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The Iron War

 
 
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Aug 24, 2006, 12:17 AM
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The Iron War

I'll just add some notes before I start.

This is not about Jazz Jackrabbit. This story is influenced by jazz, that's all (Along with several other computer games). I wanted to make a more adventrous version of my old childhood world (Rabbittown, rabbitearth...) and this story helped me make it.

I am no storyteller. I try to describe things best I can, but I fall short all over the place here. It plays out in my mind better than it goes on the paper, that's all I can say.

I currenty have a bit of writers block for this story. I think some feedback and suggestions would help immensely to continue this story.

I will post the prologue and the first two chapters right now (On seperate posts), then post some more on sunday.

If I edit the chapters already posted, I will add the changes in a edit.
and finally, the general info (and the first two chapters) for the universe can be found here

Last edited by Puffie40; Nov 30, 2006 at 09:52 PM.
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Aug 24, 2006, 12:18 AM
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Prologue

The sun was a red ball setting in the distance. In Minerva’s red atmosphere, it was almost barely distinguishable. The ever-lowering light caught the rocks in the desert and cast long shadows amidst the desert floor.

The streets of Sulfon were empty as the setting sunlight then caught the buildings and the shadows grew longer. A gentle breeze swept some litter and dust down the street. The sidewalks were empty, save for a lone rabbit walking down one side. He wore a pair of dirty jeans and a t-shirt, and a black leather jacket. An oxygen mask covered his face, like many residents of Minerva who work outside in the oxygen-poor air.

But this was no ordinary resident of Minerva, for the main difference was the shotgun slung over his shoulder. He glanced around tensely before approaching a door on the side of a building, and glanced around a final time before knocking on the door.

There was a pause. The rabbit expected this as the occupants inside would check the security system to see who it was from the camera peering down above his head. The door swung open to reveal a small room, with another door at the end. The rabbit walked in, and the outside door closed with a hiss as it sealed airtight.

A humming sound emitted as pumps enriched the air with oxygen. The rabbit counted to thirty, than removed his mask and turned the tank off. He coughed slightly as his lungs adjusted to the amount of oxygen in the room, after another 30 seconds, the inner door swung open.

The rabbit walked into a rather well worn bar. There is a group of 5 rabbits at a table; the rest of the bar empty. The rabbit expected this, as it was after hours for the bar. The curfew imposed by the Minerva government caused business hours for all stores to be shortened to just before sunset. The rabbit walked over to the group and grabbed a seat, starting with “You could have saved a glass for me, you know.”

One of the rabbits stared at him “I’m sure the barkeep would do that if he was here, Gary. Were you followed?”

Gary shook his head “No. The police are at their checkpoints, as usual, and I took the long way to avoid them. What’s the scoop here?”

One of the rabbits pulled a piece of paper out of an envelope, and pushed it towards Gary. Gary read it, and passed it to the rabbit next to him. The rabbit who handed the paper out put the envelope on the table and said “Jack wants us to disable the military. That main Rabbit legion base in Echoing Canyon is preparing to reinforce the police, and we don’t want that.”

“So how do we do that, Don? An attack on the base would be suicide, and that paper you gave me just has a bunch of military installations on it.”

“Ah yes.” Said Don, as the last rabbit read the paper and handed it back to him. “You might notice the locations are listed by what we attack first.” He put his finger on the first line. “The first target would be the Resupply base North of Sulfon. Knock that out, and the next target would be the naval laser at Kamera’s Pit Stop, and so on.”

The group was silent for a moment. Then Gary asked “How soon can we attack?”

Another rabbit answered “We can start moving at midnight. Depending on how we assemble them. Mike, what are the defenses?”

Mike, who was a little dusty and travel worn, said “Aside from the basic defenses, there are about 5 archer tanks, a couple of attack choppers and about 50 troops.”

Gary said “That should be easy with our army. Our contacts with the black market have paid off well, and the rebellion has picked up speed since last month. An attack plan should be easy.”

“Hey, wait a minute Gary” Mike objected. “We can’t just charge at the gate. That wouldn’t be wise. We have to keep our losses at a minimum, you know.”

“The whole base is surrounded by concrete walls, Mike. I’ve studied the scout photos, you’ve seen it personally. How else are we gonna get in?” Gary asked

”We could dig a tunnel.” Don suggested. “Only problem is it would take a while to dig.”

“It’s not getting in, so much as how we get in.” Mike said “What we should do is knock the defenses off with rockets, and take out any troops outside. Then they have to open the gate to let more troops and tanks out. And when they are doing that, have a team knock a tank out as it passes through the gate, and there’s our “Doorjamb” Otherwise, if they don’t open the gate, we’ll open it for them.”

“Heh! Sounds like a good plan right there!” Said Gary “One thing I should mention,” Don said. “Jack wants the communications building intact.” “Why would he want that?” asked Gary “He did not say, but I imagine it’s for the intelligence” replied Don

“So all we need to do is assemble our troops.” Gary said. We can discuss the invasion movement when everyone is assembled. Everyone agree with the plan?”

They all nodded in succession, and Gary stood up.

