Tales of Uberbob: Part 2 of, hopefully, 2

[Fawriel]

And my 1000th reply! =D

[Risp_old]

My n^th pageclaim.

[Torkell]

*reprograms jcf*
*this pageclaim will self-destruct in 5 seconds*
*beep beep beep...*


Buttstomp, uppercut or karate-kick the crate.

[Fawriel]

...kick? With what? I don't think she has a butt, really, either.
That leaves uppercutting. Or pwn the box with your tail. Yayay!

[Lem_Gambino]

You compromise and smash the box with your tail. Now, you too will know the joy of picking metal splinters out of your tail with tweezers that you don't possess. =D

<s>L_G teleports the deadly page to the heart of Boggy's fortress. It promptly blows up and levels everything within a five-block radius.</s>

Nowgibbacontopic.

[Fawriel]

GO ON
And kick L_G for disappointing Faw. D=

[Coppertop]

Indeed. *threatens*

[Xion]

reap whatever was inside the box.

[Lem_Gambino]

CT: D= I shall make it a rule that ANYONE doing any off-topic RP'ing with striked out text shall be subject to a severe beating by people.
Also, anyone doing any off-topic RP'ing that involves pageclaims or some other silly aspect that has nothing to do with this thread shall be punished as well.
<_< >_> X_X *dies from brain overload*

Xion: The box had nothing but air in it. And leftover metal splinters from the fashioning of the crate.

BTW, I'm under some college-related stress now; it be best that you don't mess with me. You've been warned.

[Torkell]

Look around

*can't do anything else as the fortress is no more thanks to an explosive pageclaim*

[Radium]

BTW, I'm under some college-related stress now; it be best that you don't mess with me. You've been warned.
If you need me to take back over, I probably can. Even though I should be drawing sprites for the battle system.

[Fawriel]

DRAW SPRITES >((((((((((((((

And, erm... go on. Forward. And kick butt.

[Xion]

Get: Shards

<s><b>You can not get ye shards!</s></b>

[Lem_Gambino]

Rad: I'm fine; I just had to blow off some steam. XP
BoggyB: 9_9 You're standing on on ledge on the far left side of the level, where the crate once was. a path leads over to a tree, under which is another turtle on patrol. beyond the turtle is a ledge that leads up into a dark cave. Hovering over this first area is a large rock platform that you haven't fully explored yet. You can't climb onto the platform from this side.
Faw: That's Rad's job. =P
Xion: There are no shards to collect.

[Fawriel]

I was talking to Rad because he ordered me to annoy him. Yay!

Kill the next turtle with the gun.

[Xion]

Xion: The box had nothing but air in it. <u>And leftover metal splinters from the fashioning of the crate.</u>

These.

[Lem_Gambino]

Xion: You said SHARDS, not SPLINTERS. XD PAWNED They're useless anyway.

The turtle is too far away for your shots to hit him/her/whatever.

[Fawriel]

You are stalling time so badly. Eh.

Moooooooooooooooove forward.
Draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw weapon.
Shoot. Please. At the turtle. Nowhere else.

I SPECIFIE D=

[Lem_Gambino]

The turtle has been reduced to a cloud of pixels. =D

You are now standing outside the cave entrance. To get up there, you have to jump. Just above your head are a couple of small platforms leading up the side of the platform you just passed under. There is a tree that you can jump on as well.

To make it easier, please use up/down/left/right. This IS a platforming secton after all.

[cooba]

I'm fineYOURE NOT GET AWAY

Not to sound mean, but this gets all mixed up together since L_G took control over. The plot at the moment makes no real sense. It turned into big bag of cameos from video games, didn't it? Instead of pure randomness, so common in Radium's threads, which you all seemed to like it, is gone. Now you have one big video game crossover, followed with FFE references there and there. Not a thing you'd like to see, eh?

I want everyone to vote for Radium as DM.

Derby: Acronym removal.

[Torkell]

Personally, I'm quite amused at the way it's turned out. Never thought that we would be playing JJ2 in an unrelated RPG. And don't forget about SmarterChild's screwdriver (which I don't think is game-related at all). Besides, since when was the plot in these things ever meant to make sense?


Jump up to the cave entrance.

[Lem_Gambino]

Cooba: FFE? Explain yourself, mortal.
BoggyB: =D Glad you agree. SC's screwdriver is an important plot point.

I'm posting because I'm currently at college as of this post, and unable to access my computer which has JJ2: TSF and CC99 on it. Unless someone is willing to take time to cut and paste screenshots into one big map, we'll be stuck here for while, until about 2:00 PM Pacific Time. However...

You coil up your tail and use it as a springboard to reach the next ledge. The cave is definately creepy and dark enough to deter any adventurer, but maybe you can prove them wrong.

Derby: Acronym removal.

[cooba]

Avoid the bees.
Do NOT stomp on a plastic block in floor which is going to appear soon.

If Radium doesn't come back in 50 posts I hack JCF.

[Radium]

Well, you see, here is the current story.

http://www.foxmage.com/radstory1.gif
This is Radium.

http://www.foxmage.com/radstory2.gif
Radium and Risp were making a new battle engine for the Uberbob thread. However, the new engine needed new sprites. And lots of them.

http://www.foxmage.com/radstory3.gif
Lem Gambino agreed to take over while Radium worked really hard on the sprites.

http://www.foxmage.com/radstory4.gif
Radium turned out to be too lazy to work on the sprites. Fawriel could have helped, but he was also too lazy.

http://www.foxmage.com/radstory5.gif
While Radium delayed working on the sprites, Lem ran out of content for the Uberbob thread.

http://www.foxmage.com/radstory6.gif
So, Radium started actually working on the sprites slightly or at least pretending to do so while Lem handled the thread incredibly well.

http://www.foxmage.com/radstory7.gif
Coppertop, meanwhile, secretly hopes the thread will die so she has less to moderate.


