This is sort of an improvised thing, so don't kill me too badly if it stinks. My aim is to have others continue on it, in War Stories Might Be Back format. I mainly do this because the forum is starting to look a bit inactive. I'm really awful at writing startings for stories, but I'll try.

It was a brisk November morning. Jazz Jackrabbit, intergalactic adventurer and hailed hero, sits quietly reflecting on his previous venture into the Caves of Diamondus. The vicious turtles and bees were simply no match for him anymore. Over and over, he had the same mission: roast a few turtles and/or lizards, save some useless trinkit that costs millions of dollars, and make about the same amount of money as a mocha latte operator at Starbucks #3424243242 of Omaha, Nebraska. Snore.

"Maybe it's time to retire," he muttered to himself, "I would probably make more money that way, anyway."

Suddenly, his Videofone(tm) rang.

"Yes, commisioner?" he unenthsiastically asked.

"Jazz, we have a mission for you," said the commisioner in his usual business voice tone.

"Save the world?" Jazz said sarcastically.

"Yes, in fact," the commisioner responded, "now Jazz, here is your mission..."

Devan Shell's goons have officially declared their intent to take over their world by stealing its supply of carrot juice. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, which you will if you know what's good for you, is to stop his goons from building a large robot to break into the Squeeze-A-Carrot Corporation's large and stealing the carrot juice.

"That is possibly the most ridiculous plot I've ever heard," Jazz chimes.

Oh, yes. They've captured Eva.

"Well, then, I suppose I could manage to maybe save her..."

I thought you would change your mind. First of all, you will need to go through the perilous Mad Monkey Jungle, Swamps of Agama, and...

"Couldn't I just fly?"

No.

"Alright then...what gadgets to I get?

A flashlight.

"That's all?"

Blame the economy.

"Fine, I'll do my best."

Suddenly, and quite conviniently, the ground began to shake. Jazz felt heavy breathing on his back. Slowly, he turned around and found himself eye-to-eye with a giant lizard...