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The Epic Quests of the Three Topless Banditos

 
 
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Oct 8, 2003, 08:26 PM
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The Epic Quests of the Three Topless Banditos

For those who are unaware, earlier this summer while cam-chatting in #jj2, me, Slayo, and Disguise became the Three Topless Banditos late one sleep baked night. Since then many things have happened, and last night in #jj2 we decided to begin writing random tales about our quests. This is not a true "Jazz 2" story, but it deals with people in the community. No outside additions or character submissions will be granted unless we say so or if we just throw you in.

These do contain mildly offensive themes sometimes, so please be wary of this if you might be offended. And now, we begin with the first really really crappy story!

-------------------------------------------
Tale #1: THE THREE TOPLESS BANDITOS AVENGE COURAGEOUSLY FOR A GENERIC PROBLEM!!!!

It was a warm night as three tall, strong, handsome figures rode their valiant horses down the desert road towards the sunset. They rode fast, with no real direction or purpose, but with an uncanny zeal. Towards where, they could not say - all they knew was that somewhere, in some forgotten place, was an innocence betrayed, a broken dream, a beautiful maiden in some unfortunate cirumstance, or perhaps just a tavern with good ale. Whatever the case, they rode long and hard through day and night in search of those in need of their faithful assistance. They are the THREE TOPLESS BANDITOS.

The oldest, named Slayo, raised his palm above his eyes, oblivious that it was night, and said aloud, "My, the desert sure is dry this evening." The other two, Spaztic and Disguise, nodded in thoughtful agreement and probably mumbled something about sand or perhaps walnuts. It was not long after that that Disguise yelled frightfully from his tall brown steed.

"Deary me, my good fellows, but there appears to be a whee little bit of rain coming from the sky above!" Instantly the three horses and their riders stopped to discuss this most unusual circumstance. They all rode into a tight circle and began to speak together.

"This is no ordinary rain," remarked the youngest, Spaztic, as he sniffed a droplet that landed on his elbow. "This is some sort of special rain. Perhaps, say, duck urine." Disguise and Slayo turned and gasped at the remark in awe, or perhaps more that Spaztic had fallen off of his mighty steed attempting to sniff his elbow.

It was then that Slayo's face turned white and pale and he remarked solemnly, "Alas, I knew it was so, my fellow banditos! It was on the eve of tomorrow one year, two months, and three days ago that I recieved the ill omen that sealed us in this wretched fate. Upon the rode I met a beautiful lass with but a pinch of clothing on who remarked that perhaps I should allow myself to engage in hay jumping activities with her for but a small price. At the time I was delivering a package of much urgancy containing payments to my grass retailing associate a few miles down the road. Thus I regretfully declined remarking at what a plump bosom she had acquired in her youth, and after I apologized fitfully for that remark she gave me the ill omen that perhaps sometime in the near future I might fall upon unwanted circumstance. Clearly this is a prophecy fulfilled!" With this enchanting tale the other two shivered and shook urine off of their limbs in general displeasure.

"Clearly, my good lads, there is but one thing we must do to avenge such a lass," declared Disguise woefully, "and that is to find her bloody town and fulfill the deed which you could not have achieved!"

"Three fold!" shouted Spaztic enthusiastically.

"At the same time!" added Slayo with triumph. And with this newly declared plot and with little to no real character developement, the three topless banditos began to gallop towards the absolute middle of nowhere just as before, except now with a slightly less broad sense of purpose.

Nigh upon tea time they arived in a small village named El Perras, and immediatly they stopped at the local tavern to acquire ale and information for their vital quest. They parked their steeds and walked into the tavern, at which both the inhabitants gave a disguisted "Ech!"

"You're not apple the tavern witch out water bath!" said one, obviously a foreigner from Iceland. "You smells of duck pee! That's ILLEGAL!", he declared and gritted his teeth, annoyed.

