ToU Part 3! Come join in before it becomes 40 pages!

[White Rabbit]

Go E...
Anyway, I have a secret weapon. I will draw the maze as we go along. Current explored areas are shown, with dotted borders, and 'stopping' points are represented by asterisks. Stopping points with zombies are shown with exclamation marks.


|.....|
| |
| ! <-- Rabid zombie.
| | Avoid.
| |
| |-------
| * ...
| _______
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |------------------------------------|
|--------------| |
| * * * ! <-- Rabid zombie.
| __________________________________ _____________| Avoid.
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | ------------| | |
| |-----| | * !| | |-----------------|
| * ! <-- Rabid | _______| | * * |
|_________| zombie. | | | _____________ |
Avoid. | | | | | |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| |-----------| |-----------| | ! <-- Rabid zombie.
| * * Save| |...| Avoid.
| _____________________________|
| |
| |
| ! |
|---|

[UNKNOWNFILE]

wow that's one biiiiiiiiig area :P

[Dev]

@WR: Nice.

<b>I decided to bite the bullet, figuratively speaking, and went down the Eastern hall. No sooner had I stepped into the darkness when a cold, mechanical hand grabbed hold of me. I tried to shake it off, but it was no use. I shouted for the aid of my companions, but they were either terror-stricken or didn't care.
I leapt backwards, carrying the attacker with me. We both fell into the light, and sure enough, it was another cyborg zombie. I raised my weapon once more, shooving the barrel directly into it's foaming mouth. "All in favor, say DIE!" I fired my last shotgun shell, blasting the revenant's head directly off its metalic shoulders. I kicked the lifeless corpse off of me and got back to my feet. Turning to my party I asked, "Why didn't you help me?"
"It looked like you had things under control," Araches answered. "Anyway, it really won't matter once we've all been eatten alive."
I didn't like her initiative. For someone in pink bunny pajamas, she wasn't being very helpful. After shaking my head in dissatisfaction I led everyone back East, hoping that there were no more zombies. There weren't, probably because it was a dead end. </b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C__W_.png

[White Rabbit]

W again.
S, E, then E.

[CrimiClown]

*watches carefully before posting*

Stick with White Rabbit...

[Radium]

Stick with White Rabbit...<s>Follow the white rabbit...</s>

[CrimiClown]

<s>Follow the white rabbit...</s>
http://chaos.foxmage.com/CrimiClown/derbysign06.pnghttp://chaos.foxmage.com/CrimiClown/derbysign05.png

[Dev]

@Crimi: You're like that guy on Seinfeld who kept sneaking up behind Elaine at work and taking partial credit for everything she did. XD C'mon and play already! ;3

@Rad: You're distracting them from the task at hand! >O Take your amusing antics elsewhere, the War Tavern is no place for entertainment.

<b>We backtracked all the way to the start of the maze. To the North was the other hall we had yet to explore, and to the East was the save point/mensroom. In the middle of the room was the same bloody mattress we had landed on shortly after taking up the challenge.
"West was a bust," Araches muttered. "And now we're left with an entire unexplored passage, and no more ammo. Great job, Uberbob. Pacman would be proud."
"You're not help1ng," L33tz4n pointed out. Araches' expression changed, reflecting a hint of shame.
"Uh... I'll shut up now," Araches said, with a nod to L33tz4n. "Sorry L33tz4n... Uberbob..."
Araches seemed to have a lot of respect for L33tz4n, but they were never that friendly with one another. I guess Araches was worried that she might scare off L33tz4n in the same way that she did Shuriken.
I went East, back into the bathroom. The floor was covered in the remnants of my ealier adventure.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C__W_.png

[Odin]

North, and be ready to run.

[White Rabbit]

Go N.
EDIT: Run N.

[Dev]

Sorry, I got WR's directions confused before. He said to got East again, which would put them back at the save point. I fixed it now, but anyway... pageclaim.

<b>I exitted the whatever-I-should-call-it and rejoined my comrades. "Northward," I told them, "and be ready to run." We walked North, in a manner that allowed for optimal runnage, just in case. We came to an interval, where a path broke off to the East. I could hear more moaning and creaking. In fact, it sounded like there might be multiple cyborg zombies nearby. My only hope was to pick a path that was entirely free of monsters, and with my luck such a thing was unlikely at best. </b>

http://www.foxmage.com/CNE_S.png

[Odin]

Head East and keep back to wall.

[White Rabbit]

Tell Leetsan to summon a Mythslayer and let it lead the way.

[Odin]

Tell Leetsan to summon a Mythslayer and let it lead the way.

We don't know if we can use spells. We should save the Mythslayer unless we have an emergency.

[White Rabbit]

There are zombies out there, we don't know the maze, and we have no more bullets. What do you call an emergency?

[Dev]

<b>"L33tz4n, summon the Mythslayer. He can probably help."
L33tz4n summoned a mighty Mythslayer from the depths of some horror novel somewhere. The otherworldly glow from his eyes bathed the hallway in a greenish light.
He began to recite some sort of pre-planned introduction. "When darkness consumes your soul, and redemption eludes your every-"
"Yeah, yeah," I interrupted. "We're going East. Lead the way."
He glared at me angrily, but eventually submitted to my authority. Bossing around large glowing men was fun.
We sidled down the hallway with our backs to the wall. I'm not sure how having our backs to the wall could have helped us avoid getting eatten by cyborg zombies, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. The Mythslayer led the way until we came to a bend in the corridor leading South. He turned around and asked, "Keep going?"

http://www.foxmage.com/C__WS.png

[Odin]

Go south.

[Dev]

<b>"Yeah," I replied. "Keep going."
The Mythslayer led us Southward into yet another dark passage. I could see fairly well at first by the glow of his eyes, but after a while I noticed the light starting to dim. In fact, the Mythslayer himself started walking slower, as if getting weaker.
"What's wr0ng?" L33tz4n asked as she slithered to his side.
"Don't know..." he replied. "Something's... blocking my power... blocking magic..."
Fawriel and Araches exchanged terrified looks; they must have been thinking the same thing I was. Long ago, we had encountered several things that blocked the effects of magic. They had all been different, but they had one thing in common...
"Can you k33p going?" L33tz4n asked.
"I'll... try."
"Suck it up, slayer!" Shuri scoffed. "You're supposed to be mighty, remember?" Before she could even finish ridiculing him, the Mythslayer vanished in a pillar of light.
"Oh no," said Fawriel. "It can't be..."
From the shadows leapt another cyborg zombie. Upon closer inspection, I saw that it was not only a cyborg zombie, but a <i>rabid</i> cyborg zombie! The impossibility of a dead person contracting rabies defied the laws of nature, rendering our magicks useless. The evil abomination latched onto my neck, and sucked the blood from my veins until everything went dark...
________________________________

"Silly mensroom prophecy," I said, just before the toilet exploded. As I stood there covered in someone else's legacy, I realized that the situation felt eerily familiar.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C__W_.png

[White Rabbit]

*blink*
N, then N again.

[Dev]

<b>I went North, and ran directly into the wall of the mensroom. It hurt. For some reason I went North again, running into the same wall. It hurt even more.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C__W_.png

[Odin]

W, N, N.

[Ae]

No, Go: S, N, E, E, W, W, W, E, S, N, W, N.

[UNKNOWNFILE]

stup zombies killing the fun >O

[Blackraptor]

I find it kinda funny about how there were 2 wrong passages and one right one in the start, and we managed to get both the wrong ones. Just something I'm wondering, you don't necessarily have to kill the zombies right? You could just use SUPER SLICK EVASIVE MOVES and bypass them saving shotgun ammo ;D.

[Risp_old]

I think the whole point is that running into zombies takes shotgun ammo. Like, think of it less as ammo and more as the amount of times you are allowed to run into zombies before you have to start over.

[Blackraptor]

Blah, I hoped it wouldnt be like that ;P.

I sense a lot of trial and error coming up.

[Odin]

But Trial and Error is FUN.

[Fawriel]

Odin's directions.

[White Rabbit]

Ae...no. ;p
Let's go with Odin.
But Trial and Error is FUN.
Note that you went E and then S before the rabid zombie killed Uberbob, which strayed away from what looked like the main path, which goes N, so a little thinking IS required.

