That's right, everybody. I'm writing a story to make fun of the generic Mary Sue female OC, and how her sickeningly perfect self gets her admired by every male rabbit in Jazz Jackrabbit and how it eventuall gets her KILLED. Heehee. I'll post up each chapter in progression, so just hold tight! I hope ya all like it. XD

Mary Sue Goes to Carrotus
Chapter One: A lovely beginning for the most lovely rabbit. EVER.
Written and illustrated by Lie A.

(Author’s Note: Inspired by an old JJ2 RP I went to, where I RPed Spaz. This is because I love Spaz. In any case, this RP was jam-packed with HORRIBLE Sues, so I couldn’t help it. Read on and puke out your own brain. Also, the “sew jellies” phrase was taken from a bad fic in and of itself, wherein a girl named Bloody fell in love with Harry Potter and all the other gills (yes, gills) were sew jellies. You can find it at http://www.godawful.net/forums/ under the Golden Oldies section. I wouldn’t look for it, though, if you value your sanity.)
(Disclaimer: I don’t own JJ or JJ2. Epic does. I also don’t own the godawful Sues mentioned in this story. They belong to the RP.)

A bright pink body was hopping about cheerily through the groves of Carrotus, whistling a merry tune to herself as she collected the many growing vegetables. She was known as The Duchess Eliza Maria Catrina Ilanz Sharkrabbit, but her many friends just called her Emcis. Her few enemies called her Puke-iza Flegmia Blechtrina Stupidz Skankrabbit, but she didn’t care about those gills. They were only sew jellies, after all. She wore a flowing gown of bright sky blue and her own luxurious hair, deep red and as long as her dress reached down, to her knees.

A friend was closeby her side, holding onto her shoulder and skipping with a bright smile. She was Korry Blackrabbit, but Emcis’ nickname for her was Handcuff. Her fur was strikingly dark for that of a Galactic Rabbit, a piercing grey close to black. She had six earrings in each ear, all ruby studs, and her deeply pained-looking red eyes only stood out even more as a result. She even wore dark clothes for her type, black baggy jeans with long chains and a short black halter-top. Her ears were very long and silky, waggling with each of her movements.

Handcuff and Emcis, as it was, were collecting veggies for the sixteenth annual Carrotus “Eatlong Festival,” in which the beautiful Princess Eva Earlong herself was hostess, tossing the best of the Carrotus carrots into a great pot of stew for everyone to eat. The stew itself would last for many moons, hence the name “Eatlong,” which the Princess refused to admit as being a pun.

Handcuff never liked her Princess, but due to her being a servant of the royal family, she could’t help accompanying Emcis on their search. In fact, as far as anyone sane was concerned, Handcuff hated everyone and everything. She had only proven that theory many times by her wrist-slashing habits, letting them bleed until her wrists themselves were stained a dark red. Emcis had christened her Handcuff for that very reason.

“Hey, that patch over there looks really nice! Just look at how green those cabbages are!”

Handcuff nodded at her companion’s suggestion and they took off toward said area of the veggie-patch, Emcis immediately tackling the very green cabbage ruthlessly. She was forced to jump back, however, when an angry voice of a male rabbit chided her and the cabbage beneath her body…moved?

“Who do ya think you are, runnin’ up and trying to kill me like that!? I hope ya know I’m—“ What Emcis now recognized as a bright green rabbit suddenly stopped talking, his gorgeous blue eyes’ pupils growing small in disbelief. Undoubtedly it was at Emcis’ unbelievable beauty, those perfect hips, those voluptuous breasts, her supple limbs…When the Duchess moved to give the rabbit in the dirt a hand to pull him up, he spoke again in a stammering tone.

“Y-you…you’re even sexier than Eva Earlong…” Emcis giggled as the green rabbit stared and complemented her, and she gave his cheek a quick kiss and watched it redden subsequently.

“You’re a little cutie! My name’s as The Duchess Eliza Maria Catrina Ilanz Sharkrabbit! But you can call me Emcis, honeypie.” The swooning male smiled in a goofy way, nearly falling over as he touched her ridiculously soft hand.

