Tales of Uberbob: Part 2 of, hopefully, 2

[Lem_Gambino]

Ninjajazz: When pigs become the supreme rulers of earth. Now lemme be. >P
G-B-R-Y. Back at Teleporter Room. D=
G-R-B-Y. Ekard wins the cookie jar! =D
Boggy and Xion are incorrect.

The magical powers of the teleporters send you zooming at around a thousand or so miles an hour, until it feels like you were a plant that had a massive growth spurt and had just poked your head out of the ground. When you finally feel solid ground underneath your feet, you take a look around. You seem to be standing on a balcony on the outside of the tower, where all the storms are brewing. Thankfully, the storm cloud that you saw hasn't changed much since you last were outside, so either Unfoo is getting lazy or he's getting a ham sandwich from Upper Placespot. There is a door here, as well as a stairway that leads around the upper part of the tower. "That looks kind of unsafe," says Leetzan, seeing you eyeballing the bridge. "Fooruman, are- Oh no."
"'Oh no' what?" you ask.
"...Fooruman's GONE."

Indeed, the mighty Sux Mage has been unaccounted for, taking all of his magic and inventory with him! OH NOSE!!!

[Risp_old]

Do a happy dance.

[Xion]

Change POV to Uberbob.

[Lem_Gambino]

You don't feel like dancing, since you just lost a valuable party member. And he licked things so well too...
POV. IS. AUTOMATIC. GENIUS. D<.

[Xion]

Don't Wait.

[Lem_Gambino]

Well, what do you want to do?

[Xion]

eye up bridge

[Lem_Gambino]

O_o You've lost me.

[Xion]

cross bridge triumphantly

[Lem_Gambino]

There isn't any bridge to cross.

[Xion]

"That looks kind of unsafe," says Leetzan, seeing you eyeballing the bridge.
What bridge are you referring to, cretin?

pageclaim

[Lem_Gambino]

Ah. Must've gotten "bridge" mixed up with "staircase." =P It's a STAIRCASE.

[Xion]

argh. Stop confusing me.

Go: Door

[Lem_Gambino]

You walk up to the door. Shall you open it?

[Ekardnamal]

Action: Open door

*munches on cookie* Thanks!

[Xion]

*steals one of ekard's cookies and shoves it in his mouth quickly before she can steal it back*

[Fawriel]

*uses the moment of distraction to steal one of Xion's cookies*

[Torkell]

<s>So which bridge were we eyeing that L33tz4n said was unsafe?

Scan: storm, bridge and tower
Go: up stairs</s>

I hate it when the new posts take us on to the next page.

/me happily munches another of my cookies

[Lem_Gambino]

Ekard: You are welcome. You might want to something about people stealing your cookies so that we can stay on topic. =P

Into the breach you enter, unsure of what to expect. Will you meet Fooruman, whom despite his somewhat insane antics has broguth you out of many a tight spot? Will it be Unfooruman, the mighty wizard that has done many terrible things to not-so terrible people? Or perhaps you may finally find your comrades, Faw, Araches, and Uberbob, the very person who dragged you into this mess at Upper Placespot? Perhaps this door leads into somesort of laboratory where Unfoo commits his ebil experiments. Or maybe...
"Oh, just open the door already, Shuri!!" Leetzan complains. "Alright, don't get your tunic in a bunch," you reply irratibly. You turn the doorway and find...
ANOTHER HALLWAY! HA!! All that suspense for nothing! Nothing but an ordinary, harmless, hallway...with another door at the end. =O

[cooba]

>(

Go through door.

[Ekardnamal]

*kicks Xion in shins* DON'T YOU STEAL MY COOKIES!!!!! *eats another one* *glares at Xion* *hisses*

[Fawriel]

*looks around, steals some more of Xion's cookies and gives them to Ekard with a gentlemanly gesture*

[Ekardnamal]

Thanks. *eats Faw's cookies* *is still glaring at Xion*

[Coppertop]

Hm. Try to stay on topic, guys.

[Radium]

Hm. Try to stay on topic, guys.
Thank you, Copper.

*ban on cookies*
EDIT: Testing image =D
http://www.foxmage.com/Flighttest.png

[Lem_Gambino]

Rad: D=

You open the door and are amazed by the unimpressive splendor of the Villain's Work Room! Tables, a lunch line, and arcade/item shop are present, as well as some random villains from random video games I don't feel like mentioning yet. Evil-looking employees man the lunch counter and arcade, which reminds me...you and Leetzan are STARVING. Guess raiding an ebil fortress takes a lot out of you.

[Xion]

Well in a technicality, L33tz4n is an evil snuffus minion, and Shuri is a Ninja which are generally neutral, both can be passed off as evil peoples.

Get in line.


OT: I only stole <u>ONE</u> cookie and ate it.

[Torkell]

File...Open...C:\cookies.food

*munch munch munch*

*spots anti-cookie mods*

*offers cookies to Radium and Coppertop*


Oh yeah, ask L33tz4n what the basic evil worker protocol is (e.g. do you shove the others around and grunt a lot, or do you queue up nicely)

Edit: List current inventory, spells, abilities and character attributes

[Xion]

I'd have to say whatever the evil person does.

Did the Snuffus Minions grunt and shove others around? Not really.

Edit:

Illusionist Xion (7:20:56 PM): BOO. Go update pre-3.1
LemGambino (7:21:10 PM): Um, okay
Illusionist Xion (7:21:12 PM): lol
Illusionist Xion (7:21:14 PM): good dm.
Illusionist Xion (7:21:22 PM): *throws lem a DM treat*
LemGambino (7:21:31 PM): *munch*
LemGambino (7:21:35 PM): =P

[Lem_Gambino]

Inventory:
-Pandora's Goggles
-Black Armor
-Katana
-Ninja Pants
-Druid's Robe
-Yellow Contact Lens x1
-Whip of Beating +9
-Tunic

Shuri's Spells:
-Haste: Makes you move faster.
-Bless: Unknown effect. Ask Rad =P

Leetzan's Spells:
-Summon Enchantresphere: A creature with usful spells.
-Summon Mythslayer: A warrior who is adept in slaying mythical creatures.
-Summon Soap: A deadlyful cleaning projectile.
-Summon Rusty Iron Bat: Nigh-useless piece of sports equipment.
-Summon Water Elemental: A creature made entirely out of water.

Xion: >(

"Um, I don't work for an evil corporation," Leetzan says to you while you get in the lunch line. "We do what the Snuffus says in return for his protection."

[Risp_old]

Say "Don't you mean did?"
See what other villians are doing.

[Xion]

Say: "Just get in the line. There's free food here."

[Lem_Gambino]

"Um, of course I did ^^;; It was just a 7yp0," she says quickly. "In response to what you said about free food, isn't that why we're here in line?"

She's got a point there. The other villains are eating lunch, getting in line TO get lunch, or playing Type Type Revolution at the Arcade.

[cooba]

the Villain's Work Room!Last time I checked, it was Villain's BREAK Room.

Check how many villains are in the line.

[Fawriel]

Use goggles on the villain in front of us.

[Xion]

o.O Type Type Revolution?

Analyze: TTR Machine

[Fawriel]

As opposed to Dance Dance Revolution. I guess. Either villains don't like to dance, or they can't because Lem can't animate his posts.

[Lem_Gambino]

There are 12.75 villains in this line. You scan the villain in front of you:
George 5000: Former minion of Wafflelord until his defeat. Left to start his own quilt shop in Minnesota, but has to work part-time at Unfoo's fortress to keep his grandma from going to the morgue. 25% of his body is bionic. He is equipped with weapons and tools designed for melee combat and sneaky ninja-y attacks.
"Actually," George says in a kind, gentleman-like voice, "TTR is a typing tutor. Unfoo ordered us to improve our typing skillz so we're more efficient on AIM. Duh. There's also Dial Dial Revolution, a music game you play using the ringtones on your cellphone."