[Dev]

<b>I exited the save point and rejoined my party. "My intuition just kicked in!" I declared. I led them North, passing a breakoff leading East, until I came to the end of the hallway. The path now split into two directions: East and West. Once again, the lighting only allowed me to see a little of what was down each path; the first few feet were clear, but the rest was shrouded in darkness. Air was blowing from the West. It could mean an exit... or possibly a trap. I could hear more droll moaning coming from both directions.
"The air pressure is getting thinner," Shuriken pointed out. "We must be somewhat close to the exit, or at least a ventalation system."

http://www.foxmage.com/C_EWS.png

[White Rabbit]

Go W.

[Torkell]

Does the Enchantresphere naturally give off light?

[Dev]

@BoggyB: Yes.

<b>We blindly wandered West until we came to another breakoff leading North; the Westward path continued ahead. Air seemed to be blowing from both corridors, though I seriously doubted that the maze had two exits. The moaning and creaking sounds were louder than ever.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/CNEW_.png

[White Rabbit]

Tell Leetsan to send an Enchantresphere N and look for any movements.
Follow N.

[Fawriel]

At a distance.
If the light vanishes, you'll know that going on is not a smart move.

[White Rabbit]

Well, what if the light vanishes when you go W?

[Fawriel]

..then W is the wrong way. What are you getting at?
Oh yeah. I mean the light of the Enchantresphere, if you got confused there.. if it vanishes, it obviously ran into zombies.

[White Rabbit]

Well, what if the light ALSO vanishes when you go N?
It makes little difference, in that case.

[Fawriel]

AGH! How the hell can you be so FAST, (-)? ...I edited my post.

[UNKNOWNFILE]

if it vanishes, it obviously ran into zombies.

OK, that's just evil

[White Rabbit]

I refuse to ratify the Enchantresphere rights movement.

[Dev]

You guys are funny. Anywho, it sounded like WR probably wanted Spherey to return before they followed it North, Faw. At least I think so.

<b>I turned to L33tz4n, my boon companion and alleged girlfriend. "Summon an Enchantresphere and send it North," I told her. "Have it look for any movements."
L33tz4n mumbled a bit of mantra, and from some other dimension (or something) appeared a luminescent Enchantresphere. "Go North," she told it. "If there are any zombies... vanish, I gu3ss." The Enchantresphere floated down the Northern passage. We watched it proceed down the dark tunnel, until the glow from its surface was no longer visible. We waited for it to return, but it never did.
"There must be more rabid zombies North," Fawriel pointed out.
"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Araches muttered.
"Might be lost," Shuri suggested. "Exactly how smart is an Enchantresphere?"
"Erm... how smart?" L33tz4n repeated. "Compared to what, exactly?"
"On a scale of one to ten," Shuri replied. "Ten being you, one being Fooruman."
L33tz4n thought for a moment. "I'd say... s1x."</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/CNEW_.png

[Odin]

East.

[cooba]

Just as well, I will be updating WR's map thing now. Normal exclamation marks are normal zombies and red ones are rabid zombies.

______
| |
| ! |
| |---------------------------------
--------| ..
.. * * ..
______________________________ ___________
| |
| |
| |
------------| | |
| * !| | |-----------------|
| _______| | * * |
| | | _____________ |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| |-----------| |-----------| | ! |
| * * Save| |___|
| _____________________________|
| |
| |
| ! |
|---|

Anyways, go east.

[Dev]

I shouldn't be helping you guys at ALL, but somehow I feel that I would be blamed if Cooba's map turned out to be wrong. The Enchantresphere's dissappearance was never actually accounted for, so you don't know if there's a rabid zombie there or not. And as for the other rabid zombie, it killed you before you could explore the rest of the tunnel. Who's to say the exit wasn't right behind it?

<b>Deciding that we made the wrong decision heading West, I led the group back East. To the South was the entrance and Save Point, while further West was a passage we had yet to explore.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C_EWS.png

[Ae]

West

[Odin]

East.

[MSB3000]

Westeast.

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Nice map there, Cooba!

[cooba]

thx2u uf



|.....|
| |
| ! |
| |---------------------------------
--------| ..
.. * * ..
______________________________ ___________
| |
| |
| |
------------| | |
| * !| | |-----------------|
| _______| | * * |
| | | _____________ |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| |-----------| |-----------| | ! |
| * * SAVE| | |
| _____________________________| |...|
| |
| |
| ! |
|---|Dev had quite a point so I changed some stuff.

Blue asterisk is now the point the party is at, too. Consider it as a "You are here" pointer.

[UNKNOWNFILE]

What do the ...'s represent?

Pageclaim. YAY

[Blackraptor]

That there is possibly a passage there but it hasnt been explored.

[cooba]

...'s indicate a passage to a room we haven't been to yet.

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Then let's go East and see what happens.

[Odin]

Then let's go East and see what happens.

...I said that.

[UNKNOWNFILE]

...I said that.

>O!

[Dev]

Popular opinion suggests we go East.

<b>I led the gang Eastward into the shadowy abyss. With the wind at my back I clung tightly to my shotgun, not sure of what to expect. My zombie-pwning reflexes were inexplicably sharp, and as soon as I saw the whites of the approaching rabid cyborg zombie's eyes I knew exactly what to do. I leapt backwards as he lunged at me and fired the shotgun before even hitting the ground. My attacker's head was blasted from its shoulders, and splattered across the walls and ceiling. I was impressed with my mad skillz; considering that it was the first time I had used a gun, I was pretty freakin' awesome with it. Stepping over the zombie's remains, I found myself at a dead end.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C__W_.png

[Odin]

Crap.

West west west.

[MSB3000]

Victory dance.

Odin stole my post. >O

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Cooba, take notice

[White Rabbit]

No, I wanted the party to FOLLOW the Enchantresphere N, Dev. :( Just like the Mythslayer, the Enchantresphere would lead the way.

Follow Odin's directions.

[Dev]

@WR: Aw, I'm sorry, I thought you wanted to send it North and then follow if the path was clear. =/ Well, if you had followed it, it would have vanished before you reached the end of the hall, due to massive rabid zombie infestation in nearby sections. I owe you an apology hug.

<b>We traveled East, beyond the paths breaking to the North and South, until we reached a turn leading South. I could hear moaning echoing throughout the maze; there were surely plenty of zombies left, though I couldn't be sure where exactly.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C_E_S.png

[UNKNOWNFILE]

WR's map updated:
|.....|
| |
| |------------------------------------|
|-------| |
| * * ! <-- Rabid zombie.
| __________________________ ______________| Avoid.
|...| | |
| |
| |
------------| | |
| * !| | |-----------------|
| _______| | * * |
| | | _____________ |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| |-----------| |-----------| | ! <-- Rabid zombie.
| * * Save| |...| Avoid.
| _____________________________|
| |
| |
| ! |
|---|

go south

[Dev]

<b>We turned the corner and kept going down the passage. We came to yet another bend in the path, this time leading East. The rush of air blowing through the tunnel was getting stronger as we proceeded through it.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/CNE__.png

[UNKNOWNFILE]

East it is.

[Dev]

<b>Concluding that wind meant a way out, we went East. It didn't take long for us to encounter yet another rabid cyborg zombie, but thankfully a well-aimed blast from my boomstick took care of it. As my last empty shell fell to the floor, I saw that the source of the wind was actually just an air vent set in the wall. The bars on the vent were too close together to climb through, and even still, there was a whirling fan on the other side of it. Essentially, it was just another dead end (emphasis on the word <i>dead</i>). </b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C__W_.png

[UNKNOWNFILE]

haha

|.....|
| |
| |------------------------------------|
|-------| |
| * * * ! <-- Rabid zombie.
| ________________________ ______________| Avoid.
| |___ | |
| | | |
| * !| | |
|_______| ------------| | |
| * !| | |-----------------|
| _______| | * * |
| | | _____________ |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| |-----------| |-----------| | ! <-- Rabid zombie.
| * * Save| |...| Avoid.
| _____________________________|
| |
| |
| ! |
|---|

West, North, East, North.

[Ae]

And tug on Araches' bunny costume ears some more, for lack of story-fun.

[Ae]

<b>No if/then statements or macros. They make you miss important stuff. Making creative macros to solve puzzles with mass trial and error is cheating.</b>
^^^

[UNKNOWNFILE]

(-) it

[Odin]

^^^

I'm pretty sure Radium would let this pass through.

