"Greetings, Loyalty Officer Torkell!"

"Suspicious Activity log for this area in the last 24 hours:
Unknown Infrared passes out on Infrared Public Transportation Shuttle Bench.
Unknown Red throws paper documents into trash receptacle
Unknown Yellow led a team of 10 unknown persons of Infrared Clearance into building
Unknown Infrared gets up off the Infrared Public Transportation Shuttle Bench and gets on the Infrared Public Transportation Shuttle for sector ELZ437
Team of 5 Red Troubleshooters arrive 20 seconds late to start their assigned mission and start prowling around"

(if you are contacting Friend Computer publicly, then do it via a normal post, otherwise you send me a PM, and only say in your post that you are fumbling with your Comm Unit or whatever)