“They will see the hammer fall, and we shall hit them like a ton of Iron”

Last edited by Puffie40; Oct 5, 2006 at 08:38 PM.
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Aug 24, 2006, 12:19 AM
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Chapter One

Puffie rose from the bed. He had arrived at the planet of Minerva late last night, a planet that consisted mainly of mines, with Iron being the main metal exported. Basically being a near-uninhabitable desert planet, Minerva had no water outside of underground wells, and the planet’s elliptical orbit around the sun caused large temperature changes, the only sign of the seasons.

The rabbit looked out the window. It was a desolate place, with rock plains being almost the only terrain. A tank patrol kicked up a cloud of dust as it crossed the plains into the valley beyond.

Puffie sighed as he got dressed, thinking about the tangle of events that brought him here. Before, he heard news that the Rabbit Colonial Government was imposing heavier taxes and quotas on the colonists on Minerva, and how the colonists were getting more and more upset. Mining strikes and riots occurred, and when the RCG responded with sanctions, Civil war broke out. Puffie by then had joined the Rabbit Legion, the RCG’s military force. It had been a week after his training that he was deployed to Minerva. He had just got off the ship at the spaceport when his group was told to meet at the army base. There they were told about the situation.

"Ok guys, welcome to the mess that’s called Minerva. The police forces are in bad shape. The governer has enacted martial law, and the Local army defenses have mobilized just about all the forces on the planet. They can't hold the rebels much, so we need your group to get ready ASAP. You got 6 hours to sleep off the trip, and then you are going to patrol the city of Detamon. Understood?"

After reaching his quarters, Puffie had a little trouble falling asleep. He was worried about if it was even a good idea to join the army.

Puffie finished tying the laces on his boots, and donned his helmet and envirosuit. He then grabbed the blaster gun that sat plugged in on a shelf. He clicked an energy pack into the gun, and slung it over his back.

As he walked down the hallway over to the briefing room, his mind wandered back to rabbit earth. Thinking about how beautiful Rabbitearth looked in space made him think of hometown, Rabbittown. “I hope I get to see it again” he thought. Before he knew it, he was already in the briefing room, and among the other rabbits.

A friendly face popped in front of him. "Good morning!" he greeted. It was Peter, one of Puffie's longtime friends. “’morning Peter. Red-eyed enough for action?” Puffie asked. “Oh, wish I could stay in bed longer. Say, you don’t think they would serve some breakfast around here? I am getting hungry.”

“Peter, you know what the drill sergeant said in training: Briefing, then meals.” The two heard the chattering crowd grow quiet, and turned to the front to listen to the commander as he stepped in front of the group.

"Okay dusters,” He started “I was going to give you patrol jobs, but we're in a hot spot today. Last night, the Rebs commenced a raid on an outpost in Sulfon. That is a major resupply depot for our troops. So we need to take it back. We will drop you off by an abandoned mine shaft and you work your way through it to the base. Infiltrate it and blind the rebels to our attack force. Any Rebs that resist, Give 'em the works. Got that?"

There was a chorus of "Yessirs" and as fast as it started, the briefing was adjourned, and the soldiers got up to head to the tanks. Puffie stared at the map for a couple minutes before heading off.

Later the group headed towards the APC. Puffie, Peter and a few others got selected by the rest of the group in a “Rock Paper Scissors” Game during breakfast. "Puffie, you sure seem to be like the commander of this team today!" Peter said to Puffie as they headed to the APC. "I don't like going into dark, cramped, twisted places." Puffie replied. "The rebs could anticipate us sneaking in. And what's worse, they are miners. They would probably pound that shaft full of booby traps."

"I would love to say that you are just a scared-y-cat" Said Peter “But I have the same worries. We could volunteer to be scouts..."

Later, the APC Squeaked to a stop in front of a mine elevator. Some dirt bikes were already there, with engineers adding the final touches on repairing the elevator.

The team leader looked at Puffie and Peter "Alright, you two. You want to risk your butts’ making sure the party makes it through, Now’s your chance."

Last edited by Puffie40; Aug 26, 2006 at 12:44 PM.
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Aug 24, 2006, 12:21 AM
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Chapter Two

Puffie stepped into the elevator, Heart up to his throat, and felt the elevator clank, screech, and slowly lower itself. He hated this elevator. No hiding spots in case of an ambush. Nodding to Peter, they both ready their blasters, aiming at the grate that was a door.

The elevator clangs to a stop, and Puffie scanned the corridor beyond with the flashlight on his blaster. They step out into what looks like a locker room, long abandoned before Minerva even became a major outpost. The area was covered in red dust, except:

"Peter; Notice that if no one was here except for us, the whole area would be covered with dust- But a trail going through the room?" Peter examined the light coating of dust on the trail, shrugged, and radioed the group. "Scouts to Terminators,” he said, addressing the rest of the group by their call sign, “Main corridor is clear. Proceeding to tunnels"

Trudging past the main door, Puffie shined his flashlight ahead and saw the rough rock of the tunnel, with the blackness of dark covering the tunnel 20 feet ahead. For what seemed like hours, they scooted down tunnels, scanned the intersections for traps, and marked trails.