"None of that Scottish talk in here, my good fellow," replied Disguise, turning to the bartender. "I am Disguise, and we are the three topless banditos. Give us your finest ale or pay the price." Spaztic and Slayo nodded and turned to the bartender impatiently.

"And while you're at it," began Spaztic, "we're looking for a young maiden. She doesn't wear but a string and banana peel, and hands out ill omens left and right, and we've a bean to pick with her."

The bartender, who had begun to take out small shot glasses half-heartedly, stopped and looked up at Spaztic. "A bean to pick?" Spaztic shrugged and the bartender continued, and then spoke in a low, brisk voice.

"They say around sundown every night a young dame can be seen upon the corner down the road by the hook shop waiting for a man to take her away for a price. If you don't find her there, perhaps old Luigi here can play the part." He motioned towards the foreigner sitting near drunk down the bench. He smiled half-toothless at the banditos, licked his grimy finger, placed it on his side and made a sizzle sound. Spaztic and Disguise looked disturbed but Slayo looked dreamily at the Icelander. Disguise elbowed Slayo, mumbling for him to snap out of it, and soon Slayo was back to himself.

"Thanks for the information, my young fellow!" said Disguise to the old, skinny bartender.

"The name's Eggleton," sneered the man, then mumbled something under his breath and filled the glasses. Slayo requested for a bowl and the five sat there drinking and exchanging stories until sundown.

At that time Slayo remarked, "I'm afraid we must go now, to find the young corner lass. Goodybe, and thank you for the ale, charming Eggleton! And farewell to you, foreign friend with greasy skin!"

Eggleton said something about getting no pay but did nothing about it. The Icelander remarked, "They are so cool, adult man!" With this the three drop dead muscular and handsome topless banditos hopped upon their rides and galloped not but for thirty seconds before again dismounting. For there was the beautiful maiden at the corner's edge, waiting patiently.

"Is she the ill omen giver?" asked Spaztic to Slayo.

"No, but lets go have a look anyway," he replied and began to walk forward. The three walked in perfect unison, but the corner maiden stood undisturbed. They arrived within three feet of her and then Disguise spoke.

"Deary me, miss, but perhaps may we interest you in the filling of your cup with a whee bit of tea?" Then she turned and they gazed at the beauty of her form, her curves, her long, flowing hair, her golden false teeth, and her general lack of drapery. She parted her lips and spoke but one word.

"Avast, three fools." Or, perhaps but one sentance. Anyway, the three topless banditos did not listen, and skipped forward merilly humming outlandish songs about babies having backs. Then the maiden raised her hand towards them in one sweeping motion and instantly the three banditos were stationary. "Who are you who seek my temple?" the maiden asked.

"We are the three topless banditos, and we bear longer weapons than most you have ever seen, fair lady," said Slayo, standing on one leg for no apparent reason.

"You seem overly clothed for being topless banditos," said the maiden. It was only then that the three noticed that they were, in fact, fully clothed. Losing their frozen appearance, they reached at their threads and tore them away passionately. At least, they tried. After a moment each each had ripped a small portion of their sleeves and were out of breath from overstimulation. Oh, and being drunk didn't exactly help a lot, either. Slayo had recieved a black eye and Disguise was rolling on the ground moaning something about his bolluks. Spaztic just stared entranced at his own hands.

After a moment the maiden coughed impatiently and they realized what they had been doing and came to. Disguise said, "Yes, lass, we were just looking to avenge the duck urine incident of last night." With no further details the maiden stared and them confused and then shrugged and asked how much money they had. "Twelve shillings a peice!" declared Disguise.

The women then looked at the sky, thinking deep, then shrugged again and said, "Ah well...have at it." At this point there was many a ho-ha and boom splash, until at least all were sweaty and satisfied...from bullfighting. Or something. But anyway, having accomplished their noble tasks, the three topless banditos payed the maiden a fee and got back onto their horses, begining to ride once again towards the sunset in search of new adventure...
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Remarks appreciated.
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Last edited by Tik; Oct 8, 2003 at 08:36 PM.
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Oct 8, 2003, 08:34 PM
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Remark.
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Oct 8, 2003, 08:35 PM
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The beauty of this peice of literature was powerful and moving.
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Oct 9, 2003, 05:52 PM
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Oh Spaztic. I'm going to hyper ventilate here.

