Devan looked the intruder up and down slowly, as you might study a plum at the market before giving up and applying the "squeeze" test. It seemed to be an elderly woodpecker, standing about 4'2" with high heels. The bird - possibly a mutant - wore glasses atop his heavily powdered beak, the same color as his enormous satin dressing gown, which was decorated with green dragons swallowing the tails of orange dragons.
"And who might you be?" asked Devan, menacingly, reaching slowly for his gun.
"It all depends on when." said the woodpecker, "In the year 4045, for example, I was the second director for Jurassic Park Something or Other, hired only after my predecsesor was eaten by a dinosaur. Unfortunately, I lost that job after foolishly hiring an individual by the name of Vampyra Smurferama, sent to me via Cognomail from the War Tavern. After that, I returned to a few years ago, on the planet Tubelectric, where I was hailed king by the strange race of the Ostrich Peeps."
"The Ostrich Peeps?" asked Devan, surprised. "I thought the nuclear meltdown had seen the last of that interfering species."
"No, they retreated to the barren, uninhabited sector of Tubelectric, there awaiting their new leader to fall from the skies. And this I did. My first failure as their king came about two years ago, when a group of idiots who called themselves "Taverners" escaped from Ostrich Prison and devoured many of the Ostrich Police. The situation, as was presented to me recently, is that I must lead the Ostrich Peeps into some military victory before the month is out, or they shall dethrone me with a blowtorch. I have come to lend the Ostrich Peep Militia to your revenge against the Taverners."
"Well....." said Devan, slowly, "I don't know..."
"They can do song and dance numbers!"
"Deal."