So, in summary, the sooner I get the sprites done, the sooner we can move on.

[Fawriel]

Fawriel could have helped, but he was also too lazy.
*busy

[Torkell]

Avoid the bees.
Do NOT stomp on a plastic block in floor which is going to appear soon.
Better idea: blat the bees so we don't have to avoid them.

Also: analyze BFG3000. It would be nice to know if we're on limited ammo before we found out the hard way :D

If Radium doesn't come back in 50 posts I hack JCF.

*digs out emergency supply of LARTs to give to mods and admins*
*realises that he's gone against L_G's rule*
*beats self with a (non-spiky) LART*

[Xion]

I say we just use the OLD sprite system for now and just badger Radifoo for sprites.

*considers unblocking radium to badger him*

[Radium]

I say we just use the OLD sprite system for now and just badger Radifoo for sprites.

The new battle engine needs new sprites or else suffer incredible confusing-ness. But I've sort of started working on them.

[Lem_Gambino]

Rad: I don't have a fro; I call it my pififul excuse for hair since no one has been able to cut it. D=
Xion: Not while I'm DM you're not.
BoggyB: *sigh* What's a LART anyway???

The BFG 3000 is a blue gun that contains a powerful plasma core that can generate unlimited rounds of explosive goodness.

The tunnel is dark, although enough light flows through the holes in the cave walls to see. The path through the tunnel curves into a small hill that leads upwards. The faint buzzing of a bumblebee can be heard from inside the cave.

Interesting note: Physics used in video games aren't the same in message board RPGs like this one (i.e.: Enemies flying through walls. I HATE that!)

[Torkell]

LART = Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool. Ranges from a two-by-four to something more potent. The BFG-3000 would make a good LART.

Continue through the tunnel. If we see a bee, blat it first and think about it second.

(edit: LART can be used as both a verb and a noun. e.g. "a LART is a two-by-four", "I'm going to LART this luser")

[cooba]

LFG 2000*

[Xion]

Why did you change the BFG? The BFG is supposed to have a GREEN core, not a BLUE core.

cretin.

[Lem_Gambino]

Cooba: This isn't JJ2. =P
Xion: Whoever said that?

You carefully slither(sp?) up the hill. Just beyond is a be buzzing around in its little personal space. However, that space is actually pretty big (--EPIC >P), so the bee dive bombs you. You use your eleet Unreal Tournament skillz to dodge the bee and frag it.

You are now inside the cave. Further up ahead, another turtle is on patrol. In a small pit, you see a gray stone block with an exclaimation point on it's face. Your orders?

[Ekardnamal]

Smite turtle
Scan rock

[Lem_Gambino]

You gib the turtle. However, you don't have Pandora's Goggles with you, so any Scanning is impossible at this time. D=

[Torkell]

Smite the block with her tail!

[Ekardnamal]

Action: Examine rock

[Xion]

HAVE YOU NEVER PLAYED DOOM 2???

You are the weakest DM goodbye.

[Lem_Gambino]

"Hello, Starfighter! Welcome aboard the Shadow. Are you ready to be scared to death?! Muahahahaha!" -Some Old CG Movie

It is a rock with an exclaimation point carved into it. The block is now a bunch of smaller blocks since you smashed it to pieces with your mighty tail. You can see a small room on the other side of the hole you just made. BTW, I forgot to mention the beehive near the area the turtle is on patrol. =D Have a nice day!

[Fawriel]

omgomg watch out for beez pleez ;(

[Torkell]

Carry on through the hole. If we see a bee or turtle, blat it before it gets any nearer.

[Xion]

...what the...

Lem...I don't want to know what you're rambling about.

Analyze: gun
--Check for any ammunition counts.

[Radium]

Still working on the sprites. They're a bit of a cleaner, chibi-er style than before. Compare the evolution:

Original sprite:
<img src="http://www.foxmage.com/L33tz4n.gif" width=100 height=100>

Second sprite:
<img src="http://www.foxmage.com/threeone/L33tz4n.gif" width=100 height=100>

New sprite (I'll probably shrink it more later):
http://www.foxmage.com/Newl33tsprite.gif

[Xion]

*Hides chibi-L33tz4n from whoever may go nuts over seeing it*

[Lem_Gambino]

Rad: =D
Xion: --XION x2

You jump into the hole, blaster at the ready. Thankfully, this room is rather small for a turtle or even a beehive. Perhaps it was the ugly block um...blocking the entrance. The room is lit up via the dim glow of a computer screen sitting on the left of your position, hooked up to a far more advanced computer than the one you were sitting at earlier (it's a Sony VAIO(sp?) =D). On the other side is a wooden crate, seemingly untouched by anyone or thing in this area (or universe, perhaps). You can see a capsule-shaped emblem painted on the side of the crate in jet-black paint.

Your munitions are:
-Blaster x∞

[Torkell]

Lart the box, and have a look at the computer screen.

[Lem_Gambino]

You shoot the box. It writhes in pain as its wooden guts scatter everywhere, before being cleaned up by teh In-Game Gremlins.

In the ruins of the gibbed box, five large capsule-shaped objects lay on the ground. Their appearance is a smooth, rubbery texture, like those silly "Mighty Beans" children obsess over. Waste of money if you ask me.

A closer examination of the computer monitor reveals the following information:
Welcome to the Quick Changer v3.3789! How can I be of assistance?
-Change
-Help
-Settings

[Torkell]

Pick up the beans

-Help

[Lem_Gambino]

Obtained 15 rounds of Blue Bullet Bouncer Ammo!

