This is significantly shorter than it's supposed to be and is missing two important scenes which I plan to post at some later date. And I wrote all this a long time ago because I didn't want to post this without those scenes. Oh well.

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"Name?" asks the police captain.
"Dennis Rethguals."
"Offense?"
"Attempted rape and probable murder."
"Length of stay?"
"Ask the judge."
"Any special cell requirements?"
"None."
"All right... R.A.B.T. number?"
"26."
I watch as Dennis is lead away, a mixture of sadness and triumph playing through my brain. After the fiasco in the shower, I had dressed and tied Dennis up, afterwards proceeding to make myself at home until the trial time approached. Despite his lower qualities, Dennis really did have a nice house, with no dead bodies that I could find.
I glance up at the clock. Seven. With the trial at seven-thirty, Razz should be here at any moment to pick up Devan Shell. We will go to the trial, make sure Shell doesn't escape, and afterwards I will get my life back. Somehow, the prospect is not quite as appealing as it was in the hours between midnight and dawn, curled up in the alley. While in the R.A.B.T. uniform, nobody got in my way. I could walk right into people's houses and confiscate their possessions without complaint. I could march people into the jail building and they would be locked away, after I reported this or that indictment, with no need to provide proof. This is the feeling of being in control that has so many times caused me to want to abandon my civilian life and roam the planets full time, though Margsly always disapproved.
As Zoe Cottontail, of course, I am nobody, a saleswoman at a weapons shop, giving out small items with the power to kill, often untraceably. Today, my knowledge of guns has saved my life, which in some way makes up for the unwanted derision, affection and worship I receive from my coworkers, but not all the way. I live in a small, unclean apartment, my closest neighbor drilling holes in my ceiling for his own perverted purposes. There is nobody who would not choose the R.A.B.T. life over my normal one. What I need is a change of scene.
I am violently pulled back into the real world by a tap on my shoulder. Remembering Dennis' entry into the shower, I whirl around, only to find Razz smiling at me, suitcase on the ground next to him. I take several deep breaths, reminding myself that the danger is over.
"Hi, Zo - 26," he says, "welcome back to the land of the awake." I grin weakly. "You ready?"
I nod, and we collect Devan Shell, who is sitting dejectedly in a corner of the cell. I notice his toilet has been remade into what looks like a toy version of a 2703 Stalwich Assassinator, but missing a few crucial design elements. There is an impressive burn mark on the far wall, but nothing nearly powerful enough to cause an escape. On the way to the courthouse, Razz and I take turns explaining to Shell what went wrong with his toilet gun, I being surprised by Razz's knowledge of gunnery, and Razz by my knowledge of machines. The turtle is not a bad guy for a galactic terrorist, once you get past his dramatic dialogue.
The trial itself starts off smoothly, with no arguments regarding seat arrangements, and no struggles from Devan. In the center of the circular courtroom, floating about five feet above the ground and three feet above the jury, sits the cunning-yet-honorable Judge Fury, ready to take command of the situation. All around the edges of the room sit the audience, composed of witnesses for both sides, reporters, and people who just dropped in to watch a trial before heading home. Razz and I stand on either side of Devan, making sure he doesn't escape, but allowing him room to talk to his lawyer, a respectable looking hedgehog. Across the room from us is an identical desk to the one we are at, but unguarded, occupied by a lawyer (badger) and a rabbit which I assume must be the prosecutor. As I slowly look around for hidden threats, Razz grabs my arm and whispers into my ear.
"Well...! I should pay more attention at the briefings. You see that green guy over there? The prosecutor?" I nod. "That's Jazz Jackrabbit, my cousin-in-law!"
Surprised, I examine the green rabbit more closely. About three feet tall, somewhat muscular, but with an aura of grim determination which prevents you from being anything but impressed. He wears a red headband, gold wristbands on his arms, and shares his chair with an enormous blue gun - LFG model, probably, but it's hard to tell from where I'm sitting.
"Nice catch," I whisper back, "your cousin or his?"
He grins. "Do I look married to you?"
I shake my head, and I return my attention to the proceedings, keeping a careful eye on Devan just in case. "This court is now in session," proclaims Judge Fury. "The prosecution will begin its opening statements." Jazz's lawyer gets up, clearing his throat impressively before beginning the case.
"Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury... we are gathered here today to condemn Mr. Shell for what I believe will be his third imprisonment. The evidence gathered against him today is insurmountable, and I have every reason to believe this trial will be a swift one."
"Defense?"
The hedgehog stands. "While Mr. Shell's criminal record is notable, there is no evidence linking him to the murder of Queen Earlong, and I hope that as sane men and woman, you will do the right thing and announce my defendant innocent."
"Thank you. Do either parties wish to invoke the rule excluding witnesses?" The lawyers respond that no, they don't, and Fury continues. "Prosecution may call its first witness."
The badger stands again. "I call Spazactric Anthony Jackrabbit to the stand." A gangly red rabbit leaps out of the audience and jogs over to the witness podium where Jazz's lawyer is already waiting. "Do you," asks the badger, "solemnly swear that the testimony you give is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, under penalty of perjury?"
The rabbit looks confused. "What's pear jury?" Laughter begins to ripple across the audience, and Judge Fury bangs his gavel. "Order! Mr. Jackrabbit, perjury is the act of telling a falsehood while under oath to speak no lie."
"Oh..." the red rabbit ponders this. "So, you're saying I shouldn't lie, 'cause that's bad, right?"
"Yes. Now, Mr. Jackrabbit, the oath?"
"Okie! Um, like, I swear to tell you the truth, and then I won't lie, 'cause apparently if I lie, that would be lying, and that is being bad! So I won't lie when I tell the truth and stuff. Can I go now?"
From the corner of my eye I see Jazz holding his head in his hands, obviously in distress of some kind. Meanwhile, the badger has managed to explain to Spaz why he was called up.
"Mr. Jackrabbit, where were you at 2:14 PM on Friday, August 1st?"
Pause. "Can't tell you."
"Mr. Jackrabbit, need I remind you that you are under oath? Do you wish to plead the fifth?"
"Huh? No, the fifth is all fine, but I just dunno where I was. See," and here his voice drops to a conspiratorial tone which I can barely make out, "I can't tell time."
"Order!" cries the judge again, and the laughter dies down. Spaz continues on in this fashion, aggravating everyone present until he is eventually dismissed and the proceedings continue. Many more witnesses are called, mostly rabbits, although a few turtles show up to testify that Devan was in several different completely innocent places at the time of the murder, often on the other side of the galaxy. They are unable to explain how exactly it was that Jazz apprehended him on Carrotus, or why nobody at the locations they name showed up to verify his presence. The case is becoming decidedly one-sided in my officially impartial eye, and I expect nothing new when Devan himself is called to the stand.
"Mr. Shell," asks the badger, "are you responsible for the murder of Queen Earlong?"
"No."
"Can you inform us who did?"
"No."
"What is your comment on the security tapes and eyewitnesses which recorded you?"
"Fakes and frauds," responds the turtle sullenly, "or someone else who just looks like me. I didn't do it."
All during Devan's testimony, I had noticed Jazz becoming increasingly aggravated, hands bunched into small fists, holding tightly onto the table in front of him. At this final denial, Jazz jumps to his feet, snatching the blue gun up as he does so. Body shaking except for the hand holding the gun, Jazz aims at Devan's frightened head, ignoring the cries from the rest of the court. "That's not true!" Jazz shouts, angrily. "We all saw you kill her! How can you sit there, innocently claiming that you're not an evil monster?! You're the turtle who conquered the known universe and imprisoned the woman who was going to be my wife in countless uncomfortable dungeons! You've slaughtered more creatures than most of us will ever know in our lives, and you've tampered with history so much that I barely recognize the galaxy I live in! And now you sit here and say that you didn't kill the only mother I've ever known. Give me one good reason I shouldn't blow your head off right here and now!!" Jazz's eyes are ablaze with hatred, gun humming ominously with suppressed energy. The court is completely silent, and Razz and I are both standing tensely, ready to spring into action at a moment's notice.
"Time's up!" the green rabbit cries madly a moment later, and a burst of flame flies out of his gun, flying straight and true towards Devan's motionless form. In an instant, I have tackled Devan down to the ground and out of harm's way, and Razz leaps forward with a strange device in his outstretched hand. Looking up, I watch the flame quiver and disperse as it nears Razz's device, ending uselessly with no damage done to anything. Razz presses a button, and a beam of blue light hits Jazz, rendering him temporarily immobile long enough for the court officials to remove his gun.