Update:

Okay guys, here's the drill. Your entries suck. I mean they really, really suck. Your entries suck even more than a elephant with a vacuum cleaner stuck up it's trunk. So until you guys can produce at least one acceptable entry, this contest will continue. And continue. And I'm sure you don't want that. You know why you don't want that? Well, I'm not really sure I do either, but I do know that I don't want that because I want a good entry. So go and make one.

....

Please?