Why I named the story this, I don't know. I think it was the name of a VERY old JMMB story. This story is done how the old JMMB stories were done, where people can post their profile. Create one that fits for this story though.

edit: Now that I think about it, it was called Crossover JJ2: The Masquerade.

Chapter 1

It was a cold, damp evening in the village of Carrotopia. The walls of the city were damp and slippery. In the center of Carrotopia, was huge statue of a carrot. The citizens of Carrotopia worshipped the great carrot god, Derby, who was said to have power over everything. Anything could be changed at his infinite will. The village consisted of turtles and rabbits, both of whom were hostile towards each other.

A bounty hunter, by the alias Ninja was making his way through the village. He walked into the local tavern, which was deserted except for a weary looking turtle wiping the bar clean. Ninja sat down directly in front of the turtle and requested a glass of hard carrot juice. The turtle looked up and replied, "We don't serve your kind here." Ninja stared at the turtle blankly for a moment, then pulled dagger out of his belt, kicked the turtle onto his knees and stabbed both of his eyes out. The turtle began screaming to be killed. Ninja kicked the turtle onto his back and picked up an empty bottle, smashing it over the bar. He began to slowly cut off the turtle's fingers, savoring the high pitched screams of the turtle as his limbs were cut off. He cut open the turtle's stomach, and pulled out a flask of lemon juice mixed with salt, pouring it into the turtles open cuts and sockets where his eyes once were. The turtle had passed out from shock now. Ninja slit the turtles throat, enjoying the sight of the blood that sprayed out. Wiping off his dagger on the turtle's clothes, he walked over to the taps and poured himself a glass of carrot juice. While he enjoyed his carrot juice, he walked over to the door and locked it. He went to sleep on the floor.

Hahahaha. Gold. Keep them coming.

That (-)ing turtle shouldn't have been so racist.

hahahahahah

GJ. And what magoo said ;(.

If they don't serve rabbits, why do they serve carrot juice at the bar?

I love it. It's like, so violent but HAPPY VIOLENT. DDDD

Yeah.

Editing for Goo's sake:

Chapter 2

Ninja opened his eyes slowly as the sun came over the horizon. He stood up and walked behind the bar, stepping over the rotting body of the late turtle bartender. On the bar, there was a newspaper. Picking it up, he read the headline.

Killer Pimp Terrorizes Carrotopia

The article was about a crazy pimp named MaGoo. Ninja didn't really pay it any mind. He walked out the door and took a look around. The night before it was really dark, so he could not appreciate the beauty of Carrotopia. Now he saw how amazing it was. The area he was in was mostly inhabited by black turtles and was pretty run down. He walked to the middle of it and saw a rich looking rabbit turning down an alley. In need of some money, he followed the rabbit down the alley in the shadows. He pulled a small switchblade out, and snuck up behind the rabbit. "Hey, homie," Ninja growled, "You look like you have a few coins on you." And with no mercy, the bounty hunter opened the switchblade and stabbed the merchant through the throat, cutting his vocal chords out. The rabbit was bleeding critically, looking like he was screaming, but couldn't. Ninja laughed as he stooped down, relieving the rabbit of his money pouch. "Oh, don't worry," Ninja chuckled, "You'll die... soon enough." And with a laugh, he stepped on the rabbits nose, breaking it, adding even more to the already unbearable pain and walking towards the end of the alley.

Once out of the alley, he looked around. He had recently stopped being a bounty hunter, as he was tired of doing jobs and pleasing other people. Now he worked for himself, and had little use for morals, or causing pain to others. He justified this by telling himself once they die it wouldn't matter to them and the pain would be over. He looked up and saw a rabbit in a purple suit with a sharp cane. Could this be the killer pimp he had read about in the newspaper earlier? Now that he thought about it, there was a picture of a rabbit who looked like this. The rabbit spoke. "Yo, homie, why tha' hell you in my way, fool?" Normally, Ninja would not tolerate any disrespect, but considering this was possibly a killer pimp who made the headlines, he decided to make conversation. "Because I walked over here, why do you think? Hey, are you that killer pimp who was in yesterday's newspaper?" Before he knew it, Ninja was on the ground. "Fool! You will respect the wrath of my almighty pimpness!" Ninja was stunned. "Yes, I AM THE KILLER PIMP WHO WAS IN YESTERDAY'S NEWSPAPER. DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, FOOL? MY NAME IS MAGOO. I PITY THA' FOOL!" Ninja stood up, shook his head, and replied, "No, I have no problem with that. I think that's pretty cool, actually." And with that said, they walked off together towards the market. Ninja picked up an apple and was about to bite into it when he heard, "You are not able to apple mine sticky! " Whoa. "Did you hear that, MaGoo?" Ninja asked. MaGoo replied, "No fool, I didn't hear anything, you been in my crack stash cracka'?"

Ninja still considered himself a bounty hunter, even though he had stopped taking bounties. He had grown increasingly mentally unstable recently, and he realized it.

Originally Posted by synth

He cut open the turtle's stomach, and pulled out a flask of lemon juice mixed with salt...

Do all turtles have flasks of lemon juice mixed with salt in their stomachs?