[Ae]

Probably ;O

[Dev]

Radium won't save you now. *cackles*

<b>We backtracked to the divide in the hall where the two windy tunnels met, then went North down the very same passage the Enchantresphere had ealier vanished through. I started to notice several blood stains covering the floor, as well as increased undead moanage.
Something told me the worst was yet to come; it was Araches, whose bunny ears I had taken to tugging once more. Her eyes turned black, and from the palms of her hands shot bolts of lightning that fried me much more effectively than her usual fire spell. Perhaps the next time I wanted to antagonize her I would remember to cast Anti-Magic on myself first.
After Fawriel did his healer thing, we kept walking and came to another divide. A path broke to the East, while the main passage continued Northward. The air was filled with the sounds of rabid cyborg zombies.

http://www.foxmage.com/CNE_S.png

[UNKNOWNFILE]

ONOEZ!

Here's the map, with increased modifications.

|.....| NOTE: an & symbol indicates the party's current position.
__| |___
. .
. & . Tales of Uberbob Part 3
._ __. Romero Challenge Maze
| | Originally by White Rabbit
| | Modifications done by UNKNOWNFILE and Cooba
| |
| |------------------------------------|
|-------| |
| * * * ! <-- Rabid zombie.
| ________________________ ______________| Avoid.
| |___ | |
| | | |
| * !| | |
|_______| ------------| | |
| * !| | |-----------------|
| _______| | * * |
| | | _____________ |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| |-----------| |-----------| | ! <-- Rabid zombie.
| * * Save| |...| Avoid.
| _____________________________|
| |
| |
| ! |
|---|

[Dev]

You can still win. Don't give up <s>just yet.</s>

[UNKNOWNFILE]

I say... GO NORTHWARD!!!!!!!!!1

[Odin]

ONOEZ!

Here's the map, with increased modifications.

{INSERT MAP HERE}

There's no western passage where the ampersand is.

[Dev]

D=

<b>I took a few steps down the Northern passage. It wasn't until I took a few <i>more</i> steps that I realized my jugular vein had been latched onto by a rabid cyborg zombie. I tried something characteristically retarded to get it off of me, but failed, and died a sad death which would have been more fitting for someone like Fooruman, in my opinion.
_________________________________

"Silly mens room prophecy," I said as the toilet exploded. The prophecy had been fullfilled.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C__W_.png

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Dang.

West North North North West North East.

There's no western passage where the ampersand is.
Fixed.

_____
| ! <-- Rabid zombie.
| | Avoid. NOTE: an & symbol indicates the party's current position.
| |___
| .
| * . Tales of Uberbob Part 3
| __. Romero Challenge Maze
| | Originally by White Rabbit
| | Modifications done by UNKNOWNFILE and Cooba
| |
| |------------------------------------|
|-------| |
| * * * ! <-- Rabid zombie.
| ________________________ ______________| Avoid.
| |___ | |
| | | |
| * !| | |
|_______| ------------| | |
| * !| | |-----------------|
| _______| | * * |
| | | _____________ | UFBOT IS YOUR GOD
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| |-----------| |-----------| | ! <-- Rabid zombie.
| * () Save| |...| Avoid.
| _____________________________|
| |
| |
| ! |
|---| the () indicates the blood-stained mattress, if I recall correctly.

[cooba]

More like two norths after leaving the savepoint.

[Odin]

More like West North North West North East.

[Fawriel]

..not that it's in any way important, but I'm 99% sure that ALL zombies are rabid. ;o

[White Rabbit]

Yes, W, N, N, W, N, E.

[UNKNOWNFILE]

This game rules. Except for graphic details in this scene :r

[cooba]

On an unrelated note, this, I think, is the third savepoint so far to be represented as a bathroom.

[Torkell]

Oh, and we don't know what's north of that last zombie to eat us (the northenmost one on the map atm).

Important note, folks: a zombie eating us does not mean we've found a dead-end.

[cooba]

Blue color - current party location

|.....|
| ! |
| |
| |___
| .
| * . Tales of Uberbob Part 3
| __. Romero Challenge Maze
| | Originally by White Rabbit
| | Modifications done by UNKNOWNFILE and Cooba
| |
| |------------------------------------|
|-------| |
| * * * ! |
| ________________________ ______________|
| |___ | |
| | | |
| * !| | |
|_______| ------------| | |
| * !| | |-----------------|
| _______| | * * |
| | | _____________ |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| |-----------| |-----------| | ! |
| * * SAVE | |...|
| _____________________________|
| |
| |
| ! |
|---|

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Thanks for fixing it up coobs :D

[Torkell]

New, prettier map (ph34r my l33t excel skillz)

http://thomas.pleaseremoveyourfeet.com/jj2/toumap.png

(no disrespect to the previous mappers, but I was finding it hard to keep track on the ascii art).

[Fawriel]

All the zombies are rabid I tell you. ;/

[UNKNOWNFILE]

ascii rules >O

PAGECLAIM FOR THE SECOND TIME IN A ROW LOL

[Dev]

<b>I left the bathroom/save point with an air of determination. I can't explain how or why, exactly, but the maze seemed strangely familiar; so familiar that I knew most of it by heart.
I fearlessly led the group North, North, West, North, and East, in that order, and encountered no problems whatsoever (besides the dificulties associated with trying to walk in chain-covered bondage pants). As I journied down this last passage, the familiarity of the place seemed to fade away. We came to a tunnel leading North, while the Eastward path we had been walking down continued further in the same direction. My confidence left me; I was no longer certain that I knew the way. I'd heard the echoing of undead voices throughout the entire maze, but had yet to actually encounter any zombies. Still, it sounded like there were a few close by. I readied my gun, in case some fiend should leap from the shadows and latch onto my jugular. I wasn't sure why I was so paranoid about my jugular; it just seemed like the kind of thing a cyborg zombie would enjoy latching onto.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/CNEW_.png

[Torkell]

Go North. Try to sneak up on any zombies. If we find a zombie, and it's *not* rabid, then get Araches to fry it.


BTW, map updated. I'll post it once per page.

http://thomas.pleaseremoveyourfeet.com/jj2/toumap.png

[MSB3000]

<DEL>EAST I SAY.</DEL>

U 2 fast. D=


And east. North. NORTHEAST.

[UNKNOWNFILE]

East!

[Lem_Gambino]

<s>I...HAVE RETURNED.

With pie!

Assuming those zombies haven't somehow relocated themselves, go W, N, N, W, N. Look E.</s>

You guys post too fast. XP

[MSB3000]

Guess what, I'm eating pie right now! =D

[Lem_Gambino]

I think it would help if we could actually SEE where we are on that map, plz.

[Torkell]

I think it would help if we could actually SEE where we are on that map, plz.
Done. You may need to refresh your screens.

Do note that the "you are here" may be out of date on earlier posts, as it's one image used everywhere.

[cooba]

All the zombies are rabid I tell you. ;/<!---->

[Torkell]

All the zombies are rabid I tell you. ;/
Correct me if I'm wrong, but the first two zombies we ran into weren't described as being rabid. It was the third one that got rid of the Mythslayer through virtue of being rabid.

...hang on, given the imposibility of a dead zombie being rabid, would we be able to use glitching?

[Risp_old]

Radium doesn't allow players to use glitching anymore, and I assume Dev doesn't either.

[Fawriel]

Well, durrh. The first ones weren't described as rabid because there was no need to. Them being rabid is a set-up in order to make magic futile against them so you have to rely on the gun.

[MSB3000]

Try to glitch the zombies.
Try to.

[Dev]

Boggy was first, and I can't tell what the heck Canti is telling me to do, so North it is. Also, Faw pretty much got it right, I wasn't going to reveal them to be rabid unless you tried to use magic on them. And plus glitching is a big SCAM! >O If there was any reliability to glitching, nothing ever would have happened in this whole story. Think about it.

<b>I made the decision to lead the gang North. As we walked through the passage, the air began to get cooler. After a few minutes of wandering through the corridor, we found ourselves standing on the edge of an overhang on the side of the island. The fresh, brisk air was such a dramatic change from the stuffy, humid air of the maze. There was a teleporter waiting for us in the center of the platform, with a banner hanging over it, which read, <i>"Congratulations! We hope you have enjoyed the Romero Challenge, and will reccommend it to your friends and family! Please come again!"</i>
I breathed a sign of relief, but the peace was not long-lasting. Coming from behind I heard the approach of two rabid cyborg zombies (and just when I thought they didn't exist, too). I raised my shotgun and blasted the oncoming attackers' heads off, leaving them to fall in a heap of skull fragments and coagulated blood. L33tz4n shrieked, but I assured her that the worst was over. At least I hoped so, because I was out of ammo.</b>

And just in case you're curious, here's the official map:
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v280/devthemagister/Crud/challenge_map.gif" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">
You almost managed to encounter every single zombie. XD At least you guys are good at <i>something.<i> ;-)

http://www.foxmage.com/C___S.png

[cooba]

Enter the teleporter.