You guys ruX0r. I miss Slay. This is awesome.

*beam*
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Oct 10, 2003, 08:39 AM
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Haha, this is amazing Spaztic.
I loved it. I am going to begin with mine now.

The icelandish character is brilliant, and so random.

ENCORE, ENCORE.


(I miss you to Ducky)

Should we place all of the THREE TOPLESS BANDITOS storys in one topic or different once?
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Oct 10, 2003, 12:31 PM
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Oct 10, 2003, 12:43 PM
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It's just so beautiful, it makes me want to cry. For a variety of reasons.
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Oct 10, 2003, 07:13 PM
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Beauty. D:
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^seeabove^
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Oct 13, 2003, 10:29 AM
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Keep them in the same thread, kay?

w00t. ^_^
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Nov 10, 2003, 04:52 AM
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(Hi, here is the 2nd story in the epic saga of the three topless banditos. I couldnt post it at ones because it was to long.)


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


It was a warm night as three tall, strong, handsome figures rode their valiant horses down the desert road towards the sunset. They rode fast, with no real direction or purpose, but with an uncanny zeal. Towards where, they could not say - all they knew was that somewhere, in some forgotten place, was an innocence betrayed, a broken dream, a beautiful maiden in some unfortunate cirumstance, or perhaps just a tavern with good ale. Whatever the case, they rode long and hard through day and night in search of those in need of their faithful assistance. They are the THREE TOPLESS BANDITOS.




Tale # 2 THE THREE TOPLESS BANDITOS AND THE SAUSAGE OF DOOM!!!

Spaztic was sitting on the cold, hard floor of a small, Mexican cell.
In his hand he held a small note, his eyes slowly moved across the lines.

“Hi friends.

I am sitting here on the cold, hard floor of a small, Mexican cell.
I don’t like it in here, a drunk Mexican is guarding my cell and he is singing ‘La cucaracha’ all the time.

P.S.: GET ME OUT OF HERE!!"


He tied the note around a rock using one of his shoelaces, and then threw it out of the window of his cell, he sighed and went back to his jigsaw puzzle.

Two drunk men were sitting at the bar of an old saloon, about 2000 miles down the road.
The saloon was filled with random people, behind the bar stood James McHaw, he was poking his nose with the hook that was attached to his wrist.

“Argh, what can I get yea me lad’s?” The bartender asked with a friendly voice. He spitted in a glass and wiped it clean with his towel.

“We could shure go for ‘nother Whisky.” Disguise said, he then turned to face SlaYo and asked. “How bout you guysh?”

“Who’s paying?” SlaYo dreamily asked while he was dreamily gazing at nothing in particular.


A young man walked down the stairs in the back of the saloon while closing his zipper.
He was followed by three young and beautiful woman.
The young man looked quiet familiar and he sat down at a table accompanied by the three damsels.

“Who’s paying?” Disguise repeated in the same drunk voice and he laughed.

“You are, I’m broke dude.” Disguise looked at SlaYo and his smile disappeared making room for a slightly less comfortable look.
They turned they’re heads to face the bartender and both looked right into the barrel of a gun.

“So fellows, which one of you is going to pay the bill?” He asked with a warm and evil voice. He pushed the gun tighter against the heads of Disguise and SlaYo

“Do yea have a last wish mate’s?”.

“Yah I would like a drink.” SlaYo shouted. “Me to.”

The bartender was about to pull the trigger when the young man who sat at the table with the damsels rose up and walked towards the bar, he winked at two lady’s he passed and threw his hat on the bar before he spoke with a deep and gravely voice.

