Due to your choice of forum, I'm unsure if I'm supposed to do the Art Forum thing where I write a two page long critique or the War Tavern thing where I ignore the thread entirely and spam ToU.
Seriously, though, this is actually pretty good. Properly constructed short stories are something that is incredibly underdone. I agree with Slay about the idea being both interesting and well executed, especially with the "police report" sounding bits going in reverse chronological order from the journal entries.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fawriel
I'll do that one by one starting with the one I like best, going down from there.
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If I may make a suggestion about this, though, the more traditional method of releasing things is to put the best ones first and last, with the mediocre ones as "filler" in the middle. That way you both grab people's attention (which makes them read the rest) and make sure that they walk away hearing a very good story last, giving them a positive overall impression. They'll be more likely to say "Those were good" rather than "The first ones were good, but the later ones weren't".
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GENERATION 22: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
<i>"This picture shows me that the gray bird man is just a bully and picks on smaller birds. Just because he has no friends and takes it out on others smaller than him to look good. I can see in the parrats eyes that it does however have a understanding of the gray bird man and is upset about getting cut."</i> - Speeza on cartoon birds.
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