On second thought, ignore that. List spells.

Claim Page. YAY!

You have learned to cast Bless and Haste. You notice Fooruman dancing around near the door. "Hey, you're a wizard or something. What spells do you know?"
The old wizard slides towards you on his knees and ominously whispers "The extent of my powers is far too vast for your small, chewy mind to comprehend, child! But, being the arcane master of the toaster I am, I shall tell you all I know. I can deal great damage to any surface created from wood; I can ward away the element of sulfur and the people of Ireland; I can disable the use of springs constructed from the material of paper," he stops to breathe for a minute, "I can break the very molecular bonds of both screwdrivers and rubber; and I can even invert the color of ANY lens. Brazil." At this, he resumes dancing.

Is the Dragon Irish?
Cast Irish Ward on everyone and approach the dragon.

You cast Irish Ward and charge at the dragon. It breathes a blast of fire at you and burns you all to a crisp. And you still don't know if it was Irish or not. Game loaded from 282.

Originally Posted by Xion

Wait for dragon to leap, then slide underneath it to the door

Ahem?

You wait until the dragon leaps at the door and attempt to slide under it. Unfortunately, it has jumped too low and takes your head off. It hurts a little, but more importantly kills you instantly. Loaded from 282 =D.

Retry untill it works

It won't, I promise.

Here's an idea:

Cast: Haste: Shuri
Cast: Haste: Fooruman
Cast: Haste: Leetzan

Run around dragon to door. IT HAD BETTER NOT BE LOCKED. >(

I don't think there is any middenite left, is there? ;o.

Throw Scrapstrudel at dragon?

You cast haste and attempt to run past the dragon. Unfortunately, you do not run fast enough and get toasted. Loaded from whatever the last time you didn't die was.

Post 282.

Hit head against wall. X(

Runn across the control panel, then cartwheel under the hand, the push the hand off the control room.

Wait! The dragon's breath is sulfuric! Fooruman can ward away sulfur, taking out the dragon's ability to breathe fire!

Have Fooruman cast 'Ward Sulfur'. Then cast 'Haste' and make a mad dash for the door. If the party dies, just cast 'Ward Sulfur'.

-ThO

"Wizard! Use the Sulfur Ward!" you command Fooruman.
"Brilliant idea, sir!" he says, walking into the room with the dragon. The wizard raises his staff and it emits a bright light. "Quickly, my homey comrades! follow me!"
The four of you charge into the room, lead by Fooruman. The dragon is pushed back against the wall by an invisible force and emits another high-pitched roar. The guy with the CD player walks out of the far door and starts playing the Lord of the Rings theme. As you reach the other side, L33tz4n walks up to the CD player guy.
"How did you g3t-"
"Employee enterance," he says, "just ignore me."
The five of you walk through the door, closing it behind you (heh, like a wooden door will stop a dragon). In front of you stands a short stretch of hallway with another door at the end. This door, however, is made from thick iron plates bolted together. Still, it appears that you can unlock it from your side. The Mythslayer turns to you. "I must depart," he says, and vanishes without another word.
L33tz4n approaches the iron door. "I don't like how this one looks. I mean, if they had a wooden door in in front of the dragon..."
You notice the guy with the CD player smiling slightly as he slides a disk of classical piano music into his player. Clearly, he knows what's behind the door.

Well, at least I got half of the equation right... =/

Approach door.
Touch door.
Put ear up against door.
Open door.

Awww, Odin! I was just about to suggest that. *snaps finger*

Anyways. Ask the CD-player guy what's behind the door.
Prepare for battle.
And yes, open door.

Tell Fooruman to lick the door.

"What's in there?" you ask the guy with the CD player
"Dude, if I tell you, it, like, totally ruins it. Just go in," he responds. The crypticness of his mindless ramblings makes you uncomfortable.
You approach the door, and, thankfully, the door has no reaction. You stare at the door for a little while. Nothing seems unusual about it. Slowly, you reach your hand out and touch it. The door feels cold, but it hasn't attacked you or anything - yet. You kneel down and put your ear against the door. You are unable to hear anything from the other side, but it could just be sound proof.
"It looks safe," you tell to L33tz4n and Fooruman. You draw your sword and back away from the door a bit, ready to kick it open and charge in. L33tz4n readies her whip and Fooruman starts doing the polka. You take a deep breath, kick open the door and charge through the doorway.
L33tz4n pauses with surprise; you trip over her tail and come crashing to the ground. Fooruman, taking this is a command, jumps up and dives head-first into the floor.
The floor is made from tiles with little flowers printed on the corners. You slowly get up, sword still in hand, and look around. This whole room seems extremely well furnished, from the silky, pale purple curtains to the antique furniture; it's exactly like the inside of some cozy house.
A middle aged woman in a dress enters from around the corner. "Well I ne'ah! Hoh spiffing it is to see you, one's old bean,! what brings you, one's old bean, to one's jolly mansiohn? Heavens above! How smashing!" she says. You just stare at her for a moment. "Well, fie dane't leay there ohn the ground; get up and join myself for ah cup of teah! Absolutely top hole - I have to say."

Any doors in room?

There are no doors in sight, but the room is fairly complex shaped. You are guessing there is an exit around a corner somewhere.

As 'that' seems to speak more senselessly than SmarterChild, I guess we couldn't use Fooruman, because Unfooruman wouldn't made something THAT easy.

Ask woman : ASL?

...why does her linguistics sound much of that like Fox's?

