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sweetness 001

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Jan 14, 2007, 10:58 AM
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My story >.> [Warning: Potentially Mature content]

HI!! my names sweetness 001. a friend and I showed this forum to be and I decided id swing my best at writing some fanfiction …. Lol im not very good yet so bare with me. So, here goes nothng.

PS also, pls don’t laugh at my English, im only 13 but im way way way better at histry.

book 1 – the returnening

it was a dark and stormy nite, on carotus, and it was raining. Jazz and three frends of his named shadow, carlsbad jenkins, and nate (authors note;named after my brothers frend lol) were fiting some turtles. their were many turtles and they were slowly starting to win over jazz and carlsbad and shadow. one of them bit shadow on the neck. “oh (-)” shadow said “I cant breave“. “don’t you have 2 like hearts remanning” jazz asked but shadow was like “no, I lied to u so you didnt spent yout time, trying to defend me, that was my last heart.”

jazz cried but it was too late because shadow was dead and their were no carots around. jazz didnt have time to be sad thou b/c there wrere more turtles rappidly attacking him and carlsbad jenkins. carlsbad was wildly swining his 2 lightsavers he made himself but they wernt as good as normal litesavers and the turtles surrounded him and started 2 attack him 2. “jazz help me” he screamd as a turtle tore out his thymus. jazz could barely hear him thou b/c jazz was so sad b/c his friend shadow had just been killed rite in front ofh im a few seconds prier.

he could barly keep his own thouts straight in that kind of pain. carlsbadscreamt in that kind of pain as he spewed blood and lungs and stuff out of his chest but soon he was out of hearts 2 and he died. jazz was the only 1 left standing alive. suddenly a misterius person lept over the battle and landed beside jazz and started killing turtles faster thananyone he had ever seen in his life on carotus. she looked like sonic but was a girl and her hair was glowing purple and her eyes were as beautiful as gems tha tare made of the glosy stuff on wood tables.

she was killing all the turtles with like a bow on a string on a stick but it could still shoot arrows (made of lazer) b/c it was magic. and in like ten seconds all the turtles were dead. jazz was really sad b/c all his frends were dead 2 but he couldnt stop thinking about the beautiful girl standing in front of him. she winked at him and wings came out of her back “meet me at the hotel 2nite and bring protection” she taunted as she flew away into the clouds.

Last edited by sweetness 001; Jan 14, 2007 at 05:26 PM.
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Jan 14, 2007, 05:22 PM
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...You have made me very, very upset.

I'd lose my temper...but thankfully, for you and all living things, I have self-control...(at the moment anyway...) Let me explain some things to you.

1. Joshua Lightwalker is MY character. You should've asked for permission.

2. He wouldn't be killed by something as lame as one of Devan's turtles, heck, the only way he could die is either against Assassin Aharon, who is dead, or his father, who has left the Video Dimension.

3. Joshua can't die of blood-loss. He regenerates it after a certain amount of time. Even if he did, the power of the Gameboy Crystals would keep him alive until then.

Now, that aside, try to be more careful in the future, and if you need help, don't hesitate to ask. I'm around.

Just...re-edit the last chapter, Okay? I don't want to see my character(s) die unless it's by my own hands. Now be a good...uh? Girl? And click on the shiny Edit button, and remove the part where I...I mean Joshua died.

Thank you.
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sweetness 001

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Jan 14, 2007, 05:25 PM
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im so sorry. i misunderstand how the character thread worked. ill replace your character with 1 of my own right away. i lik to write sad storys so naturally people die
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Jan 14, 2007, 05:50 PM
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It's no problem. Just let me know if you need a hand. I just finished my other story on the Dimension In Darkness topic...and started the Doomsday Project...
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Jan 14, 2007, 06:14 PM
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thx superjwren329

BOOK 2- the meeting

that nite jazz went to the only hotel on carotus, where he met the mysterius girl he had seen earlyer. “I brought armor” jazz said to the girl. “good, ull need it. im going 2 show u how to fite.” jazz laughed “I dont think it need armor when fiting a girl.”

before he could aim his gun she had pinned his tail to the ground with an arrow from her magic lazer bow on a string ona stick. “ow jazz said “that hurts a bunch.” do you believe I can fite now” she asked. “yeah” jazz said. “just who r u anyway” he asked “i never saw ne1 like u”

“thats b/c every1 else like me is dead,” she said. “my name is sweetness 001 and I was the princess of my planet that I camefrom” wile they were saying this they were still fiting and jazz was defeated again. “was your planet killed by devins turtles 2”? jazz said, making him remember his frends, that died and making him sad. “no” sweetness 001 said, laughing slitely, “something much worse”. jazz was suprised.

