her (just dont give a shit anymore)

many things in my life make me sad
but you are the reason my life is so bad
how could i hurt you
i loved you so much (atleast i thought i did)
but in the end it was all my fault
how could i say how much i cared (for you)
we were a forbidden love that will never be
i was so shaken
on that day of hate
my will for love died that day
thank you for teaching me
what my life is really to be
an endless toil for meaning
and three realitiesnever hate
and question everything
im sorry

mixed up

i never thought i
could want something
much less some one
this much
ever again
you suck me in
you make me want to live
there is no comparison
they say some cannot love
i thought i was one
is this just lust
im not sure what love feels like
will i ever find out (no)
will some one ever show me (no)
will you be the one (no)

inside

you try to get inside
but i wont let you
my life is closed
no one is allowed in 
even i dont know
what i look like
behind this mask
i look for meaning
you say i need moore of God 
im not quite sure how to answer
all i know is that
i havent found it
all ive found is more questions

open/closed

i opened my heart
i let down my guard
you walked right in
and ripped my insides apart
you fucked with my mind
i didnt fight back
i enjoyed it so much
when it was all over 
you left my head
you ripped out my heart
and left me for dead
i will remember you
for you are the reason
i once was so open
but now i am closed

again

oh shit
its happening again
damn me, damn it all
im fucking myself over
can i stop it before its too late
you mean more than the last
but im doing the same
im getting you mad and im pushing you away
why do i always
screw myself over
my mind is racing
how do i stop this
how do i quit
i want the game to be over
but not like this
sometimes you stop talking
and i feel like giving up
maybe i should
i know ive lost (you)
i just hope
that it doesnt happen again
will you still be my friend

crazy

my mind is racing
im going insane
youre going around
and im racking my brain
youre so beautiful
it has power over me
can i break away
its suffocating me

willing

written after crazy but it finishes it

the airis leaving my lungs
everything is turning black,br>i said i was willing to die for you
but i didnt expect it to be by your hands
as i lay here
waiting to die
everything is gone
care love joy
youve taken away more than i had
all thats left is a shell

habit

giving you up
is like breaking a habit
im addicted
youve got me entangled
im in your snare
how do i break free
do i really want to
youre like a crack habit for the poor
i need you but can i afford to have you
its like a drug
running through my brain
all my focus is on you
youre my habit
i need to break you
from my life

born

what would it be like
if i was never born
who would be affected
who would really care
i wish i could see
how this world would be
without me
sometimes i wonder what i would be like
if some of the people i know had never been born
dont you

machine

this world is a machine
were all pieces
some are disassembled
some malfunctioning
theres something wrong
with each and every
one of us
do you know yours
i think i know mine
we are destroying ourselves
and each other
we are all rejected
by the machine

saw

i saw you tonight
i thought you were gone forever
maybe i hoped you were gone 
the feelings i have
when youre around
make me want to die
you make me want
things to go back 
to the way they once were
but were both better off
this way
only im hurt
i dont want
to cause you pain
i can stand my own suffering
i dont want you to ever experience
pain like this

find

i search all over
this world under and over
for the me you see
who am i to you 
what is my meaning in this world
help me find who i am
please tell me who
how did you feel the first time we met
what was your impression
thoughts
the question consumes me
tell me please
the answer
the Truth
it matters not
what my reaction will be
all i want is the Truth
who am i to you and me

matter

id give my life
to save your soul
you mean everything
making this life worth living
i want to hold on
to something,br>but nothing is there
its all fake
you dont give a shit
about what happens
but its alright
its my destiny to be alone
youre all that matters
id die to keep you alive
all this is
is a written confession
becasue i cant say it
youre life in its fullest
you mean so much to me 
i hope you give a damn

ending it all

everything i wanted
all that i believed to be true
(lies)
why do i do these things to myself
why do i keep opening up
letting people in
(get out)
do i feel better about myself
letting it all go
cracking the shell
just to push them out
(why)
are the things i say true:
the only real relationship
is the one you arent in
(yes)
ending it all
you are the last (ha)
can i keep it promise
will things change

without

so this is what its like
im sick
and youre gone
life without you
im going insane
youre everywhere i look
i try to ignore you
i try to think of some one else
but youre still there 
still taking everything away
even after everything i have is gone
im mentally gone
the insanity is killing me
i die every day youre gone
why do i do this
im sick of the lies i feed myself
i thought it would be easier
but youve been imprinted in my mind
over and over again
youre everywhere
im dead without you

okay

everything i see
everything i know
fake
all of it fake
all so full of shit
it sickens me
almost to the point of convulsions
its so easy to say what people want to hear
but its not you 
how do you live with yourself
you say youll help
while at the same time judging
giving new meaning to the hypocratic oath
fuck you and your idealistic self
but you fit in with each other
so it seems okay
could you be even more dead inside than me