Then at one intersection, they came up to a fork, and stopped. Planting their backs against the walls, they prepared to lunge and scan the tunnels. Just as they did, a blaster bolt flew past Peter's ear. "We got a nest of ‘em!!" Peter yelled as he fired off his blaster. Puffie and Peter dove for cover and began firing shots at the rebels as energy bolts and bullets zipped their way past the two scouts. Puffie reached to one of the grenades on his belt, but decided against it. An explosion could cause a cave in, and potentially block their path

Puffie covered the area with blaster fire. Amber beams of light sizzled their way to the chest of a rebel, who clutched the wound as he fell to the ground. Puffie turned his sights to another, but noticed that he was lifting up a weapon that looked like a chunk of pipe. Puffie and Peter both knew what it was, and dived aside as a rocket slammed into the rock tunnel.

The mine shook violently as the rocket exploded in a fiery ball. The two ran down the tunnel, “So much for us not using explosives down here!” Peter yelled to Puffie as he slammed another energy pack home, as another rocket surged past them. Puffie had noticed a side tunnel when he heard Peter yelp and turned his head around to look. Peter was holding a hand on the side of his torso. Peter used his other hand to wave Puffie on; Puffie slowed to help escort Peter, firing his blaster at the oncoming rebels. When Puffie finally saw Peter run into the side tunnel, Puffie runs to the tunnel, taking his blaster and fired a running pot shot before diving into the side tunnel.

Peter applied a bandage to the burns from the blaster, and Puffie provided cover. Peter finished his first aid, and joined the shoot-out. As Puffie was shooting at the rebel with the rocket launcher, he noticed one setting a block on a wall before yelling to retreat.

Puffie held back Peter before he could charge after the fleeing group. "Hold it!" Puffie said. "That's a trap they just set there. I don't want you or me to go home in a lunch-box." Peter nodded, kicking at a pebble disappointedly. The two walked up to the box, seeing that it was a laser trip mine. Taking a screwdriver, Puffie carefully pried the top cover off and removed the batteries. After prying the unit off the wall, Puffie grinned at Peter as he gently placed the explosives in a pack. "I think we have a surprise package for them if they show up again” He said to Peter, grinning.

After reporting the engagement, Puffie went up the tunnel. The mine was silent again, except for the slow dripping of water somewhere up ahead. Suddenly, the mine wall ended, and Darkness enveloped the pair of rabbits. Puffie could not help but feel very alone in this area, even with Peter beside him.

Puffie's light winked out, a sign that the battery pack was flat. He continued walking in a straight line, and as he fumbled for another battery pack, he slammed into something hard. A dull clang silently echoed in the walls and Puffie partially fell back, Scared that he would see the flash of a light, and the illumination of a blaster pointed directly at him.

Last edited by Puffie40; Aug 27, 2006 at 09:33 AM.
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Aug 25, 2006, 01:28 PM
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Hmm, you want general tips?

1. Don't use yourself as a character.

2. Why are the miners rebelling?
The explanation of this is one sentence saying "They were rebelling." Why? There isn't any pathos associated with a statement of fact like that. Hell, write an entire chapter about what set in motion the rebellion, cause it seems fairly important.

3. Watch tense and agreement.

The elevator clangs to a stop, and Puffie searched the corridor beyond with the flashlight on his blaster.

This sentence changes to present tense, then back to past tense. Just an example.

No one was there except for a group of 5 rabbits at a table.

It's certainly not empty then, is it? So why insinuate that it was? This sentence contradicts itself.

The mine was silent again, except for the slow dripping of water somewhere up ahead.

Same thing here.

4. Don't caps a sentence.

"(-)! WE GOT A NEST OF 'EM!"

Talking in caps makes your writing less mature. Try using words with loaded connotations.

5. Don't capitalize non Proper nouns.

6. Type out numbers. Compare 20 to twenty.

7. Avoid repeating words unless it's to convery something big like theme.

Amber beams of light sizzled their way to the chest of a rebel, who clutched his chest.

In general, a lot of knowledge is assumed, which leads to confusion. What are Terminators? Everything you say needs an explanation, which is a great opprotunity to add details to your story and basically enrich it, so long as it dosen't start to drag everything down.
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Aug 25, 2006, 02:19 PM
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Thank you very much. I take those pointers and go over the chapters. For the last few months, I have been going back constantly and adding detail.

Quote:
1. Don't use yourself as a character.
I am not charactorizing myself. Puffie is my old stuffed rabbit (I know, it's kiddish ) and that led to me using it as a webname.

I know the plot has a big hole in it. I'll think of somthing...
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Aug 25, 2006, 07:05 PM
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Quote:
1. Don't use yourself as a character.
I don't see why not; plenty of people here do.


Quote:
The mine was silent again, except for the slow dripping of water somewhere up ahead.

Same thing here.
I wouldn't class this as a contradiciton, simalar phrases appear quite often in literature. While the 5 rabbits example is a contradiction, this has only one subject [the dripping] and it would even be correct to say 'it was silent except for the dripping of water, the sound of the miners footesteps and the constant tap-tap of steel on rock' where three subjects are linked by correct grammar.


