n00b: SUBURBIAN COMMANDO
In which n00b plays the role of a typical suburbian person, who happens to get mixed up in something or another after something and somewhat happens.

Chapter 1

Life has an odd way of smacking one in the face, like this one time I was out getting tea with the prophet Muhammad when- never mind I'm losing focus on what I started with. It was a tranquil day in Chestoak Commons, the kids were playing outside, people were watching TV inside, and thieves and rapists were beaten by cops. It was so tranquil that you could leave the front door unlocked, which was an exceptionally bad idea when there were hobos about.

"Homeless dude, get the beheomish out of my house," said n00b, a currently annoyed home owner, "You’re ruining my feng-sushi."
With that, n00b started shoving the homeless man to the front door. During the shoving the hobo started shouting erratically.

"No, no, you don't understand! The fuzz is after me, I'm indebt to the mob, a gang, and some drug dealers, and I really need a drink right now. Can a brutah spare a dime?" n00b had shoved the hobo out the door by the time the hobo's speech was over and n00b was prepared to have a final speech. Kinda like all the cool people in movies do.

"Listen, Homeless dude, I have no idea what you're talking about. Take a quick look and what do you see? Kids are playing outside, I was watching TV inside, and thieves and rapists are being beaten by cops. This is a pastel-colored land called Suburbia. If you're looking for the city, walk 30 miles in the direction of death and decay. Please and thanks babadino, and good day to you sir." and with that, n00b slammed the door into the face of the homeless man.

At this point, a rather odd set of events happened. The door had hit the homeless man who was flung into a kid riding a tricycle. The tricycle moved with the force of the hobo into a running lawnmower. The lawnmower reacted by spinning out of control wildly, turning the tricycle, kid, and hobo into shaved little bits. In its spinning the lawnmower had made its way to a garage, where some teens were having a jam session. The lawnmower rammed into the band’s setup, which in turn let loose a lawnmower that wasn't turned on. The shut down lawnmower went down a driveway, and into the street. At this point a truck containing highly explosive and flammable substances was driving down said street. The truck driver noticed the lawnmower a tad too late, and in a desperate attempt to swerve out of the way, collided with the lawnmower. For some reason or other this caused an explosion. Debris of the highly flammable substance originally in the truck was launched through the window of a house, where it landed on a stove. The stove was attempting to heat up ground beef, and when struck by the debris, started a fire inside the house. The house was that of a Botanist's, and burned down rather quickly. The fire was able to spread to a few more nearby houses, and other fire-breakouts had occurred from the truck's debris.

n00b was watching the A-team when a knock at the door interrupted his viewing. He walked to the door and was prepared to tell a homeless man off. However when he opened the door, he was shocked to see a policeman, and a bunch of burning people pointing fingers at his general direction.

"Listen officer, despite what these people tell you, I'm not the head of the 'Burning People Cult'." was the best thing n00b could say, which apparently was the worst thing he could say since he was promptly arrested with the charge of mass arson.