“I woulds like an glass of milk please and three martini’s witch a little cherrie for me and mine cool women, oh and P.S. I woulds also like an bukket of water for mine horse please ;D”

SlaYo and Disguise jumped up when they heard that familiar voice, they turned around and there he stood. The Icelandic person from the previous episode, with a glass full of milk and a blank expression on his face.

“Icelandic person, do you remember us?” Disguise said with a warm and friendly smile on his face and his mind on the Icelandic persons wallet.

The Icelander laughed happily. “Grandma, ofcourse I remember, that was joke, I have bean drinking to mutch.”
SlaYo and Disguise fake laughed for a bit, they still had their minds on getting the Icelanders money and not getting shot. “Mine name is Bjarni by the way, not Icelander.”

“Bjarni, we need a small favour .. This man is pointing a gun at our heads..and.”

“Don’t worries, friends ;D” Bjarni pulled his gun out of his gun belt and shot the barkeeper straight between the eyes. The barkeeper fell down to the ground and screamed. “Why? Why?” Before he died, just to add a little drama to the story.

“Oh that’s great” SlaYo said with a sad and drunk face “ You shot down the barkeeper, who’s going to get us drinks now?”

Bjarni jumped over the bar and poured three glasses full with Whisky. “Cheers, cool men. The drinksh are on I ;D”

They drank a whole lot and then, after they where done drinking, they drank some more.

“Oh P.S.” Bjarni started and SlaYo and Disguise sighed. “I founds this note nears te prision, I is givings this to you, cool men bcause the storie isnt going somewhere, an this might improve the quality a little.”

Disguise read the note that Spaztic had written and tried to get out of his chair, but fell down, face first on the floor. SlaYo took the note of the bar and took his pair of sexy, purple glasses from the pocket of his shirt and read the note. SlaYo then jumped off his crutch and shouted.
“There is no time to waste Disguise.”

Bjarni ran to the door of the saloon and kicked it open. “Ther is none times to waist, lets takes the cariage. I am driving.”

Spaztic looked out of the window of his cell at the horizon.
A guard walked past his cell and stopped to look at him. Spaztic sat down and stopped to play a sad tune on his harmonica, after two minutes he realised that he couldn’t do it and he threw the harmonica out of the window. The cold wind made him shiver, with tears in his eyes he looked at the wall, he must have been in this cold cell for…

“Hours, poor Spaztic.” Disguise said while skilfully poking his nose.

SlaYo wrapped his lips around a fresh cigarette and wanted to light it.

“No smokeing in mine carriage, that’s illition, kid.”
Bjarni said as he raised an eyebrow.

“I understand.” SlaYo said and he nodded.
He jumped of the carriage onto the back of a horse but forgot to hold on to it and almost fell off it while lightning his cigarette. Bjarni looked at Disguise but he was sound asleep and drooling all over himself.

They reached the prison at nightfall.
SlaYo fell down the horse and almost choked on his cigarette. Bjarni tried to wake Disguise up by beating him with a stick. Disguise woke up, pulled his gun and aimed it at Bjarni’s head. “Don’t shoots me mine friend.”

Disguise saw that it was Bjarni and put his gun away. “Whatsh happenin, where are we?”

“We are here to saves you friend.” Bjarni replied as he threw the stick away.

“That’s right, TO THE RESCUE.” Disguise shouted and he fell out of the carriage, right into a cactus. Bjarni swiftly jumped out of the carriage and walked towards the prison.

“There a Harmonica, that has to be Spaztic’s cell.” Disguise said.

SlaYo and Bjarni raised and eyebrow in harmony.

“Well, Spaztic doesn’t know how to play the harmonica so he must have thrown it out of his window.”

The other two man we’re amazed by his intelligence.

“How is we goings to gets him out of there?” Bjarni said with a troubled look on his face.

Disguise and SlaYo both took their guns.
“We could storm inside, kill all the guards, find the keys and then free all the prisoners one by one.” SlaYo suggested.

