LittleFreak... verdammt noch mal, ich versuche es doch! Lies doch bitte was ich geschrieben habe nachdem ich den Comic gepostet habe. Ich habe Radium's Kritik angenommen... zugegeben, ich war ein wenig defensiv. Aber ich habe nichts bestritten. Ich habe mich vor allem aufgeregt, weil er mich persönlich angegriffen hat mit so nem blöden Comic... Vielleicht war das ein wenig kindisch. Und dann kamst du. Was du gesagt hast, tat weh, aber ich hab darüber nachgedacht. Und ich habe gemerkt, wie kindisch ich war. Ich wollte einfach nur noch alles zurücklassen und neu anfangen. Ich wollte alles akzeptieren. Ich wollte erklären, warum ich mich so dämlich verhalten habe, damit die Leute verstehen und mir verzeihen. Damit ich nochmal von neuem anfangen kann.
Aber wie soll ich denn ruhig bleiben, wenn Dev solche Sachen über mich sagt? Darf ich mich denn nicht verteidigen?

Ich will wirklich nichts lieber als dieses ganze Gejammer und diese ganze Fehde und all das hinter mir zu lassen. Echt. Aber was soll ich tun, wenn einer der Schatten aus meiner Vergangenheit persönlich mich mit genau dem angreift, vor dem ich solche Angst habe?
Bitte versuch, zu verstehen.


Dev... ugh.
I've gone from being angry to being sad to being angry and sad and again, and now I'm just ... exhausted.

Dev, you are childish and stuck in the past. Dev, you don't know what a friend is. Dev, you only get angry because you know what I say is true.

Dev, everything you say might be wrong. I don't even know where to start replying to what you said. But, in general: Everything you say might be wrong. This is a principle I've been living by for the past many years. And judging by the extremes you use in your post, I think it might be a valuable lesson to you.

I guess I'll go through it chronologically.

"You think everything is about you. It's not."
Ah. I really don't know what this has to do with anything or where it comes from, but okay. Is it because the thread has turned into something about me? Because I wouldn't call a thread "everything", and I don't think I wanted it to turn so personal.

"You're getting angry and defensive because you know what I said is true."
How am I supposed to reply to something like this without resorting to sarcasm? You assume things about me, you assume things about what you say. This is just bull and nothing else.

"You say there's no way that you could possibly seem like a decent person in our eyes. You said you've done everything possible to try and seem strong. Funny thing is, you've done everything EXCEPT follow the very simple advice you have been given."
The simple advice in question is basically "accept criticism and don't take it personally", right? If so, that's what I've been trying to do here. I didn't take the criticism leveled against me personally. I only took a personal attack personally, and replied by leveling some of my own criticism against it. Am I not allowed to criticize Radium just as much as he can criticize me?
I'm not sure if I understand what I meant by "trying to seem strong". Allow me to illustrate it.

Rad: "This and this sucks."
Faw: "Oh, okay. ... Iiii had the feeling already. I should have listened to it. I mean, I would have! I mean, I - next time I will! I mean-"
Rad: "Shut up."
Faw: "NO SERIOUSLY I will totally do better next time trust me I can do it pleaaaaaasssseelineäojEDOPJ"

Something like that.

"You've blown everything out of proportion"
Yup.

"you sound like a lunatic, calling Rad "EVIL""
You can't talk about your own psyche without sounding lunatic. I didn't claim Radium was evil, I can only say that my mind is suspicious of everything he says and does because of past experiences with him that have resulted in pain.

"and saying I'm putting myself on a moral high ground."
Either that's what you're doing, or it's what it seems like to me. I mean, look at yourself. You are preaching to me. "You only get angry because you know what I say is true"? That is not something you say to someone you consider on the same level as yourself.

"All I did was tell you what I think; I'm not the one who's trying everyone's patience."
You'll have to forgive me if I won't quietly accept your alknowing criticism of my personality when it's not founded on anything sensible? I'm not trying anyone's patience, either. Nobody who isn't interested has any business reading this bull(-)(-)(-)(-). Hell, I wish I didn't have any business reading this bull(-)(-)(-)(-).

"Now you're telling me what you think. Do YOU have the moral high ground now? Is that how it works?"
No, I have the moral ground where I'm tired of everyone blowing everything I say out of proportion after I've acknowledged that I've been blowing everything they say out of proportion. It's like a comedy routine without the comedy.

"You always say that you seem like a childish person when you talk to either of us. I can tell you exactly why that is: because your logic is so obviously flawed and you are just incapable of admitting it, so when someone points out the massive gaps in your way of thinking you can't defend yourself with a logical argument and resort to calling things evil and wrong without any grounds for your accusations."
I don't call things evil and wrong. I never do. I direct you again at what I said about what I said about Radium. I don't claim he's evil. As far as I know, he's True Neutral. The only time I said anything was evil was when I talked about what my emotions think, and the only person my emotions call evil is Radium. If you want to tell my emotions personally to shut up, then good luck. They're persistent little (-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)s.

"Whether or not we "know you" is irrelevant. We know your actions, and that's enough for us to be capable of making criticisms."
Ah, see. This is the part I've been looking forward to. One of the great wisdoms Radium taught me is that "Friends will lie to you". Think about that one for a moment. Friends will lie to you. But what other people say is fair game. Friends will lie to you because they like you. But people who are indifferent towards you, or people who dislike you, or people who hate you, will only say the truth about you.