“M-m-my n-name’s…Jazz.”

“Good to hear it! Jazz…that has a ring to it. I’ll bet you’re a macho tough guy, huh?”

While Emcis was giggling in a disgustingly adorable way, Handcuff rolled her eyes and kicked a cabbage over with a bored expression. “Right, whatever. I’m Handcuff.”

“Handcuff, don’t be rude! I don’t care if you don’t like him, he’s my boyfriend! That’s how Mary Sue plotlines work, y’know!?” A quick slap to the face quieted Handcuff, and the gothbunny turned with loud grumbling about something to do with cheese.

Emcis blushed and turned back to Jazz, ruffling his hair, still greatly amused by his dumbfounded look. “So, you seem pretty familiar with Eva…are you acquaintances?”

Jazz was still swooning horribly and struggling to stay upright as he replied, “Not anymore. Now you’re my only acquaintance, and girlfriend. But if yer curious, we were…uh…were, mind you, engaged.”

Emcis loved stealing boys from otherwise fiancées and she happily took Jazz’s paws and drew him into a hug, ignoring Handcuff’s second rolling of her eyes. “See, Evie and I are related. My daddypoo is her mom’s uncle’s father’s brother’s cousin’s grandpa’s auntie’s grandma’s sister’s second cousin thrice removed!” She giggled in that sickly way again as Handcuff disgustedly stormed off with yet another rolling of her eyes.

She’s just sew jellies, Emcis thought.

What a lovely first chapter! NOT. I can't wait until Jazz blows her head off! YAY.

Seeing as how you and I seem to have had the same idea at roughly the same time. Yes.

Welcome to here, by the way. And I mostly understand your story so far, and it is much good as it is at the moment here. If you happen to need any characters, I've got far too many to my name. If you happen to need any pointers, you should probably ask someone else, because I'm a stoopid. =D

Rawk.

Originally Posted by 4I Falcon

Seeing as how you and I seem to have had the same idea at roughly the same time. Yes.

This is because I can make a Sue out of anything. XD And FF.net didn't have one yet. So.

Originally Posted by 4I Falcon

Welcome to here, by the way. And I mostly understand your story so far, and it is much good as it is at the moment here. If you happen to need any characters, I've got far too many to my name. If you happen to need any pointers, you should probably ask someone else, because I'm a stoopid. =D

Sure, extras are always good. ^_^ I've already got my overdone!Sue and my punk-goth-cutter!Sue. I could use some others, though. Plus some normies/bystanders. I'm gonna put Lie A. in there, but for now, it's just a. Ahem. Prologue?

Originally Posted by Lie

Sure, extras are always good. ^_^ I've already got my overdone!Sue and my punk-goth-cutter!Sue. I could use some others, though. Plus some normies/bystanders. I'm gonna put Lie A. in there, but for now, it's just a. Ahem. Prologue?

Works for me.

*thinks a lot of his characters would work nicely as bystanders. or, failing that, secondary characters. or some nonsense.*

Originally Posted by Lie

This is because I can make a Sue out of anything. XD And FF.net didn't have one yet. So.

It had Psyde! Psyde is close! And I don't see this over at FF.net at the moment.

Anyway, it's a decent story. I don't detect too much variation between it and other typical mary sue parody stories, though, especially as this seems to be a Harry Potter or something sue, whereas the typical female Jazz character is a mercenary or something. Or just a goth. Depends. I like the name Handcuff.

well... WELL I have never got the point of War Tavern...

The point of War Tavern is to write loooong stories. If you can keep the ninja/rabbit ratio below say, 20:1, you'd probbably do quite well here.

I loooove the tone of this story! Lets haer it for the Gothbunny!

Welcome the WT. Good start, I like it. Try to keep it clean. And, while I have maybe half as many characters as 4I there, you can use mine as well if you like.