“what coud be worse than turtles “ he asked while sweetness 001 continued to hand him his (-) on a plate. jazz was no match for her. then she shot him rite in the thymus and thru his armor. “why am I not dead” jazz shouted. “because these arrows are magic and they only kill people if I want them 2.”

“wow jazz said “that must be useful. so who are these guys more dangerys than the turtles” jazz said. “not guys guy” she said “his name is sephiroph and hes worse than any turtle uv faced. also hes using turtles as scouts. we could get impotent informacion if we intercept some of them, but well need a plan.”

“and I have a plan” she said. she took a talisman out of her pocket. “when u put this on it will turn you in2 a ghost and ul be able to hide inside other people” she said. “how will this help us” jazz said. “we can anbush them” she said.

“youll hide inside me and ill pretend im lost and helpless and when the turtles come to me ill give u a single and youll come and well both kill them. my single will be a scream so it isnt sumthing suspicius like “hey u, come help me””. “ok, well use your plan” jazz said. “its really important this goes perfect so remember once ur inside me dont come until I scream” she said. “ok lets go” jazz said.
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Jan 14, 2007, 06:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by superjwren329
1. Joshua Lightwalker is MY character. You should've asked for permission.
Seriously, and don't forget to ask Epic to ask for permission to use Jazz. I mean, seriously is the world so insane that no one asks for rights to write about fictional characters these days?

End sarcasm.

I'm not going to tackle points 2-3 since I believe they've already been deconstructed in your older thread.
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Jan 14, 2007, 07:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetness 001
...he couldnt stop thinking about the beautiful girl standing in front of him. she winked at him and wings came out of her back “meet me at the hotel 2nite and bring protection” she taunted as she flew away into the clouds.
...??!

Quote:
that nite jazz went to the only hotel on carotus, where he met the mysterius girl he had seen earlyer. “I brought armor” jazz said to the girl. “good, ull need it. im going 2 show u how to fite.”
oh thank GOD. This went in a much better direction than I was anticipating.

Quote:
“its really important this goes perfect so remember once ur inside me dont come until I scream”
...or no, maybe it didn't.
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Jan 14, 2007, 08:14 PM
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(mocking)
Hah...Wasn't expectin you to grace us with your presence...So what brings you ere, Mister Vice President...?

Some bad news, perhaps?

Don't worry about how the story is going, sweetness 101. It's readable. I've got a brother who types...spells QUITE badly.
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Jan 14, 2007, 08:40 PM
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Grace you with my... I've hung around this forum for near on six years now. I even write stuff from time to time! People like it. I was "brought here" specifically by the fact that new topics were appearing in the Tavern, which is always worthy of investigating. I don't see why my presence should be objectionable.
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Jan 14, 2007, 08:46 PM
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Well...I haven't seen you here...I didn't mean any offence, Violet/Unknown.

Heh. So, I type stuff MORE than time to time. I do it nearly every day. It's all I can do. Where I am, I can't go outside, otherwise I could get hurt. I'm quite...delicate.

Besides, If I knew this place existed, I would have been here ages ago...Oh well...back to The Doomsday Project...
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Jan 14, 2007, 09:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by superjwren329
...You have made me very, very upset.

I'd lose my temper...but thankfully, for you and all living things, I have self-control...(at the moment anyway...) Let me explain some things to you.

1. Joshua Lightwalker is MY character. You should've asked for permission.

2. He wouldn't be killed by something as lame as one of Devan's turtles, heck, the only way he could die is either against Assassin Aharon, who is dead, or his father, who has left the Video Dimension.

3. Joshua can't die of blood-loss. He regenerates it after a certain amount of time. Even if he did, the power of the Gameboy Crystals would keep him alive until then.

Now, that aside, try to be more careful in the future, and if you need help, don't hesitate to ask. I'm around.

Just...re-edit the last chapter, Okay? I don't want to see my character(s) die unless it's by my own hands. Now be a good...uh? Girl? And click on the shiny Edit button, and remove the part where I...I mean Joshua died.

Thank you.
Excuse me, but you agreed to put your character for unfettered use on the everyone's character thread. If you're going to be breathing down other author's necks for how they decide to use it, then who in their right minds is going to consider using him ever again? You should be HONORED of all things that somebody else considered your character noteworthy enough, especially for a dramatic purpose such as detailing his death. Your character can be detailed by you as much as possible, but to place creative restrictions on a character you gave unfettered access is ludicrious, and completly against the point of the Everyone's Characters thread.