Hey, guess what? No.

A friend is someone who understands. The opposite of liking someone is hating them. Hate. Hate means to not understand. People fear and hate what they don't understand.

And oh, boy, yes, I'm playing the Nazi card. Because you know what the nazis did? They hated the Jews! Didn't think of them as humans at all! So I suppose the Jews should've taken the Nazis criticism to heart and tried to be a little more human? Hey, you know who else hates people? A homophobes! Them homos with all their buttsex and their corruption of children, amirite? Or those furries with their dicknipples and raping of animals and blasphemy!
Yes, I'm talking in extremes, because I'm running out of options here.

You know how much I know about Radium? I know his actions! I know, for example, that he sought out the forum I'm at now and started defending his points and started linking to places that show me acting stupid. So obviously my criticism that he's purposely trying to create doubt among my new friends about what my "true face" is like, is justified, right? And when he asked myself, before I was leaving, why I thought that he even wanted to win the battle, obviously my idea was justified that he only wanted to hurt me by making it sound like he's not even trying and just playing around with silly little me, is justified, right?
WRONG! IT'S BULL(-)(-)(-)(-). BECAUSE I'M A FLAWED HUMAN BEING WITH A FLAWED PERSPECTIVE INFLUENCED BY EMOTIONS.
AND SO ARE YOU! GET THAT INTO YOUR (-)(-)(-)(-)ING HEAD.

... lost myself there for a moment.

A person is not artwork. You can criticize them all you want. But a painting is a 2-dimensional object that you can see in one view. A person is not.

I don't know if you hate me. But you sure as hell don't respect me. You are incapable of understanding me, as you have just proven. And understanding is all I ask of a friend.
You are not a friend of mine.

"Life is not a story, and you are not the main character."
Life is not a story. I already said that I'm trying to rid myself of this mindset. But if it was a story, I'd be the main character. Because it's my life. And you are the main character of your own life. Yours is a story from a completely different era of mine, and our values don't match.

"I don't know why I'm bothering with this, though, because you don't care. I'm wrong because I'm not saying what you think."
It's always so nice to hear that someone who hasn't known me for several years knows better about what I think than I do myself.

"Heaven forbid you might try, just once, to better yourself and see things from our point of view."
I try to see things from your point of view. I decided that your point of view is not a whole lot clearer than my own.

"You thanked everyone who said "good job, Faw!" but didn't thank Rad for his much more useful and insightful criticisms which he obviously spent a long time writing and put much thought into."
Would Radium have cared if I had said "thank you"? If so, he can tell me himself and I'll honor it next time around. I try to assume a similar mindset to his when I deal with him. He says that if he doesn't criticize something, it's okay. When he's criticizing me, if I don't respond to something, take it as an "okay".

EDIT: I just recalled a point I missed, so I'm just gonna throw it in here.
For a long time, I tried to put up with Radium. That's because of my philosophy. Believe it or not, I always try to respect people's viewpoints. While it's hard to remain objective when it hits me personally (and I do apologize for any criticism I reacted harshly to), I always try to listen to all perspectives. And you know why?
Remember one of the last arguments we had?
Where I told you about my idea that a single truth exists? And you vehemently denied it and got angry? That is the very thing you are trying to teach me about art. There is one definitive world. We all live in it, but our perceptions are incomplete. But if everyone can communicate respectfully, the pieces can be combined, and we can approach completeness. That is the same principle as with art. You have to listen to different viewpoints because they all add a bit of truth to it to make it more complete.
It's the same thing. But you got angry at me.

"And don't just post some big sarcastic response where you pretend to agree with everything I said and act like a jerk ("OH, YOU'RE SOOO RIGHT, DEV, I AM A HUGE JERK LOLTHANKS")."
I've gone from being angry to being sad to being angry and sad and again.
And at no point did it occur to me to act like that. But maybe I should honor your wish so you can tell yourself that you know me? You seem to be so convinced of it after all.


Dev, drop it. I've been trying to drop this (-)(-)(-)(-) the whole time. This stopped being about art long ago. I got the idea. I have to just keep going, respect people's views of my art, consider their points, incorporate them as I deem it right, and keep on going again.
What you are telling me is not about art. You are raging at me because you see in me all the things you hated so much when you left me back then. You are doing exactly what I didn't want and dragging me back into the past. And you're acting just as childish about it as I was acting childish about all my fears of criticism. It doesn't matter that you know about stuff like circular logic and such now. In the end, you're still on a bunny-rabbit forum telling someone you don't know about what a horrible person they are.
Yes, I did lose a friend back then. The Dev who was my bestest friend back then is no more. He's lost forever. You are a different Dev now. And I'm a different Fawriel. If we hadn't had this past together, we could be good friends now. But we are both too damn stupid to get over this old crap.

Drop it. Accept that you don't know everything about me, just like I don't know everything about you. Start looking at how you've been acting. I'm not the only one who thinks you were being hypocritical and speaking in extremes.

Let's drop this crap and move on already. This is getting beyond tiresome.