Quote:
Talking in caps makes your writing less mature
Indeed, that is why we have the italics and bold functions.


Quote:
6. Type out numbers. Compare 20 to twenty.
There is a surprising amount of formality on whether a number should be written or typed; in general numbers of four or more sylables should be written as digits, as should decimals. Fractions are typed unless comples [One and a half hours, five eighths] Time can be either, but is usually written if on the hour, half hour or quarter hour [2:37 vs three oclock or a quarter to seven]
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Aug 26, 2006, 11:54 PM
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Chapter 3

(a new chapter will be added every two days. It will stop at chapter seven- That's how far I've done.)

Puffie was short of breath, staring at whatever he ran into. He expected at least some movement from the dark figure that hid in the shadows of dark, and he thought if he could try fighting it. But that thing could have a gun, and with his blaster needing a battery pack, and to move to reload the gun could get him shot. Instead, he heard Peter scurry toward him, and his light revealed a wide-eyed Puffie staring at the dark and inactive eyes of an old mining robot, its rock claws and insect-like legs folded neatly on the sides. Peter chuckled at Puffie’s plight.

"That's a mining robot, Puffie. Probably left when the mine shut down." Said Peter "Looks like it was forgotten when the robots were collected for redistribution"

Puffie could not believe it. He expected a turret, a rebel, or even a tank. But it turned out to be a MIN-12 Borer Class Mine-Bot. Puffie looked at the non- moving robot for another few seconds, and then looked for his blaster. After retrieving his weapon, He finished reloading it, and shone his light around the room. From the looks of the surroundings, and by all the gutted stands, this once was a control room used for robots. This room must have been one of the main control rooms for the robots processing ore, as it was rather large for a control room for mineral extraction. Puffie shone the light up at the roof, and saw a dim outline of the roof, about twenty-five feet high. Then he unfolded the map.

"Peter, the map shows we are near the main mining area. There are some airlocks just after this room, and the main elevator should be just after the pit known by miners as "The Chasm"."

Peter frowned. "We encountered no traps as of yet; something’s not right. We should have had to deal with trip wires, or explosives, or cave-ins, or-"

Peter was interrupted by a loud click and whirring sound. Puffie controlled his horror and asked "Peter? Is that sound what I think it is?"

Peter nodded nervously, as he stared into a pair of red glowing eyes.

"That mining bot's active."

As if in unison, Puffie and Peter shone their lights at the 'bot. It was unfolding its arms, and was starting to stand up on its 6 legs. Its rock claws, sharp enough to claw though solid rock gleamed in the light.

Puffie thought quickly. There must be someone controlling this thing! But in a mine like this, how would they find him? There where over 20 robot control rooms in a similar mine, and it would not help finding something like that with a hostile mining 'bot on your tail.

So, Puffie thought what can destroy a 'bot like this? Puffie fired a shot at the robot. The beam bounced off the metal shell that made the main frame for the robot. The robot ignored the shot and advanced toward the pair. "Oh, darn." Puffie said "A hostile robot that is invincible to blasters. Now what?" Peter and Puffie look at each other and run past the robot, just as they did, the robot tries to swipe at them.

Puffie grabs the radio “Scouts to terminators! Scouts to Terminators!” He shouted “We got a hostile robot in the mining corridor! We need backup fast!"

The robot rips its way through a gutted monitor stand, and scuttles toward Puffie.

A reply finally comes through the radio. “Acknowledged, scouts. We ran into what's left of that Rebel party you shot up. We will not be able to reinforce you immediately."

"(-) it!" Cursed Puffie. "Roger, Terminators. We will try to buy us some time. Over and Out!" Puffie Heard Peter, who was trying to distract the robot with his blaster, shout a warning to him, and Puffie leaped aside as a rock claw slammed down on the wall he was standing behind. "(-), it moves fast for a mining robot” Puffie thought. "This robot must have reflective shielding to prevent the lasers used to soften the rocks from frying it. How will I get into this guy?" His backpack jiggled and sagged its way into Puffie's mind. A thought of realization came to Puffie, and a quick smile came to his face. "Let's hope this works" Puffie thought as he turned to run towards peter.

The robot scuttled sideways and paused for a second at it searched for a target. Puffie lifted his rifle and fired a shot, aiming for the cameras that made its eyes. The shot reflected off, but if caused the robot to further delay. Puffie then ran past Peter, yelling “KEEP THAT TIN CAN DISTRACTED!" as he went by. Peter shouted an Acknowledgment, and sidestepped away from Puffie to keep the Mine-bot away from Puffie.

Puffie planted his back against the frame of a monitor stand. He gently pulled the explosives from his pack, along with the trip-mine unit. Glancing at Peter, who was running from the bot as it gave chase. Puffie then slipped the explosives into the mine, then grabbed his pack up and ran to a wide spot.

Puffie gently set the trip-mine so the laser faced the ceiling, and grabbed a battery pack and clicked it in place in the bomb body, sweating nervously as he hoped that the surge of power would not cause the bomb to explode.

The bomb whined as the capacitors in the bomb charged up. Puffie picked his pack up, Oriented himself with the room, and shouted to Peter, Shining the light at the bomb as a red laser projected from the mine.