[Xion]

say: "Sweet."

Continue to wait in line.

[Lem_Gambino]

"Sweet," you say. "Not unless you get Carpal Tunnel," replies George.
After waiting for what seems to be an hour, the line successfully moves up by one person. =D

[cooba]

analyze room.

[Xion]

Whisper to L33tz4n: "Is it just me or are these cooks so evil they work slow?"

[Torkell]

Scan the remaining 12 villians in the line, and the food.

[Lem_Gambino]

You and Leetzan are standing inside a lunch line in the Villains' BREAK Room. Several villains surround you, and just beyond the lines are dozens of tables. Across from the lunch line is an arcade/item shop, and somewhere off in the darkness is a massive with the words "Unfooruman's Lair (Nospamplzthnx)" written in neon lettering. There appears to be a figure standing outside the door, but you can't tell if it's Unfoo or some burly bodyguard he hired. Several villains mill about, chatting about how evil lunch is today or what their evil plans are.
"Is it just me, or are thses cooks so evil that they work slow?" you ask Leetzan. "Yes," she replies. "I wouldn't be surpised if they once worked at Evil Grandma Conquista's restruant."
Speaking of which, your scans show all of the food is of the evil variety, such as "Evil Baked Potatoes" or "Evil Cheese and Mushroom Pizza with Extra Pepperoni." There is no data available on any of the other villains because I don't want to have the nice video game companies breathing down my neck for stealing stuff. =P

[Xion]

Are the evil foods fit for ferret/minion consumption?

[Lem_Gambino]

Of course. Just because they're evil doesn't mean they have poison in them. But just to be on the safe side, you'd better ask the chef.

[Xion]

Well, let's continue to wait untill we are served.

[Lem_Gambino]

It takes you 2 hours, 13 minutes and 38 seconds, but you finally reach the legendary front of the line, eager to fill your stomach with various random digestable objects. However, nothing can prepare you for what lies behind the counter...
"Bonjour, madamoselles(sp?). How can I be of service?"
AAAAAAAHHHHH!!! It's the Mad French Chef from Good Eats! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!! =O
Or just order your food.

[cooba]

Mademoisselles*

Ask what food can we order.

[Torkell]

Can I give L33tz4n and Shuri some of my cookies?

[cooba]

Order cookies. (++Boggy)

From what it seems I got this page and reply number 800. Snip snip horray!

[Lem_Gambino]

Congratulations! The Mad French Chef is so impressed by how you managed to produce cookies out of thin air that he lets you each have the following items for free:
-Evil Pizza
-Evil Brocolli
-Evil Gatorade
-Evil Skim Milk
-Evil Steak
-Evil Low-Fat Ice Cream
With each of you carrying a sturdy plastic tray of evil cafeteria food, what will you do now?

[Torkell]

Yay for my cookies!

Find an empty table, sit down, and scan the food.

[Lem_Gambino]

You sit next to a big green-skinned guy with a pointy chin and cool hair who is wearing a purple tuxedo.
All food items have an "evil" prefix, but don't contain nanobots, mind-controlling enchantments, or poison that gives you nightmares. It is safe to eat, unless you're lactose-intolerant.

[NinJazz]

Ohh, confusing! Nanobots! poison that gives nightmares... maybe limonade?

[Violet CLM]

No... I don't think that's what was meant.

[Torkell]

Eat the food, unless, of course, Shuri and L33tz4n are lactose-intolerant.

Scan the big green-skinned guy with a pointy chin and cool hair who is wearing a purple tuxedo.

[Xion]

I'd say go for the Pizza.

[Lem_Gambino]

Shuri and Leetzan are not lactose-intolerant. Food has been consumed. The party is no longer hungry! =D
"Whaddya lookin' at me for, ya dunce buckets?" the man says.
Hacker- Main villain from "Cyberchase." Has tried to take over the internet multiple times, but has failed almost every single time. "Don't remind me."

[Xion]

Shrug.

Go: Unfoo's lair

[Torkell]

Also scan entrance to unfoos lair, and the TTR machine.

[Lem_Gambino]

You start to get up and leave, but the Hacker holds up his hand and says, "Do you really think that you're going to stop Unfooruman like THAT? *laughs* You're crazy! If I were you, (but I'm not) I'd go and get some supplies from that arcade/item shop over there, unless you'd like to have your innards smeared over the dungeon walls. HA! Now that would be funny if it wasn't so disgusting...heh."
Both objects are out of scanning range D=

[Torkell]

Ask "Do you know what's in store for us?"
Ask "What do you recommend we get?"
Move into scanning range of TTR machine
Scan TTR machine
Move into scanning range of arcade/item shop
Scan arcade/item shop

[Lem_Gambino]

"...No," the Hacker says before he uses his dark magic to turn you into a pair of buckets with the word "Dunce" on them. "NOW you're dunce buckets! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Shortly after he leaves, you turn back to your normal selves. "Well, that was weird," says Leetzan.
Evil Arcade- For all your evil gaming and item shop needs! Come play the newest games, including our worst-seller, Type Type Revolution! Learn to type the evil way in the tune of your favorite songs in this exciting typing tutor!

[Xion]

but we have no monies to get things...

we're better off sneaking into Unfoo's lair Sam Fischer style.

[NinJazz]

Unfoo's lair? why not Magus Castle, or Mr Small Brains temple? uahahahahahahaaa!!!

[Torkell]

*materialises(sp?) more cookies*

Try to barter with cookies for equipment.

[Lem_Gambino]

Xion: You lack stealth skillz D=
Ninjajazz: How about Heck? I'm sure you'll like that seeing how that I'm BANISHING YOU THERE!!! >( *banishes*
BoggyB: You try to create cookies with your mind, but you can't even make cookies without burning something. And the cashier doesn't want your cookies. =P

[Torkell]

Ah well.

<s>Tap two lands, play artifact Cookie. Pay one mana and tap artifact Cookie for 6 cookies (stats 3/3). Tap all cookies for a total of 18 points damage.</s>

Ask the cashier what he's got for sale, and scan the items. Check against inventory to see what we can afford.

[Ekardnamal]

Boggy: We don't have any money!

Action: Mug some random person
Action: Run off with their money
Action: See what cashier has for sale

*hugs cookie jar* YOU'LL NEVER STEAL MY COOKIES!!! MWAHAHAHAHA! *munches on one*

[Lem_Gambino]

<s>L_G Plays the magic card Raigeki to destroy all of BoggyB's monsters. He then offers Battle Ox and Harpie's Brother as tributes to summon Blue Eyes White Dragon. BEWD attacks Boggy's life points directly for 3000 damage. L_G lays one card face-down.</s>

Now gibbacontopic.

You take a closer at the Arcade Cashier's Warez. However, you're suprised that he has nothing to sell. "Lemme guess, Bill Gates, right?" Leetzan says in a sarcastic tone.
"Yup," the cashier replies. (His name is Fred, and he's an Orc) "Nobody 'buys' anything here, though. By getting a high score on any of our games, you win tokens, which can be traded here for items However, Rad is busy overhauling the combat engine, so the older items here are no good. I'll have to ask L_G to ask him about that."
Seeing how you have nothing better here to do, you mug the master thief Popple (from Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga). Obtained 100 Beanbean Coins!