Who do you think you are to threaten another author? Granted, she should have asked for permission, but that's mostly out of her not knowing any better. However, given that, to say how upset you are and angry over this incident, to the point of brow-beating somebody from using your character shows that you clearly lack the maturity to let your character be used by somebody else. Your second statement about how Joshua cannot except by the hands of another of your characters brings about a concept I couldn't have even dreamed about. The expectation here is that somebody is forced to use not one, but all of your characters to work properly. Therefore, they're designed without modulation in mind and cannot function in any way other than how you perceive it. Point 3? Did you even PRETEND to hint a this in your profile?

You've just shot yourself in the foot. A person decides to use your character, and you yell at them for it? Who's going to repeat that mistake of thinking that they're allowed to use it now? Obviously, you don't appreciate other author's ideas and interpretations of your character because it's outside your will.

As a parting remark : "where I...I mean Joshua died." You are not Joshua. Don't pretend to be. This isn't a place where you post your fantasy life.
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Jan 14, 2007, 09:17 PM
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Hello faker.
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Jan 15, 2007, 12:54 AM
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...Ugh...Well...I am quite happy that some DID us my character...but...he's...he's the person I would want to be...but I can't. Due to so many things restricting us...Heh...Imagine someone with my exact ideas and appearance walking down the street.

Joshua:...You...

That's right. I am you. You are me. We both share the same last name....Lightwalker. I know it's not the greatest...but...It's who I am. I don't mind my character being used, just as long they don't do it in a stupid way...I don't care what you think, Strato, this is the life I wish I had. I can't be accepted by other people in real life. I'm an outcast...I had ONE friend...and he DIED. So why else do you think he's in my stories? Because thier the best of friends, and something to remember him by. I know that it's odd, but my life is quite dull...and the only reason I bother staying alive.

I get more depressed than angry, I was just trying to put off people from placing my character in a negative story. If he were to die, part of me would too. I know you're probably thinking 'He's talking garbage'. Well something new for you...This is the truth. Once you live through a live like mine, then you might see why I do this, to try and make my miserable existance a bit better. Why don't I just die? Because I fear death. I don't want it to happen to me...I...I'm afraid.

I'm sorry for getting mad, nOOb. I'll let you off...and you can use my character. sweetness 001, you too...both of you...just...just be careful of my feelings, okay? I'm kinda of an emotional guy...and...to top it off...I have some small mental problems.

Joshua:...Glad you got that off your chest?

...Haahah...Sorry about all this. Just...Just let's not have a huge disagreement over this. I don't want to turn this place into a flame warground. Keep up the good work. This place has a lot of potential...even though this has a FEW spelling errors, I could correct them for you, if you wish, Sweetness 001. It's just I've got quite a bit of spare time.

A LOT.

Only able to be inside, near my computer in my room...in the holidays...there isn't much else I can do. I'm dangerous to society. I'm not liked by many people, and many others think me as a freak. I'm hated. Everyone I've met wants me to die.

And no, I'm not kidding. My life's been hard. Because of this, you know I'm only going to live to 50. Partially...because of my brother. He's normal. He makes fun off me. My own family is reluctant to come near me...

There. If I had anything else to say, I would...but I'm not here to blabber on. I just wanted to say what I was feeling and why. If you all hate me here, then so be it. I'll just place my stories else where...even though there might be a slim glimmer of light that it would be appreciated.

I'm sure there isn't many people here.

Now...I'm shuting up. I don't want to say anything else...I've almost made myself even more depressed, having to say all of this. See, my character is like me. Only that he has friends...happiness. Me? I've got nothing but my Video Games...and typing.
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Last edited by superjwren329; Jan 15, 2007 at 01:08 AM.
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Jan 15, 2007, 01:32 AM
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I understand that this is not the proper thread to discuss this, but I don't really see a better one, and I suspect this topic may be split anyway...

Joshua, or jwren, whichever you'd prefer being called, I don't think the profiles thread has specific rules about people using other people's characters. This may well change. In any case, if you have reservations about how you are willing to let people use your character, you should explicitly place them in the same post as the profile. If people do not follow your restrictions then, they have no excuse.
Second, I would advice against putting characters in the profiles thread that you have such a high level of emotional attachment to. For one thing, just in terms of bidding for use, people are more likely to choose a profile that allows them maximum versatility in what they are allowed to do with it. In many cases people do not know every detail of their planned story, and if some months in the plot calls for something to happen to a character that its creator forbids, then that's not good.
As it stands, you have a very powerful, skilled, shall we say "cool" character who is basically a form of wish fulfillment for you. There is nothing wrong with that on its own. There is nothing inherently wrong with your coming up with stories about that character for yourself. However, such a character is extremely limiting in terms of storytelling... if hardly anything can happen to him physically, and probably not too much in terms of negative emotions either on account of the emotional attachment, then there is going to be very limited interest on the part of neutral readers. People aren't going to wonder "what's going to happen to Joshua?" if the answer is always going to be along the lines of "nothing." You will be excited to see what happen to him, because he's your character, but other people will not have that attachment.
Basically, when you're writing something, decide who your audience is. If it's just a story for you, include all the heroic stuff you want. But if it's a story you want to be public, you have to make the readers care about what's going on, and that involves uncertainty and weakness. And you have to be willing to let other authors do that too, if you want successful characters.
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Jan 15, 2007, 01:47 AM
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...I know...I...I did type a story like that...One where Joshua did end up dying. Quite a heroic and gory death, I may add. Ah....I might...put in Joshua...meeting his temporary demise.