Peter heard his name and glanced at Puffie. He saw an outline of Puffie, but noticed his light was shined at something resembling a box. He dashed beside the robot, forcing the robot to turn to face after him to pursue.

Peter then ran to the box, hearing the whirring, and the clicking of gears, the electronic noises the robot made as it screamed at Peter. He figured the robot, and the fate of being torn to ribbons, was about ten feet from him, and ever-so-slightly gaining.

Peter saw what Puffie was shining his light at, and smiled at what Puffie planned. He gave the mine a short berth, and Puffie joined Peter in running. Puffie and Peter were in the mine tunnel, and still running when they heard a loud explosion, followed by fierce tremors and the sound of falling rock.

Peter and Puffie cautiously backtracked, and breathed a sigh of relief when their light shone upon the ripped off side and arm of the mine-bot.

Puffie lifted the radio, which was transmitting. "Terminators to Scouts, Terminators to Scouts, Come in Scouts. You okay?"

"Yes, we are okay." Puffie replied to the radio "I had a little surprise for the 'bot." Puffie entered the room, and examined aftermath "The room with engagement partially caved in, but is still transversal. Wait for you to catch up?"

"Negative. We are right behind you." said a voice. Puffie turned around and found the group marching up to them. The Team leader shone his light up and examined the room, which had a pile of rocks covering half of the room. Amidst the rubble, lied the battered and folded chunk of metal that was once a mine-bot.

The Leader, who wore a helmet with a transparent green visor that displayed data from a small computer to the user, shook his head and gave a sigh. "Well boys, you took quite a gamble using such powerful explosives to kill that robot. If that room fully caved in, it would mean this mission would have failed." He lifted an eyebrow "Where did you get those explosives, anyway?"

"A rebel planted a laser trip-mine on the wall when we fought that group of them, Sir" Peter replied.

“That’s the equivalent of a stick of dynamite!” exclaimed a rabbit in the group. “More than a stick, considering the damage to the room.” Countered the team leader. “Next time, see if you can’t get some support. Some of the others here have a few EMP grenades.” And adds with a shrug “But then, who knows how long you would have lasted?"

Last edited by Puffie40; Aug 27, 2006 at 12:19 AM.
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Aug 29, 2006, 08:47 PM
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Chapter Four

After a short hallway from the control room, the tunnel opened up to a large vertical shaft, with a narrow pathway being the only path. A couple of old elevators hang in midair, and several cables are visible all the way to the pitch blackness that was the bottom.

The dripping sound was louder now, and a cool breeze gently blew into Puffie's face. Puffie shivered slightly and observed that there was the air-lock door a good two-hundred feet above where they where.

As Peter and Puffie walked silently, Puffie’s mind wandered back to Rabbitearth. The cool air of the mountains there was way fresher than this musty mine air. The dirt, trees and vegetation that grew in the forests of his hometown brought memories of racing his dirt bike down dirt roads with Peter, looking out for miles on top of a mountain, and diving in a lake to cool off and find fishing lures.

As the thought passes through his mind, he gets an idea, and grabs a rock. Peter noticed this and looked as Puffie tossed it over the side. There was a barely audible splash. "I did not know Minerva had water on it." Peter said.

"The Pit must go through an aquifer, holding water from the condensation that happens... But this might mean that anyone who took a plunge down there would have a hard time getting back up."

"That means that we have to follow the narrow trail up, and that's a lot of places for traps."

The two reached the point where the airlock was in sight, 100 feet of their position. As they approached the next bend in the uphill path, a start of an air-compressor jumped them off their feet. Puffie nearly lost his gun off the edge as he regained his balance from falling. Then an elevator started descending.

"This is bad" Peter said as they watched a spotlight click on aboard the elevator and begin searching the pathway.

Puffie thought fast. He was quite sure Peter would agree that they did not want to be caught like a deer in the headlights, but what should they do? They could split up, but-

He felt Peter grab his shoulder and push while in a run. He then grabbed his radio. "Terminators! Scouts here. We have an elevator with spotlights and possible mounted machine guns. We need support NOW!" Peter shouted into the radio as Puffie grabbed the idea and started running down the trail. "RPG getting in position scouts. Hightail it outta there!" replied the radio. The spotlight caught up with the running pair and a gun started puffing projectiles at them.

Rock chips flew as projectiles hit the wall. Puffie thought of the idea of screwing up the machinegun tracking by suddenly changing direction, but that would walk him right into the path of fire, and one a one second delay in turning around could get him nailed.

Almost immediately, a puff of smoke and a tracer emerged from the tunnel entrance, and a missile collided with the elevator, sending metal flying everywhere. Two rabbits tried to hold on to the remains of an elevator, but both fell off with a cry.

Some splashes sounded as Peter and Puffie caught their breath and watched as the group emerged from the tunnel. Puffie noticed a tank hanging from the still-descending elevator. “What kind of gun is that?” asked Puffie as a soldier came up.

“That’s a “Rebel Special”. Basically, it’s a rapid-fire air nail guns used just about anywhere. The rebs call them “Rifnil’s”

”I take it its homemade?”

