Idling – the ultimate secret of winning Ground Force levels
I want to start off my article by firmly declaring it as suitable for all Ground Force (GF) fans, not just those from the semi-idlers clan ([si]). This article has nothing whatsoever to do with them, apart from the fact that the best GF pack at the moment is by the [si] clan leader. My idle strategy can, however, by used in most, if not all, GF levels, including those made by your girlfriends. :-P
Welcome, recruits, to the idling academy! Here is some basic idling FAQ for those still not familiar with the ‘idling’ concept:
Q. Does idling mean that I have to stand stock-still, not chat, not shoot and not respond to anything?
A. Absolutely. Not. You will be a lot less active than the other non-idling people but, of course, it is wise to seek for higher ground when shot at or dodge a TNT crate attack. And you should ALWAYS chat. Say things like ‘idles’, ‘HAHAAHAHAH! I WILL BEAT YOU ALL BY NOT LIFTING A FINGER!!!!!11’ or ‘waits for everyone to fall/shoot/stomp themselves to death’. This will put non-idlers off-guard and worry them greatly, because it is always futile to fight an inanimate object (i.e. you).
Q. How in the world does this strategy work? If you don’t do anything in a GF game, lasers, TNTs or fire from other players, will just blow you up. Surely you should defend yourself, constantly run for cover and make yourself a hard target, while trying to attack other players at the same time? :-S
A. No, that is the noob way of playing. You are, I hope, not a noob. You are a prospective idler. My idling strategy is based on one, simple theory: the people who move, shoot, explore and trigger crates are always the ones who will accidentally commit suicide. You have to be careful in GF. Those people who are not careful, i.e. everyone but the idler, will sooner or later fall to their deaths while you, who did nothing, will remain where you are and win the game. :-D
Q. You mentioned that you should move when idling. When? Where? Why?
A. Patience, young idler. I will come to that. Remember that patience is a virtue and that perseverance, timing and will power are an idler’s best friend. Your first test of patience is already here: reading this long, tedious article. ;-)
Q. I tried your strategy and it didn’t work! I hate you and your foot strategy! Are you just a total freak who doesn’t know what he’s doing? ASADDADASDFASFS!!!! :-@
A. Double-foo. Of course it didn’t work and of course I am a total freak (although I do know what I’m doing :-P). You got impatient, moved too much, and fell. Please actually finish reading my article before idling. If you are really desperate to idle, but cannot wait to finish idling school, then you can always get the heck out of my idler’s academy, turn to the dark side, and join the evil semi-idlers (not affiliated with the [si] clan).
Q. I don’t have anything else to ask, so can we start now?
A. You just asked a question, but of course we can start!
Introduction to idling
Idle: Adj. Avoiding work; lazy, doing nothing. Verb. To spend time doing nothing; to win GF games.
Idler: Noun. A person who idles; a person who has the potentional of winning GF tournaments.
This is a game-winning strategy, recruits, but like in all GF games, it depends on a bit of luck.
Let me start by recommending that you use Jazz in any GF level that allows him to play (if there are any left, that is). Jazz is awesome in GF (and in all the other game types too, hehe :-)) and his idle animations, the yawning and stretching; the carrot eating; the ‘come on, let’s go!’ (amusingly ironical); the wiping of the head and the looking round the shoulder, are all really suited to GF idlers. Jazz is an idler’s best friend.
Ok, GF levels that support Jazz are virtually extinct, so you’re gonna have to settle with Spaz. His idle animations aren’t that important, but if you stay in one place for long enough, people will hopefully see your animations, know that you’re a heavy-duty idler and flee from you. Hopefully. If they don’t flee, use Spaz’s special moves to your advantage. If someone keeps following you, it’s time to stay idle and irritate him, or, if you find him a threat, jump away. You should always have surprise on your side. No one expects an idler to un-idle and then re-idle spontaneously. Your opponent will be forced to follow you around, if you choose to move, and you can try to either shoot him down, make him fall down to the warps, trigger a crate and run away, or find a safer spot. You don’t want to be doing too much of the above listed thing because the less you idle, the higher the chances are of you losing the game to stupid conventionality and bad luck.
You got your Spaz. It’s time to join a survivor game. Once joined, wait till the game finishes/starts. When you are in the small waiting room (usually underneath the morph room), state your aims to idle. Everyone will laugh at you, but don’t let those ****tards get you down. Call them ‘non-idling foos’ and tell them to watch you win (if they can, of course, because they’ll be in the loser’s suckertube soon). Make sure that you don’t go overboard and call anyone anything offensive or you will just start a flamewar and get banned or kicked.
Once the game operator, most of the time it’s the host, starts the game and triggers that crate, it’s time to not rock and roll at all!! Wooo!