This OS is designed to transform you into people that you've spent a lot of time adventuring with, such as some guy on a boat to your closest friends. Our advnaced DNA scanner-transformer will make this process (relatively) quick and painless! If you have any trouble, please contact

The rest of the text ends in scrambled lines of unintelligable code. =P

[Torkell]

Hmmm...

-Settings

[Lem_Gambino]

Please enter password:

>_

[Xion]

Überhack the computer.

[Lem_Gambino]

For once, your uberhacksing skills work!

>*insert password here since the filtering system doesn't aloo you to but multiple asterisks here =/*
HA! Did you really think you'd find a "Settings" menu here, mortal?! I, Mister Control Freak, rule all in this realm! Survive your journey and MAYBE I'll allow you to escape. XD

[Xion]

mumble profanity.

- change

[Lem_Gambino]

"Profanity..." you mumble. You'd mumble too if you're trapped inside a video game world. =P

Select Character:
-Uberbob
-Fooruman
-Araches
-Fawriel
-Shuriken
-Leetzan (you are her)
-Furious

[Risp_old]

Does changing only change your physical form, or does it also change your mind (i.e., if I choose Furious do we loose control?)

[Lem_Gambino]

You keep your mind, but lose your body for a new one. You get all their powers too (i.e.: Araches' Dark Magic)

[Xion]

hm...

Let's change into <s>Araches</s> Fooruman and try to megawarp.

[Lem_Gambino]

You select Fooruman from the menu.

Confirm Change? (Shell Inc. cannot be held responsible for any mutation accidents. Should something happen, please contact your local Mutant Control Center.) Y/N

[Torkell]

Y

Can we have an update on Shuri?

[Lem_Gambino]

You don't know what Shuri is doing, but you bet she's still playing TTR or something.

A cloud of nanites come out of the machine and attack your body, yanking out the old molecules and replacing them with new ones, whilst keeping your brain intact. You can feel your body somehow getting older a more frail, and you could've sworn you just grown a beard and devloped a taste for base metal bread. The cloud of nanites subsides. You look down and see that your reptillian self has been replaced by that of the old man you've been traveling with now. Every aspect of Fooruman, from the crackling of your old bones to the absurdly long beard, to the fact that you somehow forgot how to summon and now know how to ward off Irish people and disable paper springs.

You are <s>The Navigator</s> Fooruman. Sort of.

You have obtained a strange urge to cast Megawarp. Please input X-Y-Z coordinates.

[Fawriel]

..will 0,0,0 take us to the Cafe at the End of the Universe?

[Violet CLM]

214,32,4.

[Lem_Gambino]

Faw: Dunno. Never read Hitcher's Guide to the Galaxy. Please don't hurt meh D=

The mystical energies distort and disassemble your body, molecule by molecule, as the Megawarp spell takes effect. Finally, you find you yourself taken out the current location you're in, as though a giant hand picked you up and dropped you somewhere else.

And that somewhere else happens to be the Recycle Bin.

Before you can react, diabolical laughter fills the air, and your body is somehow imploded by an evil electronic force. Looks like the computer just freed up some hard drive space.

Game reloaded from post #1061, before you changed into Fooruman.

[Ekardnamal]

Action: Check X, Y, X coordinates of where you are now

[Torkell]

Fawirel

[Lem_Gambino]

You're problably somewhere in the top-left portion of the level.

The nanites transform you into Fawriel. You know white magic now! And some other magic skills or something.

[Torkell]

List all skills, abilities, items, enchantments, spells, curses, ...

[Fawriel]

The nanites transform you into Fawriel. You know white magic now! And some other magic skills or something.
MOJO! =D

Well.. look around if there are any ways out.

[Lem_Gambino]

You can easily go: UP

Faw's skills:
-Heal (restores one Heart.)
-Mass Power Restore (Distribute own MP among allies.)
-Raise (Resurrect one ally)
-Visions (Allows Faw to see stuff.)

[Xion]

Cast: Visions

[Lem_Gambino]

What do you wish to see?

[Fawriel]

The episodes of Inu Yasha after sucky RTL2 stopped showing them.

[Lem_Gambino]

You see a bunch of random pictures of Inuyasha and his friends doing random things randomly (and some stuff that shouldn't be there). =o

[Fawriel]

Wow. I could make a lot of money with that.

Try to see where Uberbob and the others are.

[Torkell]

Raise Fooruman

[cooba]

FawirelD<<<<

[Lem_Gambino]

Cooba: Corrected.

Fooruman isn't dead.

You can't cast Visions again for another seven posts. Cooldown time stinx, don't it?

[Fawriel]

Don't make me post another six posts saying "WOT!!!!!! >(". =P

[Torkell]

I think he means 7 DM posts.

Cast Heal if it will have an effect (i.e. only cast it if we will gain health)

[Xion]

Wait

Pageclaim in the name of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

[Lem_Gambino]

Your health is maxed out. =P

Visions Cooldown: 3 posts.

[Torkell]

Okay, so it's not 7 DM posts. Now to think of something to post that is completely pointless but unarguably on-topic.

Any fallen comrades?

[Xion]

I say we change into Araches and use her fox-like nimbleness to get up to that platform we couldn't get to as L33tz4n.

[Lem_Gambino]

All of the characters can jump the same height. I think.

As far as you know, your comrades are alive.

Funny...the "Araches" opition grayed itself out on the menu screen...O_o

[Xion]

um...wat?

[Lem_Gambino]

All of the characters can jump the same height. I think.

As far as you know, your comrades are alive.