Inventory:
-Pandora's Goggles
-Black Armor
-Katana
-Ninja Pants
-Druid's Robe
-Yellow Contact Lens x1
-Whip of Beating +9
-Tunic
-Beanbean Coin x100

[NinJazz]

I am back, nobody will stop me! ok team, go to Mr Small Brains temple and figure your missions out

[Lem_Gambino]

GAH! THAT'S IT!!! >=( *enters Super Mode*

Ninjajazz, make another pointless post in this thread, and I swear, I'll have one of the nice Mods BAN you from here. I'm serious. It's kinda late to enter this thread, but if you STOP SPAMMING and PLAY BY THE RULES instead of CONSTANTLY entering yourself in this thread, I'll be nicer to you. But if you keep badgering me like this, well...I'm sure you'll know what'll happen next. GOT IT???

Good. I'm glad we understand each other now. =D *reverts to normal*

[Fawriel]

Make Lem remain in super mode because it's fun.

Check what items there are to get.

Poke Rad.

[NinJazz]

[B]GAH! THAT'S IT!!! >=( *enters Super Mode*

Ninjajazz, make another pointless post in this thread, and I swear, I'll have one of the nice Mods BAN you from here.B]

Nooooo, please don't! sorry!

(Senseless repitition removal. Stay on topic, please. - Coppertop)

[Risp_old]

Rad is busy overhauling the combat engine
I feel so much cooler then you =D

[Xion]

<s>Tap two lands, play artifact Cookie. Pay one mana and tap artifact Cookie for 6 cookies (stats 3/3). Tap all cookies for a total of 18 points damage.</s>
<s>I tap an island to stifle your cookie's ability of making cookies. I then tap two islands and my iscocron septor to cast Boomerang on your Cookie, returning it to your hand.</s>

Play TTR

[Torkell]

<s>I tap an island to stifle your cookie's ability of making cookies. I then tap two islands and my iscocron septor to cast Boomerang on your Cookie, returning it to your hand.</s>
<s>My go! *draws card*
Tap 10 Forests. Play Pringles Tube. Generate approx 50 sour cream 'n' onion pringles (1/1, green, protection from black, haste). 50x 1/1 pringles at you for 50 damage. Block that!
Also: tap 4 mountains with Fertile Gorund, 4 forests with Dawn's Reflection,4 cloudposts, and another 5 assorted lands for 41 mana of various colours. Play Blaze for 40 damage, straight to your head. Survive that!</s>

Get l33tz4n to uberhack TTR machine.

[cooba]

Take CrazyT from Bill Gates.

[Lem_Gambino]

Faw: My Giga Meter has been depleted, so I can't enter Super Mode again for a while. =P There are no items in the shop, nor is there a Rad to poke.
Ninjajazz: =D
Risp: Aren't you supposed to be helping him with the sprites? BTW, my coolness pales in comparison to yours. XP
<s>BoggyB and Xion: L_G plays Dark hole to wipe out all the monsters on the field. He then plays Monster Reborn to bring back Blue Eyes White Dragon. BEWD attacks Xion's life points directly for 3000 damage.</s>
Cooba: Bill Gates is on the Mars Station, and he already used the CrazyT for XBOX NexT.

You wwalk up to the TTR machine. It looks like a DDR machine, but the dance pad haqs been replaced with an engronomically(sp?) safe chair. The interface is a standard Dell keyboard. The words "PRESS ANY KEY" flash on the title screen while a demo plays on screen. It seems pretty straightforward; just type the letters in tune to the music...or is it?
"Sorry, but the access panel is bolted to wall. I can't uberh4x0r it," Leetzan says dejectedly.

[Fawriel]

Start playing!
And...tell L_G that he's playing the wrong card game.

[Torkell]

<s>Plays multiple Wheel 'n' Deal's. Everyone decks themselves.</s>
Tell L33tz4n to uberhack the software, not the hardware.

[Risp_old]

Actually, I'm not so sure if I am doing sprites anymore. However, I definately am working on the coding. And thus I get free previews... and the permission to rip code to make a turn-based strategy game!

Bwahahahahahaha!

[Lem_Gambino]

"That's what I tried to do, but the machine appears to be H4x0rproof," continues Leetzan. "I don't think we'll be able to H4(k without making the owner upset."
Ah well. It was worth a shot. ye presseth thine keyboard keys and are graced by the splendor of teh MODE SELECT Screen! What challenge shall you take?

-Tutor Mode: Learn to type and play TTR.
-Song Attack: Choose a song and type your way to a high score!
-Hangman: Figure out the phrase before your dancer is humiliated in front of everybody!
-Vocollapse!: Type to keep those letters from piling up!
-Challenge: Think you can handle these exciting stages?

[Xion]

<s>Deluge and Hallow. Need I say more?</s>

[Ekardnamal]

Action: Select 'Hangman'

[Xion]

oh yes, song mode

[Risp_old]

tyoe
D<<<<<

[NinJazz]

Coppertop removed my last 12 sorries 8D

[Fawriel]

Nononono! Tutorial! Tutorial I say!

[Torkell]

<s>Deluge and Hallow. Need I say more?</s>
<s>Surely Slice 'n' Dice with Hallow?</s>
Get l33tz4n to play whatever game she thinks she can win the most on

Edit: mine! my page! my preciousss!

[cooba]

Let's vote for game we wanna play at the most. For the sake of my pageclaim.

[Torkell]

<s>*taps another dozen or so mana-giving cards to barbecue Cooba with Blaze*</s>
My pageclaim!

[Ducky]

Due to a reported post, I'm sort of scoping out this thread. I didn't see anything that necessarily needed deleting(unless someone else beat me to it), but keep to the subject please, and play nicely...



*wields feeble Moderation Twig*

[cooba]

Boggy, I claimed this first, idiot.

Enter Vocollapse.

[Lem_Gambino]

Risp: D= Corrected.
Cooba: He's got a point there. =/
Ducky: I suggest wielding THIS. (http://www.ancient-east.com/products/swords/pugio-big.jpg)

You haven't really typed on a computer since 4I's last story, so you go to the Tutorial.
Greetings, player. Welcome to Type Type Revolution! Please type your name in so I don't have to call you "player" all the time.
>_
INSERT KEY: Random Name
END KEY: Next
HOME KEY: Back

EDIT: The only other game is the Evil Slots of Happiness, a slot machine. THe other games are being repaired because Atlas (http://www.titansgo.net/screenshots/204/075.jpg) broke them all.

[Risp_old]

Derby:
D<<<<<

[Lem_Gambino]

Corrected.

[Ekardnamal]

Action: Type in 'L33tz4n'
Action: Press 'End'

[Xion]

<s>Plays Confiscate on the pageclaim and takes control of it.</s>

I think this is Shuri playing.

[Fawriel]

L33tzy is better with such things.

[Xion]

You haven't really typed on a computer since 4I's last story, so you go to the Tutorial.
"You" means "Shuriken" since we are in the PoV of Shuri at the time.

I wish we could change PoV to Uberbob juss to see where he is.

[Xion]

Type in "Shuriken"
Press END

[Lem_Gambino]

<s>PreWinP1.exe has commited a fatal error and will be shut down. If the problem persists, contact the program vendor.</s>

You strike a compromise and enter "Shurizan" as your name. Welcome, Shurizan! R U REDY 2 TYPE?!/1/1

PRESS ANY KEY

[Xion]

<s>Relaunch PreWinP1.exe

<b>Your name is Uberbob. You are a rabbit, except you only have one ear for unknown reasons. You are currently in a boat surrounded by seemingly endless ocean. Your invintory contains a small carry-out box of chinese food, a golden toothbrush, and a titanium spork. Your boat is leaking. Bad. In fact, the reason there is a three-foot-wide hole in the bottom of your boat is somewhat related to why you only have one ear. What would you like to do?</b></s>

Press the Any Key

[Lem_Gambino]

There is no key marked "Any" on your keyboard.
<s>Hey, who's the DM here?! >=(</s>
Bored, Leetzan pulls the lever on the Evil Slot Machine of Happiness.
*BAR* *APPLE* *=D*
Oops, no prize. Better luck next time.