“Pretty much.” The rabbit said as the team started moving up the trail. “Most of them are modified Construction guns. They don’t have much penetrating power, but make up for their rapid fire and common supply of ammo, if you can call it that. I’ve seen a few bodies literary pumped full of nails. Nasty.”

The elevator to the top was replaced with a ladder, so Puffie and Peter got the joy of climbing it and making sure there were no rebels waiting for them at the top. The first thing Puffie felt when he exited the mine was relief. He could only crawl around in those tunnels for so long before the world closes up on him.

An old military truck sat at the entrance of the mine. It had a decal on the side that Puffie could not recognize. It showed a two-toned background, with a rabbit holding a rifle in its hands high up. A mounted nail gun with a compressed air tank stood in the back.

“That’s the rebel’s insignia” said a rabbit from the task force. “This truck must have been military surplus that was imported from the moons. Note the vacuum shielding?” he said, pointing at the sealing around the doors and the air tank on the bottom of the vehicle.

The Task force leader toned in. “The base is about half a kilometer from here. We could use this truck to sneak in by the main entrance.” “What if the rebels are using ID checks?” asked Peter. “Why not just charge into the corner of the base like we planned?”
The leader shook his head. “The base is on a hill overlooking the valley. If we walk over to there, they would spot us. Also, I doubt this truck could climb that steep a hill.”

“Then we have to disguise ourselves.” Said Puffie, shuddering about the fact of scavenging from a battlefield.
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Aug 31, 2006, 07:43 PM
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Chapter Five

Later, the truck bounced up the dirt road that leads to the base. Puffie wore a leather jacket and jeans over his suit, his Rabbit Guard fatigues in his backpack. He still wore his helmet, but others had stashed it for other headgear. The rebels were good at scavenging equipment from battlefields, and clothing was one of them.

“Now group” Started the Team Leader. “We want to try and stick to the story of why we are returning. I don’t know how they will react, but if it blows, we get out guns blazing.”

A set of nods and the leader continued: “Once we get past, we drive over to the radar station unless they order us to a parking spot. Then we have to get over by person, perhaps a few at a time. The driver and gunman will play along until the strike begins.”

The driver frowned a little, but sighed and nodded.

5 minutes later, the truck pulls in front of the base gates. A pair of rebels walks up to the truck and look in.

“Coming back for more mines, buddy?”

“Yeah” said the driver. “Plus we’re bringing back some guys here that must have gotten a bad batch of breakfast.”

Puffie was leaning against the truck window, trying his best to look sick.

“Hmm, I guess you should let them off at the barracks. Then go get some more bombs at the dump. We have an active fortifying process here!”

The driver nodded, and the guards radioed the gate open. The truck scooted forward and headed over to what the base map identified as the barracks.

The team got off and walked over to the barracks. The leader motioned for a group of 2 solders to break off before they went inside. Peter patted Puffie goodbye and walked over to the Communications station.

The barracks was arraigned like the one at beta, and the group went into the basement. A game board was set up there, but no one was there. They waited five minutes before the leader whispered “Let’s go” and snuck out of the barracks. They came out and walked toward the radar station.

At the station, the leader motioned for the team to enter the building. They piled into the entrance. There, a female rabbit stood up from the controls “What is this?” She asked as standing up.

At this the team went into action. The leader grabbed the standing rabbit by the arm and slammed her against the wall. Puffie shoved another to the floor and planted his foot on him. Two others wrestled another against the counter and pinned his arm against his back. After overpowering the three, two went off and searched the rest of the building. “This is a take over” Said the leader in answer to the question.

Peter put down his pump-action shotgun and donned a headset. As he dialed in the guard frequency, he saw the truck pull away from the ammo dump. “Here’s to our one-way trip” Thought peter as the frequency filled with chatter from waiting tanks.

“All units, Green-Green. The dragon has the wool over its eyes.”

“Roger. Commencing…”

As Peter transferred information, the group led the captives into a corner, where two posted guard. Puffie decided to change back into his Rabbit Guard fatigues. It felt better than the leather jacket that felt a size too small anyway. The rest settled down to wait.

In thirty seconds, group of attack helicopters blew a hole in the wall, sending surprised shouts from everywhere in the base. A rebel burst into the station, shouting “We are under attack from the North! Why didn’t you-”

He stopped when he saw 4 guns trained on him and a grinning team leader. “You had better come in and rest your heels, soldier. It only takes an instant to blow you away.”

A forth prisoner joined the ranks in the corner, and Peter said from the radio band. “The tanks are finally arriving, with some jet support and troop crawlers.”

The leader assigned some extra soldiers to guard the prisoners, and motioned the others to follow. “We need to capture the other buildings. Com’on, guys” He said.

As they stepped out the building, they could hear the sound of gun blasts and laser fire. A “Archer” Tank raced past the building as old military tanks from their equipment yards started and raced to defend. The radio frequency was filled with chatter from various units that were engaged in battle.

A Pair of troop transports raced to a building, and 15 other infantry got out. Another one pulled to the communications building and opened up, a squad of rabbit soldiers emerging from the APC. “We have orders to reinforce your team. The squad leader began, when movement caught Puffie’s eye.

