Here:

Originally Posted by Radium

Uberbob uses the Nocake!
> Merpeople take 60 damage.
> Merman Sporkwielder dies!
> The brain died becuase the dictionary was chasing the chicken.
> Mermaid Mindhacker gains 50 HP!
> Nocake casts Sux Ward.
> VelKasha looks like a damp generic object.
> Nocake takes 30 damage.
> Uberbob has obtained machine gun!
> Uberbob has lost machine gun!
> It's snowing in Kyro!
> Sphinx takes 257234634 damage.
> Sphinx dies!
> LSOD has been destroyed!
> Celine Dion is melting the grass.
> Seer Orb has been destroyed!
> The weather report doesn't enjoy throwing the injured store
> Dirt has turned to paper!
> Slim is so electric that I am buying the lighter.
> Paper catches on fire!
> Wings have been ignited! Underwater!
> Wings and paper have been destroyed.
> Masking tape has evolved to a higher pane of existence!
> Sea Lemon eats Danger Muffin!
> Danger Muffin eats Sea Lemon!
> Behind the ghetto nose lies a fluffy musical instrument.
> Nocake casts Chaos Ward on Chaos Grape!
> Chaos Grape has been disenchanted!
> Uberbob is choking!
> School bus plus bunny equals ship.
> L33tz4n is hungry!
> Fawriel loses 10 IQ points.
> Aboard the green suit lies a cheap cat.
> Nocake explodes.
> Blademaster dies.
> Nocake casts Save Game, even though it already exploded.

Awww, evil.

Look east through: Fruits.
Look east through: Vial.
Look east through: Two fingers held in a circle.

Claim: Page.
Claim: Previous Page.

You look east through the fruit. East looks green. You look east through the vial. East looks east. You look east through two fingers. East looks like you don't have a hand.

Suddenly, L33tz4n is lifted off the ground by something. She screams in terror.

Faw: Attack area behind/beneath L33tz4n with Spear.
Araches: Attack same area with Staff.
Fooruman: Attack same area with Staff.
Uberbob: Attack same area with Pearldiver's Knife.

Your party lashes out with their weapons in the enemy's general direction. There's high pitch roar, spray of greenish-white blood, and L33tz4n is violently thrown across the path into a tree. The creature flickers into visibility and falls to the ground. It bounces around like a fish for a while before dying.
For the first time, you manage to get a look at the creature. It has two legs and four tentacle-like arms. It's quite large, almost ten feet tall, and its body shape is best described as "Strong Mad". The creature appears to have no eyes or nose, and is covered with very small scales. The occasional ray of light shoots through the scales. No doubt, this creature's skin is nothing more than a giant, natural monitor.

Stop examining the dead thing and rush over to L33tz4n.

You stop looking at the dead thing (even though it's quite entertaining) and rush over to L33t4n. She appears to be unconsious. Actually, she is unconsious.

Is she wounded?

Tell Faw to conduct a complete examination of the dead thing, and to be ready with results once finished.

The back of her head seems to be bleeding a little. From being thrown into a tree, probably.

Fawriel begins to examine the dead thing. Araches helps.

Create a poultice.

Does anyone get extra magic for defeating the MonitorMad?

You make a poultice out of something and apply it. You feel like a doctor now! +.0001 morale!

And no, you don't get any EXP. You don't know why.

Ask Faw if it's good to let people with head injuries rest.

"I dunno," says Faw, "I only took the first year of medical school... but I took it four times!"

"Ok... you go back to your examination, then."

Think of asking Fooruman, but decide against it. Wake up L33tz4n to ask if you should let her rest or not.

"Ok... you go back to your examination, then," you tell Faw. You consider asking Fooruman, but decide better.
L33tz4n starts to wake up a bit. "\/\/h47," she shakes her head, "what happened?"

"You were attacked by a living computer screen, so we killed it. Unfortunately, it kind of threw you at a tree."

"You were attacked by a living computer screen," you explain, "so we killed it. Unfortunately, it kind of threw you at a tree."
L33tz4n looks towards the dead creature, clearly thinking about something. "Go get help in town," she says, before passing out again.

"Araches, you're probably the most trustworthy. Go get someone helpful from town; I'll keep Faw out of trouble."

Take the stick out of Faw's hands, and ask what he's found so far. Keep an eye on Fooruman just in case.

"Araches, you're probably the most trustworthy," you say, "go get someone helpful from town; I'll keep Faw out of trouble."
"Mkay, whatever," Araches says, leaving.
You ask Faw what he's found so far. "I think it's dead," he says sadly.

Just for fun, I'll let you decide who Araches gets. Someone from the town or from Fooruman's old gang.

Ehh... Scholar Sam. Try to get Foo, too.

Don't bite the hand that feeds you.

Araches returns with Scholar Sam. "I was told you required my assistance," he says. His eyes move to the dead creature. "A baby Pathbinder! Funny, these usually don't come out until winter."

"Are they sae - wait, baby?"

"Aye, a little girl D=," he says. You aren't sure how he said a smiley, but you're pretty sure it had to do with magic.

"How... how big are the adults?"

"Well, they're a strange species," Sam explains, "they don't have adults and kids like most species, they just sort of grow until someone kills them. They generally prefer cold places, though."

"And how do they reproduce?"

"They're kind of like a normal two-gender reptillian species. Only they don't die from age."

"Well, sounds harmless enough! Could you take a look at L33tz4n? None of us are really all that good at doctor stuff."

"You seem afraid of creatures that reproduce through cruel and unusual ways. Ran into werewolfs or vampires lately?" Scholar Sam asks, "Well, I guess vamps are kind of native to-" He abruptly stops and proceeds to unclimatically cast "Uberheal" on L33tz4n. "Let her rest for a while," he says.

"I don't suppose you could teach that spell to us?"

"Oh, no," he explains, "you're all too stupid."

Sigh.
"No, it's just that I never was taught quite how babies were made, so I thought maybe if I pieced together stories from other species, I'd get a general idea."

There's a long silence. "Well, I have an... um... appointment to get to," he explains. He has sounded nervous ever since he happened to mention vampires. "Cya then," he says as he begins to walk off.

"Wait! What's the best way to avoid or repel Pathbinders?"

"If you surround them, one of you'll have to see them not matching their surroundings," he says unusually fast, "now, I have business to attend to..." His eyes are shooting around more nervously than before.

"Did Foo get bitten by a vampire?"

"What? Nooo, my scribe isn't part of this... not that there is any 'this' at all..." he says.
"Sam," Fooruman speaks threateningly, "you aren't..."
"He's dead now, and I'm just finishing it up!" the scholar practically screams back at Fooruman, storming away into the forest. You look at Araches confusedly.

"What was that all about, Fooruman?"

"Something completely unimportant you're better off not being concerned with," he says.

"I don't believe you." Attempt to use Sam's magic smiley thing.