[Ekardnamal]

Press any key
Tell L33tz4n to keep playing the slot machine

[Xion]

yeah, we might just win something, like a nuclear bomb!

<s>PreWinP2.exe is still running, PreWinP1.exe crashed and was restarted at the beginning... THE BEGINNING.</s>

[Torkell]

Close your eyes, wave your hand over the keyboard and hit a key. Then open your eyes to see what key you hit.

[Lem_Gambino]

Fly true, loyal finger...

You open your eyes to see that you've pressed the "J" key. And the crowd goes wild!
Playing TTR is easy. When a letter passes into the typewriter, press it in tune to the music. The better your timing, the better your rank, and the more points you get!
Rankings:
MARVELOUS(sp?)
PERFECT
GREAT
GOOD
AVERAGE
Score combos by earning "GREAT" or higher ranking moves in rapid succession, without messing up. If you miss a letter or get type the wrong key, you'll be penalized.
E ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ F
This is your groove bar. It depletes if you make mistakes, but it fills up if you hit the keys properly. Don't let it deplete, or it's game over!
If you manage to complete a song, you'll earn a ranking based on how well you did: AAA is the highests, F is the lowest. Your highest score will be recorded in the Hall of Fame!

PRESS ANY KEY TO PLAY A PRACTICE SONG! LOL THIS WIL B FUN =D

Leetzan pulls the lever.
*RADIOACTIVE SYMBOL* *RADIOACTIVE SYMBOL* *RADIOACTIVE SYMBOL*
You won a Nuclear Warhead!

[cooba]

Place Warhead in front of bodyguard guarding Unfoo's lair.
Say: It's a gift to you. ^.*
L33tz4n: Summon Mythslayer.
Mythslayer: Fire Silver Bullet at Warhead.

[Fawriel]

I'm not planning to interfere, but a nuke seems a TAD too... big-boom-bang-ouch to me....

[Torkell]

Maybe we should save it for Unfooruman himself.

On with the game.

[Lem_Gambino]

"Hey Leetzan, why don't you give that nice body guard that warhead as a little 'gift'?" you say. "I Dunno, it could, you know, kill us all beyond recognition D=" she replies uneasily.

[Xion]

I say we save it and wait untill we confront Unfooruman. We toss it in his mouth, or at him, and let the fireworks fly.

[Torkell]

On with TTR!

[Lem_Gambino]

You need to press a key first, and find a place for that warhead, since your pants lack suitable warhead space.

[Risp_old]

Then how did it fit in a slot machine along with everything else there?

[Lem_Gambino]

Warp-Matrix Technology, like in Pandora's Car. Unfortunately, Shuri's Ninja Pants didn't have Warp-Matrix Tech as a standard option.

[Risp_old]

Hope L33tz4n lands on three warp-matrixes next.

[Lem_Gambino]

Why not pull the lever and find out?

The TTR machine is idle.

[Ekardnamal]

Press 'a' key
Pull lever on slot machine

[Lem_Gambino]

*BAR* *BAR* *TNT*
You get a stick of lit dynamite!

Since you're probably new to TTR, or just need to refresh your M4D 7YPin6 5k|11z, we'll start with the basic home row and work our way up from there.
asdf jkl;
This is the home row. Don't worry about the other keys; we'll get to them later. Place your eight fingers on the home keys, and least one thumb on the Space Bar. There! Now you're ready to type!

PRESS A KEY, MORTAL

[Ekardnamal]

Try to put out lit skick of dynamyte with hands, if that doesn't work, get Water Elemental to put it out

Press a random key

[Torkell]

Yell "F1re 1n th3 h0l3!!!111!!111!one"
Lob the dynamite at the bodyguard
Duck!

[Lem_Gambino]

You overlook using the Water Elemental, since doing what Ekard said would result in a wet, unlit stick of dynamite and no beautiful explosion. Acting quickly, Leetzan makes a mad dash (as fast a snake minion can go, at least) for the door the bodyguard is located. "F|r3 i|\| 73h h0l3!!!111!!111!one" she calls out in her native 1337speak before lobbing the deadlyful dynamite at the guard.
BOOM!
A big explosion and a cloud if smoke later, Leetzan checks out what's left of the bodyguard. The lights around the door to Unfoo's Lair turn on, revealing a giant robot that resembles Giant Clank (http://image.com.com/gamespot/images/2003/ps2/ratchet2/1111/ratchet_screen009.jpg) from Ratchet and Clank: Going Commando. He smiles at Leetzan and says, "Greetings, Uberbob This Is L33tz4n Shuriken And Fawriel And That's Fooruman! How can I be of assisstance?"

Leetzan screams like lunatic and runs (slithers?) right into the side of the TTR machine. Taking no notice, you seem to have taken interest towards the ubersexy hollywood star that is the "O" key; you could've sworn that it winked at you. Or maybe you're finally going crazy from the adventure you've been having so far.

Upon thine "O" key you place thy finger and apply gentle pressure, thus commanding the TTR game program to start the awesome typing game that is Type Type Revoltion!

SONG 1: "Stay With Me (Unlikely)" by celldweller

*INSERT STEPFILE HERE*

STAGE CLEAR

Nice going! your ranking is:
B
PRESS ANY KEY TO MOVE ONTO THE NEXT LESSON BEFORE THE BLOCKS REACH THE TOP OF THE SCREEN

[Torkell]

Not SmarterChild *again*!

Press the 'K' key
Tell l33tz4n to carry on playing the one-armed bandit. Maybe we'll get another stick of dynamite to lob at smarterchild.

List inventory and abilities.

[cooba]

Can't we just pass the SC?

[Fawriel]

Try to comfort poor Leetzy first. ;-;

[Lem_Gambino]

Leetzan seems to have recovered from the shock of seeing a SmarterChild 3.0, and goes back to playing the Evil Slot Machine of Happiness.
*FAW* *FAW* *FAW*
Leetzan's skin is now greener than usual, and her hair is now blue.

After many typing sessions, Shuri has completed the TTR Tutorial! You think your awesome typing skills would've been more useful back at the Security Door with SC 2.0, but you ask yourself: "Why the heck am I here? To find rabbit who's missing half his limbs, a ferret with the attention span of a child, a lesbian fox-mage, and a wizard who seems more interested with loafs of base metal bread? Ugh...I'll be glad to get back to 4I's world once this is all over."

Cooba: What, and ruin the whole adventuring element of the game? >=)

Inventory:
-Pandora's Goggles
-Black Armor
-Katana
-Ninja Pants
-Druid's Robe
-Yellow Contact Lens x1
-Whip of Beating +9
-Tunic
-Beanbean Coin x100
-Nuclear Warhead

Shuri's Spells:
-Haste: Increases targets' speed and movement range.
-Bless: Regenerates target's HP over time.

Leetzan's Spells:
-Summon Enchantresphere: A creature with random useful spells. Has high attack but low HP.
-Summon Mythslayer: A warrior who is adept in slaying mythical creatures.
-Summon Soap: A deadlyful cleaning projectile. May cause enemies to slip.
-Summon Rusty Iron Bat: Nigh-useless piece of sports equipment. Can be used as a melee weapon.
-Summon Water Elemental: A creature made entirely out of water.

[cooba]

Cooba: What, and ruin the whole adventuring element of the game? >=)YES.