Puffie shouted a warning as a modified cargo truck with 3 antiaircraft guns leveled its guns at the now forming group.
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Sep 4, 2006, 09:36 PM
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Chapter Six

Puffie sprang into the armored carrier as 20mm bullets pummeled the transport and the now-scattering group. An attack helicopter spotted this and started attacking the gun-bed, and a pair of RPG equipped infantry fired at the antiaircraft gun from the cover of behind the transport. Puffie saw the cannon-grade machine guns were doing a toll on the group, who were still running from the wide open. Puffie turned his head with a shudder as the shells found and killed another soldier. He needed to distract that gun, and he decided the best way is with this vehicle.

Puffie rushed to the front of the crawler. The gun-bed’s bullets had gone through the windshield, killing the driver. Puffie shoved the driver’s body aside and punched the crawler into gear.

The rubber tracks spun as Puffie jammed it into a higher gear, and the crawler shot towards the gun-bed. As he expected, the guns turned on him and started punching away at the cab of the crawler. Puffie dashed to the floor and hoped the frontal armor on the vehicle holds.

In what seemed like a year, the crawler moved steadily moved forward, while 20mm bullets worked through the armor. Finally, the crawler shook as it hit the side of the gun-bed. There was a groaning sound, the feeling of the front of the vehicle lifting, a crash and as quickly as it started lifting, the crawler ceased forward momentum, and the gun-bed’s firing stopped. Puffie counted to ten, and got up. All he could see was some mountains and a view of Minerva’s’ red sky.

Puffie killed the crawler’s engine and walked to the open drop doors, and saw he was seven feet from the ground. The front of the crawler was on the side of the now-overturned gun-bed. A rebel was running from the truck for only a few seconds before getting shot with a laser blast.

The team leader and what was left of the infantry rushed over. The leader yelled at Puffie “That’s a good stunt, soldier, but we need to get to the gate control building!”
Puffie shrugged, and jumped down.

The door to the gate controls was kicked open, and a rabbit rushed it and slammed a button on the consul. The gate’s hydraulic rams flexed, and the gate slowly slid open. A group of rebels ran from around the command center, showering the area with shot, rifle bullets and laser beams.

Puffie fired his laser rifle at the group before running into cover. He switched his rifle to full auto and jumped back up. He fired a burst before being forced back into cover by a laser blast. Puffie crawled to the edge of his cover and fired his gun again. A sound of a vehicle entering the gate caused Puffie to look towards it. There was their captured truck, a little battered, and the sides full of bullet holes. The truck raced into action, firing nails at the group. This caught the rebel group off guard, and they scattered to cover.

A tank maneuvering for a better shot noticed an opportunity and fired at the pile of crates the rebels were hiding behind, and the explosion sent the rebels flying in various directions. The truck raced to the remaining rebels and the gunner yelled that if they wanted to live, they would surrender. A group of rabbits emerged with their hands on their heads in surrender.

A rocket from a building in the middle of the base hit a helicopter, causing the helicopter’s tail rotor to stop. The helicopter starts spinning out of control, and slammed into the line of Archer tanks. Armor flew and the three tanks the helicopter hit stop in their tracks. A rabbit from a downed tank climbs out and rushes over to the helicopter wreckage.

This caused several tanks to whirl around and blast the upper floors of the building to oblivion. Smoke billowed out from the building and debris fell to the ground as the building collapsed from within.

Then, a final explosion as a rebel tank’s ammunition detonated, then, the battlefield was quiet.
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Sep 5, 2006, 12:35 AM
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Everyone's reading, nobody's writing. [Well, except you obviously]
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Sep 8, 2006, 02:11 PM
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Chapter Seven

Puffie flipped up his visor and wiped his sweaty forehead. The temperature was supposedly 45 degrees Celsius, but it could be translated into the old saying of “Too (-) Hot.”

He was watching the cleanup of the battle, a process that has taken the fine total of two days. 10 legionnaires were killed, 15 were wounded while the rebels took heavier hits, with 40 dead and 15 captured. Peter was off for those two days because of the laser shot he took in the mine.

Puffie scanned the horizon and went back to watching the technicians take parts off of an irreparable Archer tank. His mind went back to the “officer” that appeared after the battle.

Puffie and John, another legionnaire, were escorting the prisoners from the communications building when they saw him approaching them the entrance. He wore all-black general-style uniform, dark glasses, and a general’s hat. His oxygen mask obstructed any facial features.

He asked Puffie “Is the Comm building intact?” Puffie replied “Should be, Sir. The building went down without a fight” “No wiping of the computer equipment?” “Negative, Sir. Why do you ask?”

“That’s not for you to know, Soldier.” He said gruffly, and entered the building. After about 20 minutes, he left the building and headed for a starting-up hummingbird helicopter. John came up to Puffie and asked “Who was that guy?”

“I don’t know, John.” Puffie said “There was no ID tag on his uniform. Very strange”

John shrugged “Ah, well, Puffie, let’s get back to securing P.O.W.’s. We got more important things right now.”

