(Hi, here is the 2nd story in the epic saga of the three topless banditos. I couldnt post it at ones because it was to long.)


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It was a warm night as three tall, strong, handsome figures rode their valiant horses down the desert road towards the sunset. They rode fast, with no real direction or purpose, but with an uncanny zeal. Towards where, they could not say - all they knew was that somewhere, in some forgotten place, was an innocence betrayed, a broken dream, a beautiful maiden in some unfortunate cirumstance, or perhaps just a tavern with good ale. Whatever the case, they rode long and hard through day and night in search of those in need of their faithful assistance. They are the THREE TOPLESS BANDITOS.




Tale # 2 THE THREE TOPLESS BANDITOS AND THE SAUSAGE OF DOOM!!!

Spaztic was sitting on the cold, hard floor of a small, Mexican cell.
In his hand he held a small note, his eyes slowly moved across the lines.

“Hi friends.

I am sitting here on the cold, hard floor of a small, Mexican cell.
I don’t like it in here, a drunk Mexican is guarding my cell and he is singing ‘La cucaracha’ all the time.

P.S.: GET ME OUT OF HERE!!"


He tied the note around a rock using one of his shoelaces, and then threw it out of the window of his cell, he sighed and went back to his jigsaw puzzle.

Two drunk men were sitting at the bar of an old saloon, about 2000 miles down the road.
The saloon was filled with random people, behind the bar stood James McHaw, he was poking his nose with the hook that was attached to his wrist.

“Argh, what can I get yea me lad’s?” The bartender asked with a friendly voice. He spitted in a glass and wiped it clean with his towel.

“We could shure go for ‘nother Whisky.” Disguise said, he then turned to face SlaYo and asked. “How bout you guysh?”

“Who’s paying?” SlaYo dreamily asked while he was dreamily gazing at nothing in particular.


A young man walked down the stairs in the back of the saloon while closing his zipper.
He was followed by three young and beautiful woman.
The young man looked quiet familiar and he sat down at a table accompanied by the three damsels.

“Who’s paying?” Disguise repeated in the same drunk voice and he laughed.

“You are, I’m broke dude.” Disguise looked at SlaYo and his smile disappeared making room for a slightly less comfortable look.
They turned they’re heads to face the bartender and both looked right into the barrel of a gun.

“So fellows, which one of you is going to pay the bill?” He asked with a warm and evil voice. He pushed the gun tighter against the heads of Disguise and SlaYo

“Do yea have a last wish mate’s?”.

“Yah I would like a drink.” SlaYo shouted. “Me to.”

The bartender was about to pull the trigger when the young man who sat at the table with the damsels rose up and walked towards the bar, he winked at two lady’s he passed and threw his hat on the bar before he spoke with a deep and gravely voice.

“I woulds like an glass of milk please and three martini’s witch a little cherrie for me and mine cool women, oh and P.S. I woulds also like an bukket of water for mine horse please ;D”

SlaYo and Disguise jumped up when they heard that familiar voice, they turned around and there he stood. The Icelandic person from the previous episode, with a glass full of milk and a blank expression on his face.

“Icelandic person, do you remember us?” Disguise said with a warm and friendly smile on his face and his mind on the Icelandic persons wallet.

The Icelander laughed happily. “Grandma, ofcourse I remember, that was joke, I have bean drinking to mutch.”
SlaYo and Disguise fake laughed for a bit, they still had their minds on getting the Icelanders money and not getting shot. “Mine name is Bjarni by the way, not Icelander.”

“Bjarni, we need a small favour .. This man is pointing a gun at our heads..and.”

“Don’t worries, friends ;D” Bjarni pulled his gun out of his gun belt and shot the barkeeper straight between the eyes. The barkeeper fell down to the ground and screamed. “Why? Why?” Before he died, just to add a little drama to the story.

“Oh that’s great” SlaYo said with a sad and drunk face “ You shot down the barkeeper, who’s going to get us drinks now?”

Bjarni jumped over the bar and poured three glasses full with Whisky. “Cheers, cool men. The drinksh are on I ;D”

They drank a whole lot and then, after they where done drinking, they drank some more.

“Oh P.S.” Bjarni started and SlaYo and Disguise sighed. “I founds this note nears te prision, I is givings this to you, cool men bcause the storie isnt going somewhere, an this might improve the quality a little.”

Disguise read the note that Spaztic had written and tried to get out of his chair, but fell down, face first on the floor. SlaYo took the note of the bar and took his pair of sexy, purple glasses from the pocket of his shirt and read the note. SlaYo then jumped off his crutch and shouted.
“There is no time to waste Disguise.”