Pageclaim in name of word "once" you mistyped.

[Lem_Gambino]

Corrected. SC is here to stay...for now.

[Torkell]

Ask SmarterChild about his screwdriver }>
Continue playing TTR and the slot machine

*swipes Cooba's pageclaim*

[Risp_old]

cuase
D<<<<<

[Lem_Gambino]

Risp: Corrected. =DDDDDDDD
BoggyB: *steals stolen page* >3

How long do you wish to play? There are lots of other villains that wish to play in the arcade too, and they'd be more than happy to yank you out of your seat and throw you off the side of the tower. It's not like you can play forever, ya know; you might get CARPEL TUNNEL SYNDOME D=

(Please specify time in posts, it makes things easier.)

SC 3.0 says, "I'm sorry, but that is an incorrect password, Uberbob This Is L33tz4n Shuriken And Fawriel And That's Fooruman. If you wish to see [corny musiak and flashy light effects] THE GREAT AND MIGHTY RULER OF THIS MULTIVERSE, THE UNCONTESTED, UNMATCHABLE MASTER OF CHAOS AND DISCHORD, THE ONE, THE ONLY...UNFOORUMAN!!! [/corny musiak and flashy light effects] You'll have to either schedule with him outside of Unfoo Tower or input the correct password. Have a nice day! =D

[Torkell]

Oh, we're going to carry on playing until we win something decent.

BTW, what's the blast radius of that nuke like? As in, can we use it on smarterchild without blowing ourselves up in the process?

[Ekardnamal]

Take a sip from the EVIL GATORADE.
Keep playing the slot machine.

...And we can kill/destroy/get rid of SmarterClild 3.0 easily. Trial and error works.

[Lem_Gambino]

BoggyB: If you're a good ten miles away, you won't get gibbed by the blast radius, but it's the radiation you have to worry about. The blast could probably decimate all of Unfoo.
Ekard: You drank all the delicious Gatorade eariler because you were so thirsty D=

*STICK* *STICK* *DANGER MUFFIN*
You win a Dangerous Stick!

[Fawriel]

ANALYZE DANGEROUS STICK =D=D

[Torkell]

Keep playing TTR.

If the last save point was post #888, then use the nuke (as that way if it gibs us all we don't have to redo this room) :D

[Lem_Gambino]

It's a stick, but it's pointy tip makes it dangerous to anyone on the recieveing end of it's pokeage. <s>NOT</s> Good for playing fetch.

[Ekardnamal]

Action: Poke some random person with dangerous stick
Action: Play slot machine again

[Lem_Gambino]

The game automatically saves after every DM post, so it doesn't really matter. If someone gave Uberbob a wedgie and he subsequently died, he'd load just after he got the wedgie. However, if you got yourself into an unsolveable stituation, (like falling into a pit, for instance) you'd reload before you fell into the pit with all your stuff. Or something. =P

You send Leetzan out to smite someone with the Dangerous Stick. While she does that, you ponder teh awesome game modes of TTR...

-Tutorial
-Song Attack
-Vocollapse!
-Hangman
-Challenge

You're just starting to get the hang of this game, so you might want to practice using a low-finger song first. A cry of a wolf can be hard just outside the arcade, as well as the sudden gust of wind, and the following WHAM! of your scaley comrade hitting the side of the TTR maching again. "I p0k3d 73h 8iG 84d \/\/01f," says a dazed Leetzan, getting up to try the one-armed bandit again.

*EBAY* *=D* *BAR*
Sorry, no prize here.

[Radium]

The game automatically saves after every DM post, so it doesn't really matter. If someone gave Uberbob a wedgie and he subsequently died, he'd load just after he got the wedgie. However, if you got yourself into an unsolveable stituation, (like falling into a pit, for instance) you'd reload before you fell into the pit with all your stuff. Or something. =P
More specifically, the game saves after every event in which you are not completely screwed. Like, if you've spent the last twenty pages falling down a put with no chance to survive (make your time), you would load from before you fell.

[Torkell]

Feed SmarterChild the nuke! (obviously set the timer first - just to whatever is enough to make sure it blows up (inside) smarterchild)

[Lem_Gambino]

SC has been (re)built to withstand the mightiest of nuclear blasts. Blame Unfooruman =D

[Torkell]

Now why am I not suprised?

Tell SmarterChild the password is "Lem_Gambino and Radium are the best DMs ever!" :D

Play Song Attack

[Lem_Gambino]

"Lem_Gambino and Radium are the best DMs ever!" you tell SC. "Are they now? I'll have to meet them sometime," SC replies. "I'm sorry, but that is an incorrect password." SC punches you in the face with his metal fist. You obtained Broken Tooth!

CHOOSE YOUR DIFFICULTY LEVEL:
-Beginner
-Light
-Standard
-Heavy

Inventory:
-Pandora's Goggles
-Black Armor
-Katana
-Ninja Pants
-Druid's Robe
-Yellow Contact Lens x1
-Whip of Beating +9
-Tunic
-Beanbean Coin x100
-Nuclear Warhead
-Dangerous Stick
-Broken Tooth

[Torkell]

Apparently, flattery won't get you everywhere.


Choose the Beginner level. Tell L33tz4n to continue playing the slot machine. Also scan SmarterChild.

[Xion]

Steal keyboard from TTR machine
Plug the keyboard into SC
Have L33tz4n uberhack SC

[cooba]

Have L33tz4n uberhack SCI bet another $30 that it's haxproof.

[Xion]

...do we have a screwdriver? Lets stab him with it.

[Lem_Gambino]

Smarter Child v3.0- The third rebuild of Smarter Child, a robot built by George 5000 for Unfooruman's security system. It has no weaponry to speak of, except its 1,000 horsepower punch and nigh-impervious armor. It's possible to breach this armor with an Anti-Matter Bomb, but it's EXTREMELY unlikely that L_G will let you have such a device. And it's immune to haxoring, so nyah. =D

CHOOSE A SONG:
-"Stay With Me (Unlikely) by celldweller
-"Paranoia" by Yuri Da Fox
-"Funny Bunny Rap" Originally made by Craig McCracken, remixed by Lem_Gambino (He wishes =P)
-"Brinstar Theme (Ben Lewis Mix)" Orignally by Nintendo, remixed by Ben Lewis

You need to play 1 more time(s) to unlock another song.

*=D* *=D* *D=*

Srynoprzekplzplyagn.

Cooba gets $30!

I'll give the party a screwdriver if you tell me how you got the avatars to work again.

[Risp_old]

What exactly is your problem? Can't find the avatar section of the user CP? Can't get one to upload right?

[Lem_Gambino]

I've been on this forum for a while, and I've never seen anyone use the avatar feature for some odd reason. I assumed it was disabled or something, but now that I've been enlightened...>=) *goes to User Control Panel*

EDIT: <--- This shall serve as my temporary avatar until I feel less lazy. =P

[Violet CLM]

Avatars were only just introduced today.

[Lem_Gambino]

*feels like an idiot now* =/

[Fawriel]

Did you HAVE to tell him that?
Screwdriver. Now. Gimme. >(

Edit: Oh, and, erm. *pats Lem*

[Lem_Gambino]

Here. *takes a screwdriver from garage and hands to Faw* There. XD Now make the characters do something.

[Fawriel]

...receive screwdriver from Faw? I mean.. *points at self* Me-Faw.

[Lem_Gambino]

Faw is currently away from the party, and real-life Faw can't give you a screw driver D=

[Xion]

Rip handle off slot machine
Attack SC

[Lem_Gambino]

Both the Evil Slot Machine of Happiness and SC are indestructible.

