Jazz Jackrabbit 2 Online

1. J2O Downloads Page

The J2O downloads page for this utility is dressed up well enough. The simple yet straightforward title “Express JJ2 Starter” catches the eye immediately and gives the impression of a handy tool. The Level description doesn’t lose out either – it has the three parts all magicians need for a good trick.

The pledge – “my first own programmed program”
The turn – “my fisrt[sic] program”
The prestige – “I wish you a lot of fun!”

$ÏMØÑ summarises the features of his program between the pledge and the turn as an “Easy Starter”. A clever phrase, which immediately reinforces that the starter is both “easy” and “express”, an excellent use of alliteration. Not to mention that the turn is a rephrasing of the pledge, which is repetition put to good use. Overall, the downloads page should quite appealing for the general audience.

However, the author should still have checked for spelling and grammatical errors beforehand, so points will unfortunately have to be deducted.

J2O Downloads Page: 1.7 / 2.

2. The zip file

The author did not explain how to unzip the file. As a result, I downloaded winzip, which was full of malware and my computer crashed.

The zip file: 0 / 2.

3. Installer

By far the most interesting feature to talk about. Upon running the installer, you are greeted with a logo of a fire burning the words “Express JJ2 Starter”, as if to foreshadow your intent to incinerate the utility. Also, this section should be easier to handle for the general audience because of its better command of English.

Like any good Japanese horror flick director, $ÏMØÑ shines with his use of scare tactics. He threatens the end user to “read the IMPORTANT.txt ;D” or the program will not work.

The author chooses a well-crafted directory, which shows he is up-to-date with the latest technical trends. By keeping in an uncommonly named folder, he ensures it stays safe from any virus/trojan that attempts to erase “C:\Program Files\”. Strongly suggested that you keep the default directory.

Like the threat before, the IMPORTANT.txt comes back to scare you. But this time, it isn’t really reinforced, in that you can click on Next without reading it at all. Points deducted.

By using a shareware install creator rather than the de facto NSIS, $ÏMØÑ once again declares his heterodoxy to the world. Even before seeing the program we can see that this was very well planned from the beginning.

Installer: 1.8 / 2.

4. Program

Nothing to complain here. It wins because it uses C++ rather than VB. It wins more because it uses the command prompt rather than a GUI. Additionally, it does exactly what it was created to do. But more on that later.

WELCOME!

A professional feel to the program. Indeed, it even shares contact details for you to send feedback to. The riddle is simple enough to guess, albeit having a disappoint result. For those who wan’t to solve the riddle properly, please skip to the next section.

‘=-= START OF SPOILERS =-=’

Please write here the Number (before the Version):

If you noticed carefully, after the contact details, it actually tells you “V. 0.2”. If you haven’t figured it out, that is the version string! Of course, the “Version” itself is “0.2” so the answer to the riddle is “V.”. Granted, it really isn’t a “Number”, but it seems to be the right answer, which closes the starter as intended.

‘=-= END OF SPOILERS =-=’

Solving the riddle gave me a euphoric feeling not unlike the one felt after completing QoB. That alone warrants a perfect score for this section.

Of course, there’s plenty of technical stuff to dicuss here, but it all pales in comparison. (I’m talking about the system() command abuse, the getc() abuse and so on)

Program: 2 / 2.

5. Uninstaller

If you think of the downloads page as the pledge, the installer and program as the turn, then this is definitely THE PRESTIGE. Once you’ve installed this tool, there is no way your fingers won’t be tempted to click on this. In a style never been attempted by any other program before, it is designed to be completely irresistable – a true classic and masterpiece.

In fact, the only reason anyone downloads this at all is because this grand finale exists! A perfect 2.0 is not enough to rate the usefulness of this tiny underrated uninstaller.

Uninstaller: 2.2 / 2.

Other comments

I strongly feel that the IMPORTANT.txt should be placed within the zip itself rather than the installer. Maybe place it in both. Also, I do not know whether the author intended this, but you do not have type the numbers one by one, i.e. (“1” enter “4” enter “n” enter). Instead, you can string it all together, i.e. “14n” enter.

Final score

J2O Downloads Page: 1.7 / 2
The zip file: 0 / 2
Installer: 1.8 / 2
Program: 2 / 2
Uninstaller: 2.2 / 2
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Total: 7.7/10
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EDIT: Not bad for a first program!
(Parodical rating (7.7) removal. Very funny. Try mentioning what does the program actually does, reacting more honestly to the weird stuff, and explaining the problems you mentioned in passing. ~Violet)