[MSB3000]

Ask if we can keep the clothes.

[Ae]

Ask if Araches can keep HER clothes.

[Lem_Gambino]

Enter the teleporter.
DO AS THE COOBA SAYZ

[UNKNOWNFILE]

SECONDED

[Blackraptor]

I second choosing AE's and Canti's options after doing what Cooba said.

[Odin]

Enter teleporter, query if you can keep Araches' bunny suit.

[Dev]

<s>I'll do what Cooba said because he was first.</s>

<b>We each stepped onto the teleporter and were instantly transported back to the arcade, in the very spot where the trap door had opened beneath us. Not only that, but our clothes and and items had been restored. The man at the arcade counter noticed our arrival.
"Whoa, you survived the Challenge?" he said with an astonished look. "Congrats, folks! You won the GRAND PRIZE!" He walked over to the prize rack, which housed various plushies and a glowing crystal orb of power. He took down a white tiger plushie and handed it to me. "Thank you! Come again!"
"WhoawhoawhoawhoaWHOA!" Araches exclaimed. "No. No WAY. We just risked our <i>lives</i> and nearly got eaten by rabid cyborg zombies! No WAY are you just giving us a plushie and sending us on our way!"
"Yes I am," he replied.
"Can we keep the clothes?" I asked, even though I was no longer wearing them.
"Store property," he replied. "You can keep the nose ring, though. I don't really want it back now." He reached out and handed me the nose ring I had worn during the challenge, then wiped his hands on his ticket apron. I shrugged and put the piece of jewelry back in my nose, for a sense of punkness. I then stared down at my new plush tiger. He had big blue eyes and a heart on his chest. I decided to name him Chad, and love him forever and ever.<b>

Inventory </b>
<img src="http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/objects/mountaineeringgear_by_iconfactory/FirstAidKit.gif" alt="First-Aid Kit"> <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v280/devthemagister/sprites/Shotgun.gif" alt="Shotgun"> <img src="http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/objects/mountaineeringgear_by_iconfactory/Rope.gif" alt="Rope"> <img src="http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/objects/warehouse_by_pixture/Tape.gif" alt="Duct Tape"> <img src="http://foxmage.com/Pogo.gif" alt="Pogo Stick"> <img src="http://www-ksl-svc.stanford.edu:5915/doc/icons/unlabelled/question-mark-icon.gif" alt="Thirdeighteennoteevenbettercitrusfruitymanypagedla zerlightysuperflyingfullyclotheductscraptlegalfour seatsestrudelire"> <img src="http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/tv/aeonflux_by_iconfactory/TheMap.gif" alt="Magic Map"> <img src="http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/kid/treasures_by_irondevil/Mitten.gif" alt="Mitten"> <img src="http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/objects/mountaineeringgear_by_iconfactory/IceAxe.gif" alt="Ice Tools"> <img src=" http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/game/alicegame_by_imil/Cat.gif" alt="Cheshire Pendant"> <img src=" http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v280/devthemagister/sprites/conquista_laundry.gif" alt="Conquista’s Laundry"> <img src= " http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/nature/cactus_by_imil/Potosu.gif " alt="Healing Herbs"> <img src= " http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v280/devthemagister/sprites/chad.gif " alt="Chad">



http://www.foxmage.com/C_E__.png

[Odin]

Ask store keeper what winning/aquiring the glowing orb of power requires.

[UNKNOWNFILE]

I don't like you anymore, Dev :-(

[Dev]

@UNKNOWNFILE: That hurt. :( What'd I do?

<b>"What do I have to do to get the glowing crystal orb of power?" I asked the Canadian counterguy, after fighting off the urge to beat him to death with my shotgun.
"It's just one of those awesome prizes that no one ever wins. It makes people keep playing over and over again."
I was going to point out how evil that was, but I already knew what he would say.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C_E__.png

[Odin]

Ok, wait. Reality check.

Our ultimate goal is to find Blackraptor's lair. What are our obstacles to getting there?

[Lem_Gambino]

East.

[UNKNOWNFILE]

But what about the aliens?

[Risp_old]

They only come when you do utterly idiotic things, like trying to set fire to yourself or kicking random people for no real reason.

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Oh. That's an eeeeeeeevil punishment

[Dev]

@Odin: A door with no handle.

<b>I led my party back into the Isle of Darkness town square. They were all in very low spirits, and I couldn't blame them; we had wasted a whole twenty minutes of our lives that we would never get back.
Waiting for us just outside the arcade was a large group of Canadians wielding torches and pitchforks. I waved hello to them. They didn't wave back. I took this to mean we were in very serious trouble.
"Enemies of Lord Blackraptor!" the former Irish man said. He seemed to be leading the angry mob. "We know why you're here, eh! We figured out your non-evil plans!"
"Yeah!" added another angry Canadian. "Eventually!"
"What's going on?" Araches asked, strangely calm considering what was happening.
"We saw your thirdeighteennoteevenbettercitrusfruitymanypagedla zerlightysuperflyingfullyclotheductscraptlegalfour seatsestrudelire!" was the response. "Blackraptor called for the arrest, trial and execution of any group of travelers found to be in possession of a thirdeighteennoteevenbettercitrusfruitymanypagedla zerlightysuperflyingfullyclotheductscraptlegalfour seatsestrudelire!"
"Uberbob," L33tz4n whispered in my ear. "Magic Map us out of h3re!"
I lifted the Magic Map above my head dramatically and said, "Behold! Uberbob's great escape from the Isle of Darkness! PWNED U N00BS!"
I suddenly heard a burst of gunfire, then saw the remains of the Magic Map drift to the ground in a pile of white confetti. I felt like I had just lost my best friend.
"Please!" said Fawriel, stepping forward and an attempt tp reason with the evil horde of Canadians. "Let's settle this like civilised-" His speech was cut short by a Canadian bashing him over the head with a baseball bat. Strange, I didn't even know Canadians played baseball. Maybe it was a hockey bat.
They had us surrounded on all sides. There were far too many of them to fight, even if we used all of our magic and summons. The Magic Map was gone, Faw's Townpipe was unusable, and, believe it or not, I was out of good ideas. I held Chad close to me. "It's going to be okay," I reassured him. "Daddy's here."
The situation called for a desperate move. If I was to get out of this alive, I would have to make a quick decision, and probably a really bad one.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C____.png

[Risp_old]

Poke the cheshire pin into the strudelire. Have L33tz4n hypnotise the leader of the mob into thinking they made a mistake.

[Odin]

nevermind.

[Blackraptor]

I'm guessing the thirdeighteennoteevenbettercitrusfruitymanypagedla zerlightysuperflyingfullyclotheductscraptlegalfour seatsestrudelire is either the item that gets us into the lair or will end up weakening/defeating myself :(

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Surrender to the angry mob.

[Lem_Gambino]

Use a mobile shout-out.

[Dev]

<b>I stabbed the strudelire with the Cheshire Pendant. It's many pages and various other whatnots vanished from sight. "L33tz4n, hypnotise the leaderguy," I told her. "Make him think it was just a big mistake."
L33tz4n took out her yellow contacts and gazed into the eyes of the evil Canadian. His expression became blank and he started to drool. "We made a mistake," he said in a monotonous voice. "It's not them."
"We know all of your tricks, Uberbob!" another Canadian shouted as they dragged their bewitched leader away. "Surrender to Lord Blackraptor! Perish for your goodness! Embrase the inevitable GAME OVER screen!"
L33tz4n looked to me, without her contacts. It had been so long since I had seen those eerie white eyes. Strangely, however, they were no longer eerie to me. I didn't see a Minion, I didn't see a monster, and I didn't even see an unwilling girlfriend; I saw L33tz4n. I saw a scared girl who had been ripped from everything she knew and dragged on a journey she had nothing to do with. I saw a brilliant mind who had put up with more than she had to, and all for me.
I wouldn't give up; not now. We were so close... probably... I was guessing. I couldn't let them take her from me. It was time to do something, though I still didn't know what. </b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C____.png

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Embrace the enevitable "GAME OVER" screen.

[Lem_Gambino]

Then hit the villagers with it!

[UNKNOWNFILE]

YEAH!

pageclaim yet again

[Dev]

No, we are NOT reverting back to ToU Part I logic! You HAVE to do something. There is only one way out of this, and it's not that hard. And no, it is NOT surrender.

[Odin]

Wait, how would the NPCs know about the Game Over screen? That broke the fourth wall! GLITCH.

