Jazz Jackrabbit 2 Online

Once again I am quite wary of not only this pack (which barely made a 2 and has zero satisfaction) but also its sole review which for whatever reason decided to comment more on the eyecandy than the gameplay. This speaks volumes in more ways than one, and perhaps one of the reasons I don’t trust JJ2 reviews anymore. I run from A to B and its boring? Really? Great, no really it is. No no don’t go on, I’d MUCH rather hear about the terrible eyecandy, since you know it’s not like I have to PLAY this pack or anything.

Which is actually quite true, there are long stretches throughout JJ2 The Movie where you are not doing anything at all.
In an attempt to make the pack feel more like an actual movie, level designer Krinya forgot the fun and the pack suffers because of it. For example, there is a level consisting of nothing but Jazz falling. This nearly sounds like a half hearted joke, so I will repeat that line again with more emphasis: One level in this pack consists nothing more than of Jazz falling for nearly 45 seconds in front of a bland background while you sit and watch. No measures where taken to make this concept fun or at the very least engaging. Some form of obstacles would have been nice. There are many more instances throught this pack that require minimal work on the players part such as the downhill-roof slide in the first “scene”.

The levels consisting of gameplay are no better being extremely linear and discouraging exploration (the hologram castle warped me to my death just because I felt like exploring a tower a suicidal person jumped off of). They offer little challenge, variety, and half the time I was merely going through the motions not even knowing if the path I took was actually going to lead to the exit. It also feels like the levels were designed with the intention of being a part of a mobile phone game for an extremely low-end phone as there tends to be no more than one enemy on-screen at most times. There are also a few instances where the faulty level design got me stuck without having any plan of getting me back out, a sign of a lack of beta-testing for sure. Theres a “maze” puzzle early on that seems to really nail down the feeling of pack, allow me to describe it to you in case you have yet to play the level. Jazz must retrieve a remote which is in a tiny dirt maze of sorts. The remote is safely tucked in the middle and is easily accessible. There is a burning oil barrel at the top of the maze which requires more effort to get to and does nothing but hurt the player. Forget telling Krinya to spend time on the eyecandy front, Sonicnathan, more time needs to be spent on making levels worth playing.

The dialog during the city levels in scene-1 try to humorously mask the laziness in playing the same dull level repeated multiple times but ultimately fails. Unlike in Haunted Castle Manor where humorously pointing out bees don’t belong in an old castle was fun because the bees added to the gameplay, the minor additions to the second and third repeats of scene 1 do not. Not only that but the plot is completely inane and doesn’t seem to follow any sense of logic at all. Jazz despite signing up for a movie doesn’t seem to know the script. The director seems more concerned with killing Jazz for whatever reason instead of making a competent film. When Spaz shows up you really get the feeling this is some elaborate snuff film. Not to mention that despite being called “Jazz Jackrabbit 2: The Movie”, the movie’s plot doesn’t seem to follow anything from the actual game.

As if the poor level design (which breaks simple rules such as “You won’t have paths leading to bottomless pits at the level’s bottom”) and nonsensical story (the broken english wasn’t even that bad, the problems lie mainly with a broken plot) weren’t enough, the pack’s eyecandy is atrocious. Ahaha, did I say eyecandy? I meant Eyesore, shield your eyes kiddies Uncle n00b has just set his review phaser to “scathing”. Rocks float magically midair, poorly done backgrounds, tiles that don’t even finish connecting to anything, a mentality that only uses tiles to barricade you onto a single path, a hologram level that actually hurt my eyes while playing (no joke), and the god awful concept of an “invisible bridge”. You can probably make a bridge using Top Secret 3, its been a while, but I’m positive. If you can’t, just make a walkway. Invisible bridges are the level equivalent of closing your eyes falling back and expecting a complete stranger to catch you. I may be over reacting, but still, it bugs me.

All in all JJ2: The movie feels a lot like an old pack I made back in ’04 but never uploaded called “Operation P.I.G.” simply because the pack was meant for my entertainment, and my entertainment only. As I am prone to do, the pack was made completely terrible on purpose set to the story of a rather bad essay I read in class about an invention that makes pigs fly. The only difference between Operation P.I.G. and this pack however, is that JJ2: The movie isn’t an elaborate joke (at least not that I’m aware of) and doesn’t even include all the tilesets needed for the levels while nonsensically including tilesets prepackaged with JJ2 and TSF. No less than four times and perhaps a bit more while playing the pack I had to stop and hunt for the next tileset JJ2 said was missing like I was running errands for a pregnant women who got a new bizarre food craving every few minutes. I’m not sure if any of you have done that, but rest assured if the stories I have heard are true it is not fun. But I did unzip the tubelectric tilesets that came with the pack just in case my old ones deleted themselves (Read: Sarcasm)! More time needs to be spent on fleshing out the world in which the level is set both gameplay-wise (this comes first- remember that.) and eyecandy-wise, and the plot needs to at least have some kind of logic applied to it. I really never felt like I was actually acting in a movie outside of scene 1, it really felt more like Jazz wandering movie sets on his own accord while cracking one liners as the director followed him around with a cellphone camera.
Even without fancy mathematical algorithms, I can tell this pack is worth a 1.7 and nothing more and perhaps quite a bit less.