Ducky rampaged around the War Tavern madly, more intent on defending the giant card then anything else. Anyone near it was quickly glued to nearby furniture, which was being thrown around by others of Jim Drab's left feet attack squad. Firing a steady stream at glue over the chandeleir (which still wasn't there) to keep it from falling, Ducky vaulted over Joe Shmoe's head in order to reach Cobra's side.

Cobra nodded at Ducky as she landed on the nearby ground, and continued smashing Hal Smith on the noodle. "SPHAGETTI!!!" cried Hal, as he sank to the ground. Uni Corny tripped over Smith in a desperate attempt to find Kovu amongst a pile of rafters that had somehow been teleported all the way from Jazz 2 City because of Buster and Gizmo (aka Evil the Cat). Screaming madly about Ryu, Gentry'sEXcapades proceeded to hedgeclip Uni Corny's elegant left shoe to Smithereenies.

Kovu cowered, throwing Pickle Jars at anyone who got close. Ducky was put out of action for a while this way, until she got her fiftieth wind and started shooting glue all over as energetically as ever. GenEX's clippers became a victim of this sticky substance, and he had to start using an electric saw to fend off the Plotline Hotline employees instead.

Blagagagagagagagagagagagagagaggagagagagagagagagaga gagagagagagagna, unnoticed by the horde of fighting bodies, walked out the door into the cool sunset, and jumped into a nearby forest in search of squirrels.

"WANT A BALLOON?!?!?!?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"KIDDIES LOVE MY MOUSETRAPS, JUST ASK THEM!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"YOU KNOW, THE FUNNIEST THING HAPPENED TO ME TODAY....."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I DIED!!!!!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shouted Unknown Rabbit, as the clown sprawled over, a knife sticking clean through him. And not retractable, either. And then "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" again, as a figure clad entirely in black stepped into the room. Throwing off its hood, the figure revealed itself to be......

Bill Bored, grasping a Billboard, started smashing GenuineEXtraterrestial over the head with it, all the time avoiding the Electric Saw. Gen, in panic, teleported to a distant plan- and didn't come back until the fight was over. Noticing the disappearance, Ducky fired her limitless glue faster then ever, and Cobra ran about like a whirlwind bashing people. "The Marker of Doom", the Plotline Hotline employees later called it. Some of them still have drawings on their foreheads. Kovu, meanwhile, had been scouting around under his hiding place, and had found a trapdoor.

Somehow opening it, Kovu crawled through a dark and dirty tunnel until he came to a dark and dirty door at the dark and dirty end of the (you know the drill) tunnel. Sneezing twice, Kovu used a fancy karate kick and the door exploded outwards. Stepping into a corridor, Kovu looked around. This place had all the appearance of a hospital, but no one was around. Looking into a room, Kovu gasped. All the paitents were dead, and there was a nurse slumped over one of the tables! This has to be a set for a movie. thought Kovu, and ran back to the door he had come through. However, he found the tall figure of ANTI-TUBBS blocking the way. Shivering, Kovu inquired
"What are you doing here? Why is everybody dead? Do you like my hat?"
in an inquiring voice. ANTI-TUBBS laughed, and graciously replied.
"I am here to start my quest of capturing all the 'Taverners! Once this is done, Tubbs will be forced to surrender to me! If he does not, ALL SHALL DIE!!!!! Everybody is dead because I felt like it. Your hat is terrible."
Kovu started to cry. He loved his hat. Breaking down, Kovu sagged against the wall, and cried himself to sleep. ANTI-TUBBS picked him up, threw him over his shoulder, and left the hospital. (for such it was) Throwing Kovu into the back of his van, along with DDay, Beauman, Fquist, Fire Sword, SlaYer and Kazooie, ANTI-TUBBS donned a black outfit for spooky movie type purposes, and walked to the room where Unknown Rabbit was being terrified by a clown. Throwing a knife into the clown, ANIT-TUBBS grabbed the still screaming rabbit, bed and all, and carried him away to the van's trunk. Laughing, ANTI-TUBBS drove away, keeping an eye out for Taverners. And Tubbs.

Suddenly, there was a break in the fighting. Everyone, from Ducky to Jim Drab, Cobra to a little mouse who was going unnoticed was panting and taking a break. Because of this, GenEX was forced to reappear. Apparently, he had been thinking, so he said "Why are you here and trying to destroy everything, anyway?"
"WE WANT KOVU! HE ASSISTED IN THE MURDER OF MR. CONTINUITY!"
Thinking fast, GenEX said "Sure, why not? No big loss. He was boring, anyway." Walking over to the pile of rafters, before Ducky or Cobra could stop him, GenEX used his annoying psychic powers to blast aside the rubble. Everyone gasped. There was nothing there!
Jim Drab was the first to believe he knew what was going on. "FIENDS! YOU SEEK TO HIDE HIM, AND THEN PRETEND YOU KNOW NOT OF HIS WHEREABOUTS! EMPLOYEES, REATTACK!"
Groaning, the Plotline Hotline employees started trying to rip everything to shreds again, while Ducky and Cobra recontinued gluing and whacking them. GenEX retrieved his Electric Saw and was about to teleport away again, when Ahz Sleep cracked him on the head with a two by four. GenEX slumped to the ground.