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Finally, someone here who can outwit me >O
And I still thought the pogo stick was hanging a few feet across the ledge of the cliff.

[Dev]

@UNKNOWNFILE: You died, remember? The game reloaded to before you left the pogostick hanging.

<b>I took out the one-way pogo stick and tried to bounce my way to see over the crowd. A Canadian with a flamethrower melted the pogo stick right out from under me.
"NOOOO!!!" Fooruman cried. "My precious pogo stick! I... I never even got to say... goodbye." A tear ran down the old wizard's face. Suddenly, I didn't see a senile old fool anymore, and I didn't see... erm, yeah. You get the idea. </b>

NO EXITS, FOO.

[Risp_old]

Tell Fooruman to megawarp us to the coordinates of the first place he can remember the coordinates for.

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Would that be back to the lair of Unfooruman and Spotty?

[Odin]

@UNKNOWNFILE: You died, remember? The game reloaded to before you left the pogostick hanging.

<b>I took out the one-way pogo stick and tried to bounce my way to see over the crowd. A Canadian with a flamethrower melted the pogo stick right out from under me.
"NOOOO!!!" Fooruman cried. "My precious pogo stick! I... I never even got to say... goodbye." A tear ran down the old wizard's face. Suddenly, I didn't see a senile old fool anymore, and I didn't see... erm, yeah. You get the idea. </b>

NO EXITS, FOO.

No one never said anything about pogosticking.

[Risp_old]

It's a special feature in these situations. See, you do the first thing you think of. In real life you can't edit commands or delete posts in life-or-death situations.

[Blackraptor]

view inventory

[Radium]

Would that be back to the lair of Unfooruman and Spotty?
No, no, no. The planet moved since then. Now that area is simply an empty void of space.

[Odin]

view inventory

Inventory </b>
<img src="http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/objects/mountaineeringgear_by_iconfactory/FirstAidKit.gif" alt="First-Aid Kit"> <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v280/devthemagister/sprites/Shotgun.gif" alt="Shotgun"> <img src="http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/objects/mountaineeringgear_by_iconfactory/Rope.gif" alt="Rope"> <img src="http://www-ksl-svc.stanford.edu:5915/doc/icons/unlabelled/question-mark-icon.gif" alt="Thirdeighteennoteevenbettercitrusfruitymanypagedla zerlightysuperflyingfullyclotheductscraptlegalfour seatsestrudelire"> <img src="http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/kid/treasures_by_irondevil/Mitten.gif" alt="Mitten"> <img src="http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/objects/mountaineeringgear_by_iconfactory/IceAxe.gif" alt="Ice Tools"> <img src=" http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/game/alicegame_by_imil/Cat.gif" alt="Cheshire Pendant"> <img src=" http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v280/devthemagister/sprites/conquista_laundry.gif" alt="Conquista’s Laundry"> <img src= " http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/nature/cactus_by_imil/Potosu.gif " alt="Healing Herbs"> <img src= " http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v280/devthemagister/sprites/chad.gif " alt="Chad">

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Oh.

Use the Thirdeighteennoteevenbettercitrusfruitymanypagedla zerlightysuperflyingfullyclotheductscraptlegalfour seatsestrudelire.

[Dev]

Odin: Someone did, then edited their post after I posted. Too late, sorry.

<b>"Archmage!" I cried. "We will avenge your precious pogo stick, but for now you must be strong! Do you remember the universal X, Y, and Z coordinates of anywhere useful?" I considered what I had just said, then added, "Or anywhere at all, for that matter?"
Fooruman's grief subsided as he contemplated this. "All I can remember is something tasting of STONE," he said. "Why do you ask, my good woman?"
I grabbed my companions and shoved them all into the FooCanoe. Jumping in myself, I cried out. "Megawarp out of... EVERYWHERE!"
The old wizard nodded, raised his oar, gave his typical warcry, then proceeded to type seemingly random coordinates into whatever it was he entered Megawarp coordinates into.
There was a brilliant flash of light, followed by a long tunnel filled with swirling blue energy and a floating, 3-dimensional "E=MC²." Fooruman rowed the canoe through the tunnel much like he was fighting against rapids in a stream. Up ahead I saw the end of the tunnel, and on the other side...

-----------------------------------------------------------

My first thought was, not surprisingly, "Ow." I rubbed my head before I even thought to rub my eyes, but quickly pulled my hand away when I felt how lumpy and tender the flesh had become. "Stupid Canadian," I thought to myself. "And I didn't even know they <i>played</i> baseball."
I slowly opened my eyes and let them adjust to the light. It wasn't dark anymore, and thus safe to assume we were no longer on the Isle of Darkness. The sun was rising off in the distance; that was the first thing I saw as my vision became less blurry. As I pushed a few strands of blue hair from my eyes, I saw the other members of our group lying in the snow nearby. L33tz4n, the cute one, looked absolutely terror-stricken. Shuriken, the blademaiden/ninja-in-denial, was surveying the area to the best of her ability. We were in a clearing in the middle of a spruce forest, surrounded on almost all sides by a thick wall of trees. As I had mentioned ealier, there was also snow, and lots of it. I had recently lost my taste for snow, after spending so much time walking through it with no shoes, constantly freezing my poor digitigrade feet.
The old man was sitting in his canoe, fast asleep by the looks of it, and just to the side I saw... him. Our "leader" as he called himself. That stupid grey rabbit who was always leading us into certain doom, for seemingly no reason. He was being yelled at by Araches, our resident fireball slinger, whose only non-magical talent seemed to be a persisitent pessimism which she never called off.
And who am I, you ask? My name is Fawriel, but don't even bother telling <i>them</i> that. As far as they were concerned, my name might as well have been Hootie McBoobity. I wasn't a person to them; I was a thing. I did all of their chores, and healed all of their wounds, yet it was I who was the butt of every joke, the pawn of every pwnage, and the thankless slave who never got the admiration and respect he deserved. That we me in a nutshell.
I stood up, though still a bit woozy. I noticed my trusty spear sticking out of the snow. I had no idea how any of us got here, but it looked like it had been a crash landing. I checked myself for my other items: the first aid kit Uberbob had entrusted to me was still there. I also had the compass rose he had given me on one particularly awkward occassion. There was one more thing I owned, but which I kept hidden: a sketchbook and pen I had found during our adventure. Why did I keep it hidden? Because I knew that the moment <i>he</i> knew I had it, he would take it away and add it to his precious pile of junk. This sketchbook was the only means I had to practice my artistic talents while we were traveling, and was more precious to me than anything else.
Araches seemed to have finished up with Uberbob. She left him sitting there, staring blankly as if he had not absorbed a word of what she had said to him. She wanted to find Blackraptor's lair so badly, and we had been so close...
...oh yeah, Blackraptor. He was the reason all of this was happening. He was an alleged dreadlord, with great power and a penchant for employing evil Canadians. He had banished me to the remote isle known as Pandora's Island, where I first met our "fearless leader" and that short-fused lesbian. I guess you could say I had a personal vendetta against this Blackraptor fellow; not because he banished me, but because it was he who ultimately caused me to meet that accursed rabbit in the first place.
"Alright," the one-eared wonder said as he looked over his scattered comrades. "It's time we got moving. We're wasting precious seconds."
"We don't even know where we are!" L33tz4n exclaimed.
"Well we aren't gonna find out by sitting here!" he retorted. "There's a break in the trees to the North. I say we check it out."
We were always checking things out. I fell back into the snow, totally exasperated, and yet I knew that I would inevitably be following his orders once again.</b>

Inventory </b>
<img src=" http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/weapon/Spear.gif " alt="Spear"> <img src="http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/objects/mountaineeringgear_by_iconfactory/FirstAidKit.gif" alt="First-Aid Kit"> <img src=" http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/notes/Note006.gif " alt="Pen and Sketchbook"> <img src=" http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/nature/flower2_by_ilicon/F20.gif " alt="Compass Rose">

http://www.foxmage.com/CN___.png

[UNKNOWNFILE]

I take it you have something against lesbians, Radium.

[Radium]

I take it you have something against lesbians, Radium.What do you mean? Like all my best friends are lesbians. Even the male ones.

But seriously, No, I don't. And blame Araches existance on Faw because he gave me the idea back on Page 1 of Thread 1.

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Quote?

[Risp_old]

I grab the instruction booklet "Swimming for dummies".I swim, notice my foot has gotten stuck inside an algae. I swim on, noticing my feet have gotten stuck inside a barrel of wine. I swim on, noticing my head has gotten stuck inside a boat on which two gay magicians are performing magic tricks.

