Ok ... criticism. I'd suggest line breaks each time someone new speaks, or something new happens; it helps break up the paragraph blocks and makes it easier to keep track of what's going on. I'd also suggest adding more detail into your writing. For example:
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Originally Posted by DD
Marco picked himself up from the muddy ditch he'd flung himself into and watched the hoverboards zoom into the distance.
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Your sentence is very clear and straightforward, but lacks a lot of detail. Try this.
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Marco picked himself up painfully from the muddy, overgrown ditch he'd flung himself into, and brushed dirt and water from his fur. He looked up, watching the hoverboards flash into the distance, kicking up clouds of dust and disappearing rapidly.
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You can also make your chapters look a lot longer that way.
I would also watch your paragraph transitions. (I'm picking on this chapter in particular because it's the only one on my page.) It's not clear on how Marco ended up in the ditch, nor how he ended up on his face earlier. It doesn't have to be anything extended, something as brief as "a flash of reflected sunlight caught Marco's eye and he reflexively threw himself to the side. The whine of high-performance hover-craft momentarily deafened him." Otherwise, your audience ends up confused. You've explained how Marco ended up in the ditch, but what happened? Where did the hoverboards come from? And etc.
Ok, I'm done for now. And BTW, feel free to criticize other people's work, in the nicest way possible of course.
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