Well, of COURSE it's the EPICMEGAGAMES universe. Where else did you think we would be, the PGSFTWR universe? (Or APOGEESOFTWARE, for long)


There was a jarring thump, which sucessfully thumped all the jars inside the Fabulous Space War Tavern. Kovu was thrown out of the pickle jar, which he had a knack for getting into, and a lot of rabbits fell on eachothers' heads. Claw went flying out a shaft opening, and crashed into the door. The locks had stopped working from the jolt of the landing, even though Black Rabite had done his best to prevent total annhilation, so Claw went sailing out onto this hostile new world. At least, judging from Rabite's expectations and Claw's vision, it was hostile. Computers and other game systems were laying in huge flaming piles, video games were fashionably being blown apart by Semi Automatic Ultimacia Brand Rifles. The inhabitants of the planet, a bunch of books with arms and legs, were screaming at the top of their leafs "One, Two, Three, Four! We don't want your pixel war!" Claw, stunned, ran back inside the Fabulous Space War Tavern to huddle underneath Batty Buddy's umbrella.

The Lemon Pies, which had been hurled out of the formerly locked cupboards, began thinking they were Gun4 Homing Missiles. Everyone ran in circles screaming some more, as Lemon Pies flew at 3mph behind them. If any of them had had the sense to run down a hallway, they could have easily outdistanced the Lemon Pies, but they were to busy running in circles and screaming to notice. Fortunately for the cleanliness of all concerned, Beauman quickly threw one of his emergancy plot holes in the direction of the Lemon Pies, sucking them all up. Unfortunately for the stomachs of all concerned, the plot hole also sucked up all food aboard the Fabulous Space War Tavern. It would have gotten all the drinks, too, but it is impossible for the War Tavern to run out of alchohol. A long long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, Darth Vader yelled a non repeatable word as fifty thousand Lemon Pies plopped into his face.

Meanwhile, back on whatever planet the War Tavern is situated in, (it's either Carrotus or Diamondu, I'd say) Freelance continued to desolately walk the streets of downtown Krackuhjakuhs. He had seen the Fabulous Space War Tavern blast off of the planet six days ago, and he still had not decided on a new name. His legs were also regretting he had abandoned the horse. Said horse, in fact, was now in another story all together, bravely fighting off Nazguls with its hooves. Freelance had narrowed it down to two names, "Ancoysd" or "Cvomsues", and was in a state of liking them equally. In asking other inhabitants and lowlife one which they thought was better, he had been mugged 5 times, knocked unconcious 3, told to bug off 21.5 and had gotten rather sick of the whole deal 29.5. He hitched a ride on a horse and cart with what was left of his money, and thought to himself angrily as he was bumped along the road.

• I
• Must,
• Must,
• MUST
• find
• a
• way
• to
• stop
• this
• torture!
• Maybe
• there's
• someone
• I
• know
• nearby
• who
• owns
• a
• spaceship......
• No,
• I
• said
• I'm
• leaving
• my
• old
• life
• behind.

Getting off at a Soup Kitchen, Freelance walked sadly up to the window, still attempting to decide between "Ancoysd" or "Cvomsues".

Back in the Fabulous War Tavern, everyone had calmed down. A shaken up bottle of beer still exploded every few minutes, sometimes soaking someone, but other then that the aftermath of the crash was over. Black Rabite had recieved an award for saving most of the ship by turning on the shield, and had had it taken away because it had been his fault in the first place. Beauman, who had taken the chair GenEX had taken from Gummybear back on the War Tavern's home planet, began a speech. "Fellow space travellers, we are gathered here today because Black Rabite crashed us all onto a planet. Only one of us has seen what is on the planet, and he does not want to return. Usually, Claw is a very calm.... Claw, but he saw something there that has shaken him considerably. Claw?"
"Thankee, Beauman. Waell, I done right enough saw a big hooten anty with lots of book thangies burning cah-omputers and vih-de-o games! I even saw a few copies of Jazz 2 in there along with them!" There was a collective gasp, and Beauman continued.
"With or without his weird new accent, Claw has just explained why we have no wish to remain upon this planet. If the bookians were to venture upon our Fabulous Space War Tavern, I would not be surprised if they started smashing everything. Does anyone have a suggestion on how we may get off this horrid place, so we can return to our earlier task of reaching Hollywood, Earth?"
GenEX walked up to the podium, and quickly stole Beauman's microphone. "I have an idea! Let us all go teleport to a distant plan-" however, before GenEX could continue, Kovu threw a beer bottle at him. It exploded on the wall above the stolen stolen chair, and completely drenched Gen. Sputtering, he leaped across the room onto Kovu, and they started tussling. Taking no notice, Beauman went on.
"Does anyone ELSE have an idea on how we may accomplish the feat I spoke of not two minutes ago? Remember, if we suceed, we shall get about a Million KATRILLION BUCKS each!"
The Golden Knight stood up, cleared his throat importantly, and said "Well, actually, that's without tax, shipping, handling, customs, foreign exchange, time travel tax and universal travel fines. Minus all that, you actually get only about two million bucks each." Everyone turned upon the Golden Knight, and started yelling insults at him until Fire Sword wisely pointed out that two million bucks was still a lot of money. While it could not buy them all their own private galaxies, like they had planned, it could easily satisfy all realistic needs for a while yet.


Well? Does anyone have any ideas on how to get off besides teleporting to a distant plan?