Funny...the "Araches" opition grayed itself out on the menu screen...O_o

That's what.

[Torkell]

Shuriken!

[Lem_Gambino]

Confirm Change? (Shell Inc. cannot be held responsible for any mutation accidents. Should something happen, please contact your local Mutant Control Center.) Y/N

[Fawriel]

N!
Cooldown time is over.
Stay Fawriel and look what happened to Uberbob and the others!

[Lem_Gambino]

Change cancelled. D=

What you see is not to your liking. You see a pool of piranha-infested wavacid (water, acid, and lava) with spikes jutting out. Upon said spikes are the dead corpses of several people, including Uberbob, Araches, and Fawriel. Their souls are floating around mindlessly, moaning in their unintelligable ghost voice. However, that doesn't mean they don't know how to write. Araches dips her ghostly finger into the wavacid and writes a message on the wall...

"Unfooruman has claimed our lives. He tortured us, forcing us to watch old reruns of "The Munsters" backwards in spanish, WITHOUT ANY SUBTITLES! The sheer amount of insanity has driven us to madness. We killed each other unwillingly, unable to control ourselves due the overstimulation from the torture. If anyone reads this, Unfoo must be stopped. He is offering our souls to bring forth a storm of unholy creatures from the underworld. The only way to stop this is to destroy Unfooruman, as he is the only one who can cast the spell. I believe that the has taken our life energy and stored it within himself so he can cast the spell; slay him and our lives will return to normal. Fail, and we can kiss our axes goodbye.

"One more thing...my friend, Some Gal in a Wizard's Robe, or Sugiawar as she likes to be called, owes me five gold coins. She rents movies from Blockbusted WAAAAAY too much. =P"

[Torkell]

Revive Fawriel!

[Lem_Gambino]

Three reasons why that won't work:
Uno: You're stuck inside a computer.
Dos: You're out of range.
Tres: Only Sux Magic can penetrate the magic barrier that Unfoo most likely set up.

[Xion]

did you say...sux magic?

Change: Unfooruman.

[Lem_Gambino]

ERROR: Unfooruman not detected within Quick Changer database. If you feel this was a mistake, please contact Shell Inc's tech support line at

More garbled code. Kinda makes you think about how reliable this machine is.

[Torkell]

Hmmm... Morph back to L33tz4n and uberhack the machine to give us unfooruman as well.

[Lem_Gambino]

Please insert biological material from subject "Unfooruman" to add him to this data base, Mr./Mrs./Ms. h4xa107.

A small hatch on the side of the control panel opens up. What do you wish to put into it?

-Druid's Robe
-Yellow Contact Lens x1
-BFG-3000 Blaster
-Tunic
-Blue Bullet Bouncer x15

[Torkell]

1x blue bullet bouncer

[Lem_Gambino]

You insert a round of the bouncy ammo into the machine.

ANALYZING...

No biological material detected. If you feel this was an error, or you believe there is a problem with this machine, please contact Shell Inc's technical support at

The garbled code strikes again!

[Fawriel]

It's days like these I wish we had kept some Traftonberries....

[Xion]

Change: Fooruman
Accept

[Lem_Gambino]

The Quick Changer works it technomojo, transforming you back into the Sux Mage Fooruman!

[Torkell]

List all abilities, spells, items, enchantments, artifacts, creatures, sourcerys, instants...

[Lem_Gambino]

Inventory:
-Druid's Robe
-Yellow Contact Lens x1
-BFG-3000 Blaster
-Tunic
-Blue Bullet Bouncer x15
-Wizard's Staff
-Wizard's Hat
-Wizard's Robe

Spells:
-Melt Screwdriver
-Melt Rubber
-Disable Paper Spring
-Invert Lens Color
-Sulfur Ward
-Irish Ward
-Damage Wooden Surface
-Megawarp

You suddenly remember that you don't play Magic: The Gathering, nor do you own any cards. D=

[Xion]

Megawarp: 0,0,0

[Lem_Gambino]

You fall into a black hole and die horribly. Game loaded from post #1104.

[Torkell]

Fire a blue bullet bouncer straight up thru the hole.

[Xion]

Megawarp: 200,200,50

(I'm just killing time untill a plan presents itself.)

[Lem_Gambino]

Gun in hand, you unleash rubbery fury up into the air...and hit nothing. Now, why would you waste such a perfectly good shot on such an imperfect target? O_o

You Megawarp to San Jose, only to be run over by a speeding truck. Game reloaded.

[Xion]

Megawarp: 200,200.50,50

[Radium]

Megawarp: Pi, Pi², Pi³. I claim post 1111.

[Lem_Gambino]

Both take you to arid deserts, where you dry up and die from lack of food and water. Game Loaded from post #1109.

Answer me this: would you rather have me or Rad as a DM?
Me: More video game cameos.
Rad: More player torture.

Choose wisely, grasshoppers...

[Torkell]

Both!

[cooba]

RAD

[Xion]

whomever brings closure to the game.

[Lem_Gambino]

BoggyB: "Both!" is not an answer, but thanks for your support. Boggy gains Cookie +1!
Cooba: Noted. ++RAD
Xion: We both kinda decided on the same ending. I think.

I'm asking you this because Rad is planning on taking over the thread again soon; when, I can't say because he seems semi-busy now. =P

Anyway, you've been transfromed into and old man capable of devastating but useless Sux Magic, standing inside a hole with one of JJ2's Quick Change Monitors. Surely at least ONE person has played JJ2 before...

