Mmm, I had this awesome idea some time back about a black eage character whom controlled most of the species called "Velkryes" or something like that. Velkryes were somewhat like {insert species here} that could go into likea mode where they get wings and get sharper claws or whatever. I had a character you could use that was a good Velkrye, Velocity. The problem with Velkryes and the black eagle guy for a JJ3 is, they use magic, and unless you were willing to implement that as a sort of attack for Velocity or maybe the other characters, it might be a bit of an unfair advantage over other characters.

Originally Posted by NovaStar

Mmm, I had this awesome idea some time back about a black eage character whom controlled most of the species called "Velkryes" or something like that. Velkryes were somewhat like {insert species here} that could go into likea mode where they get wings and get sharper claws or whatever. I had a character you could use that was a good Velkrye, Velocity. The problem with Velkryes and the black eagle guy for a JJ3 is, they use magic, and unless you were willing to implement that as a sort of attack for Velocity or maybe the other characters, it might be a bit of an unfair advantage over other characters.

hay that's a awesome idea man yes i will add this into it but i need to know what planet they are form because well the other character's will want to know when they meet him in the game.

Yeah.. Emma is the man!

...So now this is just a game with jazz in it? :P
(The getting sued by BBC part makes perfect sense.)

no it's going to have spaz and lori in it i'm just asking about story ideas what made you think that i would leave them out of the story there one of the main chariters

That's not what Birdie meant. Basically, it sounds like you're just taking any random idea regardless of whether it has anything to do with the Jazz universe/storyline or not. It feels as if it's just a random story with the Jazz characters somehow thrown into it.

no it's going to make shance. i'm taking some ideas but not the really dumb or just blane silly ideas the story is making shance if you want i will write the story up in the form tomorow.

Put Sonic and Bugs Bunny in your game! And in the backgrounds, instead of having a moon, put the DEATHSTAR. That would be a REALLY good idea!!!

Originally Posted by Anaiyu

Put Sonic and Bugs Bunny in your game! And in the backgrounds, instead of having a moon, put the DEATHSTAR. That would be a REALLY good idea!!!

ah this has to be the dumbest idea i ever hourd no i will not put sonic and bugs bunny in it and the death star that's just over kill because epic will have to pay millions of dollers to have them in the game.

She's just making fun of you and the project

hehe didn't know that but this is no joke i am writeing a story for jj3 that i hope epic does like as a backup inchase that the game abesofe (i know i spell it pleese don't hate me) is making they don't like so if they don't then we have this story as a backup.

backup ? abesofe?

in answer to ambesoftware yes i am writing a story or a backup in case epic doesn't like your game so we then have a story to send them lets hope i don't need to send the story. and yes i spelt your name rong sorry

How do you expect to write an entire storyline if you cannot even manage to spell please correctly? I know theres spell checkers and what-not but you can not even put a simple sentence together.

I'm not trying to be a grammar nazi or anything but if you want people to take you seriously, then at least have the courtesy to use proper grammar and mechanics.

I'm sorry, but I just have serious doubts about this entire project.

Originally Posted by Smeer516

How do you expect to write an entire storyline if you cannot even manage to spell please correctly? I know theres spell checkers and what-not but you can not even put a simple sentence together.

I'm not trying to be a grammar nazi or anything but if you want people to take you seriously, then at least have the courtesy to use proper grammar and mechanics.

I'm sorry, but I just have serious doubts about this entire project.

so you don't think i can write a story because i can't spell some words well just watch me smart guy tomorrow morning i am going to put the first little bit of the story aka the opening cinamatic then we will see who get's the last laugh.

I guess we'll see how it turns out.

Even if it turns out half decent, I really don't think epic will give a #### about it anyway.

They've got bigger projects to work on.

Well.. my characters aren't from any particular planet. I *think* their world was accessible by a portal of some sort. I had about 16 pages written of it, but I stopped writing it 3 months ago, and din't get up to the portal bit.

I'll type a bit of it up in the War Tavern, it was meant to be a trilogy of some sort.

Originally Posted by NovaStar

Well.. my characters aren't from any particular planet. I *think* their world was accessible by a portal of some sort. I had about 16 pages written of it, but I stopped writing it 3 months ago, and din't get up to the portal bit.

I'll type a bit of it up in the War Tavern, it was meant to be a trilogy of some sort.

well ok i'm not up to your character yet so i hope to hear from you.

