Yes, that's right, folks, The Server, known as Monolith to us, is a pure, 100% alien! I report.



Sunday, May 27, 2001



Officials at the National Center for the Search of Extra-terrestial Beings in Cambridge, MA were shocked at the recent report that an extraterrestial alien from six billion light years away was in communication with the game titled, "Jazz Jackrabbit 2". The alien was, supposedly, studying human behavior in netplay in his own service, the "Battle Server".



This alien has dubbed himself the name "Monolith", as to hide his presence and disguise himself as one of our own, natural human beings. The conspiracy what lies in this great moment could be a great orginization of extraterrestial beings, hoping to cope up with invading Earth, stealing objects, or taking over "Jazz Jackrabbit 2". This is a very strange matter, indeed.



Cliff Bleszinski (CliffyB) has this to comment:



"In all my years I've been creating game design, but I've never seen anything so (bleep)ing bizarre since that (bleep)ing time I created that Jazz 2 bunny game (bleep)."



Thousands of people have gathered around the world guarding themselves from the extraterrestial beings themselves disguised as the "Battle Server", with shotguns in their hands ready to attack any signs of alien life approaching. Kind of a "War of the Worlds"-ish moment, don't you think?



Numerous people who have been in the territory of the "Battle Server" have always commented on how the Monolith alien was "idle", and "didn't play or talk all day". Our conclusions come as to that Monolith is NOT really idle, but instead, studying patterns and behavior of our humanly matter and thinking of plans to destroy the "earthlings". We'll get back with more reports from EPZ Live! Thank you for reading, goodnight.



- Piz