Legs flying through the air in a blur of regular ovals, Jazz grinned. This was what he was made to do - not shoot LFG 2000's at random specimens of otherwise neutral species, not crawl tiredly through dungeons looking for a way out, not fly through space looking for adventures - rabbits were built to Run. Really. Fast. Eva could keep her ears... the Jackrabbits had extreme speed, and they were so keeping that trait for as long as possible!
An old uncle of Jazz's had once traced the Jackrabbit family line right back to the hare from the Tortoise and the Hare, though nobody was quite sure if the famous duo had ever existed, and they didn't particularly trust the old uncle either. Regardless, Jazz felt a great sense of union with the ancient Hare, as if he was not running across this open field alone - both were fast, and both ran because of troubles with turtles. But, unlike the Hare, Jazz was not about to stop running at least until he turned around and came back to Spaz, who was probably still completely unconscious from his strange fruit reaction. So thinking, Jazz looked in front of him, boggled, and quickly skidded to a stop, dust shooting up into the air in all directions.
In front of the now motionless green rabbit was an enormous turtle, far bigger than even the ones he and Spaz had encountered throughout the royal gardens - perhaps one of the recently extinct schwarzenguards, apparently not all killed by Jazz on his previous missions against Devan. This purple shelled behemoth had all the markings of a schwarzenguard - size, size, and being a turtle. The thing roared, and Jazz felt his eyes go blank with sheer, unmasked terror.
Frantically, Jazz looked around for any way to escape while the schwarzenguard was still roaring randomly into the sky. A rope hung from the air. Asking no questions, Jazz grabbed onto the rope and felt himself being hurled upwards into the air. He waved at the still roaring turtle creature, which stared up at his retreating form in confusion. It really did not seem even half so big when he wasn't standing right in front of it.
Near the peak of his climb, Jazz let go of the rope, and landed squarely on top of a rock ledge, next to Spaz, who had apparently woken up and engineered Jazz's impromptu escape plan.
"Good work, Spaz," said Jazz, checking the LFG-2000 for scratches, all thoughts of eternal spirits of speed replaced by the urgent vitality of the now. "Want to blow this pop stand and teach that hunk of giant turtle a little lesson?"
"Sure!" enthused the younger brother, after checking furtively behind his back for a rogue pop stand attack. "It's not all that far down!" So saying, he jumped off the cliff, plummeting down onto the green grass below. Reluctantly conceding Spaz's point, Jazz too leaped off, landing right next to Spaz, who was observing the schwarzenguard with some interest.
Like Jazz, the turtle had also regained its wits in the time between initial confrontation and rematch. No longer the brain-dead hulking brute of before, the creature had donned large spiked armor, and carried a long chain of spike balls which caused no apparent discomposure to his hand. Walking forwards a few steps, the schwarzenguard swung its right foreleg around in a wide circle before letting loose the spiked chain towards the rabbit brothers.
"Scatter!" yelled Jazz, pushing Spaz out of the way and firing a few rounds of blaster fire towards the impending cord of doom. All his shots went wild, and Jazz cried out as the spikes dug briefly into his skin before flying back towards the turtle, apparently of their own accord. Ripping off a piece of his bandana, Jazz attempted to bandage his wound while also paying full attention to the battle around him.
Spaz had taken it into his head to attack the schwarzenguard, and was doing so with great enthusiasm. Shot after shot of both blaster and bouncer rained out from Spaz's gun onto the armored shell of the turtle, who winced slightly at each impact but otherwise seemed unharmed. Spaz managed to jump over its next throw of the spike cord, but it was a near thing.
"All right..." grunted Jazz, rising from the ground and cocking his weapon, "no more mister nice rabbit." Loading a new cartridge into the sleek blue weapon he carried, Jazz stepped forward and let loose five hundred degrees of flaming toaster pellets, mysteriously found in various places on Carrotus, directly into the open belly of his adversary. The flames pouring forth from the muzzle of Jazz's gun lit up the area, showing looks of first terror, pain, confusion and bemusement as they passed across the face of the schwarzenguard. Suddenly laughing, it swung the chain of spikes in an arc to its right, catching Spaz in mid jump, who had been attempting to ambush the turtle from behind. Jazz stared in horrified fascination, both at the turtle's apparent ability to survive the full force of the flamethrower, and at Spaz's limp form, as it sailed into the air and landed with a sickening thump on the ground. Jazz dashed over to his brother, to find the red rabbit once more unconscious, drool dripping lazily from his half open mouth. Eyes ablaze, Jazz turned back to the mass of muscle, which had finally stopped laughing.