Chapter 1 opening cinamatic (i used spell check but i think i still spelled some words wrong so if you find a word i spelled wrong and tell me it would help)
After jazz jack rabbit 2 jazz finally thinks it is safe to pop the question to eva and they got married and have kids. Jazz, Spaz and Lori retired after there last adventure and they settled down to life a nice peaceful live in there home. But one day jazz and eva have a big fight and the kids over hear it and they decide to go out side before anything bad happens. They stumble across devan shells old base and they find a machine that was covered with dust and cobwebs. One of the kid’s say they should go home and tell there perands about what they found but the others wanted to use it to find out what it does. The kid that wanted to tell there perands caved in and help them activate the machine. It opened a vortex and the kids got sucked into it. After a few hours jazz and eva make up and they are a bit worried about the kids so jazz gets spaz and lori to help look for them. After 2 days of looking they go back home to where there was a letter for jazz. Jazz opens the letter it is from devan shell in it is a micro disc that jazz puts in his pc and it pops up with a video and devan says: well jazz long time no see didn’t expect to see me again did you. Well jazz if you ever want to see your kids again you must come to me but you will never find me hahahaha if you don’t get to me in 5 days your kids are goner’s hahahaha. Then the message stops. Jazz is (-) off because of what he saw. Then he says you know what that means right guys. Spaz and Lori nod there heads it’s out of retirement for one last adventure. Jazz runs and gets changed and breaks out his old blaster. Spaz and Lori do the same. Then the adventure begins. They get to Devan’s lab and they find one of jazz’s kids dolls next to the machine and jazz instantly knows what happened they must have been playing with the machine and they got sucked into it. So jazz tinkers with it until it opens the vortex. They then get sucked right into it but they get knocked out as they exit it. When they wake up they are strapped to a table and then devan comes out of the shadows and says well jazz didn’t expect to see me again did you. Jazz you want to see your children don’t you jazz then says offcourse I want to see my children where are they. Then a cage came down form the chilling with jazz’s kids in it. What are you going to do to them? Then devan says Oh you will see jazz hahahaha you will see. Then a saw blade came out of the wall and moved very slowly towards the cage. Jazz if you don’t want to see your kids harmed I sergest that you give me your blaster. Jazz says what do you want my blaster for Devan says why else for a nice trophy. Jazz refuse the first two times. The first time he says no this was my father’s blaster you won’t get it. Devan then says oh really he pushes a button the blade moves a little bit faster. Then Devan says I would give it to me know if I where you hahaha. The second time jazz says no I would let you lay a hand on it. Devan says well that’s too bad because well one more push of a button and it bye-bye rabbit kids hahaha. This is your last chance the blaster or the kids your call jazz you got 10 seconds. Jazz then starts too sweet because he is stuck with a though call. Just as devan is about to push the button jazz gives him the blaster he then push’s the other button to stop the blade. He then says a very good move jazz but not the best you have come up with. Jazz looks conferees because he doesn’t understand by what he means. Spaz and lori try to snap him out of his daze but there’s nothing they can do. Until devan puts it onto his work bench then jazz understands what he means by not the best move he could of made because then he sees devan made the saw blade cuts the blaster in half. Jazz let’s out a scream of anger as he tries to break out of the restrains on the table but then devan puts in his backpack a little one hand one and says if this will shout you up take this one. Then devan pulls a switch and the kids are released form there cage but before they can reach there dad the vortex opens up and sucks them back throw it jazz is up set and mad and angry he is filled with rage he wants to kill devan with no mercy. But then the kids are back home and they call for there mum she hugs them and ask where’s your farther they don’t want to answer but then another vortex opens and out pops jazz, spaz and lori. But jazz, spaz and Lori are watching all of this on a monitor still on the lab table. Then Lori ask’s if were here who are they. Devan then says these are the reason you haven’t heard from me in years a perfect robotic version of you three. The three of them gasped. But then spaz says ah then what about us if they are there then what will happen to us. Devan then says well I think you can guess what happens to you three hahahaha. He then throw a lever then electricity start to flow throw the three rabbit’s shocking them to a crisp but they are not dead and but devan doesn’t know this. He then called his henchmen to take the three of them and dump them in the forest. So they are taken to the forest where they lie for about 6 hours until they wake up. But there is one problem they can’t remember a thing excepted there name and that they are brothers and sister.

didnt read it but looks cool keep it up

Some of us actually read posts before commenting on them.

I have to admit, I do like how this is starting out. It will be interesting to see where it goes from here.