“Sounds like an plan, friend! But I haves some TNT.” Bjarni said and he winked.

They each took a bar of dynamite. “Watch out Spaztic, we’re about to save you.”
They lighted their sticks and threw it at the wall, with a loud noise, the wall was ripped to pieces. The force of the explosion knocked the three guys down to the ground.

Spaztic walked around the corner and saw his two fellow banditos and Bjarni lying down on the ground with their faces full of ashes and dust.
“Thanks for coming over guys, they just released me because I could convince them that I was innocent. What are you doing over here?”

Disguise, SlaYo and Bjarni pointed at the large, gaping hole in the wall of the prison.
The wall slowly the started to crumble while the Mexicans were gathering outside trying to re-capture the escaping prisoners.

“Now would be a good time to leave.” Spaztic suggested when he saw that 8 Mexicans where quickly riding towards them on their noble steeds.

Bjarni pulled a small knife out of his boot and cut the ropes that attached the horses to the carriage. “Quicks, there is only two horse, I help Disguise and help you SlaYo, they is bean drinking to mutch.”

They quickly rode away towards the horizon, hoping that he bullets that the Mexicans where firing at them would not hit them. Bjarni turned around on his horse and shot down two of the Mexicans that were following them. “Mine ammo is finish, you haves some?”
Bjarni asked Spaztic.

“We never use ammo, we just have big guns to impress the damsels.” Spaztic confessed.

Bjarni sighed and reached for his knife, he threw it at a Mexican that fell down his horse in a brutal and dramatic way.

They reached an open field.
“Looks, more peoples.” Bjarni shouted as a bunch of men in blue uniforms came riding down a hill in the west. The Mexicans also noticed this.

“Darn, the Americans, flee brothers.” One of them shouted.

Disguise looked behind him. “Thoshe ten guysh that where just following ush have all left.”

“Haha.” SlaYo laughed out in triumph.
“We probably shook them off somewhere in this huge open field.”

The three topless banditos and Bjarni where oblivious of the fact that they were riding dangerously close to the edge of a deep canyon so they where pretty surprised when they saw a fat and ugly woman riding towards them at high speed who was screaming at the top of her lungs. She could not get her horse to stop and was now riding slowly towards a certain dead.

“Darn, if she doesn’t stop screaming, the Mexicans will find us.”
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“Lets me take care of that, friends.” He threw his gun at her head and knocked her backwards off her horse into a puddle of mud.

“Subtle and efficient.” Spaztic said as he stopped his horse.
“I think we lost those smelly fools he said while an important looking man rode towards them.

“Thank you fella’s, you saved the life of my dear pig.. erh, wife, how could I ever thank you?” The important looking man asked them.

“Well, we could use a place to stay I suppose, so that these two drunk idiots can get some rest.” .. “And a meal.” Disguise interrupted.

“I am goings to go back to the vilage.” Bjarni said. “I’m planning on taking over the bar from page 2 and starting my own club. Feel free to visit me anytime.” And with these words, he left, riding towards the horizon.. as usual.

“Allow me to introduce myself. I am the president of the united states.” The important looking man said.

“We are the three topless ..” Disguise got cut off in the middle of his sentence by receiving SlaYo’s elbow in his stumach. “.. hero’s, we are the three.. topless hero’s.” SlaYo said.

“You mentioned that we saved your wife?” Spaztic said with a puzzled look on his face.
He looked to his left and saw that five soldiers where trying to get the presidents wife back on her feet. “Oh, her.. yah we saved that, I mean her.” Spaztic admitted with a look of horror and disgust on his face as he looked at the lady. She had about three chins and must have weighted more then a cow. No wonder she didn’t feel any pain when she fell down to the ground.
“I’ve seen horses that looked better.” Spaztic thought to himself.

Flashback: Spaztic saw himself frolicking trough a meadow, Molly, Billy the Thumbs horse was frolicking close behind him. Spaztic turned around to give Molly a hug.
Such memories.

