Radium]

Win3.1 became too sane. I had to release stupidity somehow.

[Kaz]

No more fruitcakes for you.

[acid]

Delightfully random, but I must say one thing.

There is actually a Sergeant (and maybe a corporal) Colon in the Discworld series written by Terry Pratchett. Just thought I'd point that out, since for a sec I thought you were talking about Pratchett's character rather than sucku;a.

[Radium]

There is actually a Sergeant (and maybe a corporal) Colon in the Discworld series written by Terry Pratchett. Just thought I'd point that out, since for a sec I thought you were talking about Pratchett's character rather than sucku;a.
That's okay, if copyrights mattered in this I'd be executed.

[4I Falcon]

So... does this mean PreWin is over?

And what's ATWFF stand for again?

[Coppertop]

A Third Wish For Forrever. Is dead.

[4I Falcon]

Oh. Well, okay.

[Fawriel]

Fun.

[Radium]

3.1: Not dead. Just a bit sleepy.
ATWFF: I'll do something with this someday. Maybe I'll make a multi-million dollar movie off the idea. Or sell it to some big company.

[Coppertop]

Not dead? Didn't you say that about this (http://www.jazz2online.com/jcf/showthread.php?t=6618) thread, too? Take a look at the last post.

[Radium]

Someday, I'll pay a n00b to revive that.

[Coppertop]

It would have to be a pretty n00bish n00b :lol: <s>Someone like MC</s>. *cough*cough*

[Radium]

Nah, I bet I could get our friend Mr. Wittke to do it.

[4I Falcon]

<s>Someone like MC</s>. *cough*cough*

*snickers*

[Coppertop]

Faw's not that dumb. Xion might, though you probably wouldn't want to read what he would write.

[Fawriel]

Faw's not that dumb. Xion might, though you probably wouldn't want to read what he would write.
Not <i>that</i> dumb, eh? *cough*

[Coppertop]

Everybody does dumb things. Very few people would be so dumb as to revive that topic =D

[acid]

If someone pays me, I'll post this on that thread:

OMG I NOOB I REVIVE THREAD KTHXBY=)))

[4I Falcon]

Name your price.

[acid]

$10 USD.

[4I Falcon]

But... that's like $400 CDN!

[Coppertop]

Yeah! Rad can pay you, he's American!

[4I Falcon]

*steals Rad's money*

[kronah]

Hello Christopher,

I had a hard time deciding if it was you, you writing just like some one else i know talks.

It's funny to see you putting my name to bad use
i can only imagine

I'm gonna give you two links and a chance to redeem yourself

http://www.gnosis.org/naghamm/allogene.html
and
http://www.pdxnet.net/resrev/Angels.html

btw
have fun working at taco bell ;)

[Radium]

Hello Christopher,

I had a hard time deciding if it was you, you writing just like some one else i know talks.

It's funny to see you putting my name to bad use
i can only imagine

I'm gonna give you two links and a chance to redeem yourself

http://www.gnosis.org/naghamm/allogene.html
and
http://www.pdxnet.net/resrev/Angels.html

btw
have fun working at taco bell ;)

My name's not Christopher, I don't even know your name, I'm Christian (and in my opinion God likes me), and I work as an animator for a group of Russian hackers. Who are you and what do you want with my unfinished story about a filthy rich wereiguana former superhero?

[Risp_old]

YOU MEAN RADIUM DISCOVERED AMERICA???

[Fawriel]

Hello, Christopher. =)

I claim this page for the sake of spiting you.

[Coppertop]

Actually, didn't Rad say he had an "m" in his name?
And can someone explain what brought that little tirade on? Afaik, those links don't have anything to do with the topic.

[Fawriel]

I know, but I find it quite amusing anyways.

<s>Who knows, perhaps Rad's LAST name contains an m. =D</s>

[Coppertop]

COLUMBUS! OMG!

It just seems bizarre. Whatever.
*shrugs and walks away*

[Radium]

Maybe it was directed at Falcon, and the whole thing about "redeeming yourself" was when he stole my money on the post above. Maybe it's some Jewish thing I don't understand.
The Americas are rightfully mine...

[Coppertop]

Can we call you Chris? =D

[Radium]

Mr. Columbus, insolent child.

[Coppertop]

But that's so BORING!

EDIT: And I'm older than you, so that's insolent slavedriver to you, you wretched mortal.

[Radium]

I could've been born two months earlier if I had tried...

[Fawriel]

This certainly is a... pleasent day. :D

[Coppertop]

And been even more deranged than you are now ...

[Radium]

No... just 78% done.

[Coppertop]

Like that'd make a difference?

[Radium]

You were the one that though it would!

[Coppertop]

Foolish mortal! How dare you tell me what I think! Especially when you're right!

[Radium]

Well dang. There's just no good answer to that question.

[Coppertop]

You are so, completely right.

[Radium]

Well, that stalemated rather quickly. Let's speculate some more about this guy who thinks I'm named Chris and wants me to redeem myself.

[Coppertop]

If he was even talking to you. Ask Faw, apparently he knows. Heck, maybe he IS this wierd dude!

[Radium]

Nah. I Googled his email and screennames; he sounds a lot like Faw in that he rants endlessly and writes poetry about a girlfriend that left him four years ago, except he seems older and more disturbed.

[Coppertop]

Actually, Faw's got a new GF, I think.

[Radium]

Last one lasted about 10 months, if I remember correctly. How long has he had the new one?

[Coppertop]

Don't know, didn't ask, prolly never will. Private info, Rad.

[Radium]

Hmm. This Kronah guy's still a mystery. I know he's not talking to me because I'd never work at Taco Bell. I'm not named Chris. I'm not in need of redeeming myself. I'm not even Mexican.

[Fawriel]

AHE-HEM! *coughcoughHACK*

[Radium]

AHE-HEM! *coughcoughHACK*
Yes? Oh, is he a Deviantfriend of yours?

[Fawriel]

...................................be VERY GLAD that the "he" was not directed at what I was objecting against...

[Radium]

...................................be VERY GLAD that the "he" was not directed at what I was objecting against...
...
... OH! I get it now. I think. Isn't it fin when two people are unknowingly talking about different things?

And stop dragging your Deviantfriends here.

[Fawriel]

First off, what are deviantfriends?
Secondly, what are you talking about anyways?

[Radium]

Deviantfriends are people who are secretly paid to be your friend when you join Deviantart (you know, so you don't feel unloved and leave). I was talking about the Taco-Bell "redemption" guy when I said "he" and "Deviantfriend".

[Fawriel]

That's what I thought, too.
I just wonder why there is no device that allows me to kick someone in the butt via the internet.

[Radium]

Come on over to America Land sometime. We have great seafood.

[Fawriel]

As soon as I'm done with school here. Then you shall fear........ whatever it is, but you will fear <i>something</i>.

[Radium]

How long does that give me? Two years?

[Fawriel]

Let's say three to four. Or more. I dunno. You better start packing already.

[Radium]

What? I <i>discovered</i> America Land! I'm not leaving!

Or more? Do you plan on failing any grades?

[Fawriel]

Not actually. But I don't know if I'm allowed or (financially or whatever ) able to go there right after I'm done with school.
I'm planning to study art there.

[Radium]

If I discovered America Land I should be able to ban people from it.

[Fawriel]

Have fun.

[Radium]

Eh. I should write some more story sometime in 04'. You stopped replying to my useless PMs?

[Odin]

There's something about the phrase 'Taco Bell Redemption Guy' that cracks me up.

I'm laughing like Beavus and Butthead.

-RoW

P.S.: I claim this page for the sake of AmericaLand. Is it all one word?