[cooba]

I did, and you told me this isn't JJ2. ;|

Escape through a gap in the ceiling

[Torkell]

Yay! Cookie!
*taps Cookie to give self a never-ending supply. Gives one each to all the mods, L_G and Radium (as I'm feeling generous)*

Try inverting the lens colour of the computer

[cooba]

JJ2 NERD

[Risp_old]

I'm asking you this because Rad is planning on taking over the thread again soon; when, I can't say because he seems semi-busy now. =P
Well, he told me he has some school project that will keep busy till about wednesday, then he still needs to finish making all the graphics for the new engine (he has made a good start, though.)

[Xion]

MEGAWARP: X,Y,Z.

Pageclaim.

[Lem_Gambino]

Cooba: THIS isn't JJ2. The LEVEL is from JJ2, though.
BoggyB: The computer has no eyes.
Risp: This Wednesday or next?

Despite your old man-ness, you jump through the hole and land back onto the normal path of the level. Where to next? You can go left, back the way you came, or right, which leads to the rest of the level.

X, Y, Z does not computeth.

[Torkell]

Right.

[Risp_old]

He told me now that he will be done with the thingy at the end of thanksgiving vacation D=.

[Xion]

Megawarp: Pi, Pi, Pi

[Fawriel]

X, Y, Z does not computeth.
*computeth not.

[Ae]

I want Radium back as DM. Im getting bored of reading this now. ;l

[Lem_Gambino]

I want Radium back as DM. Im getting bored of reading this now. ;l
Be patient, Unpronouncible(sp?) Name.

Risp: D= Indeed.
Xion: The good news is, you landed inside a giant pie! Now you can stuff that black hole of a stomach full. The bad news is you get eaten by an even bigger guy with an even bigger appetite and a bigger stomach. =P

Fed up with your attempted escape, Mister Control Freak bans the usage of Megawarp. "Only the one called Radium can unlock this spell when he returns from his epic quest, MORTAL!" he bellows.

Ye treketh to the right of yonder cave Here, ye lay eyes upon thine foul creature that is classified as "Turtle Goon." Shall ye engage combat with the cur, or shall ye be daring and leap over yonder fiend to safety?

[Xion]

Pause Game
Settings: Language
--Change from Pirate to Common
Unpause game

Engage turtle goon.

[Lem_Gambino]

Ye out thy gun to thine turtle's and pull thine trigger. Now he's deadeth.

This isn't Pirate, it's Thy Dungeonman. XD

[Xion]

Pause game
Change Language: ENGLISH
Unpause game

Look Around

[Radium]

I want Radium back as DM. Im getting bored of reading this now. ;l
Ae? You read this thread? HELO ;D

Anyway, don't worry kids (minus Boggy), Radium will be back soon.

[Lem_Gambino]

Whaddyah talkng about? This be english, Xiohn. XD

You're currently standing inside ah cave. Since this is ah 2D perspective, the weay you, one's old bean, fie came in is to the left, and the weay you, one's old bean, haven't gone is to the roysh. In the middle of the cave is hole that leads intoh the Quick Change roohm you, one's old bean, fie came out of. the roysh pahth leads down anuhthah tunnel outside, but ah beehive hangs ohn the wall, but noh bees aaare spewing forth mwah mwah sweetie it...yet. The tileset is Diamondus 2.

[Torkell]

Pause
Set Language = <a href="http://www.snowcrest.net/donnelly/piglatin.html">Pig Latin</a> :D
Unpause

Ontinuecay onway ownday ethay unneltay. Ifway away eebay
appearsway, ootshay itway.

[Lem_Gambino]

Pre Win 3.1 Episode 1 doesn't have ah Pig Latin optiohn installed. Please visit www.notaaarealwebsite.com <--- Read: not an actual site for the patch.

Haaark, ah bee is present! And it stings you, one's old bean, because it fie came out of the hive unexpectedly! You, one's old bean, gib it and the hive mwah mwah sweetie wence it came! Which is something you, one's old bean, can't doh in JJ2! One is acting fancy one is hopped ohn Prozac!

Continue down yondah tunnel?

Heaaarts: ♥♥♥♥

Available Languages: Ali G, Cockney Rhyming Slang, Irish, Scouse, Yorkshire Chicken Run, Brummie, Geordie, Scottie, Jolly Well Spoken.

[Torkell]

Go back, change into Faw, and heal self.

Set language = Yorkshire Chicken Run

[Lem_Gambino]

Back ta t' sharp Change Roa thee trek, 'opin ta change intoa Faw ta 'eal thy wounds. T' change is successful bur when thee try ta cast 'eal, thee gerr an access violation error slapped i' thy fyass. "Sorry, bur nerrr. That's cheytin' i' 'em thar 'ills," t' Mista Control Freyt bellows.

[Torkell]

*downloads Kamikaze sound bank from Worms 2*
.................................................. .......download complete
Set language = Worms2:Kamikaze

Make a mad dash along the tunnel, blasting anything that moves and anything that doesn't move but looks like it might move.

[Xion]

kill 'em all, let god sort 'em out.

[Lem_Gambino]

Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamik aze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!K amikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamika ze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Ka mikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaz e!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kam ikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!Kamikaze!

(Translation: There's nothing else to kill. =P It makes me a sad panda knowing that you're wasting valuable posting space that could've been used on the most obvious solution. I taunt thee, mortals! *TAUNT* How'dya like me now, huh?!)

[Ekardnamal]

Download 'Irish' language

Continue going down tunnel, kill anything if it attacks you

[Lem_Gambino]

Whaich way chucker yer want ter go? (please use left/right/up/down)

[Violet CLM]

Press "Alt+F4".

[Xion]

look around

[Torkell]

Head right along the tunnel. Tally ho, old chap!