Ah good point... No not all of them do, but this one was different.

Haha. Brilliant stuff, Ninja.

Lol. It's difficult to object to something so comical.

Chapter 3

Everything at gone black for the moment. Ninja opened his eyes, and to his amazement found that there was a foggy, white mist surrounding him. Surprisingly, it was solid enough to walk on. He stood up and looked around. There was just white in all directions. He was very confused. All of a sudden, a huge turtle jumped out of the sky and landed in front of him. Everything had seemed to go into slow motion. The turtle dived at him, throwing 20 foot long cement-filled garbage bags. Knowing that there was not enough time to get out of the way, Ninja, climbed to the top of the garbage bag, and pulled out his crossbow. The turtle looked at him, puzzled, as if he did not know what a crossbow was. Ninja pulled the trigger, and less then a second later, a bolt had pinned the turtle to the ground through the head.

However, the bolt had not killed the turtle; it had severely wounded him, but had missed his small brain completely. Ninja walked over to the stunned turtle. Pulling a drill and a drill bit out of his cloak, Ninja stooped down over the turtle's face. He attatched the bit to the drill and then laid the drill down. Next, he pulled out a moderately long rope, very thin, and tied it around the bolt. Then, he extended the rope to it's full length and secured the drill into the end of the rope. He activated the drill and the rope began to spin around, slowly coming near the turtle's head. When it reached the bolt, the bolt began to spin slowly, mutilating the turtle's head, and sending blood and pieces of skull everywhere. The turtle realized what was happening to him and started to scream. It was a shrill, chilling scream that made Ninja feel sick, but he kept the drill on, and pulled the trigger even more, making the bit spin even faster. The bolt began to spin around at an insane speed, sending blood spray a good 10 feet. The turtle let out a final unnatural scream, and was silent.

Ninja chuckled to himself. Suddenly, the whole cloud turned black, and Ninja was not able to see anything. He looked up and saw a HUGE block with 0:05 in red letters on it. 4 seconds later, the block was about 30 feet away from him. 1 second later, it exploded, killing him instantly.

"Ninja, wake up, homie!" Ninja woke up in the gutter of a ghetto with MaGoo waking him up. What a weird dream he had had.

u r so violant optic ;[

Always. *sigh*

Chapter 4

Ninja stood alone in the zone hand on the chrome watching how the gangsta's do it. He sees a town he likes it. Around the corner, in an alley not too far away, was Iri. She had a bird. Ninja turned the corner and saw Iri with her bird. He wondered how she could have a bird and have it not fly away from her. He approached her and asked her if she'd be his sidekick. She said yes so they walked away together, doing superhero stuff.

Meanwhile, MaGoo was on the other side of Carroptia, in the rich rabbit part of town. He walked into an expensive jazz club and looked around. There were some rabbits playing a song. MaGoo looked like a pimp so no one bothered to ask him for ID. In this part of town, it was all about the respect and the way you dressed. MaGoo certainly dressed nice. His main feature was his pimp cane. A lot of people don't know this, but it's legal to pimp if you have a cane. When you graduate from pimp college, they give you the pimp cane, and that's how the cops know if it's legal for you to pimp or not. MaGoo found a hot girl and started talking to her, working his pimp skills.

Anyway, Iri was somewhere else by now, doing superhero stuff. Ninja was by himself. He found a little boy turtle, maybe 4 years old holding a stuffed bunny. "How cute." Ninja thought to himself. Ninja pulled out a dagger and sunk it into the little boy's back, paralyzing him from the neck down. In this helpless position, all the pain was focused into the young turtles head. Ninja pulled out a vial of acid and poured it into the turtles ear slowly. The litttle boy screamed as the acid slowly ate through his ear, dissolving his brains slowly. He couldn't thrash around, he could only scream. It was as if the pain was unbearable, yet he could not move around to subdue it. Laughing, Ninja kicked the screaming little boy aside.

Somewhere in the world, a family sat down to dinner. A chicken was being served. The family ate the chicken and then watched TV for awhile before going to bed.

Ninja decided to learn how to break dance. He got pretty good at it and then entered a break dance competition. He threatened and bribed the judge so he came in first place. After the competition, everyone was congratulating him on his talent. He chuckled to himself, realizing his real talent was in threatening and bribing. (Later, he went and killed the judges he had bribed for being such wimps.)

The prize, amazingly was a 2005 Laborghini Gallarado, Ninja's dream car. Ninja climbed into the car, rubbing it slowly. "Someone bring me some wax!" he yelled. When some random turtle gave him the wax, he pulled out a pistol and shot the turtle dead. Then, he went back to his car. Slowly pouring the wax onto the car, he massaged it in slowly, savouring the smooth feeling of the new car. Wriggling his way out of his pants, so that he could use the rest of his body to rub the wax into the car, thus getting the job faster. He slowly rubbed up against the Laborghini, moaning at how it touched his bare skin. Giggling, he grabbed a headlight with one hand, stroking it gently while cupping the hood with his other hand. He stroked the headlight until it began to flicker, slowly throbbing at first, then quite literally becoming a strobelight. "What the hell is wrong with his car?" said someone watching. Ninja pulled his pants back on and stepped back to admire his work. His car was dripping wet, shining in the moonlight, looking beautiful.