Coolpeanutbutter, a few misspelt words:
"perands" should be "parents"
"chilling" should be "ceiling"
"sergest" should be "suggest"
"too sweet" should be "to sweat"
"though call" should be "tough call"
"conferees" should be "confused"
You've also confused "there" and "their" in a few places.

How about paragraphs? Paragraphs are when you push enter. You do it when you change to a different topic or a new person starts speaking.

I read the story. IT IS THE BEST JAZZ PLOT I HAVE EVER HERD!!! WOW!! You better use it. and by the way................... USING GAME MAKER WAS MY IDEA!!! but it's ok. I'm glad somebody thought of the idea. I would love to help but I only know the basics of game maker.

You lost me at Hello

Originally Posted by Radium

<So, have you ever met this girl named Sweetness001...>

Hmmm?

Originally Posted by SonicNathan 1

I read the story. IT IS THE BEST JAZZ PLOT I HAVE EVER HERD!!! WOW!! You better use it. and by the way................... USING GAME MAKER WAS MY IDEA!!! but it's ok. I'm glad somebody thought of the idea. I would love to help but I only know the basics of game maker.

You lost me at Hello

First of all, no one is making a game, no one is using game maker, this is just a story that coolpeanutbutter is writing in hopes that epic will like it enough to make a game out of it.

Originally Posted by Coolpeanutbutter

so you don't think i can write a story because i can't spell some words well just watch me smart guy tomorrow morning i am going to put the first little bit of the story aka the opening cinamatic then we will see who get's the last laugh.

Look, being incapable of spelling is bad enough. But you don't even know how to use punctuation marks properly. And have you ever heard of quotation marks? They're used when people speak. Try throwing them into your story; it might clear things up a bit.

And honestly, that story is extremely amateur.

First off, name the kids. Don't just go through the whole outline saying "that kid who this" and "the kid who that." It's boring.

Jazz and Eva have a fight, right? And then the kids wander off. Look, there's no way they could just stumble upon Devan's old base. Jazz would have to live within five miles of it, and that wouldn't happen.

And when did Devan even have a base on Carrotus?! He didn't, unless you're referring to the labs featured in JJ2. But seriously, do you think for a second that Jazz would have just left it there?

So, Jazz and Eva realise the kids wandered off. This is something kids do; Jazz would not overreact and call up Spaz and Lori to help look until he's been searching for a great deal of time.

Look, to cut a long rant short, this is not good. It's not even close. There are so many poor plot points that it's pathetic. I know I sound rude, but this needs serious improvement in every aspect.

You do not just sound rude - you are being rather rude. Politeness would be recommendable.

Originally Posted by Grid

Jazz and Eva have a fight, right? And then the kids wander off. Look, there's no way they could just stumble upon Devan's old base. Jazz would have to live within five miles of it, and that wouldn't happen.

And when did Devan even have a base on Carrotus?! He didn't, unless you're referring to the labs featured in JJ2. But seriously, do you think for a second that Jazz would have just left it there?

Umm, while I agree that Jazz would probably have gotten rid of the labs, their actual location is somewhat debatable. The third and fourth levels (not counting Rabbit in Training) levels of JJ2 are supposed to take place in the royal gardens, not the natural Carrotus landscape. This seems unlikely, given their sheer size, and the size of the castle in the distance, but that is what they are called, and they bear little resemblance to the Carrotus proper portrayed in the JJ1 or JJ2 intro movies. How much time is spent inbetween the end of Carrotus and the beginning of Labrat is something that is really never stated anywhere.

Also, there was no real explanation for what happened pre-JJ2, so new players would be like 'hey it's a game with a green rabbit or a red one for the hero... interesting'.

And about the story... Jazz & Eva would live in the castle. And presumably Spaz too, so that *is* a wee bit flawed.

Originally Posted by Fquist

You do not just sound rude - you are being rather rude. Politeness would be recommendable.

so where am i sounding rude in my story?

He meant Grid, not you ;p

some people like my story and some don't well for the people that don't like my story or think that i can do better. i would like it if you can tell me where and how i can make it better? the good thing is that it's only a draft it's not the finshed one yet so if you can tell me i will think about changing the story. ps i will only change it if it's a good or a reasonable idea no stuff like i should put sonic or bugs or the death star in it because then i will just keep it the same.

Originally Posted by NovaStar

Also, there was no real explanation for what happened pre-JJ2, so new players would be like 'hey it's a game with a green rabbit or a red one for the hero... interesting'.

