Firstly I disagree, does not suck. And here are tips that could make you feel samely:

These are about formatting.
1, why did you start paragraphs with ----? Ok i see whym because forums don't have tabs working. But anyway
2, between paragraphs it's easiest to read line breaks as replacement for tabs. such as this:

"Blah blah because tabs dont work i started with new line and no tab"

"ya i just did that too and put two line breaks between this and last paragraph"
"sweet now i know common formatting for online storytelling"

"k thx i hope we r right about this!"


You did that sometimes but not all the time, anyyway that is just what i tihing.k.
So about what happens, im confused how these characters met, what allowed them to coexist? Lots of story elements that have yet to align themselves into commonalities of the tale.