*cough* okay, let's get down to crits'.
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Originally Posted by Piccolo
Born as the child of a noble couple who owned vast lands near So'elesz City, with brown fur and white hair. He was extremely gifted mentally just as physically.
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Generally people are described by more than their hair color.
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Originally Posted by Piccolo
He was heavily spoilt as a child by his parents. His education lead to him thinking in very black and white ways: The most powerful ones survive, the weak die.
He started research on plastic surgery and DNA study at the age of 15.
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He's a Radium rip-off.
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Originally Posted by Piccolo
The young Yumaldeus was not satisfied with his appearance and planned to change it himself.
At the age of 19, he discovered scrolls and books about history before the year 0.
Learning that the "devil from heaven" Devin, who has, almost 2000 years ago, killed all evil men on the planet, appeared in the country he lived in, he became sure, that his people was chosen to reign over the planet.
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Not sure how this fits into anything else you say.
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Originally Posted by Piccolo
At the age of 20, his fur has turned white, his skin was genetically mixed with that of a Techin (a mysterious magical animal ), his hair has been replace by the golden fur of the legendary Golden Wuschel, and so did the rest of his body change.
At the age of 24, he has already built an industrial empire, manufacturing implants (such as the Vileq device ) and other machines, and beside that, was very active in the field of genetic manipulation.
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His previous color scheme was better. Downgraded D=.
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Originally Posted by Piccolo
A special unit of scientists working for Mr. Moragape secretly produced weapons, and manipulated the DNA of all kinds of creatures, even humans.
At that point, Yumaldeus Moragape, in his ill mind, had already created a horrible plan: to become the leader of his country, then conquer the rest of the world in a giant war.
That he wanted to achieve with the help of his financial secretary, Mr. Ammon, who was to blackmail and manipulate the people in charge of other countries into betraying each other, and the chief Scientist, Mr. Nimmermehr, who created biological weapons and genetically perfectionated soldiers to secretly sell to the allied countries.
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Ooooh, he's good. *takes notes*
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Originally Posted by Piccolo
A short time later, at the age of 25, a special event took place in his life.
The headquarters of his firm were invaded by a lizard-woman called Typhona, who was, just as Devin long ago, created by the Magical Spirits who dwell inside earth, the Sirray, to kill Yumaldeus.
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Assassinations are such a special event. "Important" may work better here.
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Originally Posted by Piccolo
After a long and horrible battle, she was miserably defeated. But, before Mr. Moragape could finally kill her, she told him about her origin... and yet another diabolic plan was made in his brain...
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Why do people ALWAYS tell their life story to the badguy before they die?
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Originally Posted by Piccolo
he raped her until she gave birth to a baby...
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It would make so much more sense if he only raped her until she was pregnant.
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Originally Posted by Piccolo
It was a green weasel, which was called " Fawriel".
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I take it this makes him "lukewarm blooded".
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Originally Posted by Piccolo
Afterwards, she was killed, her DNA forged with that of Yumaldeus.
Planning to recrute his son to a powerful soldier, or to absorb his magical powers inherited by his mother himself, he built a mining town to a personal prison for Fawriel, where he was constantly being observed, never allowed to leave.
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And then the evil witch sent the princess to the attic...
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Originally Posted by Piccolo
The story begins 14 years later. Yumaldeus has already, at the age of 41, taken control of his country as well as others.
His plan is about to succeed.
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... together, the battle and pregnancy lasted two years?
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GENERATION 22: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
<i>"This picture shows me that the gray bird man is just a bully and picks on smaller birds. Just because he has no friends and takes it out on others smaller than him to look good. I can see in the parrats eyes that it does however have a understanding of the gray bird man and is upset about getting cut."</i> - Speeza on cartoon birds.
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