EDIT!
From here- http://www.jazz2online.com/jcf/showpost.php?p=178619&postcount=10
Note this was the early days of ToU, where the players could easily create new content just by pretending it was there.

[UNKNOWNFILE]

We really need an official ToU website, radium >O

[Radium]

Commands, people. Copper will come in here and start beating you with a 7-iron.

[UNKNOWNFILE]

FEH!

Go north.

[Lem_Gambino]

DAGNABBIT YOU PEOPLE POST TOO FAST.

North, I say.

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Wait a moment...
AGH RADIUM GOT POST 1900

Well hopefully I can get post 2000.
(yeah right)

Well Dev, gonna post or WHAT

[Dev]

@UNKNOWNFILE: No. <s>You intimidated me with your threat-like question.</s>

Seriously, no more posts for today. I'm tired, and I've been spending way too much time working on this and the ToU webcomic's conceptual sketches. My life cannot consist entirely of Uberbob... I have homework to do, too, you know. See you guys tomorrow.

[Blackraptor]

Stop treating poor Dev like a robot :(, he's posting replies very rapidly, especially when you look at certain times when people waited for days for a reply in this.

[Radium]

especially when you look at certain times when people waited for days for a reply in this.Yeah. Like.. when RISP WAS DMING. Or LEM. not me

[Odin]

Sorry, Dev. :(

[Ae]

cast heal on Fooruman

[Fawriel]

Kick Unknownfile.
Wonder whether there are any Alien Demon Vampires around...
Try to be optimistic and happy for the fact that you are at least alive and.. able to think and stuff. And just think about all the fresh air you get while you're not in a dungeon or somewhere!

[cooba]

...what has happened was quite unexpected.

[White Rabbit]

Yes..and we lost the pogo stick unnecessarily, you foos.
Boy..I missed a lot. :p

[Radium]

...what has happened was quite unexpected.What? Changing the POV again?

[cooba]

All the arrest stuff, rather.

[Dev]

<b>I decided to be optimistic. After all, at least I was alive, <i>and</i> outside in the fresh air as opposed to being inside a musty old dungeon. Feeling a bit more contented, I got up and walked over to Fooruman. He was still fast asleep in his canoe, and still wearing his purple hat and dress. I extended my arms and cast Heal on him. Don't ask me why I did this, it just seemed like the right thing to do.
"We're heading North!" Uberbob declared. "Follow me to... ADVENTURE!"
I rolled me eyes and nudged Fooruman with the butt of my spear. "Rise and shine, archmage."
He stretched his arms overhead and gave a great yawn. "Mommy?" he said. "I'd like a plate of French toast for breakfast, mommy. The French, despite questionably foreign policy, are excellent toastsmiths."
I slowly backed away, then began following the others through the break in the trees. Fooruman seemed to come around, finally, and rowed his canoe after us.
We walked for hours through the woods, until we came to a gateway in a gigantic wall to the North. The wall stretched on for miles in either direction, cutting through the forest like a knife through toast. And speaking of toast, I could really have used a jeffle right about then. Beside the gateway was a large sign. The letters on it could hardly be made out from all of the weather damage, but it seemed to say <i>"you are now leaving Northern Canada."</i>
"It looks electronic," L33tz4n said, pointing to the gate. Sure enough, the mechanism that seemed to open the gate was connected to a crudely-wired power source. It ran on battery power, but closer inspection revealed that there was no battery set inside. On top of the machine was a long rod, which seemed to be connected to the same electrical transformer as the battery would have been. Following the large bundle of electrical wires, I found that the power conducter that hooked the power source to the gate was gone. There was one connector for the power source, and another for the door, but a large gap between them approximately five feet long. It looked very unsafe, too, like the person who built it most likely received several electrocutions in the process.
"Does anyone have a battery?" Uberbob asked. We all shook our heads. "Okay, what about a power conductor approximately five feet long?"
"You know we don't," Shuriken said angrily.
The rabbit peered back in the direction we had just come from. "None of you happened to notice a hardware store on the way up here, did you?"
I didn't know if he was joking or not. I forced a little laugh just in case. The others all stared at me.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C___S.png

[Odin]

Wait, we could use the shotgun as part of the circuit.

[Dev]

The shotgun isn't that long. It's three feet at the most.

EDIT: I won't be threatening Alien Demon Vampire attacks anymore. You're too far from a save point to die now, so feel free to do something totally idiotic.

[Odin]

Do the Moskau dance.

[Lem_Gambino]

Check the length of everything in our inventory.

[Odin]

Soak Uberbob's string in melted snow and use THAT.

[Dev]

<b>I briefly took to doing the Moskau dance. Uberbob noticed me and smiled broadly. "You see?!" he called out. "Fawriel gets it!" I didn't know what I had supposedly gotten, but Uberbob joined me in dancing. I immediately stopped. The flower, the dancing, and the tiger named Chad... the evidence was really piling up.
He continued to dance without me. I took this opportunity to examine the length of everything in my inventory. My spear was about five feet long, the first-aid kit was about one foot long, seven inches wide and five inches high, my sketchbook was eleven inches long, the pen was five inches long, and the compass rose was six inches long. For a European, I was pretty good with inches and feet.
I then tapped Uberbob on the shoulder and asked, "Can I borrow your string?"
"Why?" he inquired, still dancing like a foo.
"I wanted to soak it in melted snow and use it."
"Use it for what?"
"I'm not entirely sure," I replied nervously.
He stopped dancing and raised an eyebrow. "You're one sick kid," he told me. "You can't have the string. And no way can you have Chad." He took out the little plush tiger and hugged it. It was weird.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C___S.png

[White Rabbit]

... ;o
Look guys, a wooden spear won't conduct. Have Araches lightning bolt the whole darn thing and complete the whole darn circuit darn it!

Page 49 belongs to Alaska.

[Dev]

@WR: It's not wooden. I think I mentioned it was metal when Araches beat Uberbob over the head with it. Or at least I said it was really heavy... anyway, no, not wooden.

<b>I shuffled through the snow over to Araches. She had swiped Conquista's battlesuit from Uberbob some time ago, and now had it wrapped around herself like a giant blanket.
"Why don't you just Lightning the whole darn thing?" I asked.
Araches nodded, her eyes turned black, and she called down a bolt of lighting. The bolt struck the rod on the machine and nothing else.
"Lightning strikes the highest thing around," L33tz4n explained. "In this case, it's the rod." Indeed, the rod was about fifty feet higher than the gate itself.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C___S.png

[White Rabbit]

Then throw the spear into the gap. ;(

[Raven aka StL]

*get's spear*

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Page 49 belongs to Alaska.

*kills WR*

[Dev]

<b>I threw the spear into the gap, rather than connecting it by way of the connectors on the transformer and gate. It stuck in the snow like a toothpick in a cocktail weenie.
"I like where your head's at," Uberbob said. "Everyone, the Earth has clearly turned against us. ATTACK THE EARTH!" Uberbob started kicking at the snow, whilst Fooruman beat the ground with his oar. I feared I was slowly becoming one of them.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C___S.png

[White Rabbit]

Take Grandma's clothes and put them on the ground, like a mat, in front of the gap. Connect each end of the spear to each connector while standing on the mat.

[Dev]

I won't pretend I understand why you're putting her clothes on the ground like a mat, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you have some brilliant plan which will entirely redefine RPG strategy as we know it.

<b>I tore Grandma Conquista's laundry off of Araches. She conjured a fireball and angrily slung it at me, but I raised the clothing like a shield and deflected the attack. "Tuche," she said.
I laid the clothes on the ground like a mat and stood on top, then connected the spear to the transformer and the gate circuit. I enjoyed the nice warm feeling of standing on something that wasn't snow for a change.</b>

[White Rabbit]

Well, you see, it was to avoid being electrocuted. ;( Since Grandma's clothing is non-conductive, standing on it would prevent Faw from getting electrocuted. He wouldn't if the resistance between him and the ground was higher than the resistance through the metal rod. In fact, I know the metal rod is more likely to be a good conductor than Faw but I decided not to risk making Fawburger out of him.

Look at 'gate mechanism'. Try to operate it and open the gate.

[Torkell]

Get L33tz4n to summon an enchantresphere, and have that zap it.