[Xion]

>O

<s>Play Boomerang on Darksteel Forge</s>

Play one more song of TTR, and have L33tz4n pull the handle.

[Lem_Gambino]

Which song?

*D=* *D=* *BAR*

Both you and Leetzan suddenly become depressed...

<s>EDIT: Refresh my memory, Xion: What do Boomerang and Darksteel Forge do?</s>

[Torkell]

Tell L33tz4n to uberhack the TTR machine now that she can unscrew the panel.

<s>Not sure about DarkSteel Forge but Boomerang returns the target card to its owner's hand I think.</s>

[Lem_Gambino]

Leetzan tries to unscrew the panel, but the boltheads only support those annoying three-sided screwdrivers instad of the standard foursided ones. D=

[Ekardnamal]

Action: Try prying the panel open
Action: Select 'Funny Bunny Rap' on TTR machine
Action: Play slot machine

[Lem_Gambino]

Action: Try prying the panel open

With what?

The sheer hilarity induced by the Funny Bunny Rap causes you to fall out of your seat, laughing out loud whilst rolling on the floor. Leetzan follows suit. Because you were not present at the TTR machine for much of the song, your grade is:
E
You win five Evil Arcade Tokens!

You unlocked a new song!

CHOOSE A SONG:
-"Stay With Me (Unlikely) by celldweller (4 feet)
-"Paranoia" by Yuri Da Fox (6 feet)
-"Funny Bunny Rap" Originally made by Craig McCracken, remixed by Lem_Gambino (He wishes =P) (5 feet)
-"Brinstar Theme (Ben Lewis Mix)" Orignally by Nintendo, remixed by Ben Lewis (5 feet)
-"DrWily Haunts Flashman" Originally by Capcom, remixed by Mattias Holmgren (7 feet)

More feet = Harder song. >=)

PRESS ESC TO GO BACK TO MODE SELECT

*FIRST AID* *FIRST AID* *FIRST AID*

You win a Phoenix Down!

[Ekardnamal]

With what?

With the screwdriver.

Press ESC
Play Brinstar Theme
Scan Phoenix Down

[Xion]

<s>Darksteel Forge: All Artifacts are indestructable.
Boomerang: Return target pernament to its owner's hand.</s>

I am totally at a loss as to what we do.

[Lem_Gambino]

Pageclaim: Take the page of the forum and write your name on the back of it.

You're supposed to find a way into Unfoo's Lair.

[Ekardnamal]

You're supposed to find a way into Unfoo's Lair.

By destroying SmartChild, first.

And I say that we should just start looking for an exit.

[Lem_Gambino]

There are three exits:
-The door leading out to the balcony you came from;
-The door behind SC that leads to Unfoo's Lair;
-and an "Employees Only" door monitored by an enchanted sniper rifle.

You think that the level designer was definately drunk when he/she made this tower. Bored, you take out your hidden Game Boy and-
"Hey Shuri, whaddya doing?" asks Leetzan. Quickly putting away your Game Boy, you say, "Nothing, nothing!" as calmly as possible.
"Um, okay. You wanna switch places?"

<s>BEHOLED TEH POWAR OF CHARACTER INTERACTION!!!11 =D</s>

[Torkell]

Weren't we playing Brinstar's theme, and attempting to mangle SmarterChild or the TTR machine with a screwdriver. Speaking of which, ask L33tz4n if she can uberhack the slot machine as well.

<s>Sends a stealth tank out to destroy both Xion and L_G's pageclaims. Actually, just blat the pair of them with an Ion Cannon. Zap!</s>

[Lem_Gambino]

You played the Funny Bunny Rap and laughed your socks off (that is, if you were wearing socks).

"I already tried h4x0r the slot machine. Apparently, they don't want us to cheat, =P" she replies.

<s>L_G presses right(?) on the D-pad to get the Infared Visor, then pumps the tank with multiple Super Missles.</s>

[Torkell]

Tell L33tz4n to go hack... something! That enchanted sniper rifle would be favourite.

<s>Wrong game. Tiberian Sun is not Metroid Prime. And you'd need to press down anyway.
*sends a Mammoth Mk ][ to join the page-claim-killing tank*</s>

[Lem_Gambino]

The sniper rifle is too high to reach, much less hack.

<s>=P @ BoggyB
L_G powers up the Wavebuster and smites both of BoggyB's tanks.</s>

[Risp_old]

Scan the enchanted sniper rifle.

...now I wish you idiots hadn't gotten the tail destroyed. It could have de-enchanted the sniper rifle, probably.

<s>Risp rushes in with a force of Brawlers, Warriors, and Pee-Wees and ENERGY MACHINE GUNS everybody to death.</s>

[Xion]

run behind SC and try to have the rifle hit sc

[Fawriel]

...how about we try to talk to SC like the last time(s)?
Trying to blow him up from the outside has never worked..

[Xion]

we're not blowing him up from the outside...we're shooting him.

[Xion]

Why don't we go back to the balcony and then up the rickety stairs?

[Lem_Gambino]

Enchanted Sniper Rifle- Shoots non-employees attempting to force entry into the Employees-Only door.

Xion: Pawned. XD
Risp: I think it only works in combat.

"That might not be a bad idea," says Leetzan, seemingly forgetting about the fact that there is a brewing storm outside. Regardless, you triumphantly(sp?) head out the balcony door and up the steps. The icy-cold wind slapping your, the flashes of lighting and rain spattering you doesn't make things easier. In fact, it makes things quite impossible. The steps shudder under your feet/tail, then break into toothpick-sized splinters. Without anything to support you, you fall to a gruesome death...an unsettling SPLAT marks your demise at the bottom of Unfooruman's Tower.

Game loaded from post #929, after you scanned the rifle.

<s>Risp is arrested for an unprovoked attack on innocent civilians.
BoggyB is resurrected and arrested for destruction of JCF property.
L_G is revived and arrested for stealing Space Federation Property from Samus Aran.
=D</s>

[Ekardnamal]

<s>Risp is arrested for an unprovoked attack on innocent civilians.
BoggyB is resurrected and arrested for destruction of JCF property.
L_G is revived and arrested for stealing Space Federation Property from Samus Aran.
=D</s>

<s>*drags along burlap sack containing random laptops stolen from unsuspecting buisnessmen* *pushes them through bars of jail* "There you go. They've got wireless internet access, so go nuts." *sticks tongue out at you*</s>


Ask SmarterChild if he takes bribes.
If so, offer him the screwdriver, saying, "We're really sorry that we accidentally broke your other screwdriver. Please take this one as an apology."

[Torkell]

<s>digs out the trusty BFG10k. picks up Quad Damage and Haste for good measure. Blats L_G, ekard, zion, cooba, faw and anyone else who moves. Blats anyone who doesn't move too for good measure. Makes sure to carefully *not* hit the mods.
blatblatblatblatblatblatblatblatblatblatblatblat
blatblatblatblatblatblatblatblatblatblatblatblat
</s>

Anyway, back to the point of this thread:

Tell l33tz4n to take over from Shuri on TTR, and to get lots of points and tokens.
Get Shuri to ask around and find out if anyone knows what happened to Fooruman.

[cooba]

Stop spamming or you will suffer.

[Coppertop]

Suffer my wrath, that is. Keep the posts pertinent to the topic.

[Lem_Gambino]

Sorry, CT ^^;;

Leetzan takes over Shuri's station on TTR. "I'm SO going to pwn this game," she says in an overconfident tone.

You offer the screwdriver to SC. "I'm sorry, but that is neither my screwdriver or the correct password," he says before punching you in the face. Thankfully, you don't lose a tooth.