So basically, he'd be killed to save his friends, or something, and the others have to unite to bring him back or something....
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Jan 15, 2007, 01:50 AM
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Hmm. Okay, new plan. If anything you propose to write bears any resemblance to anything I did here, don't post it online.

*is going to bed now*
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Jan 15, 2007, 03:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by superjwren329
...I know...I...I did type a story like that...One where Joshua did end up dying. Quite a heroic and gory death, I may add. Ah....I might...put in Joshua...meeting his temporary demise.

So basically, he'd be killed to save his friends, or something, and the others have to unite to bring him back or something....
Oh yeah? well I think someone needs a reality check!!
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Jan 15, 2007, 06:52 AM
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Kool storie. Thx 4 writin.
I like da bit wid the horse.
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Jan 15, 2007, 11:37 AM
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@Strato: You have to admit it turned out all for the better, though.
She never really DESCRIBES the person, so all we have to go by is his name, right?
I think that carlsbad jenkins is now, like, my official second favorite name EVER.
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Jan 22, 2007, 10:32 AM
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I might not have any idea what you guys are talking about, and you seem to be keeping at least half of your posts story related, but I do have to warn you guys to watch your tones. A very good number of the posts in this thread are verging on being out of line, not to mention deliberately provocative.

Stay on topic, please.
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Jan 22, 2007, 01:49 PM
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Hey, it's Ducky!
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Jan 22, 2007, 03:03 PM
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thanks 4 all the complaments. i really dont have time 2 read them all rite now, b/c im visiting family. I did write the next book!

BOOK 3 – the capture

sweetness 001 waited inside the branchy top of a tree when he saw more turtle scouts aproachign from the left. she was wearing the magical amulet from the last chapter. “ok she said “ im going to pretend like im being attacked now.” just as she said that the turtles saw her and were like “hey its a girl lets eat her” and they walked toards her redy to bite. at first she tryed to run but then more turtles came and then theey got in a circle around her and began to close in so she couldnt get out.

so then she was like “AAAAAAh” b/c she wanted it 2 look like she was endangerd and suddenly jazz appeared out of her and he pulled out his gun and she summoned her bow on a string on a stick and the two of them bgan killing all the turtles. but more turtles were comming and soon there were too many for them to fite at once. “Im starting to lose hearts” jazz complained but sweetness 001 was 2 busy killing turtles 2 2 respond 2 him. but as more and more turtles came the battle begen to look hopeless and thats when sweetness 001 saw it. over on the other side of the battle was sephiroph and he was ordering the turtles around.

well never win if sephoiroph is here commanding the turtles” sweetness complained as she kicked her foot and hit a turtle right in the thymus. before she could even get 2 sephiroph however the 2 of them had only a FRACTION of a heart left and they both went unconscious. sephiroph called off the turtles attacj JUST before the 2 of them were finished off and walked over to sweetness 001. she was so beautiful he couldnt bare to kill her. he bent over her unconscious body and felt her thymus to make sure she was still alive and just sleeping.

he picked her up and singled for some turtles to come with a bed. “well take her prisoner for now” he said. she was surprisingly heavy for someone so thin and atractive b/c she was very strong. regardlis, she got laid by sephiroph on the soft bed and 2 turtles carried it away.
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Jan 22, 2007, 03:47 PM
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Make a Book 4!!!
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Jan 22, 2007, 03:52 PM
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I'd love to see a book 4. This is my favorite War Tavern story ever.
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Jan 22, 2007, 06:58 PM
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Sweetness 001 makes Tolkien look like a pile of crap. I can't wait for book 4.
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Jan 22, 2007, 08:34 PM
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Language! Viepeuk!

This is a very good effort, if a somewhat brusque and direct. Keep up the good work, let's see book for. (Or is that chapter 4?)

(I wasn't going to say anything as it's not my account and all, so sorry if I'm breaking the rules or being stupid, but he's such a nice guy he deserves a comment.)
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