[Lem_Gambino]

Alt+F4: Pre-Win 3.1 Episode One: Ineffective
<s>YOUR SOUL BELONGS TER DE COMPY 386</s>

You are standin' inside a cave. De planet yer appear ter be on is Diamondus, since de rocks dat muk de walls are poorpil, an' said rock contain valuable gems dat yer won't fend anywhere else in dis or any other universe. A patt leadin' lef takes yer back ter de clearin' yer jist came from (notice de "Kill Dis Rabbit!" poster near dat exit), an' roi leads ter a shaft dat yer 'aven't fully explored yet. Thar's ruined beehive 'angin' from de roi wall av dat shaft. in de middle av de cave is a 'ole in de groun' dat leads ter a wee room dat 'olds de Quick Change Stashun yer love so much. Dare wus an ammo crate dare too, but yer looted 'tis contents earlier. On de patt leadin' roi is a poorpil mushie dat oi forgot ter menshun.

You're now standin' on de ledge on de roi side av de cave, at de top av de shaft leadin' downward. Course av acshun?

[Violet CLM]

Jump into the pit.

[Lem_Gambino]

De pit in de middle av de cave, or de wan on de roi?

[Xion]

*slaps face* Change the language to Common, will you please?

And go right.

[Lem_Gambino]

You walk right until you can no longer feel the ground beneath your feet, causing the force of gravity to work it's wonderful magic on your body...

THUD.

Thank goodness you landed on your feet, and not your head, and on something this is relatively soft, and not sharp and pointy. It wouldn't hurt to LOOK before you did that again, though.

Right next to you is a small blue Jack-In-The-Box (not the restruant, geniuses XP) with a red check mark on the side. On the left you can see a ledge that has four floating ice cubes above it, held up by an unseen force. The right leads into another clearing, from which you can make out a...floating tree branch? Odd. Upon the branch rests a large green pad about three feet in diameter; it appears to made of some kind of plastic material or similar. The pad rests upon a tiny spring, and the whole assembly is frozen in a block of ice in the shape of the contraption (minus the branch). Patrolling underneath the branch is another Turtle Goon, and you can hear the loud buzz of a Bumblingbee in the distance.

[n00b]

Examine small blue JAck-in-a-box

[Lem_Gambino]

It's a Jack-In-The-Box. However, it has NO HANDLE D= It does have a nice red check mark on the sides, though.

[Xion]

gib turtle
slap jack-in-the-box
get ice

[n00b]

and admire the nice red checkmarks on the jack-in-the-box, in addition to what the other internal voice, Xion, said

[Xion]

<s>Enjoy mud</s>

[Lem_Gambino]

Slapping the Jack-In-The-Box is easily done. The box makes a "boi-oing" sound before a cute Jazz Jackrabbit plushie pops out, attached to a spring. Other than providing mild amusement, the box seems to have no special properties.

Turtle > Dead.

There's a small matter of "The ice is up on a ledge, and it's floating, genius" that needs to be sorted out.

<s>The mud is squishy between your toes =D</s>

[Violet CLM]

Walk left until you reach a wall. Jump up and left. Fall left. Walk left. Fall.

[Torkell]

Or just attempt to pick up the floating ice.

Set language = automatic :D

[cooba]

Set language = automatic :D
<font style="font-size:419px;">>(</font>
don't

[Xion]

The ice is RIGHT, am I right?

Go: Right
Jump on ledge
Retrieve Ice

[Lem_Gambino]

The ice is on the LEFFT. And you just got it. Obtained 12 rounds of Frostbiter Ammo!

You're now standing on the ledge where the ice once was.

MYPAGE.

[Xion]

look around
<s>enjoy ledge</s>

[Lem_Gambino]

Here you go. XD (http://www.jazz2online.com/jcf/showpost.php?p=251511&postcount=1150)

[cooba]

Go: RIGHT
Avoid bees at all costs.

[Lem_Gambino]

How far right do you wish to travel?

[cooba]

as long there's something which would stop me from further going.

[Xion]

gib all bees as possible.

[Lem_Gambino]

You walk, walk, and walk some more. Up the hill, past the Jackinthebox, down the hill, and right into the jaws of the turtle that you saw earlier. Minus one heart D=

The bee just up ahead dive-bombs you, but because of your temporary invinciblity you manage to escape anymore damage. Course of action?

Hearts: ♥♥♥

[Torkell]

Frag the bee, of course.

Continue along the path, fragging anything that moves or looks nasty. Including, but not limited to, turtles, bees, beehives, and signs saying "Kill Jazz".

[Xion]

Gib bee
Gib turtle
win game.

[n00b]

Attempt to frag bee
Attempt to frag Turtle
Check ammo

[cooba]

Attempt to frag bee
Attempt to frag Turtle
*sigh* Don't attempt to ANYTHING. Just DO IT.

JJ2 nerds, open Fourteen Carrot in JCS so you will be able to see other enemies on the way. ;p

[Xion]

lol good idea coobs

[Lem_Gambino]

++COOBA

-1 Bee and -1 Turtle Goon.

You're standing under the platform with the frozen spring. To the left is the Jackrabbitinabox, and to the right is a small ledge.

AMMO:
Blue Bullet Bouncer x14
Frostbiter x12

[cooba]

I don't think do I need a ++ from someone who can't spell "Savepoint" correctly.

[Xion]

ZING

Go Right

[n00b]

*sigh* Don't attempt to ANYTHING. Just DO IT.

Sorry, Im too used to Pen and Paper Role plays where you must attempt to do something beforehand. It is my current state of mind, and that wont change all of a sudden so if I say 'attempt to' try not to think much of it.

[Radium]

*sigh* Don't attempt to ANYTHING. Just DO IT.
Cooba, don't flame the pessimists.

