U.S. Senator Robert C. Byrd (D-W.Va.)

Spaz clutched Jazz's wrists and scream voraciously, "I always knew it was true!" He kicked Jazz away and deftly produced his trusty liquor flask. He chugged the contents and stuck out his tongue to light it on fire. He was now, of course, breathing flames. He coughed at the minister causing his hair to ignite, and the whole congregation gasped. It was as though the vile dough of destruction would never stop rising from the yeast of romance.

All at once the lights dimmed low and the room paused in silence. From a corner came none other than Steven Wakeman, dressed in riot gear with a cigar hanging out his mouth. A spotlight flashed on as he walked towards the alter. All eyes turned towards famed missionary of truth. He outstretched his arms towards the ceiling and began speaking those words that lie very near to all of our hearts.