This is a stupid story I wrote up about the dumbest newbie in the world. It's completely fictional, and borrows aspects from many stupid people I have seen in the past, but exaggerates them somewhat. This is merely part 1 of the story. I tried to write it in a way so instead of dialog being presented in quotation marks, it was in the form of a chatlog. I also tried to write it so it was from the point of view of the characters, not the players. I *think* I messed up on that part, but who knows? The quality of this writing isn't very high, and I didn't even get anyone to edit it. I just wanted to make fun of people who don't know how to duel/use JDC properly. Anyway, let's begin.

PART 1: YOBOMAN'S FIRST DUEL

Hi. My name is EvilMike. You people probably recognize me as an administrator of JDC. I have dealt with many people in JDC before, and have even more stories about them. This is probably because less than half of them are true. Aside from that little lying problem of mine, I have a story about one such player to tell you. He comes from the slum of the video game world, the Counter-Strike community. I'm not talking about some professional guy in a big name clan; this person is just some regular speed-hacking scumbag that you can find camping in any corner you look in.

One day, this “YOBOMAN” as he called himself, found JJ2 on a warez site. He downloaded it, and started playing on 1.24. A few days later, he signed up to JDC, and met me in a 1.23 server. This is where our story starts…

8:24 PM, IN SERVER “SPOTTYS WEEKEND SERV”

YOBOMAN joined the game
SpottyDM: Hu
SpottyDM: Hi*

Yoboman looked around the server he just joined. He saw a purple sky, a sort of metallic ground and several other people playing. Most of the people, including himself, had red or blue names, and that confused him. Then he noticed something that really got his attention, and offended him.

YOBOMAN: OMG U SUCK
FireSword DM captured the flag
SpottyDM: ?
YOBOMAN: Y DO I HAVE 3 HARTS U CHEATER
SpottyDM: Cuz its CTF
EvilMike DM roasted BlurredD
YOBOMAN: O
YOBOMAN: WHEN U ROAST SOMEONE IT IS LIKE A FRAG RITE
SpottyDM: Ya.. i think ;P

The game continued, and Yoboman was killed a few times, but eventually managed to kill me while I was chatting. He was quite proud of this achievement, so he challenged me to a duel. Seeing as I love hunting people that don’t stand a chance against me, I accepted his offer. We agreed that he would be the host, and the level would be battle 1.

8:41 PM, IN SERVER “YOBOMAN HERE”

EvilMike DM joined the game
EvilMike DM: Get ammo?
YOBOMAN: YES

We began the ammo collecting procedure that was so common in JDC duels before they start. Yoboman, having collected the seeker and bouncer powerups already, was tired of waiting. Knowing this would be the perfect chance to get a free point, he started searching for me. That is when he found it, on top of a tower, on the highest point a person can get to in the level: the bubble shield. He took it, turned around, and found his target…

EvilMike DM: Um, what are you doing?
YOBOMAN roasted EvilMike DM
EvilMike DM: Don’t do that.
YOBOMAN: ICAN DO WHAT I WANT ITS MY SERVER
EvilMike DM: In a typical duel, neither competitor is permitted to use shields.
EvilMike DM: It is a common rule. Also, it is generally looked down upon to
EvilMike DM: roast people when they are collecting ammo.
YOBOMAN: Y
EvilMike DM: It’s the way things are.
YOBOMAN: O
YOBOMAN: Y
EvilMike DM: Can we just finish this?
YOBOMAN: K
YOBOMAN: LET SGO

(5 minutes later)
Yoboman ran. He had nothing else to do. He had been roasted just a few moments before, and had absolutely no ammunition left to fight back. He tried strafing to the side at an attempt to dodge some seekers fired at him. Then he realized the game was 2-D and that strafing is only possible in a 3-D game. Yoboman then tried to hide behind a wall. His hunter clamed a second kill from by shooting bouncers through the wall that Yoboman was hiding behind.

YOBOMAN: WALLHJACKER
YOBOMAN: WALLHACKER
YOBOMAN: OMG
EvilMike DM: What the heck are you talking about?
YOBOMAN: U WALLHACKE
YOBOMAN: D
EvilMike DM: …actually I just shot you normally.
YOBOMAN: HA HA HA VERY FUNNY VERY FUNY
YOBOMAN: U GOTTA GET UP PRETTY EARLY 2 FOOL ME
EvilMike DM: Uh, how about this: you can “wallhack” me any time you want
EvilMike DM: Ok?
YOBOMAN: BRB
(10 second pause)
YOBOMAN: OMG!!!1!!
YOBOMAN: U HAKCED ME
YOBOMAN: WALL HACK WONT WORK AND ITS UR FALT
EvilMike DM: Are you running a program?
YOBOMAN: DUH
EvilMike DM: You idiot.
YOBOMAN: GRRR SHUT UP
EvilMike DM: Do you use that thing when you play Counter-Strike?
YOBOMAN: YES

I didn’t need to bother him any more, as he was clearly a very, very stupid person. We agreed to continue the duel. 7 roasts by me (and 0 by him) later, my most idiotic opponent got stuck in a ceiling.

YOBOMAN: STUCK
YOBOMAN: LEMME REJOIN THE GAME K?
EvilMike DM: Wait
(server closes)

FINAL SCORE OF DUEL: EvilMike DM 7, Yoboman 1


End of part 1.