Yes, I am still around, submitting your email adresses to spammers and trolls for money.


I'm quite sure that after this had all blown over, whenever he retold the story of these events in whatever dingy smoke filled bar he visits, Jazz would always make a special note of our first confrontation. How I jumped a foot in the air in shock, how I glared at him with barely suppressed hatred, grit my teeth and tried [unsuccessfully of course] to crush his hand when we shook. And how he knew it was me from the very start. And, like most bar room tales, it would be total crud.

Although quite surprised, the encounter of the previous day had quite prepared me for any other such occurrences and I betrayed no sign whatsoever of my actual identity. Jazz walked briskly across to me and held out a hand. "Wow, you're the new science guy huh? I've never seen anyone go through an interview with the Queen and emerge without being deafened before! What’d ya say to her? I could really use a few tips."

I shook his hand warmly and informed him, somewhat smugly, that I thought the Queen was actually quite a nice person. I honestly believe that if I could only lock Jazz and the Queen in the same room for 5 minutes, all my worries would be over. This line of thinking was cut short however, by a shout that dislodged small loose chunks of masonry from the ceiling.

"Jazz Jackrabbit?!! Is that you?! Come in here right this minute! We have some things to discuss!"

"Uuuh, just showing the new science guy around! Talktoyalaterseeyagoodbye!"

And with that I was [rather hurriedly] shown out and to my new 'office' It was a large and rather spacious and drafty room on the top of the tower of art, reached by about a thousand steps. [Elevator? is that something like this 'electricity' I keep hearing of?] The entire room swayed back and forth with the slightest breeze. It was leaky and rundown, with a rather large hole in the roof, a rather damp mildew patch below that, and against all logic, a rather complete collection of at least moderately up-to-date scientific equipment. Whoever had used this place last had at least managed a good grasp of modern scientific research. Despite being somewhat dusty, most of the four benches worth of atomizers, spectral analyzers and microelement mass spectroscopes were in functioning condition and neatly packed ready to use. There was also an impressive collection of funnily shaped glass tubes and beakers containing dyed water. [A must for any laboratory, people may be impressed by a big white box wired to a computer that could tell them what they ate that morning, but what will really amaze them is colorful bubbling stuff.] The view wasn't too bad either. From the window you could see the entire castle, and several surrounding towns. It would be the perfect place to observe all the goings on below. You could just imagine someone locking themselves in as a last ditch attempt to evade attackers, raining glass shards and smashed equipment onto those below.

There was also, in the far corner a cubicle containing a bed, reading lamp, drawers full of clothing and a bookcase of relevant literature. By the look of the opened and partially packed suitcase on the bed, whoever had used this last left in an awful hurry.

"Hey! Ashy! So you're the new guy! What a coincidence huh?" I turned at the familiar sound of the rabbit’s voice. It was my 'roommate' from the previous night. His name was Raven Sable, whom I had gathered from the previous night's conversation, was the kind of person that couldn't find his tail in the bathtub, but believed that they could lead an army into battle because their grandfather lead a group of drunken violent thugs to a glorious victory over another group of similarly drunk and violent thugs. [This was followed of course by the usual slaughtering of women, children and elderly.] He was tall, even for a rabbit, with red fur all over. Even his eyes were more red than brown, and he emitted an air of self assurance and arrogance that draws the weak-minded like flies. From what I had gathered he guarded one of the cells in the lower dungeon, but hoped that one day he would get his chance to show off his real skills in an attack of some sort where his courage and bravery would see him defeat unbeatable odds. He was therefore, the exact kind of person one would want in charge of your enemies’ army.

"What'd I tell ya? As soon as I saw you I thought 'There's someone who’s going somewhere!' I told you you had an intelligent profile; it runs in the family I'll bet. Hey, wanna go down to the cafeteria? They're serving chili for lunch." Given that I had no money and hadn't eaten in over a week, I was starting to feel a little hungry [reptile metabolism.] and besides, Raven was the kind of person who didn't really care what you thought, just as long as it intersected with his opinions somewhere. So it was that we made our way to lunch and I enjoyed another half hour of his insightful jabbering. You see, until the rabbits had been given space flight and thus began eliminating other species, they had occupied themselves with eliminating each other. Of course now everything was peaceful and settled, but Raven [and he assured me, many, many right thinking folk] remembered that their neighbors belonged to the such-and-suches, who were by their very nature deceitful and dishonest.

This conversation was made more bearable by the fact that Raven intensely hated Jazz Jackrabbit and his entire family even more than I did. It was he said, an insult that a common soldier should marry the princess and to add insult to injury, invite his entire 'dreadfully common' family to lounge around the castle freeloading. I enjoyed a relatively entertaining half hour of trading insults and rumors about my adversary before retiring to my new lodgings to formulate a plan to take advantage of my new position of power.

Sadly, this was not to be, the combination of curried carrots and fresh carrot juice disagreed with me violently and I spent the afternoon incapable of doing much more than being sick. On a positive note, while leaning out of the tower window, I managed to score a direct hit on an unfortunate rabbit below.