It took me a while to write this- mainly because I was listening to the Beatles and once or twice I hit the dreaded WRITER'S BLOCK, but there it is, Spaz the fool.


It was midnight and everyone in the Earlong estate was asleep even the queen (who still wasn't able to get her head out of the ceiling (Jazz refused to help)), all of a sudden there was an extraordinary noise coming from Spaz’s room. It sounded like a mixture of someone bouncing on a bed, listening to incredibly loud electro music and munching down songbirds. Quite naturally it woke everyone up, and the unexpected hits you in between the eyes, they were very miffed. Everyone was up, even the queen who just yelled to Spaz to shut up as she couldn’t move, what with her head in the ceiling and all. Jazz and Lori made their way down the long, echoing corridor (Eva didn’t go as she was wearing a blindfold, and as she got out of bed managed to stub her toes on a heavy mahogany bedside table and an oak dresser. She decided it would safer if she just stayed in bed), anyway, Lori, in her nightdress, and Jazz, the same as he usually is (except without headband and wristbands) started hammering on Spaz’s heavy oak door. The bouncing, loud music and a’monching still continued, ‘Hey!’ Cried Jazz and Lori ‘are you awake?’ it was understandable that he may be sleep ‘walking’ because he had eaten a whole jar of best brown sugar at dinner-time and was hyperactive, a little more hyperactive than usual, but it became evident that he was awake when they heard footsteps and the music change to rave.’ I’ll be back in a bit’ said Jazz and when he returned Lori noticed he was wearing his wristbands and was carrying two hammers ‘what are those for?’ asked Lori
‘They’re to bash the door down, of course.’ Said Jazz indignantly ‘it’s locked anyway, Spaz says it’s to ‘keep the birds in’, I think’.
‘Oh don’t’ said Lori calmly ‘you’ll make dents in the door, what would people think if we were having a banquet?’
‘You’re right’ said Jazz disappointed.
‘I know, I’ll go and get a credit card to pick the lock on the door’ suggested Lori.
A minute later Lori came back and picked the lock. They strode in and found Spaz on his bed head banging and surrounded by feathers ‘can it would you!’ shouted Lori
‘We were asleep!’ shouted Jazz. The two came at Spaz like buzzards and promptly tied him to a solid walnut wood chair. ‘Look you!’ Thundered Jazz and Lori in perfect unison ‘If you’re going to listen to music in the night-time would you turn it down!’
‘Never!’ cried Spaz ‘anyway I like that music and nothing will make it different!’
‘Oh really?’ said Jazz menacingly ‘Lori? Would you be so kind as to get the hammers? … Spaz, are you feeling all right? I mean that was a bit to long for you, you did use some very long words there’ but before Spaz could react Lori came in with the hammers ‘why did you have to throw them out of the window?’ she said.
‘Never mind. Would you hold him down to that desk over there?’
‘My pleasure’ said Lori ‘if it’ll make him be quiet’
Lori held Spaz’s ears down to the desk ‘last chance’ said Jazz holding a hammer over Spaz’s ear. ‘Aagh! Okay okay! I swear I’ll turn it down and I like the Beatles and also jazz music now! Just don’t hit my ears!’
‘We’ll let you off this time’ whispered Jazz into Spaz’s ear ‘but if you do this kind of thing again we’ll take your hover board… and your birds.’
‘No! Please don’t’ Cried Spaz. Jazz and Lori started to exit the room when Spaz shouted after them ‘could you untie me please?’
‘No’ said Lori and she grabbed a hammer out of Jazz’s hand and proceeded to smash the still blaring stereo to bits. It made a few weak noises before falling to silence. And to pieces. ‘Are you going to bed again, Lori?’ She looked at her new Rolex wristwatch
‘Why? Its 6 am’ she said ‘I have to do my hour of Yoga and martial arts practice after that, then I have to choose what to wear for the banquet, and as you know you have to choose what to war as well, and the Earlong estate has the largest wardrobe room on Carrotus.’
And they went down the corridor their separate ways to do whatever they were going to do. Jazz definitely needed a lie in.