I'd say that now that 4I and CT have let you use their characters, you have pretty much the entire War Tavern at your disposal.

=P You're just jealous. Though you do have a point.

Originally Posted by Risp

I'd say that now that 4I and CT have let you use their characters, you have pretty much the entire War Tavern at your disposal.

The sad thing is, that's about as close to entirely true as one can get without actually being entirely true.

I have no life, so I make up for it in my characters. D=

Originally Posted by Risp

I'd say that now that 4I and CT have let you use their characters, you have pretty much the entire War Tavern at your disposal.

Hey, what about my characters? All six of them?


...

.. you can use them too, btw. Advice, though: Don't add a lot of fan characters that don't fit into the story. If your story looks more like a list of credits than a story, you have too many characters.

Yeah, I'll put it at FF.net when I'm not so lazy. Yeah, there IS Psyde, but he's a guy. So he doesn't count.

I don't wanna overcrowd my story. XD I'll try and keep it minimal here. But with my ridiculously overused heroine types, I think I'll do fine for my second intallment. Go ahead and send me some PMs if ya wanna make suggestions so this page doesn't get TOO crowded with non-stories. I wanna keep it aschapterful as possible so people don't accidentally skip one.

I have no life, so I make up for it in my characters. D=

Well, at least thats normal. The world is filled with pathetic geeks who spend all the timepossible in some fantasy land because their real lives are crud, so you're on the shallow end of the pool. As for me, I have no life, so I collect pins.

Does that put you at the sharp end of the pool?

=D?

Mary Sue Goes to Carrotus
Chapter Two: Of Goths and Bounty Hunters
Written and illustrated by Lie A.

Handcuff had had more than enough of Emcis' stealing of every man. She was hideously obsessed with boys and took every opportunity to two-time and force the males to be two-timers themselves, stealing even those whom were already married. She was beautiful, though, so Handcuff really couldn't blame her. For one as gorgeous as Emcis, every man was fair game.

Handcuff continued to walk aimlessly until she realized ramming face-first into a tall figure. Handcuff recognized it as a male rabbit, a light grey, similar in hue but contrasting in shade to her own. His ears were bound together by dark blue bands, and both his shoulders and elbows on each arm had the same ribbons tied around them and knotted neatly. His chest also sported the same tied cloth, but of a slightly lighter shade, and his tail was oddly round and completely black.

He grumbled and turned over to look at Handcuff, about a head shorter than him. Handcuff had always known herself to be small, and it never ceased to make her uncomfortable. Yet, in the face of this rabbit so similar to herself, she didn't feel in the least bit nervous. His violet eyes scanned and pierced her frame, an androgynous voice speaking darkly, "Y'know, this is my territory. I suggest y'leave, unless ya want yer ears ripped off by an RF Missile." He pulled out a large gun the shade of his eyes to demonstrate and shot off three missiles at once into the air above him. His expression didn't change, still he same apathetic and monotonous tone in his voice. "Scram."

Handcuff was still in awe at her new acquaintance, stunned by his incredible ability to stay so cool, so calm, yet have that hard edge. "B-but first…can't I introduce myself?" A nod from the male, and she continued. "My name is Korry Blackrabbit…but you can call me Handcuff! W-what's your name, mister?"

The male rabbit looked extremely offended by that, stomping angrily on the ground and causing a few stray pebbles to jump. "Mister!? You come onta MY territory, little miss, and you run inta MY back, ya expect a pardon, and then ya call me MISTER!?!?"

Handcuff backed off, shaking her paws rapidly to try and soothe his fury. "Please! I didn't mean to insult you, honest! I was being polite!"

He was still roaring to himself and grabbed Handcuff by the collar of her halter, raising he to his eyes' level and glaring straight into her eyes. "If ya wanna be polite, then you will refer to me as miss. And my name is Lie, but you can call me ХS, mm-kay?"

Handcuff had no idea how the rabbit before her could possibly be female, considering her lack of breasts and her ferocity, but she decided that it'd be best not to argue on the issue of the "androgynous" rabbit's gender. She also had no clue how Lie'd gotten ХS from her own name, but heck, there were many much weirder names in the world of rabbits.