The cast and crew of Jurassic Park jumped into timeships, and blasted off, leaving notes for their mothers telling them not to worry. They might be back for dinner unless they met a terrible fate and died horribly.
The director's ship flew in the lead, leading the fleet of timeships. Once they were all pointing in the general direction it would take to get to the War Tavern, in the past. (The past of the future is the present, remember?) Turning on the time warp easter eggs, the C&CJP (Cast And Crew of Jurassic Park) blasted off. The journey took no time at all, as they were going back in time the whole way. Landing, C&CJP turned on their Beauman radars and chased after ANTI-TUBBS' truck.

ANTI-TUBBS, looking in his rear-view mirror, noticed a large army of humans chasing his truck on.... motor scooters. The scooters were much faster then his van, and they were obviously trying to stop him, so his only choice was to do some evasive maneuvers. Turning onto a dirt road, the ANTI-TUBBS van (Tm) careened over bridges and through fields. The motor scooters followed, using their radar to find out which way Beauman (in the back of the trunk) had went. Finally, giving up, ANTI-TUBBS resolved that if he couldn't have his prisoners, NO ONE ELSE COULD EITHER!!!! Pushing the pedal to the medal, ANTI-TUBBS drove his van straight at a cliff edge. Amazingly, the wheels caught on a rock, and ANTI TUBBS and all his captives in the trunk went flying out of the van....


over hill and dale....


straight into the open door of the War Tavern. Undaunted, the C&CJP's scooters continued to follow, right inside.


Beauman looked around, in a dazed sense. Him, DDay, Fquist, Fire Sword, SlaYer, Kazooie, Ducky, Cobra, Kovu and GenEX were trapped in a dark corner of the War Tavern. At the main door, an army of futuristic filmmakers stood, shouting "GIVE US THE GOLDEN KNIGHT, ALIVE! GIVE US BEAUMAN, DEAD OR ALIVE!" At the entrance to the basement and his shop, ANTI-TUBBS glowered, trying to piece together a do it yourself easy assembly BIG BAZOOKA. Guarding the only trapdoor in the whole place were a bunch of boring looking people, undoubtably Plotline Hotline people shouting "WE WANT KOVU! WE WANT KOVU! AND BLAGAGNA!". ANTI-TUBBS, not to mention the two groups, started advancing towards the 'Taveners, who were huddled. Cobra's marker had been snatched away in the fight, and was being weilded by a muscled cameo appearance maker from Jurassic Park. Ducky's Glue Gun was out of glue, GenEX's Electric Saw had been broken in two, Beauman was out of plotholes, Batty Buddy wasn't there with or withous his backpack and Unknown Rabbit was still in bandages, unable to do much. It all seemed hopeless, thought Beauman, as Jim Drab aimed a Boremaster 3000 at Kovu.....







INTERMISSION:



Ancosyd walked into the "Superheros in Need of Work" office. The receptionist raised her eyebrows. "You again? This is the sixth time this week you've been here, and it's tuesday!"
"I just need a job. It's in my blood. I want to fight evil warlords, vanquish henchman! I WANT TO BE A WORLDWIDE BEST SELLER!!!"
"You know, I think we might have an opening... how would you like to be the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts?"







BACK TO THE STORY:



Ducky brightened. All the War Tavern frequenters except Ducky and Unknown Rabbit turned to her, as she spoke the words that saved them from a number of deaths.

"IT'S CHRISTMAS! NO MORE FIGHTING! PEACE AND GOODWILL!"

And everyone agreed, and everybody started dancing except for Unknown Rabbit, who lay slumped against a wall in bandages, examining his get well card. After a while, Beauman went into his shop and got out a plothole, and stuck it on the roof. Presents for all rained out, and there was much rejoicing.

Then Alantrium (Ze Golden Knight, no?) fell through, and the C&CJP went away, thanking the 'Taverners for an enjoyable evening.

Ducky showed ANTI-TUBBS it was much more fun to be a good doer then an evil doer, so he went and got jobs at some publishing companies, and kept dropping various hints about JJ3 until he was fired for eating the opposition's favorite flavor donut instead of their own. ANTI-TUBBS then went to the opposition, which paid better, and continued dropping hints about JJ3.