[Dev]

<b>I examined the gate mechanism. There was nothing on it that looked like it opened the gate.
"Hey L33tz4n, summon the Enchantresphere and have it zap the machine," I said. "Erm, I mean, <i>please</i> summon the Enchantresphere." She already took enough orders from Uberbob, so I thought I should at least be polite with my request.
L33tz4n called upon our old friend, Spherey the Enchantresphere. It zapped the rod on the machine with a bolt of magical lightning. The lightning moved through my spear and into the gate. A tiny button on the gate which I had not noticed before suddenly lit up.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C___S.png

[Lem_Gambino]

Say "Oooooh, shiny!" and press the button.

[Dev]

<b>"Ohhh, shiney!" I said as I reached to press the button. Before I could push the shiney, round, candy-like button, Uberbob came out of nowhere and shoved me to the side.
"Shiney thing!" he said excitedly as he pressed the button. The gateway suddenly opened, and for some reason played Jingle Bells as it did so. Uberbob clapped. "I am an AWESOME puzzle-solver!" he declared.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/CN__S.png

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Gnaw on Uberbob's peg leg.

[Dev]

<b>I considered gnawing on Uberbob's peg leg, then remembered that he didn't have one anymore. Also, no way in hell would I ever gnaw on his peg leg in the first place.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/CN__S.png

[UNKNOWNFILE]

>O

Go north, i guess

[Blackraptor]

<b>I considered gnawing on Uberbob's peg leg, then remembered that he didn't have one anymore. Also, no way in hell would I ever gnaw on his peg leg in the first place.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/CN__S.png


I saw something like that coming. I don't think Faw would get as insane as Uberbob ;O.

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Uberbob acts stupid a lot of the time.
Faw is rux.
Fooruman is a foo.
Araches is a joke.
L33tz4n is cannot spell her name as 133754|\|.

Anyways just go north

[Ae]

Does is matter if Faw dies when it's from his POV? I mean, the FooCanoe could just res him back, right?

[Risp_old]

That's if Uberbob decides a live Faw is more useful then a Faw corpse.

[Dev]

If the current PoV dies in anything but a battle, the game is reloaded. That's how it's always been, I think.

<b>I picked up my trusty spear, then we all headed Northward through the gate. Just as we all passed through, the gate began to close! Fooruman desperately kicked his canoe into RAMMING SPEED and rowed beneath the closing gateway. He propped the gate up with his oar and held it in place.
"By the might of FOO!" he exclaimed. "My companions! Go on without me! I must hold this gate in place!"
"That's stupid," said Uberbob as he walked to the archmage's side. "We don't need that gate open! We're moving forward! Forward to... ADVENTURE!"
"He has a point," Shuri added.
"Thank you, Shurikens!" Uberbob said with a smile.
"Not you," Shuri said with disgust. "I was talking about Fooruman. We don't even know what lies ahead. We may need to come back through here."
"So we're just going to leave poor Fooruman here holding up the gate in the freezing cold on the Canadian border for who knows how long?" Araches asked.
"Yeah," Shuri replied. "That's the plan."
"Oh, okay. Good luck, Fooruman. Take care, I guess."
"You needn't worry about me!" the old man confidently belowed. "The FooCanoe will keep me company!"
I waved goodbye to the elderly and recently somewhat-useful wizard. Fooruman was just as much an idiot as Uberbob, but he was a harmless, more loveable idiot. I was almost sad to leave him behind, but surely we would remember to come back for him when we found a way out of here. Probably, at least.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/CN__S.png

[Ae]

Go north and wave back to Fooruman

[n00b]

Ask fooruman for a hair off his beard so you can remember to come back for him

[Dev]

<b>"Can I have a hair from you beard, Fooruman? You know, so I'll remember to come back for you."
Fooruman nodded, yanked out a huge wad of hair from his beard, then tied it with a ribbon. "Good young Fawriel," he said as he handed the dreadful thing to me, "out of all the healers I have met in my TWO THOUSEND YEARS, you were indeed the kindest, and certainly the most masculine of them all." I had no idea what to say to that, so I nodded, waved again, and followed my comrades North.
A light snow began to fall as we made our way closer to the top of the Earth. In time, it evolved into something of a blizzard. I was thankful that I didn't have lips, as they likely would have been chapped by now.
We approached yet another gateway. This one was significantly different from the last: it consisted of two great stone doors with several runes inscribed upon them. In front of the door were four large, round platforms, each with a rune adorning its surface. I had never seen such symbols before.
"What do they say?" Uberbob asked L33tz4n.
"I... don't know?" she replied nervously. "It's some sort of ancient Canadian version of sanscrit, by the looks of 1t."
Uberbob then turned to Araches. "You're a witch. Use your magic to open the door." She simply sighed and walked away. Uberbob seemed perplexed by this reaction.
As I wandered over to the door, I tripped over something in the snow. It was a skeleton, and judging by its robes, it had once belonged to a sorceress. In one hand she was clutching a notebook, and in the other a deck of tarot cards. Her clothes and belongings looked like new, while clearly all the flesh had decayed from her bones. Either these were items of magical significance, or the sorceress had died a magic-related death. As I looked up from the snow, I saw a huge lever on the side of the gateway. It looked very rusty, like only a very strong person or another machine could pull it down.
"Lookit this!" Uberbob called out. We all gathered around a patch of snow which he had been examining. In the snow, written in yellow letters, were the words "save point."

Inventory </b>
<img src=" http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/weapon/Spear.gif " alt="Spear"> <img src="http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/objects/mountaineeringgear_by_iconfactory/FirstAidKit.gif" alt="First-Aid Kit"> <img src=" http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/notes/Note006.gif " alt="Pen and Sketchbook"> <img src=" http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/nature/flower2_by_ilicon/F20.gif " alt="Compass Rose"> <img src=" http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v280/devthemagister/sprites/foohair.gif " alt="Lock of Foo Hair">



http://www.foxmage.com/C___S.png

[Blackraptor]

Save (just to make sure nothing happens), take tarot cards,notebook and clothes (;)) and add to inventory (read notebook while youre at it), then save again so if we die we wont have to reacquire the items.

edit: 100th post in this thread ;D.

[Ae]

Show the corpse to Araches before you take the clothes or anything, since it was a sorceress.

[White Rabbit]

Ask everyone to help you pull the lever.

[Odin]

Pulling the lever might be a Bad Thing. We should wait for that.

[Raven aka StL]

*PULLS* (after...) *laughs meanly at the occuring event* 8D

[Dev]

<b>Uberbob was always talking about these "save points." Allegedly, if you managed to "save" just before dying, the moment you breathed your last breath time would move in reverse and send you back to the point where you last saved. Apparently the random dead sorceress had not known about save points.
Not knowing exactly <i>how</i> to save, I poked the snowy mound with my spear. I looked around for some sort of sign that I had saved, but nothing happened. I shrugged and sought out Araches.
"Look," I said, pointing to the skeleton. "She was a sorceress, too."
"Yeah, I guess," replied Araches. "So what?"
"Well shouldn't we take her stuff?" I asked.
"Leave her robes. It would be disrespectful to strip a dead person naked like that."
She had a point. I trudged through the windy terrain and bent down to pick up the Tarot deck and notebook. The Tarot cards looked to be nothing special, but after flipping through the notebook I saw that it contained notes on several of the runes on the gateway and platforms. It looked like I could probably translate the messages and get some cryptic clue about what to do next.
I then looked to the lever. I considered trying to get everyone to help me pull it, then realized that it might be a Bad Thing. Bad Things, of course, were bad, and I was hoping to avoid them if possible.
Not wanting to go through the grueling, ardous task of picking up the items again, I walked back to the save point and poked it again. Once more, nothing happened.</b>

Inventory </b>
<img src=" http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/weapon/Spear.gif " alt="Spear"> <img src="http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/objects/mountaineeringgear_by_iconfactory/FirstAidKit.gif" alt="First-Aid Kit"> <img src=" http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/notes/Note006.gif " alt="Pen and Sketchbook"> <img src=" http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/nature/flower2_by_ilicon/F20.gif " alt="Compass Rose"> <img src=" http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v280/devthemagister/sprites/foohair.gif" alt="Lock of Foo Hair"> <img src=" http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v280/devthemagister/sprites/tarot_deck.gif " alt="Tarot Cards"> <img src=" http://www.iconarchive.com/icon/system/bennosystem_by_bennomeyer/BooklatchGrey.gif " alt="Book of Canadian Runes">


http://www.foxmage.com/C___S.png

[White Rabbit]

Read and translate the 'messages'.

[Dev]

<b>I flipped through the notebook and got to work translating the runes on the gate. I wrote down the translated message in my sketchbook. It seemed to be an ancient Canadian poem.