START BY FINDING COVER! Your starting position is, more often than not, a very dangerous place to be. All GF arenas are different so if you know the current arena well, immediately head for the safest area and idle there. Sometimes, however, it pays to not make yourself conspicuous and just stay where you are the moment the game starts. A general rule is to stay away from large amounts of ammo, because you won’t be needing them much and those areas will be inhabited by non-idling foos. Stay near the top and keep your eyes on crates. DO NOT TRIGER ANY CRATES YOU FIND! If you see anyone trigger a crate, either hold on tight or head for higher ground/shielded areas (depends on the level and of the ferocity of the TNT attacks ;-P).
Your aim during the first 10 seconds is to simply avoid getting shot at too much. Hopefully, everyone will be dead within 30 seconds and you’ll have victory in your hands. :-)
Grab weapons near your path to the ‘safe place’. TNTs, freezers, RFs and seekers are best. Toasters can be effective in destroying blocks and providing a large surface area to ‘trap’ your opponents in, but toasters require a lot of movement for it to be effective, which is risky for an idler. Make sure that you do not turn from an idler into a camper!
N.B. Be careful with RFs. They bounce you around even more than they bounce opponents off.
N.B. 2. If a GF arena has specialized weapons or blocks that can only be destroyed with one type of weapon, grab as many of those as possible. Just make sure you idle ASAP and don’t waste precious idling-time collecting ammo. Yes, I know it sounds strange, but so are you, for reading this article.
Ok, a few of the weak players are dead, but the majority is still here. What do you do? YOU IDLE! Keep chatting, keep doing nothing and keep watching those silly people fall into the loser warps, HAHAHAH!
If a non-idler has spotted you and is bent on destroying you and/or the blocks under your feet, DON’T PANIC! :-) If you got ice, freeze him when he is between two platforms and above the loser warps. If you’re not so lucky and he isn’t above any warps, freeze him anyway. Keep freezing him until you can make him fall down as much as possible by either shooting him or the tiles beneath him. Don’t do anything stupid. If you can’t shoot him down, freeze him and run away. The mid-game takes place 30-80 seconds after the start of the game, so hopefully there are still a lot of blocks left to idle on. Remember, your aim is not to run away or freeze people. It is to idle.
You shouldn’t be too worried about finding cover during the mid-game. Just idle and let the others die off. This is arguably the most relaxing period of the game for you, so take the opportunity and go to the bathroom, eat a biscuit (or more), and do your homework: see footnote. When you have finished, and if you have played your cards right, you should look at the JJ2 screen and realize that you’ve just won. :-D
Footnote: Under NO circumstances say BRB. When you are idling, you can move if you have to, but when you are in ‘BRB mode’, you can’t respond at all. The non-idlers will undoubtedly attack and kill you if you say BRB, so keep your ask on and make them think that you are still just idle and ignoring their shots.
Grab anything near you, but don’t go further than 10 tiles, in any direction, away from your ‘safe place’. Seekers, bouncers and freezers are good defensive weapons. Use them but, again, don’t turn yourself into a camper. You don’t want to draw attention to yourself, so only defend, and never attack. That is the way of the idler.
Watch the ball and do your thing.
This is the moment. Here’s your chance.
Don’t let anybody mess with your swing.
It’s time to shine. You’re in the ring.
Step forward, adopt a winning stance.
Watch the ball and do your thing,
And don’t let anybody mess with your swing.
She never played JJ2. She would’ve liked a GF end game, especially an end game with an idler still not throwing his weight around.
If you are still alive after 80 seconds, then congratulations! You are almost there! If there are still people with destructive weapons and freezes, then you could be in trouble (provided anyone actually bothers to use freezers :-P). TNTs are a great nuisance for idlers and may even force you to…gasp…revert to conventional playing. Conventional playing, I warn you, will give you a disadvantage because you are alarmingly light-armed and not as well equipped as the other players.
The best way to survive and win an end game is to simply hop and double jump all over the place until you can take a break and continue idling. Remember: by idling, you are simply adopting a calm, slow, relaxed non-aggressive stance. This does not mean that you have to stand there and take a beating. Don’t try to become the JJ2 community’s Gandhi!
If you are a seasoned veteran idler, you may be able to exasperate your foes so much that they lose their concentrations and kill themselves. Unfortunately, this doesn’t always happen. An idler often wins in the transition between early to mid games or mid to end games. He is actually a bit weak after 80 seconds because all the traps, crates and kabloomey stuff have been vaporized already. If you feel that you have a good chance of beating your opponent conventionally, don’t look back. Sound the trumpets, let the red guards march and order the tanks to roll in. If you’re a bit of a newbie when it comes to fighting seekers with the blaster, don’t give up, don’t panic and don’t let go of the hope that you can still win by idling. The idler will prevail in the end, so when you win after a tough end game non-duel, don’t forget the ‘gg no re’. If you lose, well, maybe there’s something fundamentally flaws about my strategy. But let’s not delve deeper into that matter, ok?