Except for, say, the manual for the game.

And about the story... Jazz & Eva would live in the castle. And presumably Spaz too, so that *is* a wee bit flawed.

I'm not sure there exists a story set post-JJ2 which does not feature at the very least Spaz living in Carrotus Castle. I guess it's just assumed Jazz's family has no life outside Eva.

Originally Posted by Fquist

You do not just sound rude - you are being rather rude. Politeness would be recommendable.

Aye, there's only some truth in the saying that all criticism should be constructive. Though Grid put it rather bluntly, he does have a point. And sometimes the best way to get that accross is the way he did it. Though "patethic" is not a nice word to say. But apart from that...

oh I see. Well I thinks it's a great idea. Get a small group of people together and make what we have wanted for so long.



You lost me at hello

OK, first off, sorry for being a bit too impolite. And yeah, saying pathetic is a bit much. I was sleepy. =p

Originally Posted by Coolpeanutbutter

some people like my story and some don't well for the people that don't like my story or think that i can do better. i would like it if you can tell me where and how i can make it better? the good thing is that it's only a draft it's not the finshed one yet so if you can tell me i will think about changing the story.

If you want some pointers for the story, I'll try and help out.

I'm not a fan of the kids stumbling upon an old base. Especially because Devan seemed to be expecting them, which he wouldn't have been. Instead, you should have Devan set up a trap for them, leaving clues behind to lead Jazz to him.

Also, the bit about the vortex isn't great. Jazz is no mechanic or scientist; he wouldn't know how to use the thing. And it doesn't make sense for the kids to have automatically sucked into it, while Jazz has to turn it on for him. What if you just made it a warp point? We have warp points in the game, so it would be easy to explain one in the story.

It wouldn't have taken Devan years to make robotic versions of the trio. Heck, he could have just used a "Mean Gene Machine" to clone them. The final boss of JJ1 was a giant clone of Jazz. Devan could make clones of Jazz, Spaz, and Lori, rather than make robotic versions.

Also, torture scenes are not good openings for a game. This game should be rated E, just like its predecesors. Torturing the hares is not going to land an E, and as a gamer I wouldn't enjoy watching it.

OK, now let's examine Devan's plan. In JJ1, Devan wanted to destroy Carrotus. In JJ2, he wanted to go back in time to erase rabbits from history. And now, you're suggesting that Devan' plan is to.... make clones/copies of the Jackrabbits.... why? All they could do is poorly run Carrotus. They wouldn't be able to destroy Carrotus or eliminate the rabbits. You should come up with a purpose for them.


Again, sorry for the rudeness earlier. I understand that there's a certain way to go about saying things, and I understand that I used the wrong approach.

Originally Posted by Grid

OK, first off, sorry for being a bit too impolite. And yeah, saying pathetic is a bit much. I was sleepy. =p

If you want some pointers for the story, I'll try and help out.

I'm not a fan of the kids stumbling upon an old base. Especially because Devan seemed to be expecting them, which he wouldn't have been. Instead, you should have Devan set up a trap for them, leaving clues behind to lead Jazz to him.

Also, the bit about the vortex isn't great. Jazz is no mechanic or scientist; he wouldn't know how to use the thing. And it doesn't make sense for the kids to have automatically sucked into it, while Jazz has to turn it on for him. What if you just made it a warp point? We have warp points in the game, so it would be easy to explain one in the story.

It wouldn't have taken Devan years to make robotic versions of the trio. Heck, he could have just used a "Mean Gene Machine" to clone them. The final boss of JJ1 was a giant clone of Jazz. Devan could make clones of Jazz, Spaz, and Lori, rather than make robotic versions.

Also, torture scenes are not good openings for a game. This game should be rated E, just like its predecesors. Torturing the hares is not going to land an E, and as a gamer I wouldn't enjoy watching it.

OK, now let's examine Devan's plan. In JJ1, Devan wanted to destroy Carrotus. In JJ2, he wanted to go back in time to erase rabbits from history. And now, you're suggesting that Devan' plan is to.... make clones/copies of the Jackrabbits.... why? All they could do is poorly run Carrotus. They wouldn't be able to destroy Carrotus or eliminate the rabbits. You should come up with a purpose for them.


