ascii rules >O

PAGECLAIM FOR THE SECOND TIME IN A ROW LOL

I left the bathroom/save point with an air of determination. I can't explain how or why, exactly, but the maze seemed strangely familiar; so familiar that I knew most of it by heart.
I fearlessly led the group North, North, West, North, and East, in that order, and encountered no problems whatsoever (besides the dificulties associated with trying to walk in chain-covered bondage pants). As I journied down this last passage, the familiarity of the place seemed to fade away. We came to a tunnel leading North, while the Eastward path we had been walking down continued further in the same direction. My confidence left me; I was no longer certain that I knew the way. I'd heard the echoing of undead voices throughout the entire maze, but had yet to actually encounter any zombies. Still, it sounded like there were a few close by. I readied my gun, in case some fiend should leap from the shadows and latch onto my jugular. I wasn't sure why I was so paranoid about my jugular; it just seemed like the kind of thing a cyborg zombie would enjoy latching onto.

Go North. Try to sneak up on any zombies. If we find a zombie, and it's *not* rabid, then get Araches to fry it.


BTW, map updated. I'll post it once per page.

EAST I SAY.

U 2 fast. D=


And east. North. NORTHEAST.

East!

I...HAVE RETURNED.

With pie!

Assuming those zombies haven't somehow relocated themselves, go W, N, N, W, N. Look E.

You guys post too fast. XP

Guess what, I'm eating pie right now! =D

I think it would help if we could actually SEE where we are on that map, plz.

Originally Posted by Lem_Gambino

I think it would help if we could actually SEE where we are on that map, plz.

Done. You may need to refresh your screens.

Do note that the "you are here" may be out of date on earlier posts, as it's one image used everywhere.

Originally Posted by Fawriel

All the zombies are rabid I tell you. ;/

Originally Posted by Cooba

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the first two zombies we ran into weren't described as being rabid. It was the third one that got rid of the Mythslayer through virtue of being rabid.

...hang on, given the imposibility of a dead zombie being rabid, would we be able to use glitching?

Radium doesn't allow players to use glitching anymore, and I assume Dev doesn't either.

Well, durrh. The first ones weren't described as rabid because there was no need to. Them being rabid is a set-up in order to make magic futile against them so you have to rely on the gun.

Try to glitch the zombies.
Try to.

Boggy was first, and I can't tell what the heck Canti is telling me to do, so North it is. Also, Faw pretty much got it right, I wasn't going to reveal them to be rabid unless you tried to use magic on them. And plus glitching is a big SCAM! >O If there was any reliability to glitching, nothing ever would have happened in this whole story. Think about it.

I made the decision to lead the gang North. As we walked through the passage, the air began to get cooler. After a few minutes of wandering through the corridor, we found ourselves standing on the edge of an overhang on the side of the island. The fresh, brisk air was such a dramatic change from the stuffy, humid air of the maze. There was a teleporter waiting for us in the center of the platform, with a banner hanging over it, which read, "Congratulations! We hope you have enjoyed the Romero Challenge, and will reccommend it to your friends and family! Please come again!"
I breathed a sign of relief, but the peace was not long-lasting. Coming from behind I heard the approach of two rabid cyborg zombies (and just when I thought they didn't exist, too). I raised my shotgun and blasted the oncoming attackers' heads off, leaving them to fall in a heap of skull fragments and coagulated blood. L33tz4n shrieked, but I assured her that the worst was over. At least I hoped so, because I was out of ammo.

And just in case you're curious, here's the official map:

You almost managed to encounter every single zombie. XD At least you guys are good at something.

Enter the teleporter.

Ask if we can keep the clothes.

Ask if Araches can keep HER clothes.

Originally Posted by Cooba

Enter the teleporter.

DO AS THE COOBA SAYZ

SECONDED

I second choosing AE's and Canti's options after doing what Cooba said.

Enter teleporter, query if you can keep Araches' bunny suit.

I'll do what Cooba said because he was first.

We each stepped onto the teleporter and were instantly transported back to the arcade, in the very spot where the trap door had opened beneath us. Not only that, but our clothes and and items had been restored. The man at the arcade counter noticed our arrival.
"Whoa, you survived the Challenge?" he said with an astonished look. "Congrats, folks! You won the GRAND PRIZE!" He walked over to the prize rack, which housed various plushies and a glowing crystal orb of power. He took down a white tiger plushie and handed it to me. "Thank you! Come again!"
"WhoawhoawhoawhoaWHOA!" Araches exclaimed. "No. No WAY. We just risked our lives and nearly got eaten by rabid cyborg zombies! No WAY are you just giving us a plushie and sending us on our way!"
"Yes I am," he replied.
"Can we keep the clothes?" I asked, even though I was no longer wearing them.
"Store property," he replied. "You can keep the nose ring, though. I don't really want it back now." He reached out and handed me the nose ring I had worn during the challenge, then wiped his hands on his ticket apron. I shrugged and put the piece of jewelry back in my nose, for a sense of punkness. I then stared down at my new plush tiger. He had big blue eyes and a heart on his chest. I decided to name him Chad, and love him forever and ever.