"Now, if ya will calmly leave quietly, I won't hafta blow yer head off with my RFs." Lie let go of Handcuff and stared her down until she turned tail and ran as fast as a rabbit could possibly go, skirting obstacles anywhere from the smallest pebble to the largest tree, finally dodging Lie's missiles and disappearing out of sight.

Lie cackled to herself, continuing to fire off the red missiles until it bored her and she sat beneath the grove of trees surrounding her territory, blowing the smoke off the tip of her gun and resting calmly. Had she actually killed Handcuff, she was sure she'd have made a pretty penny off that pretty rabbit's head. Any bounty was still a bounty, especially if that rabbit happened to be in the Blackrabbit line.

An overdressed rabbit fell out of the grove of trees behind Lie, laughing hysterically. Lie recognized her as Mystincia, the local Carrotus Temple Guard and a mercenary for hire. Her wingshaped ears were almost lifting her off the ground they were flapping so hard, her legs kicking inanely and her shotgun nearly falling out of her paws. The two strands of hair sticking off her part were bobbing, making her look to Lie like some bizarre type of insect.

Finally Mystincia calmed down and panted for breath, leaning heavily on Lie's shoulder and pushing her ridiculously long hair back into place. She spoke with an indescribable accent, showing off her fangs, where they were shown in place of the usual rabbit buckteeth, when she spoke, and at the same time she seemed uncomfortably familiar with the grey rabbit.

"Oh, Wie, you siwwy wittwe wabbit! Why wewe you chasing off yet anothew wabbit fwom youw tewwitowy? You never do that to me…"

"Yeah, and I'm gonna do it if ya don't getcher anorexic orange (-)(-)(-)(-) off my property!"

As she said that she launched several Seeker Missiles out of her gun, cackling madly as the second rabbit of that day ran for her life over the hills of Carrotus. Oh, how lovely it was to be Lie that day, wreaking revenge on all of those idiots who thought too highly of themselves, of men, of goths and bounty hunters…

Xcelent chapter! Long live goth [But whats the point anyway, life sucks.]

Does that put you at the sharp end of the pool?

Nope. The lifeguard wouldn't admit me.

Fun. Gender confusion is so entertaining to watch.

Originally Posted by 4I Falcon

Fun. Gender confusion is so entertaining to watch.

Muaaaahahaha. It is, though, isn't it!? Heck, I have waist-length hair, and I STILL get called a guy just because I play video games. :/

Haha. I'd feel sorry for you, except, well, I don't.

Keep up the story. It's good work.

Waist length?
http://www.jazz2online.com/J2Ov2/pictures/upload.php

I think I'll go boot up my digicam or something.

But seriously, I'm not kidding. I grew it out since third grade because my mom cut it too short and I was rebelling. Who knew I'd end up looking like a hippie?

Darnit, I gotta ask Dad to get this piece of junk to take a picture. I haven't taken a decent picture of myself since two years ago, and then I was dressed as a ninja and you could only see my eyes and my old pair of glasses.

I can see this going offtopic, so I'll remind you guys to try to stick to things related to the story. Much as I enjoy cameras and long hair. =P

Ten points if you can guess the song reference! Don't mind any typos, because I was using an ergonomical keyboard and I didn't type this up in Word, so no spellcheck...I also apologize for the shortness. I was in a hurry since I hadn't updated in a while. Hope you like the chapter! Oh, and go see Lie/DYS and Steffi's new profiles in the Characters sticky.

Mary Sue Goes to Carrotus
Chapter Two: Everywhere a Warzone
Written and illustrated by Lie A.

Steffi Rosefur was tired. Her feet ached so badly she was forced to remove her sandals and carry them in the overstuffed pockets of her cargo khakis, and now the bumpy earth of Carrotus was even less merciful. She wondered to herself what had posessed her to come to Carrotus from her home in the Diamondus Warzone, but after Lie had moved and reestablished her territory, Steffi thought it only appropriate.