[Ae]

Ae? You read this thread? HELO ;D
HELO. I would have replied sooner, but my internet has been down until today.

--

Shoot some frostbiters at the spring.

[Odin]

Shoot A frostbiter*

[Ae]

Shoot Some frostbiters**

[Lem_Gambino]

You say "I wanna go right," but the small ledge says "I'm in your way." You must be going insane because ledges don't normally talk. Or maybe it's because you've been on this quest for so long =P

The spring is on the top of the platform, and you're on the bottom. Your shots would hit the bottom if you'd have decided how many to shoot.

THREE WEEKS UNTIL CHRISTMAS, AND COUNTING! =D

[Fawriel]

Attempt to walk around the ledge instead of over it.

[Lem_Gambino]

"Walking around" an object is impossible in a 2D world. =D (Unless it's part of layer 5 or 3)

[Ae]

Mash together a blue bullet bouncer and a frostbiter. Shoot the result out of your gun, to the left.

[Fawriel]

I was hoping for a more philosophical attempt at explaining the actually impossible existence of a 2D world, especially one with neat backgrounds with different layers and stuff.

[Xion]

We need toasters for that spring.

Jump.

[Xion]

jump onto ledge with spring

[cooba]

RIP Uberbob

[Radium]

It will come back when the sprites are finished. And I'll be back as DM.

[cooba]

I hope it won't take forever or more.

[Xion]

Bloody hell! LETS JUST PLAY WITH WHAT WE GOT AND FINISH THE BLOODY STORY!

[Radium]

No. Go play "religious debate" in misc and stuff. And unblock me, plz ;D

[Blackraptor]

So this has finally died. GG.

[Violet CLM]

Radium disagrees. He is working on images so big I am not sure they count as sprites. When he is done, Uberbob <strike>MAY</strike> WILL return.

[Lem_Gambino]

I agrees.

And I hereby quit my job of DM. XP

I enjoyed DM'ing quite a bit, but it's hard. I'm better off playing and using Rad as a player's guide.

Let's give Rad our <s>money</s> full support! *waves flag*

[Radium]

Oops, sorry, I forgot this existed. Here's the story: I started drawing new sprites, using vectors because vectors are IN. The new battle system (which is much more computer handled and Risp and I have mostly written the engine for) requires numerous sprites per character. Of course, shortly after I started on the new sprites, I had my finals which took a lot of my free time, and then I recently started my new courses. The sprites don't actually take that long to make, I just don't usually put aside enough time to work on them.
There was discussion about a sprite comic a bit earlier in the thread. If anyone's still interested, I'll release the sprites as EMF files when I'm done. EMFs can be scaled up and down to any size without loss of quality. They can be dropped into Powerpoint, Word, Photoshop (I think) and used like regular clipart.

And, just so people know what UR is talking about: Uberbob (http://www.foxmage.com/L1.jpg) is (http://www.foxmage.com/L2.jpg) not (http://www.foxmage.com/L3.jpg) dead (http://www.foxmage.com/L4.jpg) yet. (http://www.foxmage.com/L5.jpg) The sprites will be scaled down more in the final. I haven't decided how much.

Edit: Here, play with an EMF file too. http://www.foxmage.com/Newsprite.emf

[cooba]

And I hereby quit my job of DM. XPAt LAST.

[acid]

*Too amazed at new sprites to say anything*

Heck, I'll start playing this again for the awesome sprites.

[Risp_old]

Let me tell you, the others are cool too. From what I have seen.

[Strato]

L33tz4n has a muzzle D=

Page

[Radium]

L33tz4n has a muzzle D=
There was only one picture where she didn't.

++the new quote boxes

[Xion]

Okay.

This is my last post in this dying game.

Control: Radium
Jump: Shark

<b>Radium has jumped the shark!</b>

[Blackraptor]

Okay.

This is my last post in this dying game.



Bet two cents it isnt.


edit: er I should really stop reviving this.

[Coppertop]

You should. I'm beginning to get frustrated with the spam in this thread. If the next post in this thread is spam, I will delete it.

[MSB3000]

Eat a NoBerry

[FoxBlitzz]

Aah, topic revival! :O

[n00b]

*cough* Err, good job MSB. Wow I seriously thought it was spam, boy was I wrong(see Xion's above post for an example of what I thought MSB's post was)

[Blackraptor]

Btw, when this does revive (if it does =P), it would be nice for Radium to post a summary of where we currently are because it's been so long =P.

[Risp_old]

Well, Radium won't revive it till he finishes the battle engine. Technically, all that needs to be done is finish the script that makes all the battle html stuff. But Radium lost interest of that or something, and hasn't worked on it for a while to the best of my knowledge.

[Radium]

School happened. But after it's over, I just have to complete the battle system =D. <It might get done faster if someone that likes to rub all their free time in Radium's face, like Risp, happened to accidently finish writing the HTML exporter when nobody was looking. Especially if Radium sent Risp the latest version and a map of where the image files are located as soon as he finishes his powersupplyectomy and gets back on his computer.>

Nice job on reading the thread, MSB. We can count on +1 player as soon as Uberbob is back.

[MSB3000]

fill me in on this "battle engine"

[Lem_Gambino]

Think Advance Wars or Fire Emblem, only leeter/suxier. Check out the earlier parts of the game for a better idea.

[MSB3000]

so, i type in a command and it happens?

or do i press my finger on the screen and move Uberbob around

[Radium]

Type a command in. Like, "Uberbob north, Shuriken south, George Washington cast declaration". As far as I can tell, people like that method when I don't make math errors. BTW, the new one will be all comptuer controlled so I can't make math errors.

