"I, having been cheated out of it the last two times, shall sacrifice myself!" cried Speedy selflessly, striking a heroic pose.
"You most certainly shall not!" said Propulsion, pushing him. "I have the same qualifications, and besides! When this is all over, I'll be forgotten, whereas you are an actual person!"
"Propulsion," said Speedy, with the air of someone who had gone through this many times before, "we've got through this many times before. You HAVE a name."
"Yes."
"And you don't have a last name, but few people do."
"Yes."
"So what makes me an actual person, but you not?"
Propulsion stood there, thinking, and it was at this point that BæÅüMÃ(-)Ñ chose to intervene.
"Hey guys, wait. I've got a.. fair way of settling this. Battle it out for the right to sacrifice yourself.. in CANNIBAL FEUD! I'll construct a makeshift stage from some of these rocks, and.."
"No, BæÅüMÃ(-)Ñ." said Tyf, firmly. "Cannibal Feud is a fight to the finish. That plan would make them both die. Besides, even if the loser survived, what's the point of having the stronger one be the one to die?"
"...true." BæÅüMÃ(-)Ñ admonished, and sat back down, moodily.
"Let's ponder other methods." said Fquist, wisely. "Who else do we know with a deathwish?"
"Sakura." said Ducky, shortly.
"She's dead, though." said Slayer, looking across the body of Jim. "I should know, as Batty and I went off to get her back from Inle' Ra, but didn't suceed."
"Hmmm... and I can't think of anyone else." said Kovu, sadly. "What we need is someone unimportant, who nobunny will miss, but is still enough of a character that the readers won't feel cheated.. a pity we had to take David Orec along with us when we left here before."
"When in doubt.." said BæÅüMÃ(-)Ñ, opened his backpack, and retrieved the plothole generating thing. A plothole opened up and hung in the sky. Suddenly, familiar music began to play.

"Itsa me, Mario!" cried a cheerful and/or perky voice, as a fat plumber dressed in red bounded out of the plothole, bounced up and down on the assembled parties' heads, and jumped back through the plothole.
"Hmmm, ok, no good. Next?" said BæÅüMÃ(-)Ñ, and stood by the plothole, impatiently.
"Hello? Hello? Hmmm, I seem to be loss." said a voice from the plothole, and the Tour Guide stumbled out, instantly recognized by Kovu, along with vice versa.
"Hello, whatever your name is." said the Tour Guide, sitting down. "Who are all these friends of yours? One looks like he's had better times."
Kovu introduced everyone, then whispered to Ducky, who was the main source of compassion. "Should we?"
"It's preferrable to Speedy or Propulsion.." she mused, then "no, it's too cruel. We should only get someone who actually wants to die."
"There must be some better way.." said the rabbit with the irish accent, hastily agreed to by the muddy rabbit, neither of whom had been mentioned recently.



One better way later......



"Wow, I'm sure glad we found a way to resurrect Jim Drab without killing anyone!" said Tyf, happily.
BæÅüMÃ(-)Ñ nodded. He was still kind of unclear on exactly what had happened, so he wasn't feeling like going into any further detail.
"And now that you're alive again, we can get the War Tavern back!" Speedy enthusiastically told Jim. After getting over the pain of not being able to sacrifice himself gallantly for the third time in a row, he had begun to see that it had turned out well after all, and was now quite chipper.
"Uh, yes, glad to be of service.." said Jim, then burst into rage. "BUT DID YOU HAVE TO RESURRECT ME WHEN IT WAS FINALLY MY TURN TO GET IN?"
They stared. None of them had really died before, except Kovu, and that had been too brief to see what The Great Beyond was like. True, the whole universe had blown up once, but all memory of that had been wiped. So they didn't know what he was talking about.
"..Sorry?" said Ducky, and Jim grunted.
"Well, I say we get back to the ship." said the rabbit with the irish accent, wisely. The Tour Guide waved goodbye as Slayer's warpshield transported the rest back to Clockwork's spaceship, and alone, set out once more in search of the touring company he was working for.