Bjarni ran to the door of the saloon and kicked it open. “Ther is none times to waist, lets takes the cariage. I am driving.”

Spaztic looked out of the window of his cell at the horizon.
A guard walked past his cell and stopped to look at him. Spaztic sat down and stopped to play a sad tune on his harmonica, after two minutes he realised that he couldn’t do it and he threw the harmonica out of the window. The cold wind made him shiver, with tears in his eyes he looked at the wall, he must have been in this cold cell for…

“Hours, poor Spaztic.” Disguise said while skilfully poking his nose.

SlaYo wrapped his lips around a fresh cigarette and wanted to light it.

“No smokeing in mine carriage, that’s illition, kid.”
Bjarni said as he raised an eyebrow.

“I understand.” SlaYo said and he nodded.
He jumped of the carriage onto the back of a horse but forgot to hold on to it and almost fell off it while lightning his cigarette. Bjarni looked at Disguise but he was sound asleep and drooling all over himself.

They reached the prison at nightfall.
SlaYo fell down the horse and almost choked on his cigarette. Bjarni tried to wake Disguise up by beating him with a stick. Disguise woke up, pulled his gun and aimed it at Bjarni’s head. “Don’t shoots me mine friend.”

Disguise saw that it was Bjarni and put his gun away. “Whatsh happenin, where are we?”

“We are here to saves you friend.” Bjarni replied as he threw the stick away.

“That’s right, TO THE RESCUE.” Disguise shouted and he fell out of the carriage, right into a cactus. Bjarni swiftly jumped out of the carriage and walked towards the prison.

“There a Harmonica, that has to be Spaztic’s cell.” Disguise said.

SlaYo and Bjarni raised and eyebrow in harmony.

“Well, Spaztic doesn’t know how to play the harmonica so he must have thrown it out of his window.”

The other two man we’re amazed by his intelligence.

“How is we goings to gets him out of there?” Bjarni said with a troubled look on his face.

Disguise and SlaYo both took their guns.
“We could storm inside, kill all the guards, find the keys and then free all the prisoners one by one.” SlaYo suggested.

“Sounds like an plan, friend! But I haves some TNT.” Bjarni said and he winked.

They each took a bar of dynamite. “Watch out Spaztic, we’re about to save you.”
They lighted their sticks and threw it at the wall, with a loud noise, the wall was ripped to pieces. The force of the explosion knocked the three guys down to the ground.

Spaztic walked around the corner and saw his two fellow banditos and Bjarni lying down on the ground with their faces full of ashes and dust.
“Thanks for coming over guys, they just released me because I could convince them that I was innocent. What are you doing over here?”

Disguise, SlaYo and Bjarni pointed at the large, gaping hole in the wall of the prison.
The wall slowly the started to crumble while the Mexicans were gathering outside trying to re-capture the escaping prisoners.

“Now would be a good time to leave.” Spaztic suggested when he saw that 8 Mexicans where quickly riding towards them on their noble steeds.

Bjarni pulled a small knife out of his boot and cut the ropes that attached the horses to the carriage. “Quicks, there is only two horse, I help Disguise and help you SlaYo, they is bean drinking to mutch.”

They quickly rode away towards the horizon, hoping that he bullets that the Mexicans where firing at them would not hit them. Bjarni turned around on his horse and shot down two of the Mexicans that were following them. “Mine ammo is finish, you haves some?”
Bjarni asked Spaztic.

“We never use ammo, we just have big guns to impress the damsels.” Spaztic confessed.

Bjarni sighed and reached for his knife, he threw it at a Mexican that fell down his horse in a brutal and dramatic way.

They reached an open field.
“Looks, more peoples.” Bjarni shouted as a bunch of men in blue uniforms came riding down a hill in the west. The Mexicans also noticed this.

“Darn, the Americans, flee brothers.” One of them shouted.

Disguise looked behind him. “Thoshe ten guysh that where just following ush have all left.”

“Haha.” SlaYo laughed out in triumph.
“We probably shook them off somewhere in this huge open field.”

The three topless banditos and Bjarni where oblivious of the fact that they were riding dangerously close to the edge of a deep canyon so they where pretty surprised when they saw a fat and ugly woman riding towards them at high speed who was screaming at the top of her lungs. She could not get her horse to stop and was now riding slowly towards a certain dead.

“Darn, if she doesn’t stop screaming, the Mexicans will find us.”