Today she wore a broad sombrero, green as the grass between her wide toes, shading her from the rays of the sun. Both the rivaling rabbits, Lie and Steffi, disliked the sun, probably one of the few things keeping them from ripping each other's gizzards out.

Steffi had had little other destinations to rest at other than where she was headed ever since she'd arrived on Carrotus: Lie's grove. Yet, she'd made truces with the pale rabbit before, so today wouldn't be too much of a stretch. Perhaps the two could finally come to grips with each other after Steffi stealing all of Lie's Diamondus territory. She winced. Maybe Lie wouldn't be so forgiving. Still, a hope was a hope, and it was there.

Steffi noticed the grove of trees ahead and the shadebasking androgynous female in its midst, and the pink-furred rabbit gradually stepped toward her rival. "I guess this makes our rivalry over, Stef," the grey rabbit muttered. She didn't seem too upset, really, and that took Steffi aback. She just kept that same lazy, slick tone...

"I guess so," Steffi said reluctantly, feeling a little hesitation infect her stomach and grip her liver. Butterflies. "But will you keep the promise and not kill me?"

"My RFs are your RFs, Steffi. Your Electro Blasters are my ELectro Blasters. We share the grove and we share our kills. But we do not share our bounty."

"So, it's clear, then?"

"Pff, clear as mud," Lie breathed sarcastically. Steffi'd known her long enough to know she was joking. She instead smiled and reached out her paw, and the pale, blue-ribboned paw of Lie took the Rosefur's, and they shook firmly. No regrets on the pact, and it was set.

--

Handcuff ran out of breath quickly after her sprint for life and collapsed heavily against a huge sunhot boulder. Her ears were pasted against the back of her scalp, but she didn't mind, anyway. That crazy rabbit would probably be hunting her on and off now, but as long as she could hide behind Emcis, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Handcuff only wanted to sleep.

"Oh, what the Hell," she spat, heaving a sigh and resting with her back to the rock. "I don't mind, anyway."

She stirred as a rustling of the bushes and a squeaking yell cought her attention, an orange-furred rabbit jogging into her view. His tongue was flying out of his mouth, shedding saliva onto Handcuff's feet, much to her displeasure. His bloodshot green eyes met her own, and he squeakingly cheered and plugged two fingers into his mouth, whistling shrilly.

A yellow female rabbit in purple sweats ran up behind him and patted his shoulder, panting. "Wow, Spaz," she said in between gasps for air, "you're faster than I thought!"

Handcuff cleared her throat loudly and the two siblings looked over at her. The yellow one blushed, stepping back a little from the other female who glared daggers at her. Spaz giggled to himself, skipping around the yellow rabbit obliviously, chanting "Lori" incessantly.

The female rabbit apparently known as Lori blushed and bowed respectfully to Handcuff, speaking hastily, "I'm sorry. I didn't know you were here. I'm Lori Jackrabbit, and this is my brother, Spaz."

Handcuff shrugged. "I'm Handcuff."

Lori apologized for her intrusion several more times and Spaz did likewise, albeit in a garbled and hyperactive fashion, and they left the gothrabbit in her peace. She took the opportunity to sleep, so undisturbed by anything...for now.

Something just occurred to me.

Originally Posted by Lie

She was Korry Blackrabbit, but Emcis’ nickname for her was Handcuff.

Possible relation to one late spy?

And so, she died, the end!

Originally Posted by 4I Falcon

Something just occurred to me.



Possible relation to one late spy?

Hmm, I didn't think about that when I craeted Handcuff. I should consider that a possibility, but not without your consent, of course.

There's gonna be a lag between updates since I now have very little free tme on my hands. I'm juggling fics right now and it's NOT EASY.

Well, Blaze is dead, so there's not really much I can say one way or the other. Hey, if you want they should coincidentally be siblings, go ahead.

Que Passa!!!!

Cool story... Open season on Mary Sues.