“Are you done yet? We are heading towards the mansion.”
The president said and he turned his horse around.

SlaYo jumped on top of the horse of the presidents wife.
She got on the back of her husbands horse, you could clearly tell that the horse did not like this.

After riding for about 30 minutes, with a few short breaks to help SlaYo get back on his horse, and to give Disguise some time to pee, they reached the presidents house.

“It’s late, we’d better get some rest.” Spaztic said as they were about to enter the mansion.

“Holy crap, look at all that gold.” Spaztic shouted excitedly, oblivious to the fact that the owner of the mansion was walking close behind him.

Everyone fell silent, including SlaYo and Disguise who were stuffing there pockets full of silverwear.

“Just kidding.” Spaztic said, followed by a cheesy grin.
Then he was an old and antique vase, he almost drooled all over himself.
That thing must be worth a fortune.

“You can follow Rose, she will be your loyal servant during your stay and will help you with every need you might have.” The president said.

Disguise and SlaYo giggled like two drunken teenager while Spaztic was still drooling over the vase. “Huh? Oh thanks.” He then looked at Rose.
She was the most beautiful woman he had seen in days.
Her blonde hair fell over the scar in her forehead and she only had four yellow teeth, the rest were of the purest off-white he had ever seen.

The three topless banditos followed Rose up the stairs. She told Disguise and SlaYo to enter the first room to the left.
The room was so big that the last house they lift in would entirely fit into it.
“Oh my.” SlaYo said when he saw a golden hand-mirror lying on a nightstand in the corner of the room.

Disguise emptied one of his pockets and threw the silverware under the bed, he tried to push the hand-mirror into his pants but it didn’t fit and he ripped the pocket off of his pants.

“Oh that’s just great, now we can forget about the silverware and the mirror.” SlaYo said as he fell down on the huge bed that stood against the back wall.

While Disguise and SlaYo where sleeping, Spaztic was having a little fun.

“Would you like to see my collection of stamps?” Rose asked him in an innocent voice.

“Sure thing, I like stamps.” Spaztic said.

“Well, this stamp I found at the post office, and this one was send to me by a friend. That’s it, time to get dirty.”

“ ;D “ Spaztic replied.

The next morning, the three topless banditos woke up late in the afternoon.
Spaztic bumped into Disguise on the corridor who was waiting for SlaYo to be finished in the shower.

“ Tonight, when everyone else is sleeping, we will sneak downstairs and steal a thing or two. The president keeps lovely things in his little house.”

Two beautiful young maids walked by. “So I see.” Disguise said.

“Yes…well he’s keeping a priceless vase and those stamps…oh boy.”
Spaztic dreamily looked at the wall thinking about last night.

“Stamps?” Disguise shook his head. “There’s a mirror in our room, a golden hand-mirror, must be worth a pretty penny.”

SlaYo stepped out of the bathroom. “Let’s go downstairs to get some breakfast.”

“Shouldn’t you put on some clothes before we walk downstairs?” Disguise said trying to cover up SlaYo with a towel as the maid’s walked by again.

The three of them walked down the marble staircase after SlaYo got dressed.
The president and his wife greeted them. To their left sat an angry looking young man, he gave them a funny look of disgust as they walked by.
His name was captain Trafton, an important figure in the American army, and a brutal one at that.

Spaztic, Disguise and SlaYo sat down next to each at the large, wooden table.

The president stood up and gently tapped the side of his glass with his spoon.
“I have a few things to say before we enjoy our lunch. As you can see we have three guests today. These fine young gentlemen have saved the life of my sweet and beautiful wife.
A toast on these three hero’s.

SlaYo poked Spaztic who was picking up sausages with his hands, in the ribs and pointed and his knife and fork.

“Oh good idea Slay.” Spaztic said and he put the silver knife and fork in his pocket.

The three of them stood up and raised their glasses. “Thanks.” They said and finished their champagne in one sip and then they belched. It all went quiet harmoniously.

