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I'm back, with a new story!

 
 
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Grath

JCF Member

Joined: Nov 2001

Posts: 68

Grath has disabled reputation

Nov 25, 2001, 06:52 PM
Grath is offline
Talking I'm back, with a new story!

Requires joiners for the first chapter, note: you may be any video game char. you want
My profile:
Name: Grath the echidna
Species: mutant half robotic echidna
Wears: Green shirt, Green pants
Looks like: Green half-robotic echidna with dreadlocks
Special Power(s): Transforming, martial arts and altering pixels to his advantage
Weapons: Flame Whip(whip made out of flame) and Rocket Launcher arm
Forms: Hedgehog, Fox and Mutant Turtle
Fox profile:
Name: Grath the fox
Species: Fox
Wears: nothing. is a typical no-clothes video char.
Looks like: Brown Fox
Special Power(s): Flying with his 3 tails
Weapons: Flame Whip(whip made out of flame) and his 3 tails as whips
Hedgehog profile:
Name: Grath the Hedgehog
Species: Hedgehog
Wears: Lab Coat
Looks like: Red Half-robotic hedgehog
Special Power(s): aletring pixels
Weapons: multiple small fully automatic firearms
Mutant Turtle profile:
Name: Leodonangelo
Species: mutant turtle
Wears: ripped-up blue jean and ripped-up red shirt
Looks like: mutant turtle armed to the teeth
Special Power(s): None
Weapons: Fully Automatic pistol, hatchet, 2 different styles of dagger and stick of dynamite stuck in armband
defalcon

JCF Member

Joined: Apr 2001

Posts: 2,366

defalcon has disabled reputation

Nov 25, 2001, 09:40 PM
defalcon is offline
I'll join

Heya grath. Long time no see. I'll join, but I haven't finished my profile. I'll post it when I'm done.
FireSworD

JCF Member

Joined: Aug 2001

Posts: 2,834

FireSworD is an asset to this forumFireSworD is an asset to this forum

Nov 26, 2001, 07:12 AM
FireSworD is offline
Talking

I'll join too. I'll post my profile very soon. And welcome back! Grath
Spinie

JCF Member

Joined: Nov 2001

Posts: 3

Spinie is doing well so far

Nov 26, 2001, 12:08 PM
Spinie is offline
Thumbs up

ill join and post my profile later
Kaz

JCF Member

Joined: Mar 2001

Posts: 3,793

Kaz has disabled reputation

Nov 26, 2001, 08:03 PM
Kaz is offline
We really should put in some kind of RP limit on profiles =>. Just waiting for a story here.
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"We're like a human in a 13 billion lightyear universe." -Anaiyu
DDay

JCF Member

Joined: Oct 2001

Posts: 56

DDay is doing well so far

Nov 27, 2001, 06:01 AM
DDay is offline
EEe, new story.

Ok, I'll join if necessary. My Profile is right there.
Grath

JCF Member

Joined: Nov 2001

Posts: 68

Grath has disabled reputation

Nov 27, 2001, 01:09 PM
Grath is offline
Edit: Fixing...

Chapter 1 - Part 1: Intro
As Grath walked on his way, he was suprised to see... one of the badguys he'd fought before, but he only had seen them on Mobius, not on Carrotus! As he looked closer, he noticed it was not a normal badugy, but a roboticized rabbit! Grath quickly destroyed the badguy, and a rabbit sprang out of the robot's ruins.
'Hello,' said the red rabbit, who was holding a staff. 'My name is DDay, thank you for saving me from that robotic body. I see that you are a echidna, I have read about some famous echidnas, especially one called "Knuckles."'
'Oh, Hi, DDay.' said Grath. There was a sudden flash, and stars appeared around Grath. Suddenly, as DDay watched in amasement, Grath changed from a Echidna into a turtle wearing a ripped red shirt and slightly ripped jeans, with many weapons stuck into its belt. 'Hello, this a a different form of mine, In this form, call me Leodonangelo' said the afore-mentioned turtle. 'Oh, so you're one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? I've read about them, and you, the newcomer to their group.' said DDay.

Suddenly, and without warning, a robotic bat swooped down on them. Leodonangelo whipped out a odd-looking pistol and shot it down with a few good shots at it. 'So, what do you reckon is making all these robotic creatures?' asked Leodonangelo. 'Not what, but WHO?' said DDay.

At that moment, in the bad guy's headquarters: Dark Shadow 1: So, Devan, you really think this will work? Dark Shadow 2, or Devan: Yes, absolutly, Dr. Robotnik. Dark Shadow 1 or Dr. Robotnik: Ok, then I will go on with the roboticization. Then the dark shadows faded out.
** End of part 1 **

Last edited by Grath; Nov 27, 2001 at 06:54 PM.
Kaz

JCF Member

Joined: Mar 2001

Posts: 3,793

Kaz has disabled reputation

Nov 27, 2001, 06:33 PM
Kaz is offline


This might be considered bias since the first time I saw you was when the smileys invaded.

Anyhoo, you're story needs work, it's all one paragraph, undefined is an understatement (add more detail), define people, define where you are, define the time, define the plot, define the color of pepsi, use style of how your paragraphs are, etc. etc. etc.

Read it back to yourself and think about how it can be improved.
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"We're like a human in a 13 billion lightyear universe." -Anaiyu
Grath

JCF Member

Joined: Nov 2001

Posts: 68

Grath has disabled reputation

Nov 27, 2001, 06:50 PM
Grath is offline
Well EX-CUUUUSSSEEE ME!

This is only my... 2nd story total, first long story
Soooooo..... Fine, I'll fix that up, then I'll post BOTH part 1 and 2, note: I will need at least 1 more char. for Part 3
 

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