Then, he got into his car and started it up. It roared in a seductive way, quitely, almost a purr. It sounded almost like a moan of pleasure. Ninja put his hand down on the stick shift and shifted it into neutral. Loving the feel of an unbroken in stick shift, Ninja switched it back into park again. He did it again and again and again until at last, he could not take the excitement any longer. He floored the pedal, and sped into the street. Buildings passed by in a blur. Children dived into gutters. One senior citizen, too slow to get out of the way, was splattered all over his windshield, cracking it slightly.

Ninja got out of his car and looked into the sky. Wondering why such misfortune had became upon him, he opened the trunk and pulled out a roadflare. He pulled out the top and lit it. Opening the gas tank, he threw the flare into it, blowing the car up. Ninja was hurled a good 400 feet backwards. "Holy crap." Feeling a bit disoriented, he stood up and shook it off. He walked off towards the nearest nightclub, hoping to buy himself a drink to cure his throbbing headache.

OPTIC YOU DISTURBING PERSON >O

i love it, keep them coming

Ninja has found his secret talent.

The paragraph about MaGoo is funny. If your story was JTHM then that paragraph was it's Squee.
I bet very few of you know what I'm talking about.

I DO >O I bought some of the comics but then realized when I got home that they were numbers 3 and 4.

Doh.

That's why I bought the Director's Cut(ha ha) book. All the issues, and some extra early stuff.

Chapter 6

Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! One more time! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution!

Omg. Chapter 6 is by far the best. And the least disgusting. You are brilliant.

Ch 6 was a step in the wrong direction. I read JTHM for the monlouges, Squee for the torture of a kid in a hilraious way, Redwall for rodents fighting some evil rodent(and making me feel hungry at the worng times), and I read this story for the randomly morbid ways Ninja kills turtles, and for MaGoo's pimping. Not Dance dance revolution! repeated over and over again.

No one can ever accuse you of being un-inventive, Ninja.

Chapter 7

In the small town huge city of New York, there was a man named Bob. Bob wasn't the smartest guy; on the contrary, he was rather slow. He had a kind heart and a love for animals. He had became quite deaf from his job, using a jackhammer. One day, Ninja came walking through the city and saw Bob. Ninja stole Bob's jackhammer and kicked him onto the ground. He then turned it onto a very slow mode and put it on top of Bob's head. "Any last words?" Ninja said, smiling evily. There was fear in Bob's eyes. "N-no! Please don't hurt me, mister!" Ninja gave an evil laugh, and activated the jachammer. Parts of Bob's head scattered everywhere, penetrating through about half of his skull. Bob was screaming now, "Please, make it stop! Just make it stop! Kill me!" Ninja laughed, and did stop. Bob continued to scream. Ninja pulled out a few hard nails. He pinned Bob to the ground through his wrists and knees. Knowing that knees were one of the most sensitive parts of your body was a fact Ninja took pride in knowing. Bob had stopped screaming and was shivering and sobbing from the pain. "P-please." Bob moaned. Ninja pulled a blowtorch out of his backpack and put it in front of Bob's eyes, taunting him. Bob was the kind of man who did hard work, and knew quite well what a blowtorch was. The fear in Bob's eyes was obvious, as his pupils dilated two about twice the usual size. Ninja pushed the red button for about half a second and savoured Bob's shrill scream. It was a disgusting sight. Bob's right eye had been completely melted out. Bob's scream didn't end, it just seemed to go on forever and ever. Ninja stood up and stomped down hard on Bob's neck, crushing his vocal chords. He dragged Bob over to a nearby manhole and shoved him down it, and then covered the manhole up.

Ninja vaguely though about if anyone in Bob's life had ever loved him, or would ever have loved him if he wouldn't have been killed. "Hell, I did the guy a favor." Ninja thought to himself, justifying the fact he had killed an innocent man.

TWISTED. DISGUSTING. EXTREMELY GORY.

Funny.

IN A SICK WAY! ;_;

so sadistic... but in a good way.

Copied from #jj2:
It is a rather nice chapter compared to the last one. Amnyways, I felt sorry for Bob and thus skimmed through his death. Which meant I skimmed through the chapter. Curse you authors killing characters I like.

Oh, the senseless violence. When will it end?

Never, Sonyk. Never, as long as Optic still lives. ;[

I'm ok with violence. But, afaik, Bob was only in the 7th chapter. ?! What was the point of the last chapter anyway, if you kill off the latest character before he even reaches the 2nd paragraph.

I agree with about 90% of what Iri said.

I didn't like chapter 2. It stole stuff from Harry Potter AND Mr. T. ;(

This would probably ruin the story..but..how about a working plot?

EDIT: I see that you haven't replied to any of our comments.

Remind me to never make Ninja mad.

Remind me to try and make him mad, and watch the fireworks.

I WANT UPDATES.

I WANT NINJAS NEXT VICTIM TO BE THIS THREAD.

This has the makings of a Hollywood movie.