Garland (Final Fantasy I), Dr. Wily (Mega Man), and Lex Luthor (Justice League Unlimited) are here in the break room. Who do you wish to talk to?

[Fawriel]

<b>+ Final Fantasy IX >( </b>
Talk to Garland. I'm sure I'm not the only who knows him much better than the other guys.

[Xion]

Talk to Wily
Attempt to get a robot from him by pity.

[Fawriel]

GARLAND! >((((((((((
We can start chit-chatting with him about his suit in FF9 and how this Darth Vader guy, like, TOTALLY copied it!
...to earn his trust, of course.

[Xion]

No! I'd rather have a robot kick the butt of another robot!

[Radium]

Lex Luthor (Justice League Unlimited) [/B]
*cough* need I point out that Lex has been around since the original Superman? That's like saying "It was like Frodo, from The Two Towers".

[Violet CLM]

Or "Bilbo, from the Return of the King, you know, at the end there."

I say Wily.

[Lem_Gambino]

Rad: The JLU Luthor is a miilion and a half times cooler. =P
Faw: This isn't the FFIX Garland; it's the ORIGINAL Garland. The "I'll knock you all down!" one. Dur.

Two for Wily, Two for Garland, none for Lex. Guy needs to lose weight anyway.

[Xion]

@Radium: I think Lem means the Lex from the Justice League Unlimited series...

It's like...um...comparing Megaman from Megaman 1 and Megaman from Megaman X. Two completely different setups of powers and the like, but it's still the same person. Right?

Anyways, I say we yell random obscenities at SC.

[Risp_old]

Actually, 1 vote for Garland. Faw voted twice.

[Lem_Gambino]

--FAW D=<

You explain your plight to Wily. "...and that's why we're wondering if you could help us."
"You could help ME out...BY FIGURING OUT HOW TO STOP THAT ACCURSED MEGA MAN!!!" he shouts before breaking into tears. "There there, buddy. I'm sure if you could KNOCK HIM DOWN he would be of little threat to you," says a reassuring Garland. Suddenly, Wily sits up with a look of inspiration on his face, and blurts out "Of course! Why didn't I see it before?!" before scribbling something on a piece of paper. "Idiots," Luthor mumbles.

You can't shout obscenities because all that comes out is "Asterisk x4!!" or however many letters an obscenity contains.

[Risp_old]

In fact, because of the filters here, you would probably end up saying (-)* or such.

...and no, I didn't actually type an obscenity in there.

[Ekardnamal]

I did a random fanart of Araches a while back, so here it is...

http://home.ripway.com/2004-5/114181/araches.jpg

Like it? I know it looks a bit odd, and I've improved a lot since then... :)

[Radium]

I did a random fanart of Araches a while back, so here it is...
Yay! People care about the Uberbob thread! Nice picture.

Would you want me to give my generic harsh critique I give to people like Faw, just ask. Since this is outside of the Art Forum, I won't do it by default.

[Xion]

Now, I've viewed a lot of anthropomorphic art before...

but that face has to be, by far, the SCARIEST face I have ever seen.

Also, about the story, say "Well, I believe that little metal cretin over there is Megaman but in another shell...I think you can enact your revenge now."

[Lem_Gambino]

I disagree. =P I just hope the game hasn't come to a screeching halt...

Wily looks over at SC and says, "I may be a mad doctor, but I'm not stupid! Unfooruman STRICTLY stated NOT to remove or destroy Smarter Child. Besides, he's indestuctable anyway. Equals sign-capital p."

[Torkell]

Hmmm. Is there a computer, terminal, web kiosk or anything similar in this room? wireless access point maybe (running 802.11u, of course)

[Fawriel]

*nudges Xion* It's not scary, it's CUTE! >(

[Lem_Gambino]

There is a computer that the Evil Arcade Cashier uses just behind his desk.

[Torkell]

Ask the Evil Arcade Cashier if we can use his computer.

[Ekardnamal]

*nudges Xion* It's not scary, it's CUTE! >(

Thanks... :D

Action: Go back to playing TTR

[Lem_Gambino]

CHOOSE A SONG:
-"Stay With Me (Unlikely) by celldweller (4 feet)
-"Paranoia" by Yuri Da Fox (6 feet)
-"Funny Bunny Rap" Originally made by Craig McCracken, remixed by Lem_Gambino (He wishes =P) (5 feet)
-"Brinstar Theme (Ben Lewis Mix)" Orignally by Nintendo, remixed by Ben Lewis (5 feet)
-"DrWily Haunts Flashman" Originally by Capcom, remixed by Mattias Holmgren (7 feet)

You send Leetzan to ask Fred (the cashier, he's an Orc) if you want to use his computer. "Sorry, but I can't permit haxors like you to access the store network...unless you're willing to purge all the ugly spyware from my PC," he replies. Leetzan grins. This exactly what she's been wanting to do for like, forever! =D
"ShuricanIpleasepleaseusetheniceman'scomputerandstu ff??????///^_^" she asks you.

Since I didn't do it last time (D=), you play the Brinstar Remix.
Your grade for this song is:
B

You win 30 tokens!

[Fawriel]

Let her. Whee! Leetzy happy, Fawy happy! ^o^

Pageclaim in the name of Leetzan.

[Lem_Gambino]

Mypagekthnx. =)

"WHEEEEyayayThankyouShuri!!!!111" squeals Leetzan like a little school girl. She walks over to Fred and says in a much calmer voice, "I'll do it."
Fred smiles and says, "Follow me." He leads you into the Evil Arcade's office, where the owner does his various business thingies. It looks like a typical cubical of sorts; untidy stacks of old work papers littler one corner near the computer desk. On the other side of the desk is a file cabinet that seems to be overloaded with papers. Another desk is near the file cabinet, but it looks more like it's used for writing on paper instead of Microsoft Word. Various posters with inspirational messages adorn the walls, saying stuff like "No Loafing!" or "Pick up dry cleaning on Tuesdays." Then there's the computer itself; it appears to be a Dell, and it certainly has seen a few years of work. "Lemme know when you're finished," Fred says before closing the door.

YOU CAN SWITCH POV BETWEEN SHURI AND LEETZAN UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED.

[Xion]

*nudges Xion* It's not scary, it's CUTE! >(
no, it's scary. If somebody made a fursuit based on that picture...

...To be honest the wake of horror would be indescribable.

[Torkell]

Okay, get hold os Spybot S&D, update it and let it loose.

[Lem_Gambino]

The computer isn't turned on. D=

Sorry about teh delay, but my internet went down earlier today. =P

[Xion]

I think L33tz4n wants to do it manually.

[Torkell]

Action: turn computer on
Action: analyze computer
Action: investigate extent of spyware/adware

[Lem_Gambino]

The computer is a 200X Dell Limted Edition with <s>Linux</s> Windows XP Professional.

You press the conspicously(sp?) marked "POWER" button. Instead of being greeted with the standard Windows Startup screen, you are faced with a face. Literally. A big yellow smiley face graces the black void of the screen, with the words "Have a nice day!" written underneath it. A .wav file of an evil person laughing manically accompanies the smiley face.

POV CANNOT BE SWITCHED NOW. =D

[Torkell]

That's a bit evil, locking the POV. I assume Shuri is continuing to play TTR, in the absence of any more voices in his head.

Get l33tz4n to überhack the computer.

[Risp_old]

his
D<<<<<

[Lem_Gambino]

The computer isn't responding to your keypresses.

The smiley face becomes an evil grinning face (>=D), but is soon replaced by the words ASSIMILATION WILL OCCUR IN 5 POST(S). You get the strangest feeling that someone already uberhacked the computer long before you did. =P

[Torkell]

Switch of the computer, by pulling the power cord if needed.
Search for any disks/cds/usb drives and analyse them.
List L33tz4n's inventory.
Analyze computer hardware (by opening case if necessary).