Inventory

Ask store keeper what winning/aquiring the glowing orb of power requires.

I don't like you anymore, Dev :-(

@UNKNOWNFILE: That hurt. What'd I do?

"What do I have to do to get the glowing crystal orb of power?" I asked the Canadian counterguy, after fighting off the urge to beat him to death with my shotgun.
"It's just one of those awesome prizes that no one ever wins. It makes people keep playing over and over again."
I was going to point out how evil that was, but I already knew what he would say.

Ok, wait. Reality check.

Our ultimate goal is to find Blackraptor's lair. What are our obstacles to getting there?

East.

But what about the aliens?

They only come when you do utterly idiotic things, like trying to set fire to yourself or kicking random people for no real reason.

Oh. That's an eeeeeeeevil punishment

@Odin: A door with no handle.

I led my party back into the Isle of Darkness town square. They were all in very low spirits, and I couldn't blame them; we had wasted a whole twenty minutes of our lives that we would never get back.
Waiting for us just outside the arcade was a large group of Canadians wielding torches and pitchforks. I waved hello to them. They didn't wave back. I took this to mean we were in very serious trouble.
"Enemies of Lord Blackraptor!" the former Irish man said. He seemed to be leading the angry mob. "We know why you're here, eh! We figured out your non-evil plans!"
"Yeah!" added another angry Canadian. "Eventually!"
"What's going on?" Araches asked, strangely calm considering what was happening.
"We saw your thirdeighteennoteevenbettercitrusfruitymanypagedla zerlightysuperflyingfullyclotheductscraptlegalfour seatsestrudelire!" was the response. "Blackraptor called for the arrest, trial and execution of any group of travelers found to be in possession of a thirdeighteennoteevenbettercitrusfruitymanypagedla zerlightysuperflyingfullyclotheductscraptlegalfour seatsestrudelire!"
"Uberbob," L33tz4n whispered in my ear. "Magic Map us out of h3re!"
I lifted the Magic Map above my head dramatically and said, "Behold! Uberbob's great escape from the Isle of Darkness! PWNED U N00BS!"
I suddenly heard a burst of gunfire, then saw the remains of the Magic Map drift to the ground in a pile of white confetti. I felt like I had just lost my best friend.
"Please!" said Fawriel, stepping forward and an attempt tp reason with the evil horde of Canadians. "Let's settle this like civilised-" His speech was cut short by a Canadian bashing him over the head with a baseball bat. Strange, I didn't even know Canadians played baseball. Maybe it was a hockey bat.
They had us surrounded on all sides. There were far too many of them to fight, even if we used all of our magic and summons. The Magic Map was gone, Faw's Townpipe was unusable, and, believe it or not, I was out of good ideas. I held Chad close to me. "It's going to be okay," I reassured him. "Daddy's here."
The situation called for a desperate move. If I was to get out of this alive, I would have to make a quick decision, and probably a really bad one.

Poke the cheshire pin into the strudelire. Have L33tz4n hypnotise the leader of the mob into thinking they made a mistake.

nevermind.

I'm guessing the thirdeighteennoteevenbettercitrusfruitymanypagedla zerlightysuperflyingfullyclotheductscraptlegalfour seatsestrudelire is either the item that gets us into the lair or will end up weakening/defeating myself :(

Surrender to the angry mob.

Use a mobile shout-out.

I stabbed the strudelire with the Cheshire Pendant. It's many pages and various other whatnots vanished from sight. "L33tz4n, hypnotise the leaderguy," I told her. "Make him think it was just a big mistake."
L33tz4n took out her yellow contacts and gazed into the eyes of the evil Canadian. His expression became blank and he started to drool. "We made a mistake," he said in a monotonous voice. "It's not them."
"We know all of your tricks, Uberbob!" another Canadian shouted as they dragged their bewitched leader away. "Surrender to Lord Blackraptor! Perish for your goodness! Embrase the inevitable GAME OVER screen!"
L33tz4n looked to me, without her contacts. It had been so long since I had seen those eerie white eyes. Strangely, however, they were no longer eerie to me. I didn't see a Minion, I didn't see a monster, and I didn't even see an unwilling girlfriend; I saw L33tz4n. I saw a scared girl who had been ripped from everything she knew and dragged on a journey she had nothing to do with. I saw a brilliant mind who had put up with more than she had to, and all for me.
I wouldn't give up; not now. We were so close... probably... I was guessing. I couldn't let them take her from me. It was time to do something, though I still didn't know what.

Embrace the enevitable "GAME OVER" screen.

Then hit the villagers with it!