Mary Sue Goes to Carrotus
Chapter One: A lovely beginning for the most lovely rabbit. EVER.
Written and illustrated by Lie A.

(Author’s Note: Inspired by an old JJ2 RP I went to, where I RPed Spaz. This is because I love Spaz. In any case, this RP was jam-packed with HORRIBLE Sues, so I couldn’t help it. Read on and puke out your own brain. Also, the “sew jellies” phrase was taken from a bad fic in and of itself, wherein a girl named Bloody fell in love with Harry Potter and all the other gills (yes, gills) were sew jellies. You can find it at http://www.godawful.net/forums/ under the Golden Oldies section. I wouldn’t look for it, though, if you value your sanity.)
(Disclaimer: I don’t own JJ or JJ2. Epic does. I also don’t own the godawful Sues mentioned in this story. They belong to the RP.)

A bright pink body was hopping about cheerily through the groves of Carrotus, whistling a merry tune to herself as she collected the many growing vegetables. She was known as The Duchess Eliza Maria Catrina Ilanz Sharkrabbit, but her many friends just called her Emcis. Her few enemies called her Puke-iza Flegmia Blechtrina Stupidz Skankrabbit, but she didn’t care about those gills. They were only sew jellies, after all. She wore a flowing gown of bright sky blue and her own luxurious hair, deep red and as long as her dress reached down, to her knees.

A friend was closeby her side, holding onto her shoulder and skipping with a bright smile. She was Korry Blackrabbit, but Emcis’ nickname for her was Handcuff. Her fur was strikingly dark for that of a Galactic Rabbit, a piercing grey close to black. She had six earrings in each ear, all ruby studs, and her deeply pained-looking red eyes only stood out even more as a result. She even wore dark clothes for her type, black baggy jeans with long chains and a short black halter-top. Her ears were very long and silky, waggling with each of her movements.

Handcuff and Emcis, as it was, were collecting veggies for the sixteenth annual Carrotus “Eatlong Festival,” in which the beautiful Princess Eva Earlong herself was hostess, tossing the best of the Carrotus carrots into a great pot of stew for everyone to eat. The stew itself would last for many moons, hence the name “Eatlong,” which the Princess refused to admit as being a pun.

Handcuff never liked her Princess, but due to her being a servant of the royal family, she could’t help accompanying Emcis on their search. In fact, as far as anyone sane was concerned, Handcuff hated everyone and everything. She had only proven that theory many times by her wrist-slashing habits, letting them bleed until her wrists themselves were stained a dark red. Emcis had christened her Handcuff for that very reason.

“Hey, that patch over there looks really nice! Just look at how green those cabbages are!”

Handcuff nodded at her companion’s suggestion and they took off toward said area of the veggie-patch, Emcis immediately tackling the very green cabbage ruthlessly. She was forced to jump back, however, when an angry voice of a male rabbit chided her and the cabbage beneath her body…moved?

“Who do ya think you are, runnin’ up and trying to kill me like that!? I hope ya know I’m—“ What Emcis now recognized as a bright green rabbit suddenly stopped talking, his gorgeous blue eyes’ pupils growing small in disbelief. Undoubtedly it was at Emcis’ unbelievable beauty, those perfect hips, those voluptuous breasts, her supple limbs…When the Duchess moved to give the rabbit in the dirt a hand to pull him up, he spoke again in a stammering tone.

“Y-you…you’re even sexier than Eva Earlong…” Emcis giggled as the green rabbit stared and complemented her, and she gave his cheek a quick kiss and watched it redden subsequently.

“You’re a little cutie! My name’s as The Duchess Eliza Maria Catrina Ilanz Sharkrabbit! But you can call me Emcis, honeypie.” The swooning male smiled in a goofy way, nearly falling over as he touched her ridiculously soft hand.

“M-m-my n-name’s…Jazz.”

“Good to hear it! Jazz…that has a ring to it. I’ll bet you’re a macho tough guy, huh?”

While Emcis was giggling in a disgustingly adorable way, Handcuff rolled her eyes and kicked a cabbage over with a bored expression. “Right, whatever. I’m Handcuff.”

“Handcuff, don’t be rude! I don’t care if you don’t like him, he’s my boyfriend! That’s how Mary Sue plotlines work, y’know!?” A quick slap to the face quieted Handcuff, and the gothbunny turned with loud grumbling about something to do with cheese.

Emcis blushed and turned back to Jazz, ruffling his hair, still greatly amused by his dumbfounded look. “So, you seem pretty familiar with Eva…are you acquaintances?”

Jazz was still swooning horribly and struggling to stay upright as he replied, “Not anymore. Now you’re my only acquaintance, and girlfriend. But if yer curious, we were…uh…were, mind you, engaged.”

Emcis loved stealing boys from otherwise fiancées and she happily took Jazz’s paws and drew him into a hug, ignoring Handcuff’s second rolling of her eyes. “See, Evie and I are related. My daddypoo is her mom’s uncle’s father’s brother’s cousin’s grandpa’s auntie’s grandma’s sister’s second cousin thrice removed!” She giggled in that sickly way again as Handcuff disgustedly stormed off with yet another rolling of her eyes.

She’s just sew jellies, Emcis thought.

What a lovely first chapter! NOT. I can't wait until Jazz blows her head off! YAY.