Again, sorry for the rudeness earlier. I understand that there's a certain way to go about saying things, and I understand that I used the wrong approach.

ok in answer to your answers about the story they will not be in order ok first devans plan is a two parter 1 well think if devan made a copy of the trio then they can get into all of the secret files for the milltery and all that so then he can know the size of the army and where they are week and all that. and 2 well he's wanted revange on the jack rabbits for so long so if he gets robotic versions of them to destroy the city well everyone will think that it's jazz, spaz and lori that destoryed the city.

ok the torture bit ok i might have gone a bit over bored with that idea but if you can think of a way that looks like they have died and lost there memery then i'm all ears for that.

ok it would of takin devan years to make this three robots because devan knows that every robot that he has made have been desteryed by the trio so he wanted to make these robots so thugh that nothing can destery them or so he thoght.

ok your right jazz is no mechanic but what if spaz see's a shiney butten and he can't resist the urge to push the shiney butten.

the idea of warp points well that might be a good idea but then the kids can't get sucked throw and there is all ways a way to go back so sorry i'm not useing the warp points in the opening but in the levels i might use them.

ok and the last one devan setting a trap how is that any different then what i did he knew they where comeing because in jazz2 he had a time machine so he went throw the machine and he set up a trap.

ok that's all the ideas some are good i will consider useing them.
oh and no sweat man

Originally Posted by Coolpeanutbutter

ok in answer to your answers about the story they will not be in order ok first devans plan is a two parter 1 well think if devan made a copy of the trio then they can get into all of the secret files for the milltery and all that so then he can know the size of the army and where they are week and all that. and 2 well he's wanted revange on the jack rabbits for so long so if he gets robotic versions of them to destroy the city well everyone will think that it's jazz, spaz and lori that destoryed the city.

Fair enough, that makes sense.

Here's an idea: perhaps Devan gets the robots to start a war with a much more powerful planet. He knows Carrotus will nearly be destroyed in the hopeless battle.

ok the torture bit ok i might have gone a bit over bored with that idea but if you can think of a way that looks like they have died and lost there memery then i'm all ears for that.

...I got nothing.

ok it would of takin devan years to make this three robots because devan knows that every robot that he has made have been desteryed by the trio so he wanted to make these robots so thugh that nothing can destery them or so he thoght.

I suppose that works.

ok your right jazz is no mechanic but what if spaz see's a shiney butten and he can't resist the urge to push the shiney butten.

My point here is that the kids didn't have to push said "shiny button." Why is it that the kids get sucked up without the need for a button?

the idea of warp points well that might be a good idea but then the kids can't get sucked throw and there is all ways a way to go back so sorry i'm not useing the warp points in the opening but in the levels i might use them.

Actually, in JJ2, there was no way back through a warp point. Once you've gone through one, you're stuck on the other side.

ok and the last one devan setting a trap how is that any different then what i did he knew they where comeing because in jazz2 he had a time machine so he went throw the machine and he set up a trap.

Eh... Devan really didn't have time to set a trap for Jazz's future kids in JJ2. Throughout the game, Jazz and Spaz were right on his heels and presumably went through every time warp that Devan did. Had Devan gone to the future, the Jackrabbit brothers would have gone there, too.

Originally Posted by Grid

Fair enough, that makes sense.

Here's an idea: perhaps Devan gets the robots to start a war with a much more powerful planet. He knows Carrotus will nearly be destroyed in the hopeless battle.
...I got nothing.
I suppose that works.
My point here is that the kids didn't have to push said "shiny button." Why is it that the kids get sucked up without the need for a button?
Actually, in JJ2, there was no way back through a warp point. Once you've gone through one, you're stuck on the other side.
Eh... Devan really didn't have time to set a trap for Jazz's future kids in JJ2. Throughout the game, Jazz and Spaz were right on his heels and presumably went through every time warp that Devan did. Had Devan gone to the future, the Jackrabbit brothers would have gone there, too.

ok well think if devan has a time macheian then of course he has time he could of gone to the future or the past to set up a trap to stop the trio.

and the kids they just push any butten and they get the right one

and the warp point well then if it is a warp point then it doesn't suck in because you have to walk into it so then the kids wouldn't have gone throw and the story would never work then.

and final well that is a good idea the the robots start a war with a more powerful plaint but devan want's to rule the plaint so i don't work besides i got a better idea in mind for the robots and you will have to wait and see ^^

This made me laugh , but I liked it :P

How come the jackrabbit trio got burned to a crisp , but the henchmen dumped them in a forest?

It would not take jazz that long to choose over his blaster or his kids , jazz is a hero he would pick his kids over anything nearly.

What do eva and jazz get into a fight about?