Puffie thought why an officer would be interested in if the computer equipment would have been wiped, but nothing made any sense. Then Puffie’s eye caught the movement of an APC coming over the hills, slightly darkened by the setting sun. “Probably the patrol change.” He thought, and walked to the approaching vehicle to address it.

*MEANWHILE:*

Jack looked out at the sunset and the dimming light on the abandoned quarry. The last few rays of light were caught cast a long shadow from a rusting, worn out dragline excavator from the pit that Jack was overlooking. The rebels set up a small base of operations here, and as far as anyone knew, there was nothing here but a few bits of scrap metal and some abandoned buildings, all owned by a close-to-bankruptcy mining company. I was a good 100 clicks from any city, which kept any vandals away.

Jack turned back and looked at his makeshift office. In the corner, a desk lamp lit a rabbit at a laptop, typing up a storm. Another rebel stood five feet from Jack, and he looked visibly nervous. He had reason to, as he just told the rebel leader bad news, and Jack was not happy with it.

“So tell me again why we lost that supply post?” he asked; a glint of fire in his eyes. The rebel stuttered as he was answering. “We…uh…we… had a team sneak in and take the radar station. Before we, uh… knew what was happening, we had choppers and tanks…err…overrunning us.”

“Thanks. I am disappointed, and those guys should have been tighter in security. I’m starting to doubt the intelligence of those idiots in Sulfon. Get out of here before I lose my temper”

The rebel breathed a sigh of relief and shakily walked his way out the door. Jack gave a long sigh and continued watching the sunset. He knew he was the leader of the rebellion, and he accepted that responsibility. He anticipated this bit of stress that there was a big chance the rebellion would fail, and if the government caught him, he would be drawn and quartered.

The start of the rebellion was necessary, though. The Rabbit Colonial Government was powered by greed. Working conditions were declining horribly, and workers were being killed every day as a result. The RCG didn’t care, though; as long as the mines filled the overly huge quotas every day, it would give you your daily ration, then send you straight to the next mine. Everyone was tired and mining companies feeling the pressure would force workers to work long hours, and cut corners with safety.

Protests and mining strikes only brought the fury of the Minerva Police, a basic militia formed by the RCG’s Rabbit Legion for law enforcement. Some of these protests broke out in riots, which quickly ended in blood.

Jack was an energy manager at the local power plant before the insurgency started. When he was fired for stopping security from beating an employee that was late 3 minutes, and was promptly kicked out of his company-supplied apartment, he decided that he had nothing to lose. A quick trip to the bar on the seedy side of town got the supporters he needed. Word spread very quickly, and by sundown was leading a large group of rabbits determined to get rid of the colonial government.

His gaze turned to the silhouette of a city in the distance. That city was Detamon. The rebels have that city turned into a war zone. Barring Rabbit Legion reinforcements, the rebels should overwhelm the police forces in close to another 24 hours. The rebels hold a large amount of the city, and the police are now reduced to guerilla fighting.

The Rabbit Legion was a big worry for Jack. They have remained uninvolved in this fight, and now the government is calling for military support. If the legion kicks in, the fight would have the tables turned quite quickly. He needed something to distract the military until the rebels can gain a major foothold to at least form a separate country. He was looking at the sky 4 days ago when the idea hit him, and now it has evolved into an actual war plan-

His train of thought was interrupted by a “Sir?” coming from behind him. Jack slowly turned around to find the rabbit at the laptop staring at him “Yes?” Jack said finally.

“I think I got in” the rabbit said. Jack walked over to the rabbit, which had looked like he had spent many a sleepless night at a computer screen. He was referred to by black market merchants for his expertise in hacking into computer systems and exiting without a trace. Jack had used his services for securing cash before, but this job was a lot more serious. Even the hacker himself said it could be disastrous to the rebellion, and wanted three-quarters of the cash up front.

Jack got to the desk and asked “So you think you broke past the security?” “Pretty sure boss.” Replied the hacker, and motioned for Jack to come around, which Jack did and looked at the hacker’s laptop screen. The hacker pressed a few more keys, and the screen turned a dark blue.

Finally, after a long pause, options filled the screen “Welcome, to the WestStar Space Station’s control system setup page” The laptop speakers said. The hacker rubbed his hands together in joy.

Jack grinned. This should be a great plan.

Last edited by Puffie40; Dec 23, 2006 at 01:30 AM.
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Sep 8, 2006, 02:16 PM
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'k guys. that's all- for now, that is. I did start work on chapter eight, and I'll add detail to the previous chapters. Right now, I feel that chapter seven needs more work than the rest, but i'll fix it.

Please- Tell me what you think so far.
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Sep 11, 2006, 09:29 AM
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not all at once please
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Sep 11, 2006, 11:10 PM
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Sorry, I was a.) Waiting for someone else to post, b.) Forgetful and c.) Busy due to having something pulled outta my abdomen [don't ask]

Well, lets see, where to begin... Well, I think that for a first effort its certainly pretty (-) good [though I'm not a conessieur of literature] I prefer a more paragraphed structure myself, but thats just me. Apart from a few scattered grammatical errors and somewhat loose plot its very well constructed.

So uh... yeah.
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