<i>Heed these word upon this door,
That thee might break these bonds of four,
The Hand is quick and strong of will,
Pwning foes with deadly skill,
The Mind is crafty, clever and wise,
And sees the truth through placid eyes,
The Heart is blind, but knows the way,
With love to cast thine pains away,
The Spirit's passion burns as fire,
Living boldly by desire,
Upon the mesa, gather thee,
Amongst the one who holds the key.</i>

"Pretty sucky," I thought to myself. I then translated the individual runes upon the four platforms. The first bore the word "Hand," while the second, third and forth bore the words "Mind," "Heart" and "Spirit," respectfully. I wondered if they were somehow connected to the crappy Canadian poem. </b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C___S.png

[Odin]

Check everyone's inventory.

[Blackraptor]

love might be faw? with love to cast thine pains away reminds me of a healer.

[White Rabbit]

Mind is best suited for Leetsan. And Hand belongs to Shuriken. That means Uberbob is excluded, which only makes sense. :D

So:
Tell Leetsan to stand on the Mind rune.
Araches on Spirit.
Shuriken on Hand.
And then stand on the Heart rune.

[Odin]

Try this:

Hand: Shuriken
Mind: Leetzan
Heart: Fawriel
Spirit: Araches

Key guy: Uberbob

EDIT: I typed all that up without looking at White Rabbit's post so :(

[Dev]

<b>"Hey!" I called to my comrades. "I think I know what to do!" After gathering everyone together I gave them a rundown of my plan. I told L33tz4n to stand on the Mind rune, Shuri to stand on Hand, and Araches to stand on Spirit. They did as they were told, amazingly. When everyone was in their place, I stood on Heart.
"What am I?" Uberbob asked. "Is there a sexy adventurer rune? And does it have one ear?"
"You're the key guy," I replied.
"Okay!" he said with smile. We all just stood there as Uberbob continued to smile. There was a long, uneventful silence. Perhaps I needed to rethink this plan a little more. </b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C___S.png

[White Rabbit]

Have Uberbob pull the lever while everyone is standing on their part of the runes.

[Dev]

<b>"Uberbob, pull the lever," I commanded. He turned around and examined the lever on the gate behind him. He put his mechanical hand on it and pulled it down with little effort. The runes began to glow, and the second gateway opened.
Uberbob pulled out Chad once more and held him out towards the gate. "Look how smart daddy is!" he said to the inanimate plushie. I wondered exactly why he was enjoying that stupid toy so much.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/CN__S.png

[Odin]

Walk North <s>and kill Chad</s>.

[MSB3000]

Northward.

Pageclaim, in the name of... STUFF.

[Odin]

FIFTY PAGES. *awards Canti3000 a medal with the number "50/1961" written in block lettering*

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Uh, yay.

[Odin]

*yawns waiting for Dev*

[UNKNOWNFILE]

*follows suit*

[Fawriel]

Now wasn't that just the cutest puzzle ever.

[White Rabbit]

<s>I solved all of it without your help.</s>

[Fawriel]

<s>Not like it was that hard.</s>

[UNKNOWNFILE]

<S>BE QUIET!!!!!!1111111</S>

Northwards.

[Raven aka StL]

*run back a lot and pull the FRIGGIN mysterious lever GOD(-)!* 8D

[Dev]

@Emperor: THEY PULLED THE GOD (-)ED LEVER

<b>We passed through the second gate to the North. As we aimlessly wandered through the frigid cold to who-knows-where, Araches finally asked the question that was on everyone's mind.
"Where the hell are we going?" she asked suddenly.
"I think we're heading towards the North Pole," L33tz4n replied.
"Let's go to Santa's Workshop!" Uberbob suggested. Everyone fell silent once more.
We eventually came to another wall stretching to either side of the forest, only this one had a door in the middle which was clearly open. "Adventure awaits us!" Uberbob said as he started to enter.
"Shouldn't someone go back for the Archmage?" Shuriken asked. Everyone looked at me and stared. I sighed, then spent several hours walking back to the first gate by myself, then finally returned with Fooruman.
Outside the wall was a large sign, newer than the one we had seen on the Canadian border. It read: <i>"Entrance to the Polar Dervish: BEWARE OF RABID HYENA ROBOTS!"</i> I didn't like the looks of this. Uberbob, however, did, and boldly walked inside.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/CN__S.png

[White Rabbit]

Wait and see what happens to Uberbob.

[Dev]

<b>We all stood outside the entrance to the "Polar Dervish." Uberbob eventually came back out again with a sad look on his face. "The name is very misleading. I didn't see a single dancer in the whole place."
"What's in there?" Shuri asked.
"Walls," Uberbob replied. "And doors. Lots of them."
"Another maze?" Araches asked. "Wow. How unoriginal."
Indeed, I thought, how unoriginal, though perhaps this Polar Dervish was more interesting and fun than the Romero Challenge. Perhaps it was harder and longer and would take several days to get through. Perhaps some greater being was trying to stall us. Or maybe mazes were the next big thing; I wasn't really sure.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/CN__S.png

[White Rabbit]

Go N!

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Enter the maze. (Go north)

[Dev]

<b>My comrades and I went N! Upon stepping through the door in the wall we were immediately faced with yet another wall. Actually, we were standing in a very long hallway, stretching to the East and West. The walls were made of stone, and were about twenty feet high. As I looked around I was suddenly startled by an evil, mechanical, binary laugh composed of strategically-uttered 1's and 0's. It seemed to be coming from the other side of the wall.
"Never fear!" said Uberbob as he whipped out his trusty shotgun. "When trouble's around, you know the drill. You find, I pwn, we party!"
"There's no ammo in that thing," Araches pointed out.
"Yeah," Uberbob admitted, "but its still awesome."</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C_EWS.png

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Once again, a MAP!!!!!!!!1

Map for Polar Dervish (C) UNKNOWNFILE, 2005
dapete10@sympatico.ca

Feel free to mod.

___________________________
: :
: * :
:_____________ ________:
| |


oh yes, and go east

[White Rabbit]

No, don't go E yet. Ask Uberbob where he has been and where all the doors are.

[Dev]

<b>"Where did you go?" I asked Uberbob.
"Just around," he replied. "I wasn't really paying attention."
On that note we decided to go East. The path eventually came to an end, with a door leading Northward in the side wall.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/CN_W_.png

[White Rabbit]

N!!

[Dev]

<b>We decided to go N!! We arrived in another hallway, moving off to the East and West. The snowfall was too thick to see very far in either direction.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C_EWS.png

[n00b]

Head East

[White Rabbit]

Agreed.

[Fawriel]

Use the good old maze-trick and go through the whole maze by always walking along the wall to your right!
...of course, it's unlikely that this will work here. ;o

[White Rabbit]

Yes, it will always get you out if all the walls are connected together. But it doesn't take into account rabid hyena robots.

[Dev]

<b>Heading East, we came to another dead end with a door leading North. The sound of binary laughter bounced off of the walls and surrounded us. We had yet to see any rabid hyena robots, but no doubt there were plenty of them here. I was starting to miss the rabid cyborg zombies.</b>

http://www.foxmage.com/CN_W_.png

[White Rabbit]

Go N!

[Lem_Gambino]

Hmmm. I'm starting to think this isn't a NORMAL maze. It's more like one of those MAGICAL mazes that has that one correct series of paths you have to take to get out.

But that's just me.

[Torkell]

http://thomas.pleaseremoveyourfeet.com/jj2/toumap2a.png
Map correct at time of posting.

[Dev]

If nothing else, you've at least gotten better at drawing these things out. XD

<b>Passing North through the door we found ourselves in yet another hall. The horrible synthetic cackling was now louder than ever. </b>

http://www.foxmage.com/C_EWS.png

[Ae]

West

[White Rabbit]

Ah, those *s aren't properly aligned with each other, Boggy...

Yes, go W. The probabilities make sense. :p

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Since I can't get the 2000th post, post 1993 is OK.

[Torkell]

Ah, those *s aren't properly aligned with each other, Boggy...
Huh? They look aligned to me. Yes, they're not centred vertically, but I doubt that'll be a problem.

Anyway, new map:
http://thomas.pleaseremoveyourfeet.com/jj2/toumap2b.png

[Odin]

Go east.

[White Rabbit]

It's two against one. :|

[UNKNOWNFILE]

West.

[Odin]

k fine west :(

[UNKNOWNFILE]

Fine, you can have the 2000th post as long as I can have the 1999th and 2001st.

[Blackraptor]

2000 =D