@Odin: A door with no handle.
I led my party back into the Isle of Darkness town square. They were all in very low spirits, and I couldn't blame them; we had wasted a whole twenty minutes of our lives that we would never get back.
Waiting for us just outside the arcade was a large group of Canadians wielding torches and pitchforks. I waved hello to them. They didn't wave back. I took this to mean we were in very serious trouble.
"Enemies of Lord Blackraptor!" the former Irish man said. He seemed to be leading the angry mob. "We know why you're here, eh! We figured out your non-evil plans!"
"Yeah!" added another angry Canadian. "Eventually!"
"What's going on?" Araches asked, strangely calm considering what was happening.
"We saw your thirdeighteennoteevenbettercitrusfruitymanypagedla zerlightysuperflyingfullyclotheductscraptlegalfour seatsestrudelire!" was the response. "Blackraptor called for the arrest, trial and execution of any group of travelers found to be in possession of a thirdeighteennoteevenbettercitrusfruitymanypagedla zerlightysuperflyingfullyclotheductscraptlegalfour seatsestrudelire!"
"Uberbob," L33tz4n whispered in my ear. "Magic Map us out of h3re!"
I lifted the Magic Map above my head dramatically and said, "Behold! Uberbob's great escape from the Isle of Darkness! PWNED U N00BS!"
I suddenly heard a burst of gunfire, then saw the remains of the Magic Map drift to the ground in a pile of white confetti. I felt like I had just lost my best friend.
"Please!" said Fawriel, stepping forward and an attempt tp reason with the evil horde of Canadians. "Let's settle this like civilised-" His speech was cut short by a Canadian bashing him over the head with a baseball bat. Strange, I didn't even know Canadians played baseball. Maybe it was a hockey bat.
They had us surrounded on all sides. There were far too many of them to fight, even if we used all of our magic and summons. The Magic Map was gone, Faw's Townpipe was unusable, and, believe it or not, I was out of good ideas. I held Chad close to me. "It's going to be okay," I reassured him. "Daddy's here."
The situation called for a desperate move. If I was to get out of this alive, I would have to make a quick decision, and probably a really bad one.
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