"I know you..." spat Jazz, grabbing Spaz's green gun from his limp hand, bringing both weapons up to aim at the schwarzenguard. "I've seen your wanted poster in bars across the galaxy. I saw you in Decksta, after you kidnapped the woman who would happily be my wife right now, were it not for your master. And now you're back again, and you've hurt the only family I have in all the galaxy." Jazz stepped forwards menacingly, staring daggers at the face of the schwarzenguard, who had paled slightly. "My name is Jazz Jackrabbit. You hurt my brother - prepare to die."
And then the green rabbit came to life, dashing across the ground, flying through the air at high speeds, both guns firing an almost constant barrage of red hot fury from every direction, hitting every weak point on the turtle's body before it could even react. The spiked chain thing went flying off into the realms of uselessness, knocked away by the shock-waves caused by a high speed bullet to the hand. In no time at all, the turtle was on its back, whimpering, the LFG-2000 crammed deep into its enormous mouth.
"Any last words?" whispered Jazz, reloading the cartridge of toaster which had failed earlier. The turtle vigorously nodded its head, and the rabbit, interested despite himself, slowly removed the blaster, keeping Spaz's gun aimed at the side of the turtle's head just in case. "Speak," spoke Jazz, perhaps unnecessarily.
"I'll tell you everything!" gulped the annihilated antagonist, staring at the two guns held by Jazz. "Devan's plans... where he is... everything!"
"Keep talking..."
"He's got a machine... the something 2000... it's a time machine! He says he's going to travel back in time and erase rabbits from all of history!" Jazz's gasp was taken as an indication to continue. "He's working in a secret lab hidden inside of Runabout Canyon... but there's a backdoor right nearby! I can show you the way!"

A few minutes later found both rabbits and the turtle standing over what appeared to be a large pumpkin half buried in the ground. Spaz had recovered without apparent major harm, and after a little discussion, the brothers had decided to follow the schwarzenguard.
"This," said Spaz, after much consideration of the turtle's find, "appears to be a pupkins."
"Pumpkin."
"Yeah, that. Anyway, it's a pupkins," concluded Spaz, looking suspiciously at the schwarzenguard and raising his gun. The threatened turtle quickly made ready to defend the pumpkin's authenticity.
"No! It looks like a pumpkin, but it lifts up! Here..." so saying, it kicked a seemingly random rock placed on the ground. The rock shuddered, there was a large creaking sound, and the large pumpkin slowly began to lift itself out of the ground, revealing a tunnel underneath. "This," proclaimed the turtle, "leads directly to Devan's secret lab. The time machine should be over in that direction somewhere."
"Ok," said Jazz, "I'll go first. If its not what the turtle says it is, I'll call out, and you dispose of our large green friend over there. Otherwise, come on in, because I get the feeling there's no time to waste."
The pumpkin had by then fully removed itself from the hole, leaving Jazz a good deal of room to slide himself into. The green rabbit let go of the sides of the hole, dropping down into the comparative darkness below. A few seconds later, there was a thump, quickly followed by an "All Clear!" from Jazz.
Spaz looked down at the hole, back at the turtle, back at the hole, back at the turtle, and grinned. Crouching down, he braced his powerful feet against the ground.
"Uhh... what are you doing?" asked the schwarzenguard, glancing nervously at the evil grin upon the face of his antagonist.
"Revenge!" cackled Spaz, shooting forwards from the ground with a war whoop, right foot extended in front of the body. The boot clad foot connected solidly with the open belly of the schwarzenguard, who groaned and toppled backwards. Well pleased with himself, the red rabbit hopped down into the hole to answer Jazz's calls of inquiry.




Princess Bride quote. I didn't think the movie was so incredible, but that line gets used everywhere, so I decided to put it in. At least I'm not left handed.