The rest of the guests were quiet disgusted by this behaviour but they applauded.

“You have to eat with the knife and fork.” SlaYo whispered when he noticed that Spaztic started eating with his hands. “Get them out of your pocket you foul thief.”

He looked to his left and saw that Disguise wasn’t even using his hands, he dug his face in the food and started chewing. “I cant walk around the house naked but you can both act like a pig at the dinner table, that sux.” SlaYo said in a sad tone.

“Excuse me, you two.” Captain Trafton said as he looked from Spaztic at Disguise.
“Try using a knife and fork or shall we put three chairs in the pigpen?”
The rest of the guests laughed.

Disguise picked his fork and knife up and looked at them as if they were high-tech tools.
He put his fork in one end and stabbed his knife into the other hand and try to rip the sausage in two. Then it happened. He ripped a piece off of the sausage and it flung trough the air and down the gullet of the presidents wife who was laughing louder then everyone else.
She made a few uncomfortable and dying sounds and her four chins stopped shaking and as she tried to draw breath her fat and stubby fingers reached for her throat.
The guest rose to their feet in shock and the president hit his pig….err, wife on the back in an attempt to save her life.

“This might be a good moment to leave.” Spaztic whispered as he got out of his chair.

The three topless banditos slowly sneaked towards the door, SlaYo gently tapped on Spaztic’s shoulder and pointed at the vase. “Let’s not leave empty handed.” He whispered.

Spaztic motioned for Disguise to open the door and he clutched his hands around the vase.

“Hold it right there you foul criminals.” Captain Trafton shouted at them.
The three topless banditos stopped dead in their tracks and slowly turned around.
“We were on our way to get some help…. Honest.” Disguise lied.

Captain Trafton pulled his gun and the rest of the people, including woman and children followed his example. Soon, twenty-two guns where pointing at their heads.
“You killed the presidents wife.” Captain Trafton said before he looked at the soldiers.
“Arrest them.”
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Nov 10, 2003, 04:55 AM
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“TOPLESS TIME!!!.” Disguise shouted.
The three topless banditos tried to rip their shirts off but failed miserably.
Spaztic dropped the vase and started cussing.

“No cussing.” Captain Trafton shouted.

SlaYo accidentally hit Disguise in the face because he was lost in his shirt.

“Any other ideas?” Disguise asked out of breath.

“Look the presidents wife is trying to get up.”

Everyone looked at the presidents wife, including Disguise and SlaYo who didn’t get that Spaztic was only saying this to save them some time.

“Quick, follow me.” He shouted as he ran out of the door.

SlaYo and Disguise quickly ran after him, they were followed by an angry mob.
“How on earth are we going to outrun captain Trafton, the president and 21 angry men, women and children?” Disguise shouted.

Then they saw that the Mexicans had returned with more men to capture them.
“Oh no, here comes more trouble.”

“Stop right there.” One of the Mexicans shouted when he noticed Disguise, Spaztic and SlaYo. The three topless banditos realised that they were surrounded and stopped.

Disguise felt around in his pocket and pulled out a spoon that he had stolen during dinner.
“STAND BACK, I HAVE A SPOON HERE AND I AM NOT AFRAID TO USE IT.”
He shouted at captain Trafton’s man who now took a step back.

“Don’t be so stupid, you morons. It is only a spoon, we all have guns.” Captain Trafton shouted at his men who sighed and now took a step forward.

“Thank you for bringing them to us.” The captain of the Mexicans said.
“We will take them from here and punish them by hanging them in our capitol city.

“Are you nuts?” Captain Trafton asked… He was furious, you could tell by his nostrils, they were trembling, that’s how furious he was. “They are our prisoners. They killed the presidents wife.”

“It was an accident, we didn’t mean to.” SlaYo said in his defence.
“I don’t care.” The captain of the Mexican army said.
“They totally destroyed our prison by blowing up a supporting wall.”