Get off the ground and stand up
say: "Greetings! I am Shurkien, a ferret ninja. This is L33tz4n, an ex-minion of the snuffus, now just a plain minion. And the idiot in the purple robe over there is Fooruman. We have no clue why he comes along, he just does."
==Point out each person as you introduce them
Say: "And you might be?"

You climb off the ground and address the woman. "Greetings. I am Shurkien, ferret blademaiden," you say, almost calling yourself a ninja, "this is L33tz4n, former minion of the Snuffus," you explain, pointing towards L33tz4n. You gesture towards Foruman, "That's Fooruman. I'm not sure why he comes along. And you might be?"
"You, one's old bean, can fie address myself as Mary," she says, "Goodness me! Well I say - you kids butchah fancy you've fie bin through ah waaar!"
"I guess that's somewhat accurate," L33tz4n says, smiling.
The lady laughs and pats L33tz4n on the back. "One was fie about to take ah pew for teah. Shant ye join myself? Absolutely top hole - I have to say."

"Yes, thank you. No lumps, please."

"Yes, thank you," you say, "no lumps, please."
"Splendid! folloh myself," the lady says, leading you into the next room. You, L33tz4n, and Fooruman follow her and sit down at a small round table. The lady leaves the room and returns a moment later with a tray holding a teapot, some cups, some small sandwiches, and all the other stuff I don't feel like listing. L33tz4n looks at the sandwiches hungrily and glances towards you, awaiting your approval. This is an evil fortress, after all.
"Tell myself, deaaars, what brings ye here?" the lady asks.

"We're on a pilgrimage to meet the people in charge of all the four Placespot islands, and extend our greetings towards them."
Shrug slightly towards L33tz4n.

You shrug in response to L33tz4n's question. "What's that mean?" she whispers.
"Anyway," you tell the woman, "we're on a pilgrimage to meet the people in charge of all the four Placespot islands, and extend our greetings towards them."
"Soh you, one's old bean, aaare adventurers, I? Eh could ne'ah be one myself; toohh much stuff to caaarry." she says.
You shrug. "Eh. The armour gets kind of annoying, but that's about eht."
"Oh stop it! You tease!" the woman replies.

Say: "Look at Fooruman, he's just wearing a bathrobe and a hat! I guess if you have arcane magic powers you don't need much in terms of defence."
Mouth to L337z4n: "take one, check it."

"Jus look et Fooruman," you say, gesturing towards the wizard, who has just gotten himself a cup of tea, "e's just wearing a bathrobe and a hat! One guess if you have aarcane magic powers you don't need much en terms of defence."
You kick L33tz4n's tail to get her attention. "Take one; check it," you mouth to her while the lady is laughing at your remark about the bath robe.
L33tz4n picks up one of the sandwiches. "What am I checking for?" she mouths back.
"Soh, it's fie the three of you, one's old bean?" the woman interrupts your conversation.
"No, there were some uhthers. They f3ll in a hole," L33tz4n replies.
"I'm terribly sorry, ah pity. hopefully they'll be jollyoh," the lady says, smiling. She turns to Fooruman. "Soh, aaarcane powers? Do tell!"
As Fooruman does his dramatic act, you resume your conversation with L33tz4n. "I dane't know, check for raaazors or something."
"Oh, fancy that wouldn't be obvious," she whispers back.

Whisper to l337z4n: "sniff it, see if there's any like strange smells like bad food."

Just in case it's not obvious, Mary is subtly influencing the speech of both Shuriken and L33tz4n. I have no idea if Fooruman is affected.
...yeah. just in case.

*goes off to look for JDC pregames*

Run away screaming!

"See if there're any baaarmy smells or something," you tell L33tz4n. She sniffs the sandwich, shrugs, and takes a bite. She doesn't drop dead or anything, which is a good sign.
You wait a minute longer to make sure L33tz4n doesn't die, then take a bite of one of the sandwiches yourself. Considering the last thing you had to eat was half a burned mouse, it's quite enjoyable. Still, you notice that you seem to be developing an accent and that scares you.
"Well I say," you whisper to L33tz4n, "one think we should leg it awah screaming."
"Leg it? Why would we fancy to... noh, wait, I see," she replies, clearly surprised at her own voice.
You start to get up, but Mary pushes you back into your seat. "Well I say - dane't be in such ah jiffy! Ye can't leave yet, one's old bean, fie got here."
L33tz4n looks at you, shrugs, and takes another sandwich. "You knoh, we did fie aaarr1ve h3re," she says to you.

Kick Mary's leg

Check inventory. Probably still only that tail.. is there any way to find out whether it has any neat abilities or anything?
And ask the lady where she's from.

...

Analyze: Area
If: Magic = Present
==Use Tail of Xeltoth
==Analyze: Area
If: Magic != Present
==END

Originally Posted by Xion

...

Analyze: Area
If: Magic = Present
==Use Tail of Xeltoth
==Analyze: Area
If: Magic != Present
==END

>O
NO MACROS
NO MACROS
NO MACROS
NO MACROS
NO MACROS
NO MACROS
NO MACROS
NO MACROS
NO MACROS
NO MACROS
NO MACROS
NO MACROS
NO MACROS
NO MACROS
NO MACROS
NO MACROS
NO MACROS
NO MACROS
NO MACROS

Originally Posted by Xion

Analyze: Area
If: Magic = Present
==Use Tail of Xeltoth
==Analyze: Area
If: Magic != Present
==END

OOMG MACRO >(((

oh shut it. I'm merely asking if there's a magical aura in the area. If there is, I want it dispelled. If not, ignore me.