[Risp_old]

The computer can, though. Not that it will.

[Radium]

That's a chance we'll have to take.

BTW, if you want to see the sprites used in the previous versions, and the (un-scaled-down) versions of the new sprites, take a look at http://www.jazz2online.com/jcf/showthread.php?t=9465&highlight=uberbob

[MSB3000]

thread revivals never last long enough

and whatever happened to my command "eat a NoBerry"

[Lem_Gambino]

We have none. We ate them all at the beginning of the game.

[MSB3000]

look for more

[Lem_Gambino]

There are none to be found. D= We're stuck inside a JJ2 level of all things! Noberries are exclusive to Pandora's Isle, but went extinct since Uberbob and co ate them all.

Don't make me become DM again! (Really. Don't.)

[Risp_old]

No, we are not. I refuse to recognize that JJ2 thing. I say it was all a bad dream. Or a bad acid trip. Or whatever.

[MSB3000]

i say Uberbob is just waking up from that horrible dream in his SUV, which is stuck in a tree.

everyone else is on the ground throwing rocks up at him trying to get him to come down

[Lem_Gambino]

i say Uberbob is just waking up from that horrible dream in his SUV, which is stuck in a tree.

everyone else is on the ground throwing rocks up at him trying to get him to come down
That's a possibility, but it would be Leetzan instead of Uberbob, since the latter is still missing.

[Ae]

jjnext out of Fourteen Carrot.

[Lem_Gambino]

CAN'T YOU SEE I RETIRED?! *thwap*

But for all intents of being random, the cheats have been disabled. Haha.

[Ae]

Whatever happened to "Mash together a blue bullet bouncer and a frostbiter. Shoot the result out of your gun, to the left."?

Unretire Lem Gambino.

[Lem_Gambino]

No clue.

The result is a slightly colder Blue Bullet Bouncer. You lose one Frostbiter Ammo because ice cubes tend to be very fragile. You shoot the bullet to the left, it bounces around for a bit before exploding against the indestructable Diamondus surface.

Lem Gambino returns to his job at Vivendi Universal to make "Hoyle Party Games" for PC, XBOX, PS2, and Gamecube. Lem_Gambino is doing this DMing job out of boredom.

[Ae]

Mash together a blue bullet bouncer and three frostbiters. Shoot the result out of your gun, upwards.

[Torkell]

Since it's been a while since this thread was going, could you do a quick summary of what's going on. Also tell us what L33tz4n can see. Thanks.

[Risp_old]

I just pinpointed a bug that was troubling Rad with the exporter, so hopefully it will be done by the end of today and we can get going with the boss battle Lem has been prolonging. Then again, I don't think Rad has made Unfooruman's stats yet. But that couldn't take that long.

Alright, I assume you know in general what had happend in the origional thread? Because Rad already summarized what happened there, in the beginning of this thread.
So, our intrepid party adventured further and further into the lair of unfooruman. They fought Xion; they out-thought Smartherchild; they ended up reaching a laser security hallway thingy and the only ones who passed were L33tz4n, Shuri, and Fooruman; they ran away from a dragon; they ran away from an englishwoman; from a burst of immense supidity they destroyed an enchanted tail of great power. Then Lem became temp DM, and they unlocked a door guarded by Smarterchild; they get a pair of magic goggles from the ghost of Pandora; they go through a maze full of people called Egam; they blind a beholder; they go through a warp maze and Fooruman ends up dissapearing; they end up in the villian's break room, then Lem ends up stalling for a while by having us play Type Type Revolution and getting L33tz stuck in a JJ2 game and stuff. That stuff isn't important.

...man, it took a long time for me to type that. Way too long.

[Lem_Gambino]

Mash together a blue bullet bouncer and three frostbiters. Shoot the result out of your gun, upwards.
I'll ignore that at the obvious request of Risp to avoid driving him insane. I'll just say Leetzan fell asleep at the computer and had a really weird dream.

[cooba]

Or maybe let Rad choose what should happen.

[Lem_Gambino]

Rad isn't online, and he'll continue this game in another thread.

[MSB3000]

which thread?

punch computer screen really hard with tail
go back outside and tell the guy it's fixed

[Risp_old]

The thread isn't made yet. Because Rad isn't ready yet.

[MSB3000]

when will it be made please. i must prepare

i think i'll put Uberbob on a t-shirt

[Risp_old]

At this rate, it will be made whenever Rad is ready.

Really. Every morning it looks like he will be ready today. I keep forgetting how easily distracted he is. At least he is making progress.

[Radium]

Really. Every morning it looks like he will be ready today. I keep forgetting how easily distracted he is. At least he is making progress.
I would take offense to this if it wasn't completely true. I'll be finished with the stuffs soon, and I'll just need you to fix all the problems. BTW, there are continually more problems.

[Blackraptor]

Well, with new fixes come new problems. In a world without problems everyone would get bored and kill themselves, and that would be a problem.

^ Sounded kinda weird O.o

[Risp_old]

Thus it is impossible for there to be a world without problems. And thus it would be impossible for there to be a world without solutions. And thus chemists won't loose their jobs.

And thus I claim the page. Alright, the (hopefully) final round of bug fixing and coding is right now. It looks like it will be ready by tomorrow, but then again if you have been paying attention to me at all you know that isn't set in stone whatsoever- more like set in wet cement.

[Fawriel]

Alright then.
*checks back in five days*

[MSB3000]

where will it be?

smash the computer and do stuff

[Risp_old]

You will know when and where it happens. Because a new thread in the war tavern will be made.

[MSB3000]

smash the computer and do stuff

[Radium]

Hey, kids! This thread can die now =D