“Wow, we did that? … I mean, we didn’t mean to.” Spaztic mumbled.

“We are taking these men in captivity, even if we have to fight for them.” Captain Trafton shouted.

“So be it, good sir.” The captain of the Mexican army shouted and he charged. Followed by about 25 soldiers.

Captain Trafton’s army attacked the Mexicans and the fight started.

“I think we’d better leave.” Spaztic said. “The battlefield is no place for a bunch of honest thieves like us.”

“I agree, let’s go back to the house, steal all of the silverware and the golden hand-mirror and head back for hell valley. Bjarni told us he was going to start a saloon, we can probably hide over there.

Our three friends, ;D followed this plan of action and raided the mansion of all the lovely silverware while the fighting continued outside.

“Poor sod’s they are fighting over us while we aren’t there, I feel kind of sorry for them. Those losers.” SlaYo said as the three of them laughed.

They stole three horses and rode down the long road, facing the sunset.

Here ends tale #2


------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HAVE FUN READING (I should have said that in the beginning. Oh well >D) <3 Ducky
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Coppertop

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Nov 10, 2003, 07:20 AM
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lol, this is great. You guys are hilarious.
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Nov 12, 2003, 09:02 AM
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Slayo, I have no idea how you found the time to right all that, but it's brilliant. The Bjarni character was hilarious. ;D
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Nov 12, 2003, 12:54 PM
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"We just use big guns to impress the damsels." Haha, gold. And what Ninja said.
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Nov 12, 2003, 07:22 PM
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Hahaha, absolutely brilliant Slay.

I'm up next, I better begin working on mine
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Nov 14, 2003, 07:13 AM
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*waits for Tick's*
The SlaYeR

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Nov 14, 2003, 10:15 AM
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We all do ;-;.
But we'd better give our Tickie some time ;D

Coppertop, if it is ok with Spaztic and if you like it, you could probably write tale #2 if you'd like.
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Coppertop

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Nov 14, 2003, 01:07 PM
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Eh, maybe. If I have time. I'll let you know.
The SlaYeR

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Oct 26, 2004, 07:43 PM
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Revive
Some more writing will follow soon.
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Coppertop

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Oct 27, 2004, 09:50 AM
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Ahaha.
The SlaYeR

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Feb 1, 2007, 03:49 PM
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Hi.
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Feb 2, 2007, 06:32 AM
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Slayo I love you

Seriously are you continuing this? *hopeful*
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Feb 2, 2007, 11:13 AM
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I started one, I'm not sure. I'll try to.

Isn't this against the rules though?
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Feb 3, 2007, 02:19 AM
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*looks at thread*

Errr...This is...what people call comedy? I guess I'd agree...kept myself from laughing...only barely though...

Somewhat amusing title...heheheh...

Besides...we don't exactly see many other posters playing by the rules, here, do we?
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Feb 3, 2007, 06:44 AM
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I think it's time someone said this...PLEASE STOP USING THOSE ANNOYING DOTS...Oh, and thanks...I guess this is comedy...in a way.

Really though, it is very annoying to read something when you use twenty dots.
Later.
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Feb 3, 2007, 10:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The SlaYeR
Really though, it is very annoying to read something when you use twenty dots.
And they're called ellipses, actually (singular: ellipsis). Technically only eight were used.
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GENERATION 22: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

<i>"This picture shows me that the gray bird man is just a bully and picks on smaller birds. Just because he has no friends and takes it out on others smaller than him to look good. I can see in the parrats eyes that it does however have a understanding of the gray bird man and is upset about getting cut."</i> - Speeza on cartoon birds.
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Feb 3, 2007, 08:48 PM
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Picky, aren't we?

Meh, I guess it does get annoying. Making people having to look at a line of silence. It's particualry poplular in Video Game Qutoes like this.

"..."

Or.

"!!!"

Heh. Boring, huh?

Oh well. Keep up the good work! This is what I need. A story that seems totally random! YAY!
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