A day or so later, the 'Taverners, along with Jim Drab, had reached the mystic land of Plotline Hotline. They all went up to the building with him, so as to be sure to get the plot fix, and were greated with much fanfare by the employees Sally A. Mander and Mary Hadalit Tilam, who were in charge of the gates, along with big trumpets in case anyone in need of fanfare should come along.
"Hey, everyone, Jim Drab is back from the dead!" cried Ime D. Recap, running through the halls. "Wake up, you sleep heads, rub your eyes, get out of bed, wake up, Jim's back from the dead!"
After some time, his mad racing brought him to the court of the head of Plotline Hotline, TMIBOKAJJTOHCFAYETEEWWAAPWIBTBARARTWWTTGDONBSWLESC ADMSWLC, (or The Mutant Inverted Blue Octopus Known As John Jacobson To Only His Close Friends And Your Excellency To Everyone Else Who Was At All Polite Which Is Beginning To Be A Rarer And Rarer Trait World Wide To The Great Disappointment Of National Behavior Scientists Who Like Eating Spinach Cupcakes And Drinking Marmelade Skies With Lucy's Diamonds, in case you've forgotten) who just happened to be there at the time.
"Your Excellency, sir." said Ime, halting at the door, and bowing, "I have to come to inform you your time as Head of Plotline Hotline is at an end."
"WHAT?" cried TMIBOKAJJTOHCFAYETEEWWAAPWIBTBARARTWWTTGDONBSWLESC ADMSWLC, rising from the big chair. "I still have another ten terms, at least!"
"Well, yes sir, but this is different. Jim Drab, the former 'ead of Plotline 'Otline, has returned from the dead! E's passed through the doors, and is once more! E's once again! 'E has resurrected, and is 'ere to meet 'is duties! E's alive! Once more endowed with life, e' comes 'ere now! They've mended the hole in 'is stomach with silly putty! E's regained 'is metabolic processes, and 'as climbed back onto the twig! E's righted the bucket, returned to 'is mortal coil, opened the curtain and quit the bleedin' choir invisible!!"
There was a pause, and then TMIBOKAJJTOHCFAYETEEWWAAPWIBTBARARTWWTTGDONBSWLESC ADMSWLC recovered from the extended speech. "Well, I guess I'm replaced then."
It was at this point that Jim Drab and the 'Taverners entered the room.
"'ello, chief." said Propulsion, jovially. "'Ere's Jim Drab, 'ere to take back 'is job as 'head of Plotline 'Otline!"
"Stop that bloody accent." whispered Tyf to Propulsion, who fiddled nerviously with a tie.
"It is indeed good to see you once more among us," said TMIBOKAJJTOHCFAYETEEWWAAPWIBTBARARTWWTTGDONBSWLESC ADMSWLC, descending from the chair, "and I willingly return this seat until the next time you chance to die, my being your sucessor."
"Thank you, old bean. Jolly good of you." said Jim.
"All very nice.." said Slayer, quickly, before they were forgotten, "but what about us? We were told that if we resurrected Jim Drab, the plans to build over the War Tavern site would be stopped, so we could rebuild the 'Tavern with the materials safely deposited in Fort Knix!"
"Oh, is that what Bill Bored told you?" asked TMIBOKAJJTOHCFAYETEEWWAAPWIBTBARARTWWTTGDONBSWLESC ADMSWLC. "That was all one of our little plots, to make you resurrect Jim Drab. There never was such an idea in anyone's head that could do anything about it. Quite frankly, I'm surprised you didn't know Bill under his disguise. But I suppose the employee you dialed added to the conviction....."
The 'Taverners quickly left, restraining Kovu, who was foaming at the mouth and trying to get at anyone in sight.

Soon afterwards, thanks to the fast spaceship of Clockwork (who then flew away, work done), the 'Taverners returned to Carrotus, where they set out. After all, they still only had three quarters of the necessary materials, even though the materials in question were safely stored in Fort Knix, and they had an 8,000 Carrotian Credits gift certificate to the Hardware Store of their choice.
"How many Hardware Stores are on Carrotus, anyway?" asked Fquist, curiously. Of them all, he was the only one who hadn't been following the entire Hardware Store quest.
"Well, we've seen - three, wasn't it? - already. Two exploded and the third doesn't want us anywhere near."
"Oh." said Fquist, and they continued to walk on, looking around.
"What we need is another of those inflatable Limo's you were using earlier." said Kovu, after his feet started getting tired.
"Well, it's your own fault the first one got destroyed." said the muddy rabbit, causing Kovu to wilt just a little.
"Well, we can't stop now!" said Ducky, with enthusiasm. "Not when the War Tavern is so close to being finished! Besides, we've got to pad this post out to a bit closer to the character limit."
So they kept going, until (after much grumbling of sore feet) they came across a ramshackle building with a sign reading "The only Hardware Store on Carrotus that allows War Taverners". They looked at eachother, wondering what exactly the others had done, sure it hadn't been their doing, then went inside.
In the dimly lit interior, they could see, indeed, such things as would be for sale in a Hardware Store. BæÅüMÃ(-)Ñ had no need to look for bent nails, as in the nails department they already had everything they needed. In fact, all that was left was a bunch of boards, which they proceeded to examine. Once they had found the required amount, they went up to the counter, paid for it, went to Fort Knix (after resting for the night), got the rest of the materials, and went to the spot of the War Tavern.
"The final stretch was.... easy." said Propulsion, confused.
"Too easy." said Slayer, looking around uneasily.
But nothing came of it, and the War Tavern got rebuilt, and all the underground rabbits regained their portions of sanity. Everything was as it used to be. Now, at last, they could get a new and fresh plot...........