[Xion]

mumble a four-lettered word that starts with "S" and ends in "T"

(I'm thinking Soot! What were <b>YOU</b> thinking?)

Exit room, saying "sorry, your computer is posessed!"

[Lem_Gambino]

You take the most obvious action of attempting to turn off the computer by pressing the power button. Sadly, the computer is either frozen or malfunctioning, because it won't respond to your incessant clicking.
You try tugging on the power cord next, but someone apparantly bolted it to the wall, because it refuses to budge.
It is impossible to access the device manager at this time, but you estimate that the dreaded Dell has a DVD-ROM, a 3.5" floppy drive, a Zip Drive, and a headphone jack.

Your conclusive studies have shown that the computer has most likely been uberhacked by...someone. Probably your ebil twin from another message board. D= Turning to open the door and tell Fred that his comp is crazy, you think abruptly about Fooruman and his love for Base Metal breads...

...What?

You think you've been on this journey far too long. Maybe you should get a job at Microsoft or something. =P

BTW, the door's locked. OH NOSE!

You mumble "Salt!" before you check your inventory:
-Druid's Robe
-Yellow Contact Lens x1
-Whip of Beating +9
-Tunic

[Xion]

Attempt to pull the power cord from the computer itself.

The cord does plug into both the wall and the computer, have you forgotten?

[Torkell]

You forgot to remove the side panel to look inside, and to look for any disks.

Hold the power button down for 10 seconds.

[Lem_Gambino]

The power cord is affixed to the power supply, and I'm pretty sure you can't remove it from that end. The side panels are held down with magic duct tape. =D

You apply gentle pressure to the power button for about five minutes, but the computer is still running.

[Ekardnamal]

Action: Summon Rusty Iron Bat
Action: Beat computer with bat

[Xion]

If that doesn't work, then just attack the door. Doesn't it have glass in it?

[Torkell]

And for the third time of asking, are there any disks or other removeable forms of storage (including, but not limited to, USB drives, flash memory cards, DVDs, CDs, Blue-ray discs, floppies)?

[Lem_Gambino]

BoggyB: All the removeable stuff is bolted to the computer case, which is bolted to the desk, which is bolted to the floor which is connected the rest of the fortress so anything won't get stolen or haxored. Viva la Thy Dungeonman!

The door is RABID. D= You hit it with stuff, but the stuff seems to be breaking itself instead of the door. Physically hitting the door does no good either, as you end up doing more damage to your body than the door.

[Torkell]

*goes in search of a list of spells*
*found the list way back on page http://www.jazz2online.com/jcf/showpost.php?p=244371&postcount=880

Summon Water Elemental and attack the computer!

[Lem_Gambino]

The Rabid door blocks all spellcasting.

[Xion]

Use whip to attempt to pick lock

[Fawriel]

How is that supposed to work? =P
Do any keys respond? ( keys on the keyboard )
If yes, simply try to RE-UBERHAX0R! ..I mea, DE-UBERHAX0R! ...or ANTI-UbERwhatever.

[Torkell]

Search room for computer-releated equipment and analyze all equipment found.

BTW, is Shuri still playing TTR?

[Lem_Gambino]

The whip's too flimsy and wide to fit in the lock.

Calling upon the mighty powers of Norton, you preform the legendary Ctrl-Alt-Del keypress, but to no avail. The computer refuses to follow any of your commands.

You search the room for computer stuff:
-Dell Keyboard
-Dell Monitor
-Dell Optical Mouse
-Dell 200X Limited Edition Computer Case (contents unknown)
-ACME Speakers
-That little power strip thingy that you plug stuff into
-Surge Protector
-Dell Laser Printer

Suddenly, the CD-ROM revs to about 128x speed. It sounds like a squeaky buzzsaw.

[Xion]

The Surge Protector! Turn off the surge protector!

And the Power Strip! KILL THE POWER!


Also, Duck.

[Lem_Gambino]

Reaching for the nearest sharp pointy object (a pencil), you lunge underneath the desk to get the computer right at the jugular. Closer...closer...CLOSER, DRANIT!

The haunting melody of the Windows XP opening theme fills the air.
*BLIP*
Every square inch of reality disappears around you. That includes the floor. D=
You're soon found falling, falling, falling...until...
THUD.
Looks like reality decided to rebuild itself.
You look around at your surrounding. To your right, you spot a large green turtle walking on all fours at a realitively low speed. It stops just outside of your personal space and turns around, as though it hit some sort of invisible wall. To your left, you see a ledge, but you can't see what's on top of it from your perspective. Above and to the right of you lies a large cliff hewn of purple rock. All around you is a large grassy plain, with many a blowing leaf being carried in the strong winds. It appears to be nighttime. Out in the distance you can swampy forest which sits just in front of a sparkling lake. Farthe out you can see the bluish moon hanging up in the sky, above a range of rugged mountains. You can't help that notice that your whip is now gone, replaced with a blue rifle with the words "BFG-3000" imprinted on the side. Strange.

Now the question is...what will you do?

Inventory:
-Druid's Robe
-Yellow Contact Lens x1
-BFG-3000 Blaster
-Tunic

HEARTS:http://www.rakuten.ne.jp/gold/shinkinedo/gif/hearts.gif http://www.rakuten.ne.jp/gold/shinkinedo/gif/hearts.gif http://www.rakuten.ne.jp/gold/shinkinedo/gif/hearts.gif http://www.rakuten.ne.jp/gold/shinkinedo/gif/hearts.gif http://www.rakuten.ne.jp/gold/shinkinedo/gif/hearts.gif

[Fawriel]

Save game.
Go forward, shoot, jump, pick up the missiles, let yourself fall, continue on, shooting all the bees on the way with the missiles....

[Torkell]

Not sure about 128x, but 52x is about the physical limit for the media. It's about the point where discs disintegrate (literally!) in the drive spraying shrapnel everywhere. 128x... lets just say the CD drive wouldn't be there anymore. Nor would anything at about the same level as it.

[ESC], select "Save game", pick a (preferable empty) save slot and save game there, blat the turtle, and continue playing Diamondus :D

[Fawriel]

Second level, Eighteen Carrot, I believe. Equip robes and everything, too.

[Lem_Gambino]

Everything is already equipped. And saves are automatic. =P
You don't have any missles, but your blaster is more than enough to gib the approaching turtle, leaving its shell behind.

Faw: Fourteen Carrot, you mean.

[Fawriel]

GYAAAAAH! THE SHAME!

...hey, you didn't follow my commands. You were supposed to COLLECT the missiles first from the platform right above you in the very beginning.

[Lem_Gambino]

There aren't any misslies nearby, but that's mostly because you didn't check the platform nearby (which is devoid of missiles, I can assure you).

[Fawriel]

NO ITS NOT FAWS MEMORY > U!!!!!!!!111 D===

...okaaaaay. Just jump up the ledge and go on fighting. Yay.

[Xion]

BFG-3000? only 1/3 of the power of the Doom 2 weapon?

Oh well. Blast the Turtle with BFG.

[Lem_Gambino]

Xion: Kinda late for that. =P

You jump ont the ledge to your left. Resting up against the wall is a crate that appears to be made of metal plates nailed shoddily together.

[Fawriel]

Shoot it plz. And collect what comes out. And seriously, are you just desperately trying to stall time until Rad gets done with this battle system? =P

[Lem_Gambino]

That is something I can neither confirm or deny. B)

Your shots bounce harmlessly off the crate. It's METAL, people!

My 1000th post. XD