Collect everything you can, if you are planning on starting a fight. If not, then stay where you are and try to repulse opponents with remaining seekers, freezers, RFs, and of course the good old blaster. If you go down the idling path (great choice, by the way ;-)), your only weapon is patience and you can only hope to outlast your opponent. Who knows, maybe his wife got home early or something? ;-P
Cadets! You have almost finished idling academy. Before I release my idler scourge upon an unsuspecting world, I’d first like to take some questions.
Q. What if there are more than one idler in the game? What if everyone starts idling?
A. Only true idlers can win by idling. It is an impossible art, unless you first go to idling academy. Read this article carefully and memorize every word. The poseurs will soon lose patience and perhaps lose much more. If you, however, meet a true, article-reading idler like yourself, don’t fight. Make friends with him, help him, defend him, trust him and claim joint victory when only you two are left. This is the way of the idler. Also, if everyone happens to be idling, sooner or later the dark semi-idlers will reveal themselves, as will the untrue idlers. They will perish at their own hands. If a whole server is completely full with true idlers, stop playing, stop fighting, just stand there, idle around, chat and generally have a pleasant time.
Q. That sounds rather boring, doesn’t it? Why can’t idlers fight other idlers?
A. Because I said so! But also because an idler ceases to be an idler if he fires the first shot or takes an offensive/provocative initiative. Never fight wars unless you’re attacked and your country is in danger (or if you are sure you can win, but I want my idlers to-be to ignore that last part…or else).
Q. Yay! I won my first idling game! What do I do now?
A. Keep practicing. You will quickly master the art of idling and win many GF games. Don’t forget to laugh at and mock non-idlers whenever you win. You are not being a bad winner, you are being an idler enjoying the spoils of war.
Q. Foo! I won no more games! This strategy is crap! Is there any reason why I shouldn’t punch you? ASJKSSDADASDAS!!!!
A. Yes, there is. There are 3 things you need to have before becoming a true idler:
1. Good knowledge of the GF arenas you play in.
2. Good, or better, skills at JJ2.
3. Patience, perseverance, timing and will power (that’s 4 things in 1 point – I’m so clever!).
(4. LOL [lots of luck].)
Q. Sorry for questioning you, master. I will always bow before your wisdom.
A. That wasn’t a real question, but thank you. :-)
Q. So, is training important for an idler?
A. It is paramount. You need a lot of experience and detailed knowledge of all possible situations and scenarios.
Q. How do you beat an idler? What do I counter my opponents’ idle-counters with?
A. The best way of not losing vs. an idler is to read this article and become an idler. If you can’t beat them, join them. Alternatively, you could try surviving conventionally and then overwhelm the idler during the end game (80+ seconds) with your superior amount of firepower and ammunition. The best way of preventing people from using anti-idling tactics is to act irrational: keep idling and keep chatting. DO NOT, ON ANY ACCOUNT, JOIN THE SEMI-IDLERS! THEY BETRAYED THE TRUE IDLERS AND THEY ARE ALL INCAPABLE MORONS WHEN IT COMES TO IDLING! (No, the evil semi-idlers are not affiliated with the [si] clan).
Ok, FAQ time over.
A. Be quiet.
Well done, young ones, you have become true idlers. Go out there and show them what you’ve got! hands diploma over
This article wouldn’t have been possible if it weren’t for me. But some people helped!
Everyone who hosts GF – they showed me just how bad a non-idler could play. ;-D
Grytolle – he tried to idle with me and kept failing, which made me think that idling needed a proper in-depth strategy.
Pyromanus – he tried to beat my idling tactic in GF and made me realize that non-idlers had to be rid of, once and for all.
Enigma – he warned me about the tendency for evil people to target idlers first in GF, which should help me put myself on high alert all the time. :-D
FQuist – He solved the horrible * bold bug that I encountered while trying to post my article on J2o and studies have shown that FQuist’s bug fixing has increased the article’s looks by 24%.
Copyright stuff, disclaimer and all sorts of legal mumbo jumbo that don’t really matter
Article: © 2005 White Rabbit.
Original creator of Ground Force: E.T.
Royalty to J2o: 50% (but since this is a non-profit article, they won’t be getting anything ;-)).
If you enjoyed my article and/or found it helpful, don’t hesitate to post your comments here, send me an e-mail at email@example.com and, of course, fat bribes, money gifts, and sports cars, are always highly appreciated.
Eat your lima beans, Johnny.