He is hitting the door with a fruit again. It is the same attack he used three hours ago, when we first encountered the door. I do not know why he thinks the door will open if hit by a fruit. Nor did I understand when he attempted to open the door with the carpet, the knife, the moldy cheese, or any of the other random junk he always carries around with him. Sometimes, watching him, I fear that our leader has no mind.
Half an hour ago he turned around and asked cheerfully if any of us knew anything about the door. We have never seen the door before in our lives. I am still not sure why we are in these dungeons in the first place. I wonder when he will think of trying the key we found yesterday. He looked hopefully at the minion, L33tz4n, hoping she could tell him how to open the locked door. She lived all her life in a rustic village, being trained as a sacrifice, and yet she still knows more than he does. She did not have an answer for him this time. Perhaps she is tired of his relying on her.

An hour later, he asks us if we are sure. Of course we are sure we know nothing about this door. We just found it a few hours ago. I glance at Araches, and she is struggling with poorly concealed rage. I feel sorry for her - once, she tells me, he was a powerful warrior, intelligent, one whom you could follow. None of us know what has happened to him since then - nowadays, her only remaining consolation is that he seems to have stopped hitting on her at every opportunity.
L33tz4n sighs and drifts off into a corner, thinking thoughts I would not even begin to guess at. She has felt affection for him many times, and may do so still, but he has never seemed to understand. I remember her last attempt so vividly...
"I7 is a nice n1ght," she said, with that accent that has never quite gone away. The rest had gone to sleep, and I was lying awake, when I was distracted by the sound of her voice. The two of them were sitting there, atop a hill, watching the full moon.
"Nights are bad," he responded, looking off in some random direction. "When it is dark you can't see anything, and people will expect to have some time to sleep. We waste valuable time every time we sleep."
"Valu4ble for what?"
"Why, for puzzle solving! For combing this landscape until every mystery is solved, every object owned by us, or previously owned by us but lost in a trade with the gremlins!" I am not sure what he means by gremlins. Every once in a while he will stare into space and speak of an "invisible gremlin guru" whom none of us can perceive.
"Is there noth1ng else y0u would like t0 do right now?" she asked, softly, turning her face towards him. He stared at her blankly for several minutes before going into some unrelated rant which neither of us attended to. I rolled over on the moss he thinks of as a serviceable bed and tried once more to sleep. L33tz4n was moody for days afterwards, even after he gleefully presented her with a rock he had found in the mud.

Now he is using his magic on the door. He has been told time and again he is only powerful enough to move small, light objects with his telekinesis, but he will still insist on trying it on everything he encounters. As we all knew would happen, the door does not budge. It seems to have been his last resort, as an instant later he faces us all dramatically.
"Alas! It would seem this door is impervious to all we have to throw at it. We shall have to return to it later, unless of course you have an idea..." he finishes, winking obviously at Araches. I am confused as to what he is talking about, but Araches seems to have gotten the idea.
"Just because I happen to have studied the dark arts does not mean I am intimately familiar with every evil sorcerer's dungeon in the world!" she cries, sparks flying from her eyes. "I have followed you through thick and thin, I have died for you repeatedly, and what do you do but hit on me and, when that fails, suspect me of plotting against you? I may be a magician, but I'm not evil or anything! You wouldn't last three minutes without me, and you treat me like a possessed slab of meat!"
With that, she stalks off deeper into the dungeon. He even seems genuinely concerned for a moment, before asking us "Do you think I should go after her?".
We nod our heads, but after another moment of thought, he ignores our suggestion. "We can do that later. In the meantime, it's almost 3 AM and none of us have eaten in days! Time to get some sleep!"
I do not understand his logic, and judging by their expressions, my companions do not either. Still, we lie down on the stone floor, trusting his ever-accurate sense of what time it is. I close my eyes, but soon find the ground far too hard.
Trusting that he will have gotten to sleep by now, I raise Faw and the two of us begin to slip off to the ceremonial bed chamber we found earlier, which he seems to have forgotten about. As we round the corner, I look back. The old wizard is snoring loudly, refusing to take off his hat even in sleep. L33tz4n seems to be sitting up, sadly staring at our leader's sleeping body. I sigh, and we continue.

When we return in the afternoon, Araches has returned, and a miracle has happened. Somehow - I can't begin to imagine how - L33tz4n has gotten through to him at last. The two are sitting there, together, talking softly of things I should not listen in on. As we approach, he kisses her lightly on the cheek. L33tz4n, blushing a light purple, looks at me. We both smile widely.
A few minutes later, he deems it time to move on. I mention the key. Surprised, he puts it into the lock, and the door opens. He instantly walks through the door, without thanks or precautionary measures. He may be learning, but he still has a long way to go.
I glance sideways at Faw, who seems completely lost in his own world of butterflies and video games. If even someone like Uberbob can be taught to understand, then maybe someday...
I smile and shake my head. Someday, maybe, but not today. I rush back and awaken the still sleeping Fooruman, who has not noticed any of the proceedings, and whom we had all forgotten about